i added a selfie because i don’t see what others see. i’ve been told my looks are in intimidating. i believe looks don’t matter to a certain extent it’s about the heart.
so i’ve noticed the guys i have been attracting are super insecure or intimidated by me. whether it’s the attention i receive not on purpose, or how i act in social settings. i have self love, but i’m not boastful about it. i’m also a very strong person, i’m a leader in most aspects. i don’t deal with bs from men, and i know what i want. i feel as though i scare them or they act insecure. i am a really humble and kind person but i just never understood why sometimes i get burnt in some relationships. it’s hard to find a guy that lets me shine and i just need advice on what maybe i’m doing wrong and how to make men more at ease with me.
Why do I always end up attracting men who are insecure or intimidated by me?
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Hard to say without hearing from the guys who find you intimidating. I mean we're kinda just taking your word for it that you are all the positive traits you listed. Reality is, there's a lot of "unknown unknowns" that affect outcomes of social relationships / interactions. We often don't see our blind spots until they're laid out for us. So I doubt anyone here could detect your blind spots just based off your self-reporting of the issue.
That said, I don't believe it's your job to make insecure guys not be insecure around you. Whatever someone is, they're gonna bring that into your interactions with them. Their insecurities are theirs to deal with (or not).
But you ARE responsible for conveying 'information' about yourself accurately to the people around you. After all, YOU might know what a kind humble person you are, but people around you might not see what you see. So you gotta help them see in you what you see in yourself. And you do that through appearances, voice tone/cadence, posture/body language, etc. A lot of naturally assertive people can be described by others as "standoffish" despite describing themselves as "strong leaders". And the reason for that discrepancy usually comes down to mixed messaging in their nonverbal communications. So maybe in your head you think "I wanna meet a nice guy", but when sitting at the bar you've (to quote Will Smith in 'Hitch') "got a big fuck-off stamped across your forehead."
Again, I can't speculate on specifics, these are just tangential examples I see assertive people (women especially) run up against. Main point though is that you attract what you project. So if you're not attracting the sort of guys you want, then before blaming male insecurities, you might wanna start by looking at what you project to people around you. There will always be insecure men, no matter what you do. So best you can do is control what's actually under your direct influence: yourself. 🙂
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
It sounds to me like their insecurity is based on a fear of losing you to another guy, and it's about trust. They don't feel like they can fully trust you. More than likely after looking at some of your previous questions and answers, although you do sound like a nice down to Earth girl, that's what's going on here I think.
For example you spoke about considering starting an OnlyFans account, that would make a lot of guy rule you out right away because it tells him that you like/don't mind sexual attention from other men, which makes you seem untrustworthy regardless of whether you'd be doing it just for the money.
You're outgoing and you have a lot of guy friends. Most men have dated a girl like that, I have. More guys' girlfriends get fucked by Mr. "don't worry about that guy we're just friends" than any other guy. I was cheated on twice by these kinds of girls, with those kinds of guys, so from then on I saw it as a red flag - and it doesn't bother me at all if anybody calls that insecure or says that it's wrong. Some guys won't care, plenty of others, especially those who've experienced that, will.
It might sound stupid, but because you're into sports like football and MMA and everything like that of course you're gonna be surrounded by guys all the time, you're obviously not gonna quit doing sports and nor should you, so you have to somehow find a way to show the guy you're trustworthy.
Like for example are you hanging out one on one with other dudes? Cut that out. Are you overly friendly with other dudes, perhaps even engaging in what you'd call "harmless" flirting? Cut that out. Does your guy know your male friends? He should.
The only guys who'll be completely okay with this will be guys who either don't give much of a shit about you, or guys who are liberal pansies. Any man with an ounce of testosterone in his body and who gives a shit about you will be at the very least slightly possessive. It's in our nature, and no amount of calling guys insecure can get rid of that, as much as many women seem to try.
You sure its intimidation and not just that your a bitch? No offense but everything you stated is a whole lot of red flags i. e. dominating personality that needs to be in charge at all times, controlling etc. So yeah, that would be my guess as to why they leave because every time a woman claims its that she "intimidates" men, that is code for "I'm in cappable of acknowledging my own flaws that may drive men away from me". Its a huge red flag.
As for your looks you are good looking in an average sort of way i. e. your attractive but not stand out attractive, the same kind of attractive most attractive women have (cookiecutter attractiveness if you will). Again, I'm not saying that to be a dick (average is average for a reason, nothing wrong with it), I'm saying it as an honest appraisal as per your request, men will find you attractive but if you reject them they can find another woman that looks similar enough to you that looks alone are not going to keep the man around.
I’ve noticed that a lot of women who say that they’re strong and don’t deal with bs or say things like this... well, they’re typically unpleasant to be around lol. Not saying that’s you, but you could be coming across like that to others. Also, these are masculine like traits you possess. Masculine men are typically attracted to feminine women. Women who possess masculine traits typically attract effeminate and timid men. I know plenty of strong men who are attracted to women like you though. You’re different, so it might be harder to date. You’re attractive though, so you’ll be fine. Just keep trying.
In my opinion some guys get intimidated by women who are so strong... I've been in a lot of relationships... I was usually the one who was outspoken but I had my fair share of women who were more outspoken than me... it took a bit of adjusting to get used to.. Keep doing you.. you will find the right one trust me if it was that easy... everyone would have found that right one... Don't change who you are.. and you'll find someone that will applaud the way you are... and another thing we are 2021... women are the new power gender.. :)
When you say you are intimidating because of your looks, it may be because they feel like you are out of their league. You look pretty good from the picture.
How would you describe the men you attract both personality and body type? Depending on how you reply I may be able to shed some light.
Honestly your body might be your personality and how you show your strength. Don't me wrong a i love a girl whose strong and capable, but i hate a girl who says those words because that tells me you lying. But in your case, i think a lot of guys and girls even are attracted to stronger, more capable, smarter people because not of the past when cave men were around but more of its just a trend maybe. So who knows as to why your getting burnt but try going for stronger men and see what happens
Is usually a good explanation for that actually from my perspective it would mean the guy has not had a lot of luck with women so it would mean a lot to him if you were to make the first move most guys or some or intimidated by a woman or female that is accomplished confident
Dunno but you seem rather cute, maybe it is just a coincidence since most men are insecured. It is a possibility they get intimitadet by your traits. Also isn't like every relationship purpose for both people to shine on a common ground where they bring happiness to each other? Don't worry the right guy will come to you never settle for anything less if you don't feel happy or you can shine how you should and every person should actually.
Well, you are a strident narcissist and seem to enjoy crushing polite males. If someone comes along who is firm enough to deal with you when you try your Super Girl routine on him. you won't be so snotty.
Could it be that you just attract the kind of guy that only wants to use you for sex? Then when they find out they can't play games with you due to your strong personality they leave.
That's the same with me but with women. I've bee told to a few times that maybe its because I am innocent looking and those type of women like me cause deep down they can manipulate me.
This post was written with linear logic in mind. you seem to have an androgenic mind. this is why you're intimidating, androgenic minds are dominant, dominance is intimidating.
how to make men at ease? dont. wait till you find a guy who likes dominant women, which will mean finding an extra dominant man, probably. there are submissive-type men who will find you attractive, too but you won't like them. I only know one guy besides me who is extra dominant and has a preference for dominant girls. So we're as rare as you are. sadly.
Are you very sarcastic and competitive? These are exhausting traits in white girls. Do you have a lot of " guy friends"?
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
In the vast majority of cases where women think they intimidate men, it's not really intimidation at all.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
You just need to keep looking your guy is out there. It is more that most guys are boys and not really men; than you are attracting guys who are intimidated by you.
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