Girls never flirt with me, and I feel bad about it.

[sonic241928]

I feel pretty undesirable by girls, because I'm kind of shy/nervous in social situations and because I don't think I'm that good looking. It feels horrible and quite discouraging. How can I push past feeling inadequate and make it known to girls that I have a romantic or sexual interest in them, without coming off as a "nice guy"? I know the trick is "have confidence" and "be yourself", but I've always found that advice too hard to understand and too vague for me to implement.

Updates

+1 y

Please people, continue to answer...there's always room in my book for more answers : )

[iformshadears]

iv just answered a question similar to this, so I'm not gonna go into great detail again.

Go to the gym, get fit and good looking, you will feel good, look good, and others will see the same in you.. dress well, find a good style, nice jeans, nice shoes, good shirts.

With the confidence thing.. nobody can help you with that. All I can say is that it is up to you to change your attitude and confidence levels. How do you feel about walking up to a complete stranger in the street and hitting on her? Does the thought of that scare the sh*t out of you? GOOD! that makes you human, it scares the sh*t out of me too! but that does not stop me from doing it! you see? There is nobody holding you back from getting girls, only yourself. Get out more, go travelling! on your own, throw yourself into an uncomfertable situation as often as you can. say things to people that make you feel vulnerable or embarrassed. make yourself look stupid, be a clown, liven up and let people see a different side to you, even if its not really you. Get into fights, its extreme but its one of the best ways I found of getting my confidence up. I was the same as you, I was 17/18 and had no girls, friends looked downn at me, I felt like sh*t and looked like it too I found it hard to taklk to new people, I was shy and timid and got embarrassed easily... until I decided enough was enough. I started working out every day and got a good body.. that alone brought huge amounts of respect from people (shallow, but that's the way it is). I got new clothes, tight tops, nice jeans and cool belts... now starting to get attention from girls... just no idea how to talk to them. I started going out more, even on my own.. if you go into a bar or club on your own then you have no choice but to meet and talk to new people.. have a few beers and have a dance.. grab a girls ass or something, push yourself into doing things you wouldn't usually be comfertable doing, once in a while you will get into fights, and this is great for building confidence. I used to get bullied all the time, I would let it happen, I would never fight back, I was scared.. but I made the choice to flip. get into a confrontational situation and YOU be the one to make the rules and say what is what! even if you get the sh*t beaten out of you, keep fighting and walk away laughing! I would regularly go into town and get myself into trouble, I would find a group of assholes and start on them KNOWING that I would lose and risk serious harm, but there is nothing more satisfying than being outnumbered, knowing you will lose but you still have the guts to go for it. I'm not saying you should start fights with innocent people, but ones that are rowdy and are obviousley looking.

now its just the girls...you need to go out and meet them! I meet girls everywhere, I walk past them in the street and hit on them, I stop them while they are shopping... but the easiest place to hook up with womenn is in a bar or pub...

[iformshadears]

continued...

youv had a few drinks, they have had a few drinks.. just talk to her, flirt, ask questions, mock her a little, make jokes out of her... this all comes with practice.. its taken me 3 years to be where I'm at now.. and because iv practiced so hard I can literally get ANY woman I want, because I can be whover I want or need to be in order for her to be attracted to me. Right now I'm with a very very hot 38 year old, she is cute, smart, funny, very rich! everything a man could ask for.. and I'm just a 21 year old little pipsqueek with no qualifications, dead end job, no money.. or car.

Hopefull you will take notice of this and put it into action. I'm not saying that I am a good person for this, I'm not saying this is the right way to do it, I'm just saying this is how I did it, how it can be done.

Good luck.

[nenemomo]

First off, you're probably being too harsh on yourself. We are our won worst judges. You probably look fine and honestly, that's all you need. Hell, you don't even need to be good looking. I've honestly seen plenty of bad looking men out there who receive lots of attention because of their personality. And similarly, I've seen plenty of initially good-looking guys whose awkwardness just turned me off. So what you got to work on is your attitude.

Yes, confidence and being yourself are vague explanations, but that is because they differ for everyone. You have to discover it on your own. You will draw your confidence from different sources than others and different qualities will come up when you are being yourself. For example, my confidence comes from the fact that I see all people as people really, no one is THAT big of a deal. They're just other human beings with flaws and imperfections, so why should I be intimidated by them?

And the best advice I can give you is PRACTICE. You have to put yourself in social situations. Yes, you might be awkward or shy at first because you're not used to them, but everyone starting out always is. Some people just start when they're younger so they're more experienced when others are barely starting. But it is only through constant exposure to social situations that you will learn how you're most comfortable handling them. Trust me, give it a year or two (and that may seem like a lot but compared with the rest of your life as being that shy guy it isn't) and you will feel like you can talk to anyone. Also, observe other people. Even the most social people don't know how to handle all situations and can be awkward at times. That may make you see them as more human. BUt observing people will also help you figure out how others handle certain situations (like initiating a conversation for example) and then you can try it out. Eventually you'll start having fun. I promise. And don't be discouraged by mean people or rejections. Everyone comes across them. The people who happen to be successful socially however ignore them and keep trying. Best of luck!

[sonic241928]

Thank you nenemomo, this is a great answer. I appreciate you taking the time to answer in such detail. The thing is, I do see other people as just fallible human beings. I have other things going for me I suppose--I'm a writer and musician, a very creative person, but my confidence is still sunk, and I still don't know how to get it back. As far as practicing, I could go to some parties I guess, but I'd have to go alone since there's no one to go with...