Dating men of lower intelligence or success/ambition is a bad idea - Agree or Disagree?

Question

I've heard people scold very intelligent and/or very successful women for not wanting to date "down" and wanting men on their level... But does the emotional state of most men make this a bad idea in general? It's pretty well documented that men dont like when women they like are more intelligent or more successful than they are. SOME men are cool with it yes, but in general does it seem like a bad idea?

Men would you find this "emasculating" and undesirable?

englisc · Accepted Answer

Men feel the way they do about this because of the way they know deep down women think about men who are less intelligent and successful. Women do look down on such men and usually find them to be unattractive - this is completely natural by the way, I'm not bashing women for thinking like this. So it's kind of like the question of "what came first - the chicken or the egg?". In my opinion, if women didn't think this way men wouldn't be insecure about it nor would they view it as being emasculating. But the fact is that women do think this way and that nothing will change it, nothing will change our biology, so these things will never change. Those who scold such women don't understand this.

ecfresh · Accepted Answer

One of my close friends has had a streak of several boyfriends who are less than ambitious. While in the beginning she sees this as cute because they are available and spend quality time with her, eventually they become too clingy because their joy is in her. She wants to find a man who has his own life and goals and will be her partner, not live through her. So I would agree, it's a bad idea settling for a guy like that.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It's a bad idea for the woman, given that women are usually more talkative and require more mental stimulation from their partner, which in turn may pose as a problem for him if there's such a big difference in IQ.
Hopefully he can compensate in other areas.

TheHillsRAlive · Accepted Answer

I fell for it... I dated and eventually married a guy a bit below my intelligence level. My situation is a disaster. Maybe not directly due to the intellect mismatch... but nevertheless I wonder if I saw it coming

ChurchOfIron · Answer

I wouldn't find it emasculating or undesirable. But she's gonna be buying me dinner and not the other way around. :P

That said, "intelligence" is an *extremely* vague term. No one really knows wtf they're talking about when they reference "intelligence". There's no standardized measurement. The IQ test is just a measurement of academic potential. There are a lot of theories revolving around what intelligence even is, but I'm fond of the Multiple Intelligences Theory, which states there are 9 different types of intelligences.

Einstein was an idiot in most things. Most people are smarter than us in *some* way. So what type of intelligence are we talking? Who is measuring this intelligence?

However, you also have to include female propensities. Women typically prefer to date up, which is also well documented [the social science term is "hypergamous"]; so, yeah, I would probably call it a bad idea for most women; because, they likely won't feel satisfied dating a man who they view as "below" them in social status. Exceptions happen, of course, but just generally, females instinctually like the male to prove he can provide and protect.

It is the male role to provide and protect; and, it's naturally the female role to nurture. It's only the past 50 years this has changed, contrasted to human existence for 100,000 years, where women were the nurturers and childrearers. With that comes a conflict of the frontal lobe and the limbic system. Even if a woman rationally thinks she's fine with dating down, once she's obtained that high level social status, it's unlikely she will *feel* satisfied dating anyone below that social status.

So, I think males do typically want to be in that provider and protector role; while females do typically want to be in the nurturing role. But, I think males would be more easily satisfied, because social status isn't a sexual characteristic to males. For women, I would definitely say that it's a bad idea to date someone she views as lower social status. That's a pretty important trait. And ambition is one of women's greatest desires in men, so if she has more than he does, that's a recipe for her feeling unsatisfied, in my opinion.

Northern_star · Answer

the way you presented the question itself is very much of a female interpretation. no offense here,
let me clear the other perspective:
1. first of all, its a problem that women thinks that men look for the same traits in a woman, as they search for in a man. this can't be further from the truth. eg: women look for a men with high body count because of female preselection, men look for girls with very low body count.
men dont date men, in short. if we do date these women its about one night stands then run.
2. about being ambitious: correlation and causation are two things. we skip ambitious woman in general, cause they feel more entitled, whilst we dont give a single flying fck about their carreer achievements. we care about youth loyalty and caring ("debt free virgins" etc). if you've spent your 20s fckn around, learnin gender studies, then only lookin for higher educated men in your 30s... thats paradoxical and makes abs no sense for us. thats where "where have all good men gone" originates. being a woman CEO itself wouldn't be a problem its just doesn't mean anything for us, its the entitlement, the mentality that comes with it, that makes us to refuse commitment with that. the more we achieved ourselves, the more likely we simply skip that sht.
3. still there always are a few simps who are good with that, and would white knight for the injustice etc. but those men are the ones you either dont want ("not on your level") or u commit then cheat them monkey branching.
of course there are exceptions, always, but the rule is right 98% of the time and everyone thinks they are the 2%... naw. thats crazy.

Anonymous · Answer

Genius, how you are trying to flip this thing around...
First of all, how is this "well documented"? Are you referring to a study, or are you talking out of your ass?

Second, WOMEN are attracted to men who are, in general, more intelligent and competent than them and most other men.
Not because men ARE more intelligent and competent than them, but because it makes no biological sense for men to be picky, while it does for women.
When a man realizes that he is NOT what is attractive to the woman he desires, of course this is going to make him insecure and upset, but not because he thinks that "the lowly female doesn't know her place beneath him", as you are trying to insinuate, but because he feels that he is not good enough for her, that he can't keep her attracted.
Which is true, in most cases.
And that's ok.
Just don't pretend like this is about male ego and misogyny, like WE are the ones who simply NEED someone who is dumber than us.

I'd like it if we could, at least for a second, pretend like there is actually something genuinley vulnerable and insecure, that wants to be accepted for what it is and be able to keep loved ones around, for reasons that are NOT purely egotistical and profit-oriented, inside of men.

Not EVERYTHING we de is about ego and keeping down women. Jesus Christ.

Logorithim · Answer

I would not find it emasculating at all- I want the best compatible partner I can get.

Big differences in intelligence are problematic because People often communicate differently as a result and your interests may also sharply differ since it's often a Proxy for social class.

Vankor · Answer

Honestly that's just a ridiculous excuse as to "date" someone. Sounds like gold digging.

You like someone for who they are not how much money they have and their social status. If your just looking for a genetic partner to create a "testube" baby to meet a idealistic unrealistic offspring then sure go for it. As the saying goes opposites attract and for good reason. It's a balancing act. The others that label stupid people cheaters is absurd.

People cheat for a number of reasons.

Honestly why date at all if your only concerned about someone's perceived intelligence because that's all subject per person. Lots of people have ambitions we dont all get to accomplish them.

11dog22 · Answer

I’ve dated women who have more education then me. I’m find them attractive and makes me want to become better. But they loo at me and my career as nothing. I’m trying and have my first associate degree. I’m between on my second and my first bachelors. One of my ex sees this and sometimes I think she thinks she made a mistake passing me. Currently dating someone who less then my equal and it’s ok but she have a short sided vision which worries me. It goes both ways.

Last. Talk to an ex girl I was planning to marry. I can see in her thoughts of regrets too. She about to get her first master and already have few other degrees.

That’s just life. It goes both ways. It pays to have goals. But it’s hard to find someone. My current one again makes me want to get better even though education and career wise. We are not equal. Due to her lacking. I have to make up the difference for future.

Prakbio · Answer

i would say you should never underestimate anyone.. for me it is okay if my girlfriend is earning more or more successful or more intelligent than me .. actually I compete with myself not with others.. i have to defeat myself or try to defeat myself.. relationship is not a competition for me if i want competition in that that would be how much more i can love , trust and care for my partner... in a relationship one should look for things that no-one can steal like how much loving and caring , soft spoken, mature , or kind other person is rather than looking for his or her money.. particularly money never attracts me but it is intelligence and level of maturity that attracts me more...
i think it is not necessary that if a person is earning more means that he is more successful and more intelligent..

Jemini_Crocket · Answer

Intelligence is one of the most important things you need to find in your partner. I thought looks and personality is "enough" but no, I was so wrong.
Some time ago I met a cool nice guy but he was so dumb. I could not bear it. I'm not Einstein but he was terrible at our Czech grammar, didn't understand most things I talked about and we didn't really fit together either.

SngBirdy · Answer

Its not "bad" per se. But yes, successful women are intimidating for guys, and a lot of successfull women do indeed have a "superiority" complex when it comes to dating.

I think the bigger issue here is low ambition and not low success. No one will think badly of you just because you dont have a great career, aslong as you are still ambitious in life.

Levin · Answer

It depends how well adjusted and happy with his lot the man is. If he's insecure, it's not going to work.

There's too many variables here for a sensible answer. Success is not necessarily indicative of intelligence, and vice versa. You'd generally want to date people on your level. But worldly and overt success is just one level of many levels.

Also, love is supposed to be a factor, not just evolutionary biology/materialism.

CrazyCroGuy · Answer

Well if women are super successful it tends to happen that men don't approach them, not because they don't like that but because they thino they have no chance with her. Also I believe dating cam be a very powerful tool if a woman sees potential in a man.

WalterRadio · Answer

Smart women would only date smart men if they were smart.

Although the average IQ for women is slightly higher than for men, the distribution curves are different, such that there are far more highly intelligent men than there are highly intelligent women.

ichighost · Answer

I personally would not. The connection at first is visual and then from there I dig into the person. Money, smarter than, different views... Nothing really matters once you click with the person. If those things pose an issue then that person is not correct for you. Nobody else idea or opinion really matters if you're happy.

TonyBologna25 · Answer

I don't really think about this stuff. I've dated bimbos, intelligent girls, emo girls, popular girls, nerdy girls, rich girls, poor girls, educated girls, ignorant girls. If we click, then we click. If we're happy, then we're happy. It's as simple as that.

Chaz269 · Answer

"It's pretty well documented that men dont (there's actually an apostrophe in that word, moron) like when women they like are more intelligent or more successful than they are."
Produce some empirical evidence to support your ridiculous claims, please. Keep in mind that I'm exceptionally well-read on this matter and I can offer research that meets international standards of empirical data to contradict your claims. I simply can't wait to read what you have to offer!

Anonymous · Answer

The problem isn't always about intelligence or success. It's how you treat your partner. A lot of women would throw it in a guy's face that's he's less successful whenever they have an agreement... now THAT IS Emasculating. So guys would generally avoid that by dating women on the same level, because we learn from our past experiences.

davidckuhn · Answer

I'm ok with it, yes it will make me feel "not as good" but as long as her and I are committed and respect each other and love one another. I couldn't care less about how successful she is. And if she was to rub it in my face, then I'd get upset, but if she didn't and the core values of a romantic relationship are there I couldn't care less.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

An intelligent girl is great. I like someone I can talk to about complex things. A successful woman is very undesirable. Successful women are crappy at taking care of a home, husband and kids because they are too busy working so they don't really have much to offer me since I am successful and don't need the second income.

Spahija · Answer

I don't care if you're smarter than me as long as you're smart enough to carry on an interesting conversation. I've also noticed these days that 'success' doesn't correlate as much as it used to to intelligence. I know plenty of women VPs at work that are ambitious, driven, good with a client, but otherwise dumber than a box of rocks.

Puppylover_129 · Answer

Agree. I am a very ambitious person, if the guy isn't at least a High school graduate, I don't see how I can be attracted to that. Plus, stupidity can get you killed. I think common sense is not that hard to ask for in a person.

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