I caught my sister's husband in dating app, what should I do?

[Anonymous]

I saw my sister's husband in Tinder. I was so shocked. It happened few weeks ago and I still don't know what should I do. Should tell my sister?

Background: They have a one-year-old kid. My sister is planning to have a second child. To be honest I don't really like her husband. He is a lazy guy with doing nothing at home. My sister does all the stuff. But my sis loves him so much. Sometimes she complains about her husband but she will still do all the things. You know if they don't have kids, or they are still not yet married, I will definitely tell her.

Updates

+1 y

Thanks all the comments. I think I would confront him first and let see how he responses.

Actually I asked some of my very closed friends about this. They asked me not to tell. However, I love my sister, I don't want to hide anything to her. On the other hand, if I tell right away, I don't know whether she could bear the truth. Or maybe, as some comments mentioned, probably he hasn't done anything.

Updates

+1 y

I just confronted him, which I got standard answers.
He said he already deleted the apps.
I asked him why he had this apps.
He said his friend showed him this apps and found curious so he downloaded it
After two days he found that this apps is nothing to get so he deleted it.
I think I will tell my sister what I know and what I got from his feedback.
It's her decision to trust or not to trust him.

[Anonymous]

Keep your nose OUT of their business, missy
Be it a minor offense - flirting to get attention not found at home
or
major offense - trying to build a sex/better nest with other due to problems at home

Your sister knows what she's doing better than you and he's reacting to more than you can know or should know. It's not your place to defend anyone here, train sis's pet, be judge/jury... nothing!

Your job is to love both of them with all your heart and maybe then... one/both will bring you their problems for a solution... THEN you can steer them away from Tinder/etc.

Don't be a sleuth, be a lover

[drkrose99]

Ohh please let us know what happened and if you told your sister about what you know so far.. I don't believe the husband. I think he was interested in seeing if he still has it and if he can still get some girls. Maybe a self esteem thing, or maybe he's bored. But I don't think it was just because he was curious.

[PhotoChick87]

Definitely tell your sister. I would want my sister to tell me. Because think about it, if he's out cheating, he can contract an STD. In which can harm your sister and your niece or nephew. So I know you wouldn't want that to happen.

[Light_Yagami]

You should tell her so she can become a struggling single mother.

People on here are so simple, must be fantastic living in a world so black and white. I'm not saying don't tell you sister, i'm saying really think about your decision. Yes he was on a dating app, and you've caught him, he may have already met someone, he may not have, you also have no actual proof it's him, he could easily say someone faked his profile (I certainly know people it's happened too).

I would call him out, grill his ass and then I would what to do next. It's not simple when children are involved, not at all.

[pandabear25]

So she should excuse him being a cheating piece of shit? The kids can grow up with daddy whoring around on mommy?

Nah. Loser needs his ass kicked to the curb. He can't be trusted anymore. Her sis doesn't deserve that shit especially if she's planning on bringing ANOTHER child into it!

[Light_Yagami]

@pandabear25 I said the decision, whatever given should not be taken as lightly as manny suggest. Guy was on a dating website and going from the updates by the poster he had a plausible excuse. I say plausible because it's passible. If you want to get technical you can't prove he done anything, he went on the app because his friend raved about it and he downloaded it to see what the fuss was about. More than likley BS, but oscar pistorious is walking around free right now because they couldn't prove beyond doubt he murdered his girlfriend, even though it's clear as day he did. And her sisters boyfriend is in THAT same position. If you wanna make your sister a single mother, watch her potentially struggle through life and her child grow up in a single parent environment then you need to be sure. How many guys have gone to cheat and pulled out at the last minute for some reason and never had that thought again.. How do you know this wasn't that? You don't.

[pandabear25]

If he would do something like that then he never loved her. If it were the other way around, if a girl cheated on you "just once" I'm sure you wouldn't say oh okay that's fine no biggie. In my experience guys who cheat, cheat and cheat and that's all they do. I've known way too many girls to believe their bfs bullshit stories. Oh or the girl I knew whose husband was raping 12 year old girls. Once a piece of shit always a piece of shit.

[pandabear25]

Also I'm a mom and it's shitty that guys assume we have no practical skills and will be struggling on our own. Plenty of us have jobs and can function alone. We don't need a guy to support us and hold our hand through life. It isn't the 1940s anymore

[Light_Yagami]

@pandabear25 I won't get into the love part lol, that is subjective in my opinion. but you can't prove he's cheated, you've just ran with that assumption and tried to make it a fact. I'm looking at from a purely objective point of view. Now if the OP would have said messages have been found indicating so, or I saw him out with another girl etc then I would be singing a completely different song. Having tinder on your phone and being in a relationship is shady as fuck, but that isn't necessarily proof of a cheater. No more than having a balaclava and a gun at home necessarily makes you a robber.

[OlderAndWiser]

There is only one reason to be on a dating app and we all know what that is. There is no doubt to give him the benefit of. However, you shouldn't do this alone. Go to your parents and siblings, let them know what you have found, and make the decision about how to proceed together as a family.

[ilovesexyfeet]

Send her a screen shot of his profile from a new sim card so she doesn't know its you. Let her make her own decision from there. Its really not your place to go straight in and tell her, especially if you don't like him he can use that to say that you are just stirring it up. Hopefully she will see sense and throw him out.

[Philophile]

Those were my thoughts exactly!

[Battooot]

MHO.

Or use a friends phone who she doesn't know.

[godfatherfan]

It's your fucking sister. Why are you even asking or waiting. Once a cheater, always a cheater. always stick with family. Your not doing her any favors keeping her with a complete piece of shit.

[godfatherfan]

Family is everything. I have taught my boys they ALWAYS defend each other. Even if they disagree with each other. You talk about the disagreement in private later. If you don't tell your sister you risk her telling you to go fuck yourself and never talking to you again. If a family member kept this from me, even with as strong as I feel about family, I would never consider them family again. It will cause pain, absolutely. but that pig is the one causing the pain, not you. Even if she is mad and upset at first. and maybe she will be. Let her have time and eventually she is going to see that it was best to hear this from you. Don't let innocent children suffer because your afraid of hurting your sisters feelings.

[Red_Arrow]

Its your sister. You love her. Of course you tell her. Confront him and he will start working on his excuses. And he may actually concoct stories about you to avoid the truth about him. As for waiting, do you really want to wait and find out she is pregnant again before telling her?

[RPGamr]

Just show her the link anonymously and let her take care of the rest. It's best not to get involved in other's family matters. However if the situation becomes serious or she ignores the evidence, then you may need to confront her alone, to make her understand.

[Cmasterson]

I would confront him first, because even though he's on a dating app, he still might of not have done anything.. even though the principle of it is unacceptable.

[tellmefantasies]

yeah, confront him first instead of making your sister worry.

[Insecure1636]

I wouldn't tell right away. I would give him the benefit of the doubt and first explore more. Maybe it is an account from. a while ago. You could ask him first to see what kind of answer/reaction you get and then decide on telling your sister based on his answer. Or have one of your friends create an account to test if he is active.

[Anonymous]

What if its a fake profile? I've made a fake Profile of a married girl before but I deleted it because what if they think she's cheating so I used a different single girl (I used it to check if my boyfriend would cheat ) you should make a fake profile and try to talk to him see if it's really him.

[abc3643]

Let him know that you know and demand an explanation. If the explanation isn't good enough let your sister know.

[TheBasil]

What would you like that people did if you where in the same situation as her? Think of that and make your decision.

She will most likely find it out in the end. So better be honest with her right now.

[Abigail1711]

Printscreen his conversation (s) and save them on your usb or anywhere you can keep them safe. Tell your sister about it. After she tells HIM about what happened and if he negates it, let her show him the proof (screenshots).
That's all.

[S0ph5t3R]

You should tell your sister. Ask her how she would feel if that happened. Make sure to tell her that you aren't accusing him of anything, but that you're afraid that he might try cheating.

[Princessnikki15]

The choice of her being with him is out of your reach either way you like him or not she's gonna be with him. But you should tell her about seeing him on the dating website

[Conflustered]

I'd set up a new account and ask her to swipe with you. Make it a girly night in and see what happens. She should know can you imagine how many friends and family know already

[LittleSally]

I say while talking to your sister casually mention you saw him an a dating app... and move on from there. See how she responds. Maybe he had that profile before and never deleted it?

[Caramel_creme]

Dishonestly is a slippery slope. Getting a tinder account might be the first step down that slope. Best to confront him and get him back to his senses now, before things get worse...

[TripleAce]

Of course you tell your sister, that would be a big betrayal to her if you didn't

[GirlyGal20]

Tell Her Please!!! Do not let this guy cheat on her over and over again throughout their marriage. Please she deserves the truth.

[wrnfesj]

i would tell him to get off there and treat my sister like the amazing person she is and if he doesn't then you have to tell her because living a lie is horrible.

[TheGuyFromMiddleEast]

My suggestion, tell her. If you confront him beforehand, he'll find a way out of it since he will have time until you tell your sister.

[whateveriwant]

I think you should tell her because if he actually does try to leave her it would be better if she wasn't caught off guard.