I'm 26 and I've been dated my boyfriend for over a year now. He has a sister that is a few years younger than us (he's 28, she's 23). When we first started dating I tried to hang out with his sister and be friends with her, but as time has gone on I realize I don't want to be friends with her. She gossips about everyone, she also always wants to be the center of attention. The only time I like her is when she comes over for coffee and it's my boyfriend, me and her, but even then I get sick of hearing all of latest gossip.
I noticed more problems when my boyfriend would ask me about stuff about my past relationship that he shouldn't know about, like who I've slept with, how serious the relationship was, etc. I would always ask him who he heard this from and he would never tell me, at that point I would tell him that I"m not discussing anything until he tells me who told him. I don't have his confirmation that his sister told him but the thing is he's a loner, he doesn't discuss anything personal with anyone else, so it's pretty easy to figure out.
Then my biggest pet peeve is he lets her do whatever she wants. He works from home and she will stop by for a two hour coffee visit during the day, everyday, then he complains to me he's so busy and never has time for us.
There's also been times when I've had a migraine (which causes me to be nausea, really sensitive to smells, sounds,and light). And she'll come over to visit with him, and they talk loudly and she smokes which when I have a migraine makes me want to puke everywhere. I've tried talk to my boyfriend about her or anyone coming by when I have a migraine and he says I'm being rude and selfish.
I want to talk to him about this more but whenever I bring up his sister it turns into a she's my family and my family comes first. It's now gotten to the point that I'm thinking if we had a family would he consider her part of it? Because I consider my future partner and my children to be my top priority and my brothers and sisters take a back seat. It also has me thinking, well when am I going to be the most important person in your life?
He says he loves me and wants to spend his life with me, but it feels as though he takes his sister's side over mine.
Any advice would be appreciated.
I noticed more problems when my boyfriend would ask me about stuff about my past relationship that he shouldn't know about, like who I've slept with, how serious the relationship was, etc. I would always ask him who he heard this from and he would never tell me, at that point I would tell him that I"m not discussing anything until he tells me who told him. I don't have his confirmation that his sister told him but the thing is he's a loner, he doesn't discuss anything personal with anyone else, so it's pretty easy to figure out.
Then my biggest pet peeve is he lets her do whatever she wants. He works from home and she will stop by for a two hour coffee visit during the day, everyday, then he complains to me he's so busy and never has time for us.
There's also been times when I've had a migraine (which causes me to be nausea, really sensitive to smells, sounds,and light). And she'll come over to visit with him, and they talk loudly and she smokes which when I have a migraine makes me want to puke everywhere. I've tried talk to my boyfriend about her or anyone coming by when I have a migraine and he says I'm being rude and selfish.
I want to talk to him about this more but whenever I bring up his sister it turns into a she's my family and my family comes first. It's now gotten to the point that I'm thinking if we had a family would he consider her part of it? Because I consider my future partner and my children to be my top priority and my brothers and sisters take a back seat. It also has me thinking, well when am I going to be the most important person in your life?
He says he loves me and wants to spend his life with me, but it feels as though he takes his sister's side over mine.
Any advice would be appreciated.
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He's just seeing what is right.