Why the hell does he regret hooking up with me?!

[Anonymous]

Last week I went to a party and met this guy named Sam. I was having a smoke and he came over and we started talking. Then his more attractive (but much less interesting) friend waltzed over, and stole the spotlight from him. I hung out with his friend for the rest of the night. I felt kinda bad for Sam, but thought I'd never see him again. I should have known with my luck that I'd bump into him at a different party the next week. We went off and talked for a bit, but my friends all told me that we were talking and cuddling for hours. One of my girlfriends even said later; "He was holding you like his girlfriend! It was so cute. He seemed SO into you!" Eventually the crowds were growing and the music was getting too loud, so I suggested that we go sit someplace quieter to chat. He lead me to his bedroom. While we were going up the stairs I turned around and told him I wouldn't have sex with him because I didn't want things to be weird later and I wasn't like that. Plus, I didn't want him to think I was a tease, so I said straight up, "No sex." We fooled around a bit. He was a complete gentleman, and when I told him he was going too far, he stopped and insisted that it was hard to control himself, but he'd much rather just hold me close to him than me leaving. He also apologized and said he felt bad and never wanted to force me into anything. At one point in the night, one of his friends accidentally walked in on us, but he said not to worry about it. Several times I told him I had to go because my friends would leave without me, and he managed to keep me from leaving him for a long time before I insisted I had to go. He told me to add myself to his Facebook on his blackberry, and took my phone number and called it so I would have his. When I got downstairs, complete strangers kept asking what I did with Sam. I insisted that nothing happened, and then I left. I accepted his friend request two days later and his Facebook status said something about regretting getting drunk the other night for "SEVERAL reasons". I freaked out and deleted him from Facebook. My friend told me to text him instead and ask him what's up. He hasn't replied yet. Do you think he regrets hooking up with me? WHY?! It was his idea, and I warned him I wasn't the type to put out right away. He seemed so sweet and shy before, and the reason why I didn't hook up with him is because I ACTUALLY liked him and wanted to see him again. Do you think he's p*ssed? What should I do? I really liked this guy.

[arisato-]

So... you acted like you totally weren't into him, and then got mad that he regretted it? From what you were saying, you blew him off one night, and then when you hung out with him again, he liked you but you kept trying to get away from him.

Whether you meant to or not, it seems like you pushed him away pretty hard. He probably thinks the whole thing was a disaster and regrets it.

[Dela1111]

You didn't hook up with him because you actually liked him? That's about the most messed up thing I've heard from American culture, that if you didn't like him it wouldn't be a problem hooking up with him. I think he probably regrets it because of rumors that may be going around. I suggest you take a chance to change this messed up mindset you have.

[Asker]

No, see...when there's an attractive guy, but one I'm not attracted to, I might hook up with him because it means nothing. I didn't want to hook up with him because I wanted him to think of me as more than a girl he just hooked up with once. I wanted to see him again without things being awkward, and take things slow. Plus, I've never had sex before. Sex is something that means a lot to me.

[Dela1111]

Ok I guess we have a different definition of "hooking up" but that whole "make out then stop" thing only works for MAYBE junior high kids. When you're over 18 and make that common practice to hook up with a bunch of guys, you're eventually going to go all the way with one of them.

If sex was really important to you then you would have a higher standard of who you let touch your body.

[DrJones]

An attractive guy you're not attracted to? Dela1111's right, this is totally backwards. "I like you" is a stupid reason to not sleep with someone.

On the other hand, "I've never had sex and it means a lot to me" is a perfectly sane reason not to sleep with someone. I doubt Sam realizes this and he's probably confused and has no idea what you think about him. I'd talk to him a bit and find out whether he's a decent guy or an ass, then take it from there.

[Asker]

I never said I wasn't attracted to him! I just don't do one-night-stands! I could meet Brad Pitt tonight and not sleep with him if he asked, because that's just not me. I wanted to get to know him first. I texted him and apologized for running off, and asking him how he was, but I've gotten nothing back. Now I know he would have blown me off even if I had slept with him that night.

[wagsingle]

You didn't hook up with him. Making out isn't hooking up. Give him a while. He may come around.