How do I get my boyfriend to come out of his shell?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend is super shy, not just in public, but with me too. Why? I've tried to tell him about it before and he said "It's just how I am" I kinda feel bad for him, he's kinda socially awkward too.. Don't get me wrong he's a sweet guy and he treats me very well and I do love him. I just want him to kinda open up a little, I do talk to him in public around my friends and his friends to kinda help him talk more.. He does talk back when I'm talking to him, but he doesn't keep the conversation going very well.. How can I help him open up?

(I started dating him last month if that helps clear things up)

[ImKervin]

What I am curious about is that , how did he get the courage to ask you out? surely that means something? Or even if it was you who asked him out, shy or socially awkward people would've rejected you (imo). I think, the best courage of action is to continue pushing for him to get out of his shell, or open up to you more. Talk to him more, don't accept him saying "It's just how I am". It's not how he is, because people are often times conditioned to be like that (Through past experiences).

I think, with time, he will talk more and open up to you. Since, its just been a month you've dated him. It's probably new to him being in a relationship with you. Be patient!:)

[AndyOh]

Unfortunately HE will have to decide that he wants to change his personality. Right now it sounds like he is not fully into it. If he wants to become more social, I would suggest getting in social settings, not bars either. More like groups, meet ups, a speech class, clubs, etc.
I used to be a lot like that, very shy. Now I teach a class, and I chair a business group. So I am not shy getting in front of people.
However, my conversation skills still suck. So people don't talk to me one-on-one much :( Maybe he will grow out of it.

[Gurlwithquestions]

Boost him some confidence. Try to find the thing that makes him be like that.

[Anonymous]

Some people are just like that. You can't force hi.

[Asker]

Well.. I'm not trying to force him to speak. I'm just trying to encourage him to speak more, I'm friendly and direct with him.

[Opinion Owner]

Hun the way it's worded it's about what you want though. If he's happy that way then he should be left to it

[Asker]

I know, I admit I may be pushing him a little towards what I want. I can totally admit to that, but I honestly think he might like it too. He's told me that he is "working on it" so that's why I'm helping him. I'm sorry if I sounded like I was somehow demanding him to open up to everyone, that isn't my intention.

[SomeGuy37]

I kind of agree with whomever posted the thing about him being like he is. Some guys are naturally rather quiet, and don't say much, and most assume they are shy, or insecure.
You need to talk with him, in a casual, non-confrontational way, and just ask if he can tell you how he feels!! Ask him if he feels pressured, by what you want, and maybe he does. You will need to figure out a way to be comfortable, together, if he is a quiet, personal type.
It takes time!
My best guy friend was totally quiet, and hardly said anything! It took me about 4 years to get him to speak up, and even say what he wanted to eat when we were out, working on projects and nerdy computer stuff!! Now, I can hardly get him to shut up!! He has so many interests that I can't keep up!!
Be patient, and go slow and don't try to force him!

[Asker]

@SomeGuy37 Okay

[BuchitaBuchys]

It'll take a lot of time and patience really.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Thanks for mh and good luck :)

[hellionthesage]

Well time will help, the more comfortable with you he is the more he will open up, you can't really rush that otherwise it will have the opposite affect. Talk about something he loves (if he is into sports or games or what have you he will more then likely be able to talk at length about these things which will also make him more open to talk about other things with you as well (in time, again don't force it))

[Dim_121]

You just keep slowly pushing him and getting him involved more. If you have a small group of freind then try and hang out together with them until his is comfortable around them then try hanging with them in a bigger group.
Getting social skills is like any other skill you just have to practice and slowly get good in it and then push yourself to be better.

[vc1990]

Your boyfriend sounds a lot like me :)

We're both introverted, the things we want to speak out about it is in our heads, it just doesn't come whether on how we feel. You'll be surprised about what's going on in our mind.

Give him time, bring up his confidence by staying positive with him. What you should avoid is putting him down. Maybe he had a different upbringing or that he had a tough time during his teenage years.

[JenkPac]

Women are usually better talkers and inclined to talking a lot. Just keep doing what you do ie talking and being social and carrying the conversations and eventually he may learn a thing or two from your natural gift of gab. If not and he simply remains the strong silent type you'll just have to accept him for that is who he is and sometimes you just can't change a person. Who they are is who they are.

[Jacóbo]

It's hard to change people, and if you keep pressuring people to change it may make them feel uncomfortable and like they're not good enough. If you want to get him out of his shell, don't tell him that he needs to be more social, but try to put him in situations where he has to to be.

[FingerDancer]

OP... you know him better than anyone else in this forum.

Some people are thinkers and that applies to both genders. Some people just listen, do not offer comment until they have all their ducks in a row and can communicate with authoritative knowledge or experience. That type of person is generally not into drama and is a very responsible dependable person with themselves and those with whom they are with.

Just my opinion

[capturemyheartnow]

He has evolved into this type of person since a long time ago. He has lived this way all throughout his life. He may want to change but he cannot. Accept him as he is or find another boyfriend if you are not satisfied with his behavior. Usually such people have very good nature. They love the people who show love to them. And they are always grateful. It would be better if you can accept him as he is.

[ProbablyTooMature]

The thing is, basically, you can't. He has to come out of his shell on his own. Being around outgoing people and groups of friends will help though. At least, that's what helped me when I was in my 20s.

[Kaliwanttoknow]

Actually i was in the same situation with my new girlfriend. I wasn't talking a lot just because i didn't want to screw the things up, that's why i was shy at the beginning. Now i'm myself and everything is perfect. Maybe he's afraid because he thinks that it's possible to annoy you. Talk to each other more, be patient with him.

[chayis]

I'm in the same and what I found myself doing to get comfortable, was talk about Myself. And and by doing that I had nothing to hide because I was being bluntly honest. but that's just me.

[Anonymous]

You don't. I'm exactly like your boyfriend and I once dated a girl who wanted to break me out my shell just like you do. I promise you that by pushing him to do so will drive him away from you. The girl I once dated kept doing that and we had to stop dating. Don't make the same mistake.

[1GuyOpinion]

It up to him if he want to "come out of his shell".

You can't change him, if he truly want to be more open, he would.

[Mesonfielde]

Make out with him more often

[orphan]

open up to who? you?

you love a guy who hasn't opened up? cmon

[Asker]

He's just shy, I've known him since highschool.

[orphan]

so you want him to open up to other people?

some people out there believe in brevity.

"how are you feeling right now?"

"good."

"what do you mean?"

"I mean, i feel good."

is that what you're talkinga bout?

[Steve4783]

Try to do some stuff he wants to do, Stuff thats not in public.
Tell him what you like doing and why.

[kickboxer1006]

That sucks, I kind certainly relate to that. its not as easy as just getting out there. I dont know what to tell you.

[kickboxer1006]

I am generally shy, and I hate it. I wish i was that lucky to have a pretty girlfriend like yourself

[Asker]

Yeah.. it's kinda troublesome with guys.. I kinda feel bad too, most guys wouldn't dare to approach me for fear of rejection or thinking they are harassing me. It's sad, but society made it look like all of us are unapproachable or something. :/ Thanks, I appreciate the complement. :) Not many people call me pretty very often, so thank you!

[kickboxer1006]

OMG, you just hit the nail on the head, you read my mind. that's how and why I feel. Its so frustrating, I am a good looking guy, but I struggle with that. That's exactly what is going on in my mind, this perception that women are these superior beings. and then with all the feminist propaganda that is out there, that unfortunately has contributed to destroying my self esteem, instead of encouraging one to be bold, it makes you thing exactly what you said, that you are making her uncomfortable . But yea in my case its both its shyness, the society aspect and the perception that women are like too hard to get, that you should be extremely careful with them. I hate shows like SVU, that make it seem like a drama, like women always have to be watching for the evil men who want to hurt them., but yea. SOmeone wrote a great article here about the pussification of men. I forgot the title but you should read it. you are welcome. I wish I would have a friend to guide me when Iwas younger.

[Asker]

I mean, I know better to be around strange men, and not to be outside really late at night where most kidnappings often occur. As a girl you kinda have to be protective and watchful of yourself, there is in fact a large amount of pedophiles and rapists out there. But yeah, all of the drama you hear about "Oh you will just make her uncomfortable and she will call the police and press charges" Is almost entirely a myth, if she's not interested she will let you know, if she doesn't then it's her fault and no one else to blame but herself. Thanks again, great minds think alike right? haha.

[HonestWhiteGuy]

Have you guys kissed and had sex?

[Asker]

Yes, we have.

[HonestWhiteGuy]

Was he inexperienced or shy during sex? Maybe he's socially awkward, just try to keep conversing with him

[Asker]

Well... yes. He lost his virginity to me, although we've had sex 3 times since we have been together. Even when we have sex he doesn't last that long because he gets really excited and just ejaculates.

[HonestWhiteGuy]

Yea so thats probably why... give him some time he will become more confident and open I bet

[HonestWhiteGuy]

As far as cumming too fast there's things he can do so that doesn't happen as much

[joiPrince_JO]

You don't. That's not your job, but his.

[Anonymous]

suck his dick ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

[ImKervin]

Lol.

[Anonymous]

I'm the same way