Her past hookups...

[Anonymous]

I don't know why, but somehow I get really upset about my girlfriend's past for some reason. I mean, I really do my best to not take it out on her, I did a couple of times and I realized that it was really unfair of me to judge her like that. So I keep my anger to myself, however it really pains me to know that she's hooked up with a lot more guys than I have girls.

Not to mention, I just recently came to know that a little over a year ago this guy totally took advantage of her in the most assholish manner possible. And while this happened well before we started dating, all I can think about is kicking his ass (which I very easily could do).

So how can I get over her past hookups? She tells me that most of them were huge mistakes, and that doesn't help at all. Actually it makes me feel like an idiot for dating her because it makes her seem dumb for making such stupid decisions.

And I still want to kick this guy's ass, and I know she really really doesn't like this guy. However, she probably wouldn't be too happy with me acting like this, especially considering this happened so long ago. But I see him all the time, and it drives me crazy that a f***er like him who takes advantage of women in a borderline rape manner is just living his life carefree and and without regret for his actions.

I'm trying really hard to make this work, I like my girlfriend a lot, but I know if I can't get over this barrier, that it's definitely going to get in the way of our relationship.

[kaybee]

Don't feel like an idiot for dating her. Not everyone has made the best decisions in their past. If anything, she probably told you they were huge mistakes to try and calm you down actually. I would say that too, with the intention of showing my boyfriend that THOSE past hookups are not what I want and that he is the real thing and what I do want.

The fact that some guy basically sexually assaulted her is so terrible. : ( That must be horrible. I can understand why you'd want to hurt him. Maybe you could get some outside help. Its terrible to think that he may do this again to another unsuspecting girl.

I'd only been with 2 other guys before my boyfriend, but he'd been with only one other girl before me. It really bothered him, especially since one of the guys was a total asshole, and he felt like since I lowered my standards once, maybe I'm lowering them again for him. he was really angry and upset about that.

I didn't really know what else to do other than keep reasuring him that everythings ok.

We eventually worked it out, and I know it still bothers him a little, (it even bothers me a little about that one girl he hooked up with ;p silly I know).

Basically, what I did to solve the problem was reasure him that he is perfect for me and that he's amazing - pretty much. We've been together for the past three years and things are going great. : ) It would have sucked if he had gotten so hung up on my past experiences.

Just learn to... I guess forgive? (even though she didn't do anything wrong) but I mean just try to keep reminding yourself that people change and grow and that she's a different person than she was when she made those "huge mistakes" <-- its evident she's changed and grown as a person just by the fact that she admits they were mistakes.

GOOD LUCK! : )

[Anonymous]

stop being so judgmental. she is with you now, her past is in the past. most girls don't get into sexual relationships thinking "Oh I'm gonna f*** 30 more guys after this guy right here" usually we think the relationship will last. give your girl the benefit of the doubt. if you have had sex with her then you're kind of a hypocrite because you did what every other guy did. that's like saying oh its okay for you to sleep with me but you're a dumb slut for doing all those other guys. people do make mistakes but they also learn from them too. her worth is not defined by her total number of sexual partners

[Anonymous]

i've had the exact same problem but with my boyfriend. I can honestly say that I've made some pretty big mistakes before I met my current boyfriend that I really wish I hadn't. you have to remember that she makes/made mistakes just like any of us could. I know its hard to forget but if you love her or even like her you need to accept the fact that she's made her fair share of mistakes. and as far as that guy goes, I know the feelings you described and no its nothing fun, but for her sake and your all's relationship, kicking his ass would make things worse in many ways. hope I helped a little.

[GIntrovert]

I tend to flip to aggression when someone wrong me or people I love, but this isn't a life and death situation where you might need that adrenaline rush.

It's not that guys fault, or your girlfriends fault, it is yours for letting a survival instinct take over your rational thinking and giving into that urge to switch to anger. Real anger doesn't just flip on/off, you feel it boiling to the surface, once you manage to stop turning on that element, the water will no longer boil.

Long story short, this is your problem that is happening in your head, it is up to you if you are intelligent enough to control it.

[Asker]

Obviously this is not a life or death situation. But it is his fault for wronging her so. And kicking his ass would provide such peace of mind. And even letting him know why would hopefully give him the sense to think twice before being taking advantage of women in the most lowly way possible.

[GIntrovert]

You are not only take his life into your hands if you choose to assault him, with the real possibility that he could die from a blow to the head or any major organs, but you are risking your own freedom.

There is no real justification for going over this his house and "beating the crap" out of him, and the risk of ending up in jail. I'm sure your girlfriend doesn't want that to happen.

Remember the old saying... an eye for and eye, and the whole world goes blind.