What do you think about a girl with a maternal instinct?

Question

I am 18 years old and here is something about me: I grew up in a household with 3 younger brothers and I practically raised them along with my parents who worked a lot. I love little children and I'm "natural" when it comes to dealing with them. I enjoy it, even if it's tough. I am "the wise/smart one" in my group of friends and they tend to come to me for advice. I have always been very protective of my, especially female, friends. I would stand up for them, even physically, because the long experience in martial arts allows me to do so too. I am not invincible or large, but I am ready to do almost anything.

I grew up in this role of the protector and nurturer, learning to stand on my own, that I noticed I started to display it towards the guy I use to have a crush on.

(I was worried about him when he acted like a crazy brat, and was not impressed like others for example. Now I have to admit it was kind of funny and "cool", I didn't stop him but I wasn't happy at all to hear about it, let alone amused.)

I know about all kinds of love and I know how to be romantic, but this nurturing love is a part of me that I often can't help but display.

I want to have children one day and the thought of it makes me happy, even though most of my female age-mates disagree. I want to protect people I love and I feel like smacking them when they do dangerous things.

Again sometimes... I want to be the one being spoiled. I want to have someone who wants me for more then friendship or safety. I feel like doing something stupid just so I can see if someone is going to pull me back and protect me.. I want to fall in love.

Is this impossible for someone like me? Are you guys repulsed by this behavior in a girl? Is this motherly instinct I have something that might scare you away? How about the people who often depend on me?

Would the girl who appears strong make you feel inadequate and make you presume you would be unneeded?

I am not ugly, I'm not stupid and I enjoy making people laugh. I seem frail at first sight, but once guys come to know this side of me I think it scares them away or makes them just stay friends. I can't help but to conclude it's so, so I need you to answer my questions because I'm not sure.

Thank you

ArtistBboy · Accepted Answer

While it may seem like a concern of yours, I assure you that NOTHING you listed above is a bad quality to possess.. The real problem I see, is that you are listing thousands of ways about how you provide for others and love doing it - but I don't see much about yourself in there.. It gives me the vibe that your one of the girls who has rarely felt love and stuff like that; which does scare me away. I like getting into relationships with people who almost have "standards" because they know what they want, but that don't use those standards as pre-requisites or "guidelines" for people they will date.. Basically, I like dating women who know what they want but that are willing to compromise.

In no way shape or form am I saying that you "don't know what you want".. I'm just saying that your not expressing it.. I can understand and appreciate your natural woman-like-nurturing-behavior.. But what I'm not seeing is what you want from life, where you want to go, etc.. Like instead of saying everything above, tell me WHAT about working with children has made you so happy (memories, situations, growth, etc)... And get specific, bring back the childhood memories.

So to sum it up, I don't think you'd scare off anyone except the people who can't handle a woman who has those traits (or the people who don't want those traits, some men may not want to be nurtured - I hope you understand that).. But I see a large area where you could improve your lifestyle by being more adventurous, telling more stories, etc.. To give people a better idea of who you are inside, and further, where you have come from through your life experience.

~ ArtistBBoy

brawny1 · Accepted Answer

I think you are sending just the right messages, and you need to allow the right guy to love you for who you are. And being strong and capable of standing up for both people and for principles that you value shows a ton of character. This is a VERY attractive, in my opinion. A balanced person will really appreciate a friend who will "call" him or her on being a jerk. I wouldn't be very interested in spending a lot of time with a girl who won't form her own opinion or stand up for those opinions.

However, as you mentioned yourself, guys have a deeply seeded desire to feel like they can protect and provide for their girlfriend/future wife. A lot of this is inherent to their own self-esteem and is not your responsibility. The other little bit comes from opportunities to be supportive. I think this goes along with your desire to sometimes be the one "being spoiled". I'm not suggesting you change your behavior at all, but if there is a guy whom you are interested in getting to know more personally, it would be quite a gesture of trust (not so much a test) to let him help you. For example... just ask his advice on a problem or ask him to look at your car if it's not behaving quite right.

Little things like these could maybe help a nice guy who was a little intimidated at first to get a clue and step up to being able to enjoy time with a strong woman.

oneforthetruth · Accepted Answer

Yeah, this is totally normal, and men can have paternal instincts too. Admittedly a lot of people think, (or so I find) that maternal instinct/paternal instinct, only comes once you are in fact a mother or father. I have a lot of nieces and nephews, and its obvious from my immediate family which out of my brothers and sisters (not including the ones who actually had the children) who is the kind of aunt/uncle who would do anything and everything, and the other uncles/aunts who just like to play with them for a bit, and then hand them back.

And my sister (who is a mother to four of my nieces and nephews) she has always been the maternal type, always, even before she was a mother. I know that if I went to this particular sister I know I would get a pretty could counciling session if I needed one, and interestingly enough her profession is a nurse...

To care for another human being is installed in us, BUT, some people might not like it. My boyfriend can't stand it when I tell him I'm capable of doing jobs, that he thinks I need help with, and when I tell him I'm fine doing it myself, he pushes and pushes, until I get angry and tell him to bugger off..and he can't understand that, cause he thinks he's being helpful..which he is to start with, and then he pesters and pesters, which tells me either he ain't listening or he thinks I am refusing help because I am being stubborn.

So I guess my situation is reversed, I've got the paternal type for a boyfriend.

toosexualcat · Accepted Answer

You may have to wait til the guys fall out of your age bracket. They don't want to be "mothered' until later, lol. :)

I think you have to find a particular kind of guy. All guys like being mothered, don't get me wrong, it just depends on HOW they want it or how you do it. For example, nagging. No guy likes that. But they do like being told what to do (some of them don't admit that though) which I think is funny. Some guys (those that don't admit it) like thinking they're the ones making decisions...even if they never do because the girl somehow "guides" them to saying what they want them to say...so the guy thinks he's made the decision, but he hasn't.

The point is, there's someone for EVERYONE. Your trick is to find the one that clicks with you. :)

ONE thing I do know that is true for almost ALL guys is you never want to say you want to have a baby to them at first meeting. Save that for like a year later...maybe six months if everything is truly rocking but yeah, say I'm a motherly type to them means OMG she wants a baby, get me the hell out of here!

Instead just nurture and mother but don't say that's your type. Just keep doing it until you find the guy that actually LIKES that about you. :)

justlilly · Accepted Answer

It seems like you have everything together, to be honest. I think a lot of girls think that they have to agree with everything a guy says and be a huge push over if they like him. I used to be that way, too and it honestly made me hate myself.

Since I have grown up and started forming my own opinions, I have noticed that I get less attention from guys, but the guys that actually hang around are worth my time. They don't expect me to agree with everything they say and not be able to stand up for myself. But...I definitely get what you are saying. It is nice to know someone else will stand up for you, too.

I was recently involved with someone and he was amazing. He cared about me and in all the right ways. Throughout the years, there are certain things that have been the hardest for me and those are the times when I would wish that someone would stand up for me or at the very least show me they cared. And he did at all the right times. Just when I was about to start thinking that, he would swoop in and made me feel a million times better.

Sadly, it didn't work out. And it makes it a little harder now, but at least I know that it is possible. So what I am trying to say is it is possible. :)

Mesonfielde · Answer

Maybe they don't want you to pull a test on them right when they're not looking and see you get splashed by the nearest cargo truck.

And of course your expectations of "love" are hard to fulfill, but you'll realize that later on.

Terabellum · Answer

It's hard to say what guys don't like about you from the things you said. I personally am not at all attracted to the "strong" women type, but some guys are. So my guess is that this isn't what's "scaring" guys off. But really to give a good reason as to why they do it me and I guess everyone else would need way much more information about you...

kidblue · Answer

it might scare some people away but I think it's cool how you watch out and care for your friends and family so much...it's nice to see somebody strong like this, it would make me respect somebody more so than normal I think and I'm sure there's a lot of people that can appreciate the traits you have...hope I helped

Shimmons113 · Answer

I for one think that everything you listed just screams "I am the type that every man wants to marry."

In my opinion, anyone would be lucky to be with you. The only downside I can see are the mammoth shoes this man would have to fill in order to be nurturing enough to meet your standards.

I think the only thing they would be scared of is not being good enough for you.

matthiascrost · Answer

I really do like girls with a maternal instinct. I think it speaks volumes about their character in general.

Nothing is impossible for you. I'm sure you can find someone who will love and care for you, and accept you for who you are.

There are lots of different guys in the world, and they're all looking for someone too. Trust me, there will be plenty who want what you have to offer, which, from your question sounds like plenty.

dontknowwhattodo3 · Answer

well-

i guess different people like different things. as far as I am concerned I can't really live with someone like that. like... I had a roomate who was just like that. she was very sweet but somehow I got so irritated by her constant care that I had to change my room... not like it was her fault but I always had frnds who were never very emo types.

NewestMember · Answer

I created an account just to endorse this haha. This is probably the number one quality I would want in a girl for long-term potential - and you are correct in that these instincts typically are coupled with being strong and independent, and at our age of around 18, they aren't present in many girls and aren't appreciated by many boys, they only come later as girls mature. If anything, in the teenage dating market, people are driven away by this. These qualities are some of the most attractive to me. Are you single lol? just kidding. Ultimately, these qualities scare away underdeveloped boys who can't appreciate them, and don't change yourself, as you grow older, someone more mature will come around to appreciate the hell out of them.

catargo · Answer

Ok since you ask a personal stance on the matter I will tell you I personally think its a turn off, and I can understand why a lot of guys wouldn't dig that or at least on the first couple of dates, however I think it's wrong of you to think you should change or modify your own nature, this is part of who you are and if you change this you might end up with some one you don't want or even worse generate discomfort further along the line, so in short some people might not dig that attitude as sexy or attractive, and I'm sure another hole lot of people do find this a great quality; chances are when you meet some one right for you, and it could most likely be someone with a strong sense of stability and fidelity. So be you don't change a thing and I can almost guarantee you will be happier with the people that you will find along your path.

hope that helped, be good and stay frosty.

windowlight · Answer

Listen to jhpua, below. In fact, studies have shown that highly-maternal women are also highly sensuous and ultra-fertile! You make a mistake in imagining that Mother Nature demarcates spousal and maternal love. A nurturing, sexy personality is a big plus for a girl. Forget any notions that you may have that these characteristics are scary. And re-read jhpua954's terse but to-the-point reply. Good luck!

irykiryk · Answer

The maternal never ceases to amaze me. Like when I was in junior high school about 14, I remember we did the Spartan history and how if a newborn wasn't healthy they would let it die on a hillside. I remember very vividly how some of these 14 year old girls said: I wouldn't let them do anything to my baby. I was like wow!

You kind of get an idea of how the human mind works in some people.

Anonymous · Answer

I am kind of that way too and I am engaged now. But my instincts take it a little further...I really badly want a baby (I know I can't have one right now and I am good about taking my birth control). Sometimes you just have to keep stuff like that hidden best you can and let it come out when the time is right. Remember, as a lover you can't be their mother, you have to let them make their own decisions whether you like it or not. Good luck!

Fbksguy · Answer

One thing that really annoys me is that every girl claims she "practically raised" someone else's kid.  This is so disrespectful of the actual parents, and it's almost never true.  It's just said as a statement to allow a girl to have certain conversations.  The kind of girl who says this is usually dishonest and catty, neither of which are good traits.

nermalinda · Answer

You are who you are. And not everyone is going to like it. But there will definitely be some who do. And those are the right guys for you. Don't even worry about the rest.

Anonymous · Answer

There's a guy for any girl. =)

You don't seem very maternal to me. A maternal girl to me is, if she wants to pamper her partner like a mother would pamper her child ie doing all the housework and also treat him like a child in other ways. On the good side it just means that a girl is very mature and caring.

Don't think of yourself as a mother or as maternal, such categories will just limit you, just be yourself and you'll find the right guy.

MichaelL · Answer

Mature or older guys will dig you hard. They are the types to prefer to have one girl for the rest of their lives. You talk about wanting to test a relationship by doing something crazy once in a while. I think that's actually understandable, nothing too crazy though. Because even in the most solid of relationships a small bit of drama is what makes it keep going.

Olya363 · Answer

I have a best friend that is exactly like you (expect she just has 2 younger brothers lol) but I admire her. Sometimes I call her mother because she is always telling me to do the right thing lol

I wish I had the "maternal instinct" :(

TheGodEmperorLeto · Answer

Can you cook? :D Nah, but seriously, no real man will have a problem with you and will appreciate and love your qualities. Don't worry about guys not liking it cause we do.

jhpua954 · Answer

I would never commit to a girl who didn't have a maternal instinct.  It's a deal breaker for me.  I think a vast majority of men would like those qualities.

othercuriosity · Answer

actually I like girls who take charge first. it shows me that they know what they want and that they have self confidence. if a girl was commanding me then that's another thing, but if she just stands up for what she believes is right, then I usually have a good amount of respect for her. and guys love maternal instincts, it gives you a more mature vibe but sometimes it's good to have a fun loose side too

NonchalantBro · Answer

I had never thought about this until recently when I met someone that had this quality...it was a big plus even though I don't plan on having kids any time soon.

What do you think about a girl with a maternal instinct?

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