Holding a grudge or not forget?

[Anonymous]

Is there a difference between holding a grudge and forgive but not forget?

Because a person told me that you have to forgive but not forget, however, when this thing is applied, that person thinks automatically that is holding a grudge, or he reminds the things. He told that if you remember the things is because you are still holding a grudge or you haven't passed that part, but then he is contradicting himself, isn't he?

[jrose]

Holding a grudge is about holding on to the anger you have towards a person- and most of the time acting on that anger whenever you see them (either by avoiding them or being rude or deliberately hurtful). Forgiving means you've gotten over the anger, have decided that yes, they might have been wrong, but you can let go of the hurt you feel and hold no malice toward that person. Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to act as if the experience never happened- that's pretty much impossible. If you truly forgive a person, you give them a chance to behave better than they have and don't hold their previous behaviour against them.

BUT that doesn't mean you forget it happened. Life is about experiences and learning from them- you end up wiser about life in general, you take the pain and hurt from the experience and find a lesson in it, usually pain teaches you about yourself.

I think forgiveness is necessary to heal- if you're always angry you will never move beyond the pain and the person will forever have the power to hurt you. Anger only poisons life for people, and doesn't allow them to take the wisdom experience brings. But forgetting negates the wisdom,there is no grudge in learning, just a new outlook on life, so I guess I believe in forgiving and learning, not forgetting.

[Anonymous]

holding a grudge = still being angry and bitter about the wrong someone did to you

forgive but not forget = move on. you're not angry but you remember what that person is capable of so you don't put your trust in them again.

the person who told you that is wrong.

[zeroth88]

When you say forgive but not forget, do you mean your constantly reminded of what happened or you remember what happened only when someone said "hey do you remember the time when..."?