I have a close friend I never agreed to friends with benefits?

[tiya_123]

I never agreed to friends with benefits we never had a conversation about it when we first met he said he wasn’t looking for a relationship he’s busy with music and son I said ok and sex kinda came in along the way so now we are very close friends but have sex here and there we talk almost everyday one day he asked me could I have his baby what is going on? He invite me over on his off days and some days when he has to work he just drops me off before he goes in I recently started spending nights at his place he asked me we went out to the club together once and I met his mom during the times I was going over and his brother

[btbc92]

You never agree? The moment you decided to open up your legs to him no offense you already did. When he said he didn't want a relationship you should have moved. Why you people whether you're male or female do these ridiculous things is beyond me. You decided to have sex with him. That should already tell you what you already decided to do. You still had sex with him. You're not close friends you just sex buddies what sex partners is too but you're not close friends you just developing something emotional but you're still it sucks when when each other what should not be happening. Better not you're doing is outside of marriage but you can't call that a friendship. Because in the end he's going to just be looking at it from a spiritual perspective while enjoying the so-called friendship, and you're the one is going to be enjoying the so-called friendship on emotional level, but then you're still having sex with him without any formal commitment. And yet he's getting what he wants out of you and you don't got what you want unless a sexual relationship is what you wanted and you still getting what you want anyway. But in what you're in now so you need to deal with it.

[tiya_123]

Never said I wanted a relationship with him he said he didn’t want one I said ok and that’s was it sex just came along the way we are friends and I know we are friends with benefits it just wasn’t supposed to happen I wasn’t denying that I know what we are I’m more focused on the baby part the the benefits because I cut that off already

[tiya_123]

My question was more directed on the baby on why would he ask

[btbc92]

What do you mean it wasn't supposed to happen? I don't think you fully understand you are 21 years old and you're acting like you're twelve. And this is no offense to you. You made the decision to sleep with him. No sex did not just came along you could have just said no, you could have just rejected him, and you still slept with him anyway. So what are you saying are you saying that you don't have any kind of self-discipline and self-control let alone accountability and responsibility for your own decisions? Yeah my head scene you're acting like it wasn't your choice but it was your choice when you slept with him. That's the point I'm trying to get to you. Doesn't matter what you hadn't intended on that level you still slept with the guy.

[tiya_123]

I slept with him because I wanted to that was my choice we were just supposed to be friends and it wasn’t supposed to happen but it did that’s what I’m trying to tell you

[btbc92]

It ain't about why he asked the point is about what the heck are you even doing? Because everything that you do is reflecting about everything what he does. And you're not seeing the parallels. Until you learn and understand that your choices reflect the decisions of other people, you want to keep on being this kind of mess. In situations you don't want to be in, because you're not paying attention to what is in front of you. It's as simple as that. Again that is not your friend that is somebody you sleeping with. And in the end he's just going to seek the benefits because he's a man and men in general are going to want sex. That's what you're giving him, there's no point in him getting anything or seeking anything else that you're not already giving. The moment he said he did not want a relationship that's already told you something. Men are not going to respect you until you learn to respect yourself and what it is that you really want.

[tiya_123]

I get what your saying though 🤞🏾 it was my choice to though I don’t think your getting what I’m saying I’m not saying it wasn’t my choice I’m saying I know what’s going on and I also said I cut the sex part off a long time ago I’m just curious on the baby part i respect myself enough to cut it loose because it’s not what I wanted but it’s what it ended up being because of my choice to sleep with him I wasn’t comfortable so I cut it off because I knew it wasn’t something I wanted to do and it made me uncomfortable I wasn’t looking for a friends with benefits but it’s how it turned out

[btbc92]

I don't think you fully understand how very confused you sound because you said you slept with him because you want to but you didn't wanted to be friends with benefits. if you want to sleep with him it don't even matter. You know friends when you're sleeping with each other. That's what you do here it is one thing when you're married and you have sex because your lover is also supposed to be your best friend. But you choose to sleep with him anyway whether there was a relationship or not. Premarital sex is still premarital sex doesn't matter if it's a hook up, friends with benefits, one night stand, a flame, or whatever you want to call it. Premarital sex is still premarital sex. You got what you wanted he got what he wanted so what is the complaint? What are you really seeking you're asking here because I'm not going to sugarcoat the answer for you. What are you looking for him. He got what he wanted, you got what you wanted. You should be happy. You still said that's what you wanted. What difference would have made to be having a relationship when you just wanted to basically screw him anyway? You can't be looking for love but then you want sex. You either want one or the other. I don't care how desperate you are that's why you wait. When you don't wait that's exactly what happens. You wanted to settle for less. You get what you paid for.

[btbc92]

It was your choice. Stop saying it wasn't your choice being responsible. Be a woman. Stop lying to yourself into my old wasn't your choice when it was your choice. You need to grow up. Know if you respected yourself you want to never bother with this guy and you be moving on. That's what a respectful woman would have done.

You young ladies and women especially need to stop. Because your decision is not only affecting you it's affecting all of us. And when men see that they're going to assume every woman is like that. They're going to assume that every woman asks and behave like how you acted and behaved. You just cutting him off ain't going to help much. Because you still did what you did. Even if it didn't feel right to you, what difference is going to make if you just going to make the same mistakes again? What major changes are you going to do to ensure that you're not going to end up in that position anymore? That's the real question. That is a serious question you need to ask yourself before you even think about not only just having sex, but the intent, looking at your intent of why you are pursuing men, going on dates, or why you want a relationship. Because it all reflect on what's inside of you, your mentality, and your belief system. Because not only is that reflecting how you choose to react and behave, but the type of people you're going to attract. You are way too young. Sex is meant to be in a marriage anyway but you are doing things an unstable manners, and ways that sex isn't healthy. You seek something from these men. And sadly you are using sex as a way to doing it. You are way too young to be putting yourself in those kind of positions. If you don't want to behave in those ways you need to make major changes within yourself first. Because until you do you going to keep on attracting guys that don't want commitment for a relationship.

[btbc92]

You want better. You better start acting better. If you settle for less, then all you're going to get is less. If a man is going to commit to you then he needs to see that you are somebody worth committing to. Because if you have to beg somebody to commit to you that's not good. Mind you I'm not saying you are I'm just putting it out there because begging can be seen and done in many ways. Don't settle.

[tiya_123]

Ummm I’m not complaining about anything and I’m not mad about anything just wanted someone response on why would he ask me because we went having sex anymore I’m not mad about anything and I yes I got what I wanted in the end because feelings wasn’t involved anyway to began with because like i said we were close friends at first and we both made a decision to have sex and we became friends with benefits from that point on I’m not looking for anything because he made it clear he wasn’t looking for anything and I agreed because I wasn’t either so it was never a problem there your talking me like I don’t know what i signed my self up for I very aware of what going on everything your telling me I told myself I settled for less I had sex because I wanted to and he continued doing what he wants I’m very fully aware of this situation and I cut it off like I said once before due to the face I was very aware of what I got myself into

[btbc92]

Asker, he just wants sex. That's all you need to know.

[btbc92]

No I believe you did wanted something with him but you're just pretending like you don't and now you're her about it. You know very much that you do and that you did and you still do and now you're hurt. Be honest with yourself. For you to say there's no feelings involved is a lie. Sex is meant to be emotional, that is meant to be with feelings involved, it's meant to be spiritual, it isn't just physical and it's not just a physical act. You say you're not mad at anything but in the end you are mad you're mad at yourself and you're mad that you didn't react the way you needed to react. That's the truth. Because if you wasn't upset you would not need to ask this question because you know your secure enough to know you got what you wanted just like he did. Only an insecure person would say. But you know what. You have to admit the fact that you are insecure. That you are upset. And that you regret making those decisions. That does not mean you have to accept that fact. What it does mean is that you need to change. And make healthier better decisions.

[btbc92]

I can read between the lines and I'm that sensitive about people. These are the things that you're angry about. All I'm telling you is to be responsible. Don't feel like you got to settle for less just because somebody says that they don't want more. Being a friend is being a friend but being a friend is not doing something like this. That just means you're seeking something that you never been healed from. All you need to understand that someone like him doesn't really care. And if he does then he needs to see professional counseling because his head isn't straight if he thinks using women for sex is going to help him.

[tiya_123]

Actually I don’t I just came her to asked why would he asked me to have his baby that’s all I wanted to know honestly never said anything about feelings and relationships...

[tiya_123]

But I feel what you’re saying though your kinda reading me in a way

[tiya_123]

I’m taking in on some of the things you said because it’s what I needed to hear

[btbc92]

Asker, I don't think you fully understand, what does it matter? No guy in their right mind just say they want a baby with you and they're doing stuff like this. Guys say all kinds of things if it means they're going to get sex.

[btbc92]

You got to have common sense. Especially from a male's perspective they like the idea of having sex with a woman. And since having a baby comes from having sex they love the natural form of having sex. That has nothing to do with having a child. Because trust me when I say. For some men wants to children comes in and they see that this is not going to be as often they start blaming the child or even you for their own choices but meanwhile they knock you up. Don't be foolish. Sadly another user on here fell for the same thing, got pregnant by somebody and then the guy left her.

[tiya_123]

Your right and I’m fully aware of what I signed myself up for i cape aware of that long ago that’s why I cut it off some of the stuff your saying I needed to hear because someone of it is the reason why I did it in the first place

[tiya_123]

He didn’t get me pregnant I said no I’m not that crazy but I’m aware of what I did though

[tiya_123]

I’m not slow Ik what I did I realized it long ago that I was settling for less and I’m worth more than what I was doing

[tiya_123]

That’s why I didn’t come on here about that I knew what I did I came on here for the baby part but I got that answer now

[btbc92]

That's not the point ask her. The problem is not having a child. The problem is you having a sexual tie to this man. A woman intakes everything that a man have. It is a big reason why God has said wait until marriage to have sex and that's one of the top main reasons why. Because now everything you do with him sexually gets carried over to next person.

It's not about being slow. It's not about being fast. It's about understanding what you did was not smart. And the fact that instead of you being smart enough to just say no, you still went along with it anyway. Now that you understand are you going to do it again?

[btbc92]

Know what you need to understand is not that you didn't come here for that but that you have to really wake up. Because you say that you woke up. But your actions speak louder than your words. It's about your actions. It's not about words. Even some smart people act dumb and do dumb things. Is about being honest and realistic about your choices. That's why in order to understand the ending you have to go back to the beginning. In a sense you're creating Your Own Story how are you going to know if you don't read the beginning? You're so quick to get to the end you don't even understand the beginning. If you say you understand the beginning then you don't want to deal with the middle. But you still have to go in this exact order. Like I tell other people I can't tell you how to live your life, it's your choice. But if you're fickle with what you really want in life again people are not going to respect you that way. And then you're making it tougher on yourself when life is already hard as it is. Sometimes you're not going to get your closure. But until you fully understand what happened you may not be able to move on from it. If you say you understood then stop hashing about a baby. Because it's not happening between you and that guy unless God permitted it. End of story.

[tiya_123]

I already said I wasn’t like I said I’m very aware of what was going on i chose to do it that’s why I said my friends with benefits because after time I knew we were no longer friends like we were it turned into friends with benefits once sex got involved and I stared to feel uncomfortable and un right with myself after realizing what I settled for that’s why I said some of what your saying I needed to here because I really wasn’t comfortable but chose to anyway I’m very smart just didn’t make a smart decision

[tiya_123]

The first time we did anything it didn’t bother me but once it became consistent it started to bother me once I realized what I got myself into because it isn’t what I wanted to get myself into but I did and I’m aware been aware of it long ago

[virgin20]

Something tells me that yous are more than close friends now. It's not fwv but I think you might have a connection of sorts.
The fact he said that to you means he's really into you and wants to be with you and a kid is one way of keeping you together.

[tiya_123]

It kinda through me off when he straight up asked me could I have his baby.. I know he talks to other girl after all we are just friends so... sex just came along the way I jokingly said I have a boyfriend he said to see what he says
(He said I’m good I have a life to ) and he started to say I can spend the night without me asking or saying anything

[tiya_123]

If your not looking for something serious he’s always saying he’s not why would you ask me that... and I remember him saying he doesn’t want kids right now either I think...

[virgin20]

Yeah that comment is rather forward lol and i dk what to make of it really. My guess is he's attracted to you and thinks you'd make a good baby / mother or he just wants something to keep you close.
What do you want with him?

[CYNICAL_CRYPTIC]

That's not a friend, so why fool yourself and waste your time in the process.

[Hangry22]

Welcome to your situationship