Why are men afraid of commitment?

Question

Why are Men afraid of commitment? I just want to understand why whenever a guy that I like, and likes me says no to dating, even though stating that he wants to but he is afraid to. Can someone please help me with this?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I've been wondering the same thing and based on your comments here and the description you've given about your situation, I'm pretty sure he's scared too.

I was dating this guy that I know for a fact was head over heels in love with me and said it's nothing like he's ever felt before (he's been in few long term relationships before and they were pretty serious), but when it was time to either commit or walk away, he walked away crying. Apparently he had been hurt really bad in his past and he was terrified of opening up to me and letting me in, actually being with me and investing in it. So instead of giving it a go, he broke his own heart. He's been pining after me ever since, he wants to get close but when he does he freaks out and pulls away. I'm done trying, he has broken my heart so many times by now that I rather just live my life not worrying about him. Which is sad, but I can't handle it anymore.

So.. Now that it's in my past (well he's still kinda trying, but I don't feel there's anything I can do, I've tried everything I could from patience and understanding to being somewhat harsh with him, he needs to fix his own issues, I need to move on) and I've started dating someone else I really really like, and who has made it clear to me he wants a relationship, it's me who's backing away and getting terrified. I actually found myself thinking the other day "please don't love me, it'll just hurt me", and crying and not wanting to let them close. And I kinda get why someone doesn't want to let people in. In a way it's sort of a self-defense mechanism. "I've been here, the last time it broke me down, I don't want that again, I can't do this, I want out"-panic --> "But I want them, what's the matter of me why can't I just be normal, maybe I can try again, please don't leave me" aaand the same all over again. I thought I was over all of what happened with the other guy, but apparently something in me broke and it's not that easy to heal it even though I'm over HIM.

So when it sometimes really is guys just wanting to play the field, sometimes it is fear, and it's not gender specific. And it sucks, it really does! This is also the reason I dislike rebound relationships and dating other people when you yourself are broken and confused inside. Cause relationships are never about one person, there are always other people involved, other people's emotions. Even if dating while hurt might feel good at that moment, it's likely you end up hurting your partner.

Rox95 · Accepted Answer

I have the same issue with the guy I’m currently seeing. We’re both crazy into each other, he texts me all day, Wakes me up with a phone call every morning, takes me out on nice dates.. tells me how much he cares about me and he really gets all cutesy about it too.. but he doesn’t want to date me. We’re basically committed to each other already.. we just don’t have the title which I think makes no sense. 🙈🤦🏻‍♀️ I asked him why, and he said he’s worried that us dating will change our relationship.. his ex broke his heart into tiny little pieces.. so I guess he’s just extra wary now. He doesn’t want to change things now because he’s happy with how everything currently is. Maybe your guy feels the same and he’s worried it will change the dynamic of your relationship...

Kydill13 · Accepted Answer

Not all men are. Some are for sure and they’re just not willing to settle down. The way I understood it with my own experience is that some men are afraid that someone or something better will come around (which is horrible to think) so they don’t want to be tied up. Keep looking you’ll find someone worth YOUR time 🙂

silverqueen · Accepted Answer

It’s the guys you know. Not men in general. Weird how our past experiences can shape us without us knowing. I’ve only met guys who look for stable relationships. And I’ve met more girls than guys who are commitment phobic. Our perspectives play a huge role

Stoner710 · Accepted Answer

The guy wants you to be around the guy enjoys your company unfortunately most relationships and this cycle of friendship yes we get laid yes we find a girl that wants to settle down hopefully and we can live our lives with them however men are also afraid of rejection this puts a big downer on how we feel and because of that We don’t want to commit we don’t want to be hurt men are a lot more emotional than what people like to believe we were taught we don’t want to commit we don’t want to be hurt men are a lot more emotional than what people like to believe we were taught We cannot be emotional and be a man probably a long way of thinking but that’s the way it had to be for thousands of years and that’s the way it’s the lis we cannot be emotional and be a man probably long way of thinking but that’s the way it had to be for thousands of years and that’s the way it still is

Ciscokid_ · Accepted Answer

Of my experience, my ex really tore me up and I want to be with someone, i miss the snuggling and cuddling, the kisses, the connection and the love but im afraid they will hurt me in any way same as my ex. It sounds girly but that's why I worry about being committed to someone now

djmzes · Answer

Ask urself the samr question.

Why should a girl makes thr first step when someone else is doing it? What the gains for the girls in that?

Why should a guy makes thr commitment? Why and what is his gain?

Answer urself these question while sering the society thinking of people 15-30 ...

CharlieUnicorn · Answer

"Afraid of commitment" is such a tired cliché and the fact that men doesn't even talk about it in those terms should tell you something.

The actual reason is trust. See, intimacy, affection, or "we talk about everything (?)" isn't even nearly enough for commitment (even though it may be enough for easier "relationships" and flings). You have to prove that you're his ally, that a substantial part of your life is about supporting, building and sharing his.
Promises and verbal assurance doesn't cut it here, or you just being you, but action and effort.
Have you ever been of substantial help in his life?
Have you guys had any project together where each pull his/her own weight and see it through?

AlienChickk · Answer

Honestly I think it's because at this age (young adult) people are more focus on getting somewhere in life and other goals. A lot of 18-25 years old are in college or trying to advance in their career. Also people like to have their freedom while they are still young and don't have kids and a partner that they have to worry about. That's my two cents on it.

Chaz269 · Answer

We're not. That's a elitist feminist myth.
When a man likes a woman more than the woman likes him back, and he expects a committed relationship, he's considered needy or controlling.
When a woman likes a man more than he likes her back, and she expects a committed relationship, the man is considered "afraid of commitment".
It's the "men are always wrong and women are always right" paradox perpetuated by women who either outright hate men, or at the very least don't respect men.
Guys have the same rights to choose their mates as girls do. Just because he didn't choose you, that doesn't mean he's inherently defective.
Fear of commitment is an unbelievably rare disorder that all but ruins a person's life when unmanaged. Look it up.

KaramelKisses · Answer

if a man really wants you, he isn't afraid of commitment. he is LEADING YOU ON. his want for you to be his will bypass any of his fears. men dont fear commitment, they just dont see you as the one they want to commit to, they just want the sex, and whatever other benefits come with it.

Anonymous · Answer

The amounts of pressures put on men by the society are enormous!

From being able to provide to having a wit comparable to a comedian to being a sex machine in bed like the Greek God to being able to always stay cool, calm and collected in every situation that screams panic. To being the perfect slave basically and sacrifice everything he dreams about to basically being a caretaker of others' needs.

Now, I know what half the new gen/feminism inspired/brainwashed women will say to this, "... but, but, but, I wipe my own arse after I take a shit." To which I sat, "I'm sure you do, honey! However, that's not all there is now, is there?"

To be able to tie a person down for commitment, make sure you yourself are commitment material, in the first place. As cheesy as this may sound, it's not them... it's most likely you!

Be the person you'd like to date and you'll have no trouble getting the perfect guy to settle down with you.

Bear41 · Answer

Because we dont want to be changed. We do not want to be a puppet or the person you think we can be. Turned into a lap dog, or a monkey on a chain, a Castrated version of who we once were. If you want to marry that man then let him be that man. Do not tell him what to wear unless he ask. We love you for you. The woman, the mother you become, our loving caring wife. We support you, what you do, and anything you want to do. Just remember we can go further together if we support each other push each other to do what we love.

jtarcle · Answer

To quote Mark Twain, "All generalizations are false, including this one." A broad statement like "Men are afraid of commitment." Will never be correct. We aren't. That's a myth that's been recycled over and over by society, and framed as something normal. Some men are afraid of commitment, others are not. There could be extenuating circumstances, or ulterior motives. Depends on the person.

jjdoom · Answer

They could be anxious about it. It depends on the person, but either they only want "one thing" or they could be afraid to meet up in fear that you won't like them anymore after. There could many reasons but as I say it's either they don't want a serious relationship or they have personal issues that are stopping them.

Finchie40 · Answer

Men that don't commit r selfish men , they don't want to be tied down they want to be able to do what they want to do or they have a hard time trusting themselves and trusting other's so it's better for them to just stay single and keep their options open

lostgirl_searching · Answer

Not all men, some of the guys I met wanted a committed relationship. Before I met my boyfriend he was looking for a committed relationship because he just wanted to find someone to settle down with. So maybe the guys you doesn't want one or feel like he isn't ready, but soon you will find a guy.
As for some who are afraid, it's possible they were hurt by someone they fell in love with.

Xoxocutekitty · Answer

Because guys are often knocked down in the eyes of other guys for treating a girl how she wants to treated. I'm talking little things, like having to eat lunch with her friends instead of video gaming, or letting her dress him, or other "emasculating things". Guys see how much "power" she has over him, and make fun of him for it. If a guy can get the perks of a relationship and maintain his friends respect, he's going to try to play that angle (even at the expense to the girls reputation).

TotallyNotJosh · Answer

We aren't, you're just seeing guys who are just like the whole of the women population don't abide by the same rules, values and morals men don't either there's lots of us that commit I feel like your question should be why won't he commit but I don't know who am I to judge I've probably been guilty at generalizing at one time or another too

ChaseParker · Answer

I don't want to get tied down. I want to be free and live life. I mean look at most relationships in the west anyways. Those men get so unhappy and call their wives their ball and chain. Commitment can ruin a bunch of guys lives. That being said I do think marriage is a good thing if you can make it work.

Anonymous · Answer

if you want to date a guy and he doesn't want to date you, don't give him affection or sex and your problems will be solved

pinayfit · Answer

not just men some women too, they are afraid coz some people theyve been so hurt in the past and its hard for them to put their guard down.

winterfox10 · Answer

it's just a risk to expose yourself to someone emotionally. Most people just aren't ready for that risk.

Slim57 · Answer

I never realized until I fell in love for the first time. But it's because it hurt like hell and it's not so easy to get over, guys who commit really commit their all and it tears them open when the other walks away

OvershareGamer · Answer

There is two main reasons.
1. Because men are afraid to let their gameface guard down and then the girl will leave, cheat, or not like him (which happens ALL of the time)

2. Because men are afraid that the relationship to get to the part where their girl has way too much control over their life. For example: when a guy has to explain where he's been all day long and then top it off with "WHY". "Why do I shop at walmart instead of another store". CAUSE I LIKE WALMART OK!!! haha

Anonymous · Answer

There will be only 2 reason either that person only wants to play with you not coming in relationship with you or he is afraid that if he could be that much responsible to handle this relationship because if he couldn't he will lose his friendship with you also.
So just try to check his intentions what does he want

pasoccer · Answer

Maybe they just don't want to commit to you. Maybe you're choosing the wrong men to like.
I know i commit to a point in my relationships, but if I don't get the same back, I bail.
It's all about finding someone who matches you. Obviously, those people aren't a match. Don't fret.

dan0075 · Answer

you see here's the thing guys don't want to be hurt or bossed around but we are also scared that if there was an argument or something similar that the woman will just call the cops and lie and we try to avoid that at all cost guys have feelings regards of what people see men as

jeremyb34 · Answer

I dont feel like we r affraid of commitment it is affraid of being hurt and being with rhat one person forever

ain22 · Answer

I honestly don't know. It depends on the guy and stuff. Maybe he thinks you're really attractive but not quite his type.

Anon-ymous1 · Answer

Biologically and in evolutionary terms, we aren't supposed to. We're supposed to fight each other for the right to fuck as many females and be alpha, and chase the girls. Testosterone doesn't make you necessarily dangerous, just aggressive. In other higher mammal species, most of them, the male doesn't "settle down" or whatever, he just... roams.

It's hard to override millions of years of evolutionary biology just because Debeers wants to sell diamond rings.

oldstyle · Answer

He's probaly gone through the same situation before with another close friend and when the relationship failed he lost a friend and as a man I can tell you we don't really have to many people that we could actually trust to be our friends somebody always wants something from you. Money you to do this or that or just trying to do something behind your back. a man's always gotta keep up his gaurd and losing a true friend.. sometimes it's really not worth it

almightygodszoke · Answer

Freedom is much better at my age and I like challenges.

Anonymous · Answer

Saying they’re just afraid of a commitment is a deflection. Dating really isn’t a very appealing prospect in the present. There’s much more appeal in letting relationships develop casually. This is why if you ask to “hang out” even if it mean the same thing to you as a “date” guys are going to be much more comfortable.

Kinky-Larrd · Answer

Age, fear of losing out in the long term. But, if that's their outlook, it will be sooner NOT later they realise it's them who have already missed out. You're 20, max out, don't dwell on such perceived let downs, enjoy today and live each day… 😋😜😛

Astoriana · Answer

They’re told that it makes them less of a man to be emotionally vulnerable enough to be in a relationship with someone else. You have to be vulnerable to be committed, and they’re afraid of being seen as weak.

kamash · Answer

I don't know... honestly feel... may be they think something better is on its way... may be...🙂🙂

ccscsc · Answer

Because they dont trust you. Nobody is scared of commiting, maybe after the first few dates he concluded they can't trust you because of mistakes they been through in the past

Canuck37 · Answer

You're 20 years old. Most men at 20 don't want a marriage, they want to have fun and be free. Once you get older, and the men get older, you'll find that they're a bit more willing to commit.

LudsAri · Answer

Someone did that to me but it comes down to "he wants options" and dumb things like that. But it's not just men, we do it too! Means he just wants one or two things out of you instead of the whole package. Not even worth your precious time :)

devils_play_aj · Answer

Guys are scared to commit. They're just scared coz it would end like the past. Just let him know better and make him feel better. It takes time but it'll happen

Kiran04 · Answer

Because there is no benifit to men in commitment. In fact, they take on more risk doing so. Meanwhile, there's plenty of other cows willing to give the milk out for free. Why commit when the reward is little and the risk is enormous?

MemeSupreme · Answer

I don't fully understand it either. Maybe afraid of getting hurt again or the responsibility?

genericname85 · Answer

I guess cause commitment eliminates other options and how do you know when you're with an optinal partner? I mean you could be missing out by committing.

yoganshB · Answer

Just show your inner qualities to him. Then try to attract his attention. After some days ask him for date or he will ask you. ALL THE BEST

Miss_Savanna_Dry · Answer

I've been told that they are afraid of spending the rest of their life with one woman.

Decentguy · Answer

because most of the men highly doubts, that his partner would cheat on him, use him for money, or betray him, or end up hurting him in some ways, or either those men have trust issues

NoToriousROB · Answer

Nothing can be done here. You can get the desperate guy that you are friendzoning to go on a date with you and be committed and beneath you

Prof_Don · Answer

To be honest, the issue is you and your attraction to unavailable men. Choose better.

TheScream · Answer

Im not afraid of commitment lol a lot of guys aren't afraid of committment but they're afraid of being committed to a thot. Guys want fairy tale bullshit just as much as girls do but 8/10 girls are hoes

annon4814 · Answer

Sadly to say its girls from my experience that are afraid of commitment

Anonymous · Answer

I don’t really think they are. Maybe something is drawing you to these men.

HereIbe · Answer

We aren't. Little boys are afraid of commitment. The first words I heard or saw regarding my wife were "A man who finds a wife finds a good thing." I knew at that moment that SHE was the one I wanted.

Ak1522000 · Answer

Hey no one is afraid its just a excuse cuz they might not actually like you

drondo4 · Answer

Strange just bad luck. nothing wrong with dating. thats not really a commitmen marriage is a commitment.

Anonymous · Answer

We aren't "afraid" of commitment, we simply are not biologically programmed to do so.
Male primates are not meant to be monogamous.
The main reason men "commit" are because we are forced to by female created societal standards.

5tarPlatinum · Answer

Because most likely you slept with hundreds of dudes

Premihoo · Answer

Relationship comes with responsibilities and may be he is not ready for that

Ayer93 · Answer

Another question that can be related to women as well.

Smegskull · Answer

Feminism made romance a power game and men don't like to play rigged games.

Delroy1995 · Answer

Can you state the benefits that a man gets from dating that a woman cannot get? Or that he cannot get from say friends with benefits?

smrthomson · Answer

Its not just about mans that are scared i been and seen enough woman that been scared as well.. Sometimes it's jst about gettiingg luckky?😍😍😀

Quibit · Answer

You suckered us into marrying you, you get pregnant, then you want a divorce, the woman gets to keep the house, the man just has to pay the mor

Corvosier · Answer

Fear of commitment is a natural reaction to being screwed around by flaky partners in the past. It's just as common for a woman to say as a man as well.

Mr_TeddyBear · Answer

Probalby he is not a man

Ronin82 · Answer

Entrapment goes against a (typically average) males compelled evolutionary programing.

Why are men afraid of commitment?

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