Clingy ex in a rebound relationship?

[Anonymous]

My ex-gf and I broke up about 2 weeks ago, but she's already seeing someone new. Throughout our whole relationship, she was very clingy and needy and pushed me away at times with wanting to see me or talk to me constantly. I loved her very much, though, so I tolerated it.

Now I can only assume she's clinging on to this new guy because he showed interest in her and they have similar interests and beliefs. Before I knew she was seeing this guy I wanted to reconcile, and I still want to make things work or just to get closure. I spoke to her about it, and we got into a fight. They seem to be moving REALLY fast - I remember when we first started dating we were moving about 3 times slower, and I, the guy who wanted nothing more than a relationship with her, freaked out and delayed getting together. I can only imagine that she does have some pain inside and still thinks of me, and that she's extra needy - Something that might push this guy further and further away.

I'm not going to speak to her for 3-4 weeks, unless she gets in touch with me first. I don't know if she will since it seems she's moved on, but I don't think coming out of a 4 year relationship and then seeing a new guy is good at healing old wounds or making her forget about me. Since I'm not speaking to her, I wonder if she'll find it odd that I'm not around 24/7 like I used to be, and that will prompt her to wonder how I'm doing and get in touch.

Am I going about this in a good way? Do you think they have a chance?

[lionqueen420]

She does care, girls just NEED rebounds for some odd reason. That's a big ouch that she's already with another guy, but relationships that move too fast don't last. I think you should only ask her if she honestly thinks there is no more growing for yours and her relationship, because she may be using this guy as a real rebound, it may not last. However I also think you should think about other girls. Long relationships do get you into the routine of one person, but you gota try to accept the change, its for the better. You may think you need her because what you are experiencing is new, but its just different. Enjoy yourself :)

[lavender]

Spending any amount of time thinking about the quality of her new relationship, or comparing your relationship to what you see (as an outsider) with her current beau is doing you no good. To a certain degree, you got used to her clinginess and neediness, and now you're worried about who & what she's clinging onto or needing. Not your place to worry about it, you need to detatch and move on.

Good idea to not speak to her for 3-4 weeks unless she's contacts you. Get some time and space in this whole thing...you were dating for a long while and you just broke up. Let yourself heal.

[Asker]

Yeah, we definitely need our space. We had been somewhat friendly after the split, but since she got her new guy we haven't been talking. If I don't hear from her and do decide to contact her, I'm just going to show her that I'm confident and tell her I'm happy for her (Even though I'm pretty disappointed), and not bring up the relationship unless she does. Hopefully I can get on her good side again and plant reminders in her head of all the good times we had together.

[Anonymous]

If she is on a rebound, you definitely have a chance. This happens all of the time, but you can't mess it up.. you need a step-by-step game plan using a little psychological tactics.. I was in a similar situation and messed it up..you can get more info here.. ==> link

[Asker]

Thanks for the link! Now, the last time we REALLY spoke we had a fight over this, but I never bad mouthed the guy or the relationship, per se- I just wondered if there was a chance we could work. We spoke once more and things went well, but I just decided to cut off contact then - Should I keep cutting off contact, or speak to her once more, then cut myself off? I feel like I missed a step without actually letting her know I "accept" her new relationship.