Guys, what's with some men and long hair? Why won't my husband let me cut my hair?

[Anonymous]

My hair is on the curly-wavy side and a couple inches past my butt and I'm getting bored with it. First I liked growing it out and having long flowing hair but now I'm bored and wanna cut it shoulder length or get a pixie cut. I usually keep it in a bun or a french braid but he likes when it's down. I asked him if he's afraid I'm going to look different or if he has a problem with change. He's adamant about it not being any of those reasons and about me not cutting my hair. I'm used to people staring at my hair, that's not why I want to cut it. I'm just tired of it. Point is... I want to cut my hair and plan to. I'm nervous about cutting it and having him explode on me.

Would you date a girl with hair this long?

Do you even find hair this length attractive?

Why do you think he's so angry about me cutting it? I really need a guy's perspective. I feel frustrated and like he's not being fair.

I included a number of pics so you can get an idea of the length.

Updates

+1 y

Thanks! I don't feel like its too long most times. I was just bored with it. I did cut some. He freaked out. We're still not on the best of terms...

[Aethereal]

I know this is late but my take seems different from others. So I want to drop my opinion in case someone reading this thread might find it useful later:

I just want to start by saying that your hair is not "too long", and it shocks me to find that a lot of guys consider shoulder length "long".

As a guy, I've always found long hair on women fascinating, beautiful, and very attractive. I grew up in Africa, so almost no one had naturally long hair. The fact that it takes so long to grow (3+ years) to that length, makes it even more rare and attractive. I'd definitely want to date, and treasure a girl with hair like yours. Your boyfriend is very lucky.

On the matter of why he would react that way to your desire to cut it:

First; the kind of extreme haircut (shoulder- or pixie- length) you were thinking would scare any guy that liked long hair. It's seems crazy that you'd willingly want to destroy upwards of 3 years of work growing it out, just because of boredom. If you got bored with the short hair, it wouldn't be anywhere as easy to get back long hair, as it is to cut it. I guess your boyfriend understood that, hence the reaction. Cutting it out of boredom just seems like overkill (like chopping down a cherry tree because you don't want to eat the cherries anymore).

Second; the beauty of long hair is that it can be styled in innumerable ways. It can even be made to look short with something like a faux bob. That way you get to "try" out short hair without actually cutting your long hair.

Third; I don't know your boyfriend, or either of your ideas on healthy relationships, but I personally hold the view that partners should strive for mutual happiness. What this means is that neither of you places your happiness over the other's, or does something to make the other sad just because it makes you happy.
You want short hair, he loves your hair long. You need to make a compromise, or a deal of some kind so that both of you are happy (or at least satisfied). Examples of these could be:
- He gets involved in taking care of your hair (if he isn't already)
- He does something for you that you feel is of equal value to you not cutting your hair.
- You both agree for you to cut it to your desired length (or a length you both can live with), but never cut it again once it's grown back. Though this route requires long-term planning, and assurance that you'll be together by then.

From the perspective of mutual happiness, your boyfriend's reaction might be due to him feeling betrayed that you're prioritizing your happiness over his own. It can even be looked at as you hurting him on purpose.

A potential problem I feel I must point out is that if your boyfriend really likes long hair and you cut it, he'll start admiring other women's hair. I'm not saying he'll cheat on you of course. I just think he'll not look only at you anymore.
You might think "it's just hair", but it's probably a much bigger deal to him. We all have our own (sometimes weird) preferences. I think it's a sign of a good relationship when each partner can humour at least one of the other's preferences.

I hope you guys were able to reach a happy compromise.

[detlef]

Don't do a pixie right off the bat.

Go slow. You can always take more off. I'd cut it to your waist first (or around there). Wait a week or so to do more, if you're ready. Also, if you don't normally trim it, now's the time.

Tell him how you feel. It's your hair. Before I saw the extreme length I sympathized with him, but you're right, that is just too long to have for a. . . long time? :)

[Asker]

Thanks! I don't feel like its too long most times. I was just bored with it. I did cut some. He freaked out. We're still not on the best of terms...

[detlef]

If you're going to cut off more be sure to look into options to donate it to cancer patients. I wish I had thought to mention this last time. :) Now THAT'S a good reason to get a pixie. :)

Thanks and take care.

[Leavesbound]

You may be bored with it but your husband obviously is not. Here is how most guys interpret a radical short hair cut in their wife/girlfriend. Most consider it a message that you don't want to be pretty for them any more. Many will consider it a sign that reads "hands off buster, I'm no longer interested in sex with you." A great many guys will see you as likely a closet lesbian. This may not actually be how you feel but his is how most men see such a change. How would you feel if your husband said "I'm board with my six pack abs. I'm going to start drinking six packs so I can have a nice big bear gut. Every guy who knows your husband and sees you is going to feel sorry for him when they see your short hair cut. If you don't want to be as pretty as you are now then feel free to cut it off. It is after all your hair to do with as you please. But be warned, short hair will not turn him on as much as the long hair does. Is that shallow? perhaps. But it is also the way things are. I strongly recommend against this.

[Anonymous]

Me personally, sure I would date her. It is a little long, shoulder length is fine for me and most guys. Most guys do like long hair (shoulder length) it is more beautiful and, almost hypnotic when it sways as the woman walks or moves her head. This is found in men across cultures and time so it is not a matter of "cultural preference." I don't think he will mind cutting it shoulder length, although despite what the magazines say the pixie cut just looks ghastly on women.

[Asker]

Lol I think the pixie looks great on some women, not all. I did cut it but its not to shoulder length yet. My husband got pissed at me. I don't want to cut it again until we're on good terms.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol, intentionally keep pissing him off. And then women wonder why so many of thier relationships fail.

[Asker]

I don't think he should be pissed at me for cutting my hair. It's him with the problem. I don't tell him what to do with his hair.

[Opinion Owner]

Well how would you feel of he did something he knew you really hated, just to mess with you?

[Asker]

I think you misunderstood. I'm not cutting my hair to piss him off. I'm cutting it because I'm bored with the long look.

[ritxi]

Having very long hair as you is a fact that gives to every girl such an extra appeal for me that some girls could stop attracting me if their hair was cut from butt length to shoulders length. If I felt in love of a girl whose hair is so long and we got married, I would never want her to cut her hair.

[jacwat25]

I personally don't like that long! But at the same time i dont like it above the neck either. Just my opinion, I just think he's being a little ridiculous.

[Asker]

Yep, he is.

[lhlguy]

He probably wants it super long because he has a long hair fetish. I have a long hair fetish, so the first, fourth, and fifth pics you included are very attractive to me. I love super long hair and I never want my girlfriend to cut her hair short either. Sometimes short pixie cuts look good, but in general, super long hair or just long hair looks better, and he is probably coming from the same place I am. He can't help it.

[Asker]

What's it about long hair that you like so much?

[msc545]

Looks like it's possible to have hair that is TOO long actually.

[startiah]

Wow ur hair must be soooo pretty n awesome for sure

[Anonymous]

No different then women and their obsession with muscles and hairless chests really

[rock_the_web]

looks more feminen

[Asker]

I guess so. :)

[thisdudejimmy]

That's waaaaaaay too long

[Anonymous]

too long. it is too long.

[Opinion Owner]

a normal length is above the ass.

[Asker]

What is normal, exactly. Everyone likes to put labels on things as to what should be considered normal and abnormal.