He said he is too 'poor' to be in a relationship with me. Should I leave him or stick by him?

[rubynoir]

I've been dating a Romanian guy since early July who I really feel I have a connection with. He is incredibly, funny, smart, sexy and he always says those are also the same qualities he loves about me.

I'm a full-time student at University but I work part-time at two jobs, he works full time at a pizza place wakes each morning to drop his elder brother off at work 4 am, returns home to sleep and his hours are always 4 pm - midnight. He rarely has a day off apart from Sunday so we're only able to really spend time together either after midnight or after I finish work myself on Sunday.

I haven't had sex with him yet because I don't like to sleep with people I'm not in a relationship with but he has performed oral sex on me a lot. I know it's getting to the point now where I can tell how much he wants to go further but he always respects my wishes not to. He does keep asking if I'm ready though.

Last night before we went to sleep he began stroking my hair and hands and we had this conversation.

Me: "I'm sorry I still won't have sex with you but I just don't want anything casual."
Him: " I understand you but it's not casual I really like you but I don't think I am prepared for relationship now"
Me: "No you mean you just don't want one with me."
Him: "No it is not that at all, I really like you. Look at me I'm a poor guy I have nothing, I come to England with nothing and I am working at shit job I hate. People judge me when they hear my accent here, people think I am a gypsy when I am not."
Me: What does money have to do with anything, I don't care about what you can give to me. It's about how we feel together. I don't care whether you are rich or poor."
Him: "Only you are saying this but most girls care about money. I promise you one day I will be rich and when I do I'll call you. If you are still with me by then and laying right beside me I'm still gonna call you" *laughs*

Additional info below

Updates

+1 y

After that he just asked me so many questions all night about me, what I love about myself, what I don't like about myself, hopes and dreams for the future and he answered the same. This went on until about 4 am and we both fell asleep. I found out a lot about his life and family last night. It was really nice but I'm scared I might fall for him, should I stick by him for now?

Updates

+1 y

Oh we do also go for dinner and cook together etc so it isn't strictly past midnight meetings but it is something we have to schedule well in advance because of our jobs which can be frustrating.

[Anonymous]

He doesn't want a relationship. It sounds like he's not even aware of the road blocks he's creating to avoid one with you. He could be emotionally unavailable, but his defeatist attitude suggests low self esteem, I see elements of depression, and he does not love him self.

If you were to have a relationship with him, it's unlikely to work due to these things. It would probably turn into jealousy, mistrust, and fluctuating moods.

You say that you don't like to sleep with people that you aren't in a relationship with. What message do you think you send a person when you do something with them as intimate as receiving oral... just food for thought.

I also wonder if a part of you is attracted to him not being sure of himself... a project to fix, or someone to save.

[OreoMilkshake]

I think that's something you need to decide for yourself

[SleepyChan]

Sometimes you just need to focus on work/school until you're more stable or ready for a relationship. He will find another girl that will love him. If he thinks money is the #1 trait that girls look in a guy, he's wrong. (It's usually in the top 5.) He sounds like he should look for a more stable, likable job before a relationship. You want a more serious relationship and he wants a casual one. You should make that clear to the next guy on the second date.

[Anon85]

You know what oral sex is? Sex. Go figure, right? You're sleeping with him, plain and simple.

[rubynoir]

Well no because it isn't intercourse and I haven't performed oral sex on him. It isn't plain and simple so how about don't be rude. Go figure.

[Anon85]

I was being a bit snarky but it's still sex. As for your question, I don't think he's too poor for you. You may have a difficult time with your schedules and everything and your lives just getting in the way in general but money itself isn't the issue in my opinion

[jesusnicolas97]

Dump him

[raulsilveira]

Leave him