Do guys actually like to be chivalrous to girls?

[RubyRain]

Most of the guys I know are really gentle and they always open the door for me, or if we're walking they'll stop to let me go first when the road is narrow. Most of them try to pay for things, especially when we're eating out. (Let me point out that they're not doing it only for me, it's their behaviour towards girls)

I was really surprised when I noticed. Sometimes I didn't understand what they were doing (like, If they stopped walking I'd stop too, or I'd get really confused at them not passing through the door) and once I put my arm around the shoulder of a friend and he told me "Thats how the guy puts his arm, the girl's goes around the middle because it's more conformable".
When I asked, some told me that guys are taught these things. I thought about that.

I'm really one for gender equality so I have to ask:
Do guys like doing these things for girls and feel good about doing then?
Or is it something you feel required to do, and wish we would stop asking it of you?

[geonator]

Most of it seems normal to me and I would do it. The only part that I wouldn't say is as absolute is whether he should pay for everything. I think normally he should but some circumstances might just make it a bit extreme. Like in the early stages of dating, when both of you are still deciding whether to be "official" or not, it gets awkward if he spends a lot of money on her and then she decides to break everything off. Looks to me like she just got a bunch of free meals and activities more than anything. Or if he's financially struggling for no fault of his own, it would just show herself to be really considerate if she offered to help out a bit with the bill. Basically, it's ideal that the guy be chivalrous and always get the bill, but in some cases it's kind of extreme in situation.

My current girl and I aren't official and may end up just being friends, but I'm just gonna always get the bill at least for now because I'm probably gonna get hired full time soon and she's in college, do especially because I'm a guy and am in perfect position to do so it's the right thing to do

[DarkWalker]

Guys like to do these things because they are thought to be "the strong and protecting one". This along with the feeling they crave to be the provider. So we are actually thought to love those things as well. It's also some kind of purpose for being a man I think.

Don't get me wrong, equality is the most correct form but that doesn't mean you have to lose your specific identity. A man doesn't look down on a woman while he does that. He actually sees them as something better than himself and worth "protecting or providing" for.

[RubyRain]

From these answer I get the feeling that these gestures are often rejected and seen maliciously. That saddens me! I appreciate my friends a great deal, and I actually admire them a lot for what they do. Thanks for answering!

[DarkWalker]

You've read correctly. But still, I am a man with the old code of the true gentleman, so if you rejected, apologize for offending that woman by your "chivalry" and move on. I do ask myself the following question: do girls/women like a man to be chivalrous in this time?

[RubyRain]

I think so. As you might have have noticed, I'm real practical about things and maybe a bit oblivious, and needed to be explained. Once they did I started appreciating the gesture, because I knew the meaning. I wasn't offended before tho, I just didn't understand it.
The only thing I have qualms about it's paying. I always prefer to split, or if we go out often, take turns paying. It doesn't have to be mathematical or anything. It's nothing I take offense at, but it just feels unfair.
Then again, you're double my age so me and the women you deal with are surely different so I wouldn't know ;) I'm still a teenager, I hope they don't need the same explanations! :p

[RubyRain]

(Yeah, talking about maths, that was a bit of an approximation about your age sorry)

[DarkWalker]

No worries. I don't think there is a difference when talking about women my age by the way. I do get women can think it's unfair, but in the mind of the man, it the unfairness feeling doesn't come up. It is like saying: we appreciate you. And to be honest, in the psyche of a man: it makes a man feel like he's important to you as well.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this :) I have to admit, I didn't think the "unfair" feeling could be present. But since you've said it here, it does sound logical that a woman could experience it like this.

[RubyRain]

Just to clarify: I feel it's unfair to the guy not to me. I like gestures that show appreciation, and I also appreciate the meaning behind paying, but there's the financial aspect of it that causes the feeling. (I'm quite sensitive about making others spend money for me, even if It's my parents). I feel that I'm not reciprocating the gesture! Splitting is almost like paying each other's meals, don't you feel so?

[Bubbles123X]

I agree. Please, young ladies, let men be gentlemen. The alternative is the common rude pig just in it to score, and he is becoming far more common. Uphold old fashioned values and expect manners and they'll soon become better mannered people in response. Use that obession with sex of theirs to make them what they should be!

[Nmalinova]

I hope men do, as it is nice! But at the end of the day, like so many other people said, it is just about being nice to people in general! Whenever i see an old lady or man carrying something heavy on the street, i always, without fail, offer them help, but does it mean i'm manly and chivalrous? Nah, it is just about being nice :-) i have no respect for women who take it for granted, not thank for it and slams doors behind them... in my opinion everyone should help each other and it shouldn't just be a 'man's thing' :-)

[PrincessPie]

Yes certain guys do :) its getting less common but my partner is like this and is really attractive quality.

[SaramadHill]

I'm all for equality, and my fiancee and I pay for everything equally. Rent, food, it doesn't matter.
I don't feel the need to treat women like they're goddesses or anything. I open the door for everyone if I can, it's just the nice thing to do. And I like being nice, so it's a no-brainer. I hate it when people assume I do something kind for them "just because chivalry." Chivalry is the last thing on my mind. Being a good person, is on the top of my mind.
And you know what? Put your arm around your buddy wherever you feel like. It shouldn't matter, since it's a kind gesture. Chivalry needs to go away, or at least have its stereotypes re-thought out so people don't feel catered to undeservingly... :(

[RubyRain]

I think yours is a really nice mindset to have. Chivalry was a term I choose exactly out of fear of them doing it "just because it's chivalry"
You answered many of my worries, thanks!
Don't worry about me, I keep forgetting which way I'm supposed to do it anyway xD

[SaramadHill]

No problem ma'am. Have a nice day!!
👍

[PlacentaSalad]

It's civility for me. I'll hold the door for anybody, it's not an act of kindness I reserve exclusively for women.

I've heard some men write and talk about bad experiences they've had in holding doors open for women, with the woman scoffing or criticizing him. While I have yet to experience this myself, I can believe it has happened to some guys and it really makes me wonder if women ever do anything civil for other people as well. Feminism and social justice are all about being tolerant and decent human-beings, but yet, holding the door for somebody is somehow the opposite of being decent.

What would be wrong is if these guys you're talking about ONLY do anything for women and not human-beings in general.

[RubyRain]

It's something I thought about as well. I've never recieved education about this as my friends had (they're really nice people by the way don't worry).
What you say about women not often doing things for others is, in my opinion, because we're really not used to this. Often there's something I'd gladly do, but the thought doesn't occur to me until someone points it out. I simply don't notice when there is something I can do for people around me. If I did, I daresay I'd do it whenever I can. Maybe we're just too self assorbed to realize, most of the time, or we really just aren't taught to observe. Or maybe it's just me, who knows.

[Robsinsf53]

It's part of being a man in my family, hence I was taught, not told to open doors and carry or lift heavier objects. It's always a man's choice, and to young men out there, I'm not here to tell you anything, say you're not a real... No, all I'll say is try it. If it's not for you, now at least you know. But I guarantee when you hold that door for a person who appreciates that nice gesture, stops and gives you a sincere thank you, if it still isn't for you don't ever open the door for anyone but yourself again.

[theharlequin]

I enjoy it if she enjoys it, but I don't enjoy it in and of itself. I mostly enjoy the radiance she shines when I make her feel like she's the center of my universe, whether that's through chivalry or not.

That said, some aspects of chivalry have a practical value, like walking on the street side of the sidewalk or moving her to my safe side if we walk past a mean dog or a group of shady thugs. In that sense, it usually does feel more like a duty to me because it's my duty to protect her if danger occurs. But it's a pleasant duty.

[dannymexico90]

It's a natural instinct to protect women. That's what good men do. You should appreciate it as a caring gesture not an insult to your ability. Obviously you can do it yourself. Appreciate it because when they stop, you will want it

[RubyRain]

I never said I don't appreciate it! I should have made it clrarer. It obviously feels good to be cared for! I was worried that they did that because they thought it was expected of them, instead of it being a real nice thing that they do because they want to.

[dannymexico90]

If they where raised right it's expected! They probably treat women right too. Sometimes it's a ruse though

[AleDeEurope]

I like to be chivalrous to everyone, but I'm more attentive when it's a girl I like.
In the end, chivalrous is just kindness that's given by a man to a woman. When that kindness is given from man to man, or from a woman, it's not called "chivalry".
I'm a kind person, therefore, I'm chivalrous. But like I said, if I like a girl, I would be more attentive

[hahahmm]

When it comes to strangers, I open a door to be polite/helpful. Not about enjoyment.

With a woman I know (even if I'm not pursuing her) there's an enjoyment aspect as long as she doesn't say/do something to show she feels entitled and takes it for granted. That's really, really bad.

Oh, and it's really rude when a woman is walking a few steps ahead of a guy and lets the door slam in his face! Don't care if you don't know the guy: it is rude as hell.

[Abusci]

Certain family members would defiantly make stern comment to me if I were not chivalrous to women in their presence.

I was raised that way, and I used to enjoy it, I felt as though it was a socially acceptable way to be nice and help people. But not so much anymore, some people think you're looking down on them these days as apposed to being polite.

[IamJohntheGoat]

You know, most guys these days can't even spell chivalry. Let alone know what it means. That goes for Integrity too. But to answer your question. I can't speak for the masses. But, I love it when I am that way and the girl notices. Puts an accomplished look on my face

[Anonymous]

Of course I like to, but that doesn't mean I get anywhere with them. I've been chivalrous my whole life and have never had a girlfriend.

But it isn't even girls that I am nice to and hold doors open for and whatnot. I just consider it common courtesy. I'm respectful of everyone.

[Irishman45]

Guys like doing things like that. It might be old fashioned but it makes them feel like gentlemen which is nice. I think a lot of guys would be upset if a girl told them not to do it.

[Anonymous]

1 Yes I enjoy doing things like that for others 2 I wish girls here would ask for it or enjoy guys being chivalrous. Here they hate it and goodness forbids that I be nice and push in a girl's chair for her. Here girls would rather freeze or be wet than get help unless the two people are dating then the girl just abuses the guy's kindness.

[Anonymous]

I only do stuff like that if the girl has done the same for me first.

Many women from my generation have made guys not want to do stuff for them because of their bad treatment of men. I wait for her to show kindness and caring to me first.

I prefer the girl to have her arm around my shoulder and I have mine around her stomach or waist. I feel closer to her that way.

[SaramadHill]

This is a good answer, particularly about waiting for someone to show respect before doing nice things back to them.

[Helper67]

I certainly love being chivalrous, and I try to act like that with everyone though, but perhaps try harder with women and people I like. I don't think it should be viewed as a bad think or men trying to show power because that's completely and utterly wrong. it upsets me when people can't see the best in others and assume the worst.

[BlendedMe]

I try to treat other women the way I would want my grandmother, mother or daughter to be treated in my absence. It's just a part of some of our upbringing.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Only if it's a classy girl. If it's some bumb or a girl with poor manners then it's just something you gotta do.

[FriendlyDrugDealer]

Only towards girls they like.

It's not that difficult to do but everyone has different tolerance levels.

[mystintri]

Honestly, not really. I love girls. I do. But if women survived times of WWII and 1500s exploring, they are wrong enough to do simple things like open doors and carry their own things.

[NightOwl8801]

I like doing those things , it shows that chivalry isn't dead and actually shows that you're being a gentleman

[Himig_Ng_Pag-ibig]

Not me.. I just do it to anyone. I don't give a crap about these chivalry bs

[PIPER123]

Real men do. yes I do always. Feminists are the ones that have a big problem with it --- pathetically and unfortunately. Semper Fi 😎👍

[C011n]

oh so much definitely and without any doubt that is a given you can bank of that totally true... what does chivalrous mean again?

[Anonymous]

It is not something i want to do for every woman. I only want to do it for some, if they deserve it.

[BCRanger10]

I, for one, do.

[AnonTheGuy]

it's whatever

[CT_CD]

No...

[NajemEddine]

never