Why are boys so shy? I mean, what makes them shy?

[Anonymous]

I actually don't get it. I mean, there'll be boys who are good-looking, and smart, and they get all shy around women? Even ones that have gotten enough attention their entire life, what is it with their shyness? I don't know, I don't get shy around boys, it's the girls that usually scare me, because they can be so judgmental. The only boys I get shy around, are ones that I really like, or who are really intimidating, for whatever reason.

And then there's also boys who are not good-looking, and they're not shy, they put on this whole 'loud guy' act. They're not the least bit shy, which is confusing, because I'm not sure whether they secretly are shy, and they're just covering it up, or because they just figure they have nothing to lose.

Do boys who get shy just think of women, as a different race/species altogether lol? I know girls who act like this also, they talk about boys as though they're their own race, and I'll be thinking... they're human beings too! Why do you talk about them as though they're aliens?

Updates

+1 y

I'm sorry, I think I may have worded this too harshly, and that wasn't the intention. I guess what I'm trying to say is, is shyness towards women out of insecurity, or just... something that boys have?

Updates

+1 y

I like boys, (as friends), more than girls. I get uncomfortable around girls very easily, because of failed friendships, so I'm cautious about what I say around them.

So I value the company of men, provided they are respectful, and understanding of the fact that I am not remotely interested in them, but am seeking friendship. I do respect their shyness, because it is indicative of respect that they have for me, but I wish they stopped seeing me as a 'girl,' and more of a buddy.

[Anonymous]

BECAUSE FEMINISM!!!

Ha jk. But really, have you not noticed the amount of girls that shame dudes for taking a chance, even though they tell guys they should, call them creepy, and do all of that? Not to mention that in general, the Vietnam era baby boomers are basically shit for parents. My generation (I'm 25, not sure how old you are) was never really taught anything, instilled anything, and we learned from an identity-less generation that grew up on confusion (the counterculture movement and the crazy amount of "things" and "groups" society split into or created).

So metaphorically speaking, you have amateur (at best) tennis players teaching us how to be pros. Guys and girls were never taught to challenge themselves and try things, to develop a REAL sense of self-confidence, or even teaching them what self-confidence is. Seriously, we're called the "selfie generation" because we measure self-esteem by how many 'likes' we get. So boys and girls don't go out, break out of their comfort zone, have little to no idea how to hold a conversation (let alone, how to start one up), are more afraid of rejection than texting/driving... and people don't understand why us youngin's struggle to connect with each other?

https://www.reactiongifs.com/r/6gh.gif

[doctorwhofan23]

I am just scared and afraid of rejection.

[Asker]

Hmm I think I understand where you are coming from. But how do I convey the message that I'm a) not judging them, and b) only interested in friendship?

Do you think it's weird I like being friends with boys? I was a bit of a tomboy when I was young, so maybe that's why even when I'm older, boys are buddies for me.

[doctorwhofan23]

There is nothing wrong with being fiends with guys but If the guy likes you romantically he won't want to be just friends.

[Asker]

Do you think, when a girl initiates a conversation with a boy, he thinks of her automatically as more than a friend?

What are some good ways to send out a message, like 'hey bud, I only want to be your friend?' I mean, we live in the 21st century, why can't boys and girls be friends and nothing more? I think we could learn a great deal from each other, honest.

[doctorwhofan23]

I think being stright forward is the best.

[doctorwhofan23]

Thank you for MH.

[Asker]

You're welcome!

[steveguitar]

I just am not a confident person in general. I don't have success in life. been to school and graduated from my program. learned how to make an electric guitar, going to make a bass guitar on my own now, and have other skills within the guitar making trade, but still not employed in a career, so that throws my confidence down the drain.

socially I have never been good, I am just not a people person. I had shitty friends growing up, and eventually became a loner. Started going to concerts/movies/just everywhere alone. So that is where I feel comfortable. girls have always made me nervous, I don't know what to talk about with them. they rarely if ever share my interests. I think there was one girl in the world who I could remotely identify with because we were both into good music, not the pop culture Bullcrap. but I haven't seen her since college. the only recent contact I have had with her was at a starbucks where I was meeting a few female friends of mine. she was sitting outside with a guy. I don't know if they were friends or more, but because of my nerves I just started talking to myself, I realized that I didn't even really ask her what she had been up to all these years, like 10 years almost, that was about a month or 2 ago. and the other day she liked a post of a song from YouTube that I posted, but before that, she never ever did anything on Facebook. so I don't think there is anything in that friendship anymore.

So on to you lol, sorry... not all guys are shy, maybe you are a good looking girl which may make guys more shy because they don't want to look bad or say something that would turn you off. so maybe they are putting on an act, so they don't show their true selves. then if anything happens they will show their true self later. the thing about guys is that, we know that we're the ones being "interviewed" or scrutinized to see if you are going to get the girl. girls almost don't have to try

[steveguitar]

if the girl likes them they are ok. the girl almost just has to show up and like what the guy has to say, while the guy doesn't care if the girl is a pooper scooper and has no money.

so is the guy is shy already, then unless there is something for him to feel confident about, like oh I'm an electrician and I make money and I go to the gym "I feel successful" then he will break out of his shyness. plus if a girl gives him a real opening that will get him to say yeah I want to hang out, maybe that is all they need.

being a buddy to a guy, you need to say or do something obvious to make him see that you have interests in other guys and not in them. besides many guys don't want to be buddies with girls they have just met, that is usually reserved for girls they met at school/work/ somewhere that they are just around them.

[Asker]

You know something, in College I got put into this group, full of boys. I never used to talk much to boys before that. In fact, I'd get awkward around them.

I'd observe these boys, who I got used to seeing, and realize how innocent they were. They weren't bad, or horrible, or dirty, they'd be talking about stupid things, and I'd roll my eyes and smile within myself.

I grew to become majorly fond of them. Romantically? Not at all. Just... adoration. Kind of like, sisterly almost. Because I didn't act like a 'girl,' around them, they'd forget after some time there was a girl in the room and just talk all of their nonsense.

I'm pretty sure almost all of them have had a crush on me at one point, just because I'm a girl. I think when you spend a lot of time with someone, that tends to happen.

I think it was around that point where I realized boys and girls can indeed be friends. Because I didn't feel any attraction towards those boys, but I did care about them.

[Asker]

Am I still friends with these boys/in touch/on good terms, or even think about them? Not at all, I can't remember the last time I've thought about them. I'm sure if I met them today I wouldn't even like them, of course people grow up, and they become different from what they initially were.

But it was the experience of it, (even more than the boys themselves), that was a lesson. Those feelings of 'liking,' come and go, but they shouldn't be taken too seriously, they're temporary, and if you ignore them, you can also focus on the friendship aspect of a relationship between a boy and a girl.

Yeah, I know what you mean about looks making a guy shy. Sometimes when I look bad, I actually find the quality of a conversation with someone better, (no joke), because they don't seem to be as in awe of me.

Some of the deepest conversations I've had, is with boys, because I know they won't spread what I'm telling them, or use it against me.

[Asker]

So it makes me sad when I have to be alert about how much I talk to/what I say around guys. It's so exhausting. Sometimes I'll feel a really strong connection with someone, and the next time I meet them they'll try to hit on me, and I'm thinking what the? Just because I'm friendly, doesn't mean I like you. So I'll shoot the person down with a frown, or something along those lines, and then they'll get all hurt, and wary. Sigh.

Maybe it's safe to say the age where you can associate completely freely with the opposite gender is gone, perhaps only children can do that. I mean of course boys and girls can be good friends, but not without multiple struggles.

[steveguitar]

I don't know about that. I have 2 female friends, a few more that I rarely see, but one I am not attracted to, she's fun but not for me to be around all the time. the other she texts almost everyday at least once if not a little bit more, but she has a boyfriend. so I know where I stand with her, but if things were different and she didn't have a bf I would date her. because I think we could be compatible, because we are friends. but I know my place, and she has complained about her bf and also said she wants to move out with him. you just have to make it clear that you're not looking for a bf right now, that you aren't into dating, that you just and to hang out. and maybe hang out is what you should call it. go to a coffee shop, not somewhere that seems date worthy

[Asker]

I think I'm a little too friendly in the initial stages of a friendship, so I need to tone that down a little, and work on maybe giving out subtle hints that I'm not looking for anything more. And in terms of hanging out together, I think even a coffee shop is a little risky. People go out on dates in coffee shops as well.

I don't know I get attracted to very few guys. Even if they're amazing, I may like them as people, but not as anything more, unless I really connect with them.

So I just assume the same would be true from their end, which is not always true.

[steveguitar]

no that's not always true, probably less

[Asker]

What's not always true?

[steveguitar]

you said 'I thought the same would be true from their end" 9in the post above my last one. its you last line, and I was agreeing

[Shpongolia]

Boys can be insecure too. Especially in the youth of this generation. Boys are taught that women are extremely complicated and we will never figure them out. We are taught that old fashioned chivalry is a form of sexism. We've been brought up to believe that hitting on women is a form of sexual harassment. We are taught that being turned down or rejected is far more painful than it actually is. Etc Etc

Do you remember the cartoon Johnny Bravo? The entire show is about a buff handsome masculine young man with a voice like Elvis Presley who goes around flirting with beautiful women and gets rejected in the most degrading ways possible. This is one of several examples of how the media is convincing boys that no woman is worth the trouble.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwPFnvniA7w

[Keyspirits]

Oh SHIAT! Dat thumbnail doe.. *~*

[Insaan]

I have hard time dealing with girls. I know i must have confidence and decisiveness but i cannot gather that courage. I think i repel them because i might be very nice to them like a door mat.

I often tend to be very talkative , cool with guy friends but cannot replicate this behavior when it comes to women. Also my country girls are different when compared to western women.
Some guys are like.. they will attract 10 women at a time and some won't attract even one.
I don't know where i am going wrong or it's written in my destiny. I think i am very picky. I am really not the type of guy who will insert his banana in any hole however horny i am.

[ThePragmaticRomantic]

You openly state that girls "can be so judgemental" combine that with the mixed messages guys get from popular media. (Should a guy be a Gentleman? Nope thats supporting the patriarchy. Should a guy be masculine? No thats emotionally distant. Should a guy be femenin? No thats weird and gay.)

All of this makes a lot of men nervous around girls. Then there's the whole emotional immaturity and percieved sexual tension issue...

[dreyga2000]

Why boys are shy?

If you try to flirt with a girl and mess up you get labeled as a "creep". If try starting conversation with a pretty stranger and it gets taken to wrong way, you could be accused of harassment. A lot guys figured why risk it and kept to themselves.

[Cole846]

Personally I get shy because when I am talking to a girl that I like I don't want to say anything to hurt them. And I mostly develop crushes on my friends and I don't want to lose a friend, because that has happened for a short time and it was the worst thing ever.

[Mysterio421]

As a shy guy I would say the fear of rejection, lack of experience or not enough signs a girl may be interested in you may cause them to be shy. The media and their whole thing with harassment is another factor in ways. Maybe he likes you and doesn't want to screw his chance up.

[RationalMale]

For one, the media slams us men with a message of "leave women the fuck alone, do not harass them by chatting them up, don't be a douchebag who hits on them, etc" I even saw an article shaming men for trying to meet women at coffee shops.

So, a lot of guys take that message and leave women alone... leaving you gals ignored, lol. law of unintended consequences.

[AleDeEurope]

I get shy around women I feel attracted to because of fear of rejection. I've got plenty of success with women, to be honest, but Since like 3 years ago, I get shy around them, I feel like they're gonna reject me. I'm not an unattractive guy, and I've been told by girls that I'm attractive, but I still get shy around them, I still fear that they're gonna reject me.

[AleDeEurope]

That's why I get shy around women, but maybe other guys have a different reason.

[Neurath]

Maybe you are confusing shyness with reservedness?

I am very reserved but very experienced. In fact, the more experienced I became the more reserved I became. I'm not saying it's a good trait, but it quickly weeds out the people that want to use you from those that want to stick around you.

[TheBigBoy]

Well for me its a whole lot diffrent than most other guys for example not even a year ago I was known as a fat ass and I got rejected badly and it made me scarred of talking to girls so when I do talk to them I am awkward. Over this year I thinned out and I some girls think im cute and say I have pretty eye when I actually talk to them but I mostly am just scarred I will get hurt again.

[matheus_mb]

They just fear being rejected or saying something stupid that can ruin any chances with a girl forever. I guess...

[Rodismus]

I've been abandoned a lot by my family and friends. I'm shy because weather I want to or not I now expect abandonment from everyone I meet the second we say hi to each other.

[Asker]

I understand that, I used to feel that too. Every time I'd meet someone, I'm scared they'd judge me and leave me.

Then I realized, everyone left everyone. Never expect anything from anyone, unless you're truly very close. Have fun, laugh, enjoy, be happy, but don't make the mistake of thinking they'll be there for you when you need them.

Kind of like, hope for a lot, but expect virtually nothing. Lol if that makes sense.

[Keyspirits]

Afraid to revealing their flaws due to fear of rejections. He have the idea of if he can't even accept his flaws, how would others? He rather not embarrassed himself for the LUV of GOD >.>

[Roycaryn]

What do you mean by "even those who get enough attention?"

[Anonymous]

Fear of rejection. I got bullied at school coz I was an ugly bastard. Since then I've grown into my looks but I'll always feel ugly. Never mind, lol.

[StickStickity13]

It's just their personality. Some guys don't feel comfortable being outgoing.

[Worldsugliestman]

Beats me if I were good looking and smart I wouldn't be single. But I'm ugly so I'm single.

[Anonymous]

Culture has evolved to pedestalize women, and men have started to pedestalize them as well. No surprise here.

[EspressoTeen234]

Maturity, general personality