Why do men stare so uncomfortably at women even when she notices?

They say nothing just stare intensely even if there taught staring is rude by society it gets you uncomfortable and insecure of yourself because they don't look away even when you look or bother approaching you. This is exactly why I stopped with the makeup and dressing up. Can anyone explain why they do this rude and blank faced stare down without moving?

Anonymous

(36-45)

It's because you need to make an active effort to look away, and not everyone has learned how to do that.

You can take the phrase "sexual attraction" quite literally. It seems to be more common for men than women, but when you see someone you find sexually attractive your eyes just fix onto it. It's like a magnet. You have been taught that it's rude, that's why you look away and stop staring. But the staring is automatic while the looking away requires a conscious decision.

Most guys learn to control it eventually but apparently not everyone.

Asker

+1 y
I dont look i just get so nervous and pretend I'm distracted or talk to my friend gibberish but the whole time I'm filled with anxiety and wanting to kms I can see at corner of eye and when I look casually around room I get suprised by actually how hard their looking makes me feel sick, this has happened many times. Also staring head on at a mammal has scientifically been shown to be a predatory intimidation stance its not just a society thing, even packs of lions are scared off by natives due to staring and intimidation. Its not nice and lack of respect

Reply
Opinion Owner

+1 y
I agree, it's disrespectful. That's why we learn to control it. Just like we learn to hold it and don't just pee where we stand. Women react differently to it as well, I know some who take the staring as a compliment, others find it very annoying or rude. In your case it sounds like there's a bit of social anxiety going on that makes it extra uncomfortable?

Reply
Asker

+1 y
Of course I'm shy and very introverted by nature im also hyper aware of not bothering others so I get suprised when things as such happen it kind of makes me feel small and bad like I shouldn't even put effort in dressing nice even if I kind of like how I look for once because I care more of blending in or being invisible. I think its also because im new to this and wore makeup handful of times but didn't enjoy attention it gives, it doesn't match my inside being whos reserved and enjoys invisibility. I have constant anxiety and quite intense social anxiety

Reply
Asker

+1 y
But id like to understand, is this an exclusive male behaviour why and for what do they do this? What croses their head and why do they break society rules? Also how come they don't make it less awkward by coming and talking or just cutting it out

Reply
Opinion Owner

+1 y
If the attention you get from dressing up makes you uncomfortable there's no reason to do it. But you should also address your anxiety.

These men you are talking about, are they people you know? Or strangers on the street? If the former, you can kindly tell them to stop staring, or shut them down with a witty remark if you can. If that sounds too scary, get someone you trust to do it for you.

Reply
Opinion Owner

+1 y
I don't know but it seems to be a predominantly male behavior, and as old as our species itself. I guess it's just in our nature.

As I said, women react to it differently, some seek the attention, others are annoyed by it. So it's difficult to know what the proper reaction is. After what you said I'm quite surprised that you would find it more comfortable if they came over and talked to you. Not staring is always the safest option, which is why that's the one we're being taught.

Reply
Opinion Owner

+1 y
Do you know how your anxiety affects your perception? Could you be over interpreting a harmless look as being stared down on?

Reply
Asker

+1 y
I think I said that because its more humanising than having to think if I had something wrong with my face, something as simple as apologising or smiling if you realise your making a stranger feel uncomfortable. I say this because once I saw drag race people first time in street and i was with aqueintence she mocked pointed and snickered I could see how bad it made them feel and wish I had courage to just look up and smile kindly at them to show I don't hold negative views. Also no these strange men all stare and id say majority are in 20s with few I can tell are older maybe 40? Its a stare down for example one time I was in closer proximity with a starer my friend was buying something and same thing happened with cashere he stared and made it about me even though I was waiting for my friend he complimented me but didn't stop staring my friend had to say oh yeh doesn't she look nice to break awkwardness. Plus you don't forget when someone looks at you like that... just staring till you leave the place. Anyway I dont wear makeup or dress anymore because I noticed this problem and it scared me tbh its really intimidating but sometimes I wish I could dress and feel as woman. Do you stare like this and what situation also and do your male friends do this nature thing?

Reply
Opinion Owner

+1 y
No I don't do it. But I do feel that instinct to stare at a woman's cleavage sometimes, for example, and then I recognize it and look away.

Developing some skills to make witty remarks would definitely be good for you and help you with your anxiety. I'm having a bit of trouble figuring out how bad the staring really is vs how bad you perceive it to be.

Reply
Opinion Owner

+1 y
When I feel the urge to stare its usually because I find someone attractive, not because there's anything wrong with them.

Reply