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Is it really an insecurity inside or some issue with them?
4.7K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic. Men are biologically driven to have sex with as many partners as possible. Think about humans (homo sapiens have been around about half a million years, with earlier humanoids going back more than 2 million years) prior to about 200 years ago: men were ordered to go to war by kings and leaders, or to defend their town/city-state, and so men died in large numbers. Further, men died a lot just working farms (horses and oxen and even cows can be deadly at times), not to mention construction, mining, sailing, and other dangerous occupations. This often led to a shortage of men - but women NEEDED men, because few women were capable of the back-breaking work of farming, much less construction and other things. Very few people lived in relatively modern cities - most people lived a rural existence and even people who lived in cities where SOME specialization could occur would still be subject to war, crime, disease, and dangerous jobs.
So, with a shortage of men - especially young, strong, virile men, as these would be the ones most likely to die in war or in dangerous occupations - men sleeping around or taking multiple wives meant that far more people would survive, and it reduced the chance of humans dying off. That's basic Darwinian Natural Selection.
With these base instincts in mind, when you have a man who is good-looking, charismatic, and/or financially successful, he's likely to be widely attractive - LOTS of women will desire him, and he can easily get a whole lot of them into bed. So, why wouldn't he? Such a man has no need to settle down with just one woman - there's a line out the door waiting for their turn, even knowing full well that he's a player, because he's CONFIDENT and ATTRACTIVE - and the man knows this only too well. Such men also tend to be selfish and self-centered, because they CAN GET AWAY WITH IT, because women will let them. A woman can see him treating another woman badly, and she'll completely ignore that because all she's thinking about is that SHE is going to get him for herself. And then she's shocked when she gets treated just like he treated the previous woman.
Why do you think Brad Pitt cheated on Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie (among a long list of others)? Why do you think Tiger Woods - even with a hot Swedish model at home - slept around with a bunch of other women? Why are there pro athletes with 16 kids from 15 different women? Why have some of them slept with 2000, 3000, 4000 women? BECAUSE THEY CAN - women will let them, because they will completely ignore or rationalize his past behavior simply because she finds him attractive, and for many, because she naively believes that she can change him.
Are there a few exceptions - hot guys who don't sleep around? Yes, a few, but very few relative to the hot guys who are players. But women still go for the players and ignore the "boring guys" - the ones actually interested in relationships and who are capable of being faithful. If it sounds like I'm putting the blame on women, I AM - because women are the gatekeepers of sex, and women WANT to be the gatekeepers of sex. And that's fine, but if you do a poor job of gatekeeping, you can't blame the guy for that. If you date a known player, who your friends warn you about, or who has played your friends in the past, well, what did you expect? If you pick the hot guy that you know 500 other girls are crazy for just in your town, what did you expect?
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For me, I was called a player/womanizer, but to me that's a bad person and I'm not a bad person. I flirted, dated, had sex with, had deeper intimate emotional connections with, and loved many, many women. Why? Because I love people. I love men and women, but I'm only sexually attracted to women, and they are often sexually attracted to me as well. Why wouldn't I engage in activities mutually pleasing to both of us?
I'm a lover, not a player. I genuinely care about others, and I think connecting with a lover in mutually consensual pleasure giving/receiving is one of the most beautiful experiences you can have on the planet.
I have seen and heard lots of negativity around this: Womanizer, insecure, player, fear of commitment, lack of self esteem, narcissistic, inconsiderate, toxic masculinity, selfish, etc. (Honestly, I stole some of these adjectives from answers already present, but you get the idea, lots of negative words). I do agree there can be people who display these qualities, who are jumping from one partner to the next, but I don't feel any truth to the accusation (s) in my personal path.
One exception: selfishness; I believe all humans are "selfish" but I don't think it's a bad thing. It is natural and good to give yourself some focus, attention to your needs, to focus inwardly and think of yourself. It's only when it is extreme that it becomes dangerous and unhealthy, like narcissism or sociopath.
Most of these negative perspectives to me are easily dismissible, and explained by things like jealousy/envy of men, or women's frustration at not being able to control someone else's autonomy. Another big one is coming from a different paradigm, where monogamy is everyone's goal and there can be no other possible objective in life. Your self worth is determined by having one and only one life partner, and any deviation from that norm is a reflection of a faulty personality or void. Let me address a few specifically:
Inconsiderate: What's inconsiderate? Literally, to lack consideration for other people's feelings and desires. Men say this because it's inconsiderate of the player to "hog" all the women's attention but the truth is those men aren't getting any more or less due to the player. They are trying to shove their own issues of not being attractive onto the player. It's not their fault they're unattractive, it's the player's fault for being more attractive than them. This is BS. Women say "inconsiderate" because they don't like sharing, they are selfish and want all the player's attention for themselves. So they get pissy when he is generous not just with them, but with everyone. It's "inconsiderate" of the player not to live his whole life revolving around just them. So you see, "inconsiderate" is just a way of crying boohoo I didn't get what I wanted. You will see a common theme here when I explain the next one...
I never get why women whine about womanizers / players. Women being easy, after all, is the main reason why the guy is as he is. Cheap, sluttish, etc., women offer a "buffet" and make it appealing for a guy to be a womanizer / player. Once bored with "easy" B there's always "easy" C, D, E, & all the way through the alphabet to choose from.
On occasion it's insecurity issues, very bad experiences that make them leery of commitment, etc. But mostly it's because, as said, cheap women who are easy to get into bed. There's no effort, they're as such not interesting beyond sex, and once the "player" / "womanizer" has had enough he just moves on. Plenty more to choose from.
Seriously. It is, in many ways, that simple. Why?
Because women who have self-respect/esteem and decent standards very rarely have issues with players and womanizers. They are not "easy" and as such the typical womanizer / player doesn't want to be bothered. Why put in the effort with Woman A when woman G on the other end of the bar is, figuratively & literally, easy.
My current boyfriend used to be a player. He told me it was because he used to have trust issues, and also because the girls he ‘played’ he wasn’t actually interested in, he just liked the attention and the sex. He was actually looking for a relationship but with someone he clicked with and who wasn’t easy and he hadn’t found that yet.
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- Anonymous(30-35)
I went through a phase like this when I was in my late teens/early 20s. It's not right and the things I'm about to say I don't think are good, but I'll explain why it happens. A few things which cause it:
1) The sex-obsessed culture we live in. Sex is everywhere. If you're not getting laid you're not "cool" and you're missing out.
2) The emasculation of our culture. Everything has been feminised, risk and competition are bad things. "Everyone's a winner, everyone gets a participation trophy". There are very few things a man can do to feel masculine anymore.
Making money seems like something that might make a man feel masculine but the world of work is feminised. It's worse if you work in a place with women but this applies even in a lot of traditionally masculine places. Health and safety gone mad.
One of the things we have left which makes us feel more masculine, and this is partly as a result of the sex-obsessed culture, is having sex with a lot of women. Guys who can't get laid much tend to be obsessed with video games because they get to live vicariously through their characters shooting shit up, competing with other guys, speaking in a un-PC manner.
3) The way married men are portrayed on TV. The player is portrayed as a "cool" guy who men and women respect. The married man is portrayed as a bumbling idiot who is under the thumb of his wife, who is smarter than him and talks down to him all the time. Basically being a married guy isn't seen as a respectable thing because of the programming. It's almost seen as an emasculating thing.
Even worse is that there are couples just like this, we see it, we don't wanna be that guy.
4) Many women are nightmares in relationships. Many men are no good, and the same goes for women. That programming as I just mentioned gets into women's heads too. They become hard work to deal with in relationships and make your life harder a lot of the time. They demand all of your time and smother you, nag you, try to change you, and then if you do change because you want the headache to stop they leave anyway.
Many women also just don't have what guys want in a girlfriend. They're good looking, but that's it. They won't cook for the dude, they won't do anything traditionally feminine because "they're not his slave". Feminist women in particular. Feminism has convinced many women just to not do things that most guys like. They put walls up themselves.
When you can get laid elsewhere why put up with the headache?
The only time such a man changes his mind is when he meets a woman who doesn't give him such a headache. 330 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic. No, it's taking the path of least resistance. At least in my 20's it was. I had just come out of a divorce, and maybe the second or third date I went on I just thought I don't want to pay for this. I don't want these games. None of this favors me. I remember it clearly. I was in the middle of a date which was very dull, I just stood up, and left.
She chased me down asking what was wrong, and I dropped all the pretenses and BS. I said I was lonely, but this, all of this just wasn't doing it, I didn't want to pay for her dinner, or go through some BS courtship. If she was willing to pay for dinner and felt lonely too, well, we could go from there.
I can't even remember her name or what she looked like, but it was that moment of clarity, realizing that for all our differences, women get just as lonely as men do, and when that feeling is satisfied, we both start questioning why we felt lonely in the first place. That second moment of clarity was when I was cooking breakfast and realized I'd never see her again.
This repeated itself out more times than I can count, earnestly dating and yearning for companionship, then getting tired of putting forth so much effort. Eventually I met my wife, we have our family, and things are good between us. It's only recently that we've stopped seeing other women though and playing through that same scenario over and over again. For a night, week, month, then poof, they're gone. It just doesn't feel worth the effort to even try dating other women anymore.
If I was single at my age, I'd still own a house, go to church, all that good stuff. But all of us have an emptiness inside us. You do too or you wouldn't be asking the question. I hope you find someone who fills that void, and that you do the same for them. More likely is you get together and both continue to hunger though. That has just been my experience though.The simple reason is that they (guys that behave in this manner) were not raised properly. I am a man and in my 20's I was a front man for a hardcore band and even though there was a party every night on tour I never had relations with any woman at any of the after parties. The main reason for this was the way I was raised. Now I was raised by a single mother (dad left when I was in the 6th grade) and even though that is not the right way to raise children (I wish I had a great relationship with my dad) she did a good job.
That kind of behavior is in movies, books, online, music and pretty much everywhere you look in society. And girls and women fuel that kind of behavior (not all but most) because no girl or young woman wants the gentle, kind hearted loving boyfriend, no they want the "bad boy"... I have talked to many young men that have horrible luck with women because they loose out to the "bad boys or bad guys"
I tell them that if a woman doesn't want or love you because you have honorable qualities than that is their problem, and never let another persons actions change the person who you are... yeah I'm rambling I get that : )389 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic. 1. It works: hot women can sense a man who has a lot of sex and women. When a woman has competition with other girls to get a guy she is more attracted. he's high value. She will be more likely to have sex or progress the relationship to secure an alpha males loyalty. Its biological in nature too. The one alpha will impregnate several females.
2. They have been disrespected by women: a lot of Alphas are nice guys turned bad. I am one of those. When I was a nice guy women would tell me threir feelings. They trusted me. I was the best friend... i was a virgin for 27 years. I would get used as an emotional tampon, cheated on, used for free drinks or free meals, etc. But the last 6 years as an Alpha I have now had 11 sexual partners, more female attraction, and im treated with more respect. Would you rather be a dork virgin or have sex with 11 people or 2 to 3 people a year forba consistent period of time? I never want to be a nice guy loser again. I look back at my 27 years of being "friends first" and "taking things slow" or "getting to know her" with a lot of shame. I was used so much. I was a pushover.
Fellas. Demand respect. Have standards. Date multiple women until you decide on the right girl. If you focus on one girl you will text her 24/7 and be needy. Guys understand.. even in a relationship women are texting dozens of guys for attention. Waiting for YOU to mess up. They don't want to fix relationship problems. One cheesy mistake and they swipe right and hook a new guy to date. Women have bvb ex boyfriends or dozens of horny male orbiters. All they need to do is wear spandex around town for a weekend and they have sex or a new date within hours.I know a couple guys that are like this. And when I find really interesting is down deep I don't think that they like women at all I think they hate them because the way they actually treat them if there with them for a long. Of time, it's seems like they are players, because they go from one woman to the other but anytime do with a woman for a long. Of time it's almost as if they hate women really interesting question I don't know the answer to it this is just what I say or what I have seen with my friends or actually people I know I don't really consider them friends
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It seems to me that attractive men and women love the attention they get and are unwilling to give it up, even if they get into a relationship. They get so much joy and happiness from the attention they receive, especially from the opposite sex. Also, there are people who have the "gift of gab" and they love talking. They know what to say and how to say it. They won't give that up even if they are in a relationship. And some people are extroverted and just love mingling with people. So if you're in a relationship with someone and you see that person "flirting" with the opposite sex, it might not mean he/she is cheating on you.
1.4K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic. They can!
They are part of the top 20% of men, that most women are running after. And so since women run after the top 20% of men, these men can afford to play with girls and break their hearts.
Men really love sex. And these top 20% can have it all.
It's the same as men asking "why women use men for their money" because well duh, men hand their money to them gold diggers.
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One of the top basic rules of empiric research: correlation is NOT causation (at least not necessarily). Yes, many playas are in fact insecure little bitches trying to compensate for lacking a mommy's hug, but that isn't necessarrily what led them to become playas. In fact, society's expectations of men, gender conditioning and all that shit is what makes boys grow up thinking their value is measured by the number of women they had and have. They should ofc be smarter than that, but they're usually not, so the blame is divided quite equally.
The womanizer and the player are two completely different things. The womanizer is generically an individual with a strong insecurity hidden by a grandiosity practically a narcissist (weight pathology is a very slippery ground). He maximizes market performance i. e. having as many women as possible in order to be considered a lion when in reality he is a worm. Unfortunately, for them, many women have enormous cognitive biases and believe in love bombing strategies in the same way that children believe in Santa Claus.
In reality, the player is often a loser with women, who have treated him for years like a piece of cloth, have played with his feelings as a womanizer does with his victims. Therefore he has learned not to be fooled by women and to hold the bridle instead of having a bite in the mouth.- Anonymous(30-35)
The reason that some guys are players or "womanizers" is most assuredly not because they are insecure. You have to be very secure in yourself to actually go for whatever girl you want... Since most of the time you will be rejected and those who are insecure will tend to shy away from that even happening.
The main reason why some men are players, is simply because they can. It would be rather difficult to be a player if one could not actually play the game successfully. Those who are insecure are generally shy and hesitant that they may get their fragile feelings hurt.
The thing about being a player is that eventually playing that game gets old and having "done it all"... being in a long-term relationship is that one thing left. As the name implies, that means to commit to that one woman, who after having all the rest... is the one I wish to stay with. 309 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic. Firstly there is a difference between player and ladies man so be aware of that
Most players I've come across are in one of two categories. They are either just flat out a dick or there is something that happened to them in thier past that now gives them intmacy or commitment issues and having multiple flings or ONS's is their coping mechanism
Speaking as something who used to use sexting as a way of dealing with pain and hurt let me tell you its not easy "facing the music" of my past issues. But everyone has to do it eventually and in their own time-
logically. there is no way a guy can be players/womanizers if he is insecure , they are usually very confident , that is how he can make many women interested in him.
the reason is because those guys are highly selfish and have big ego,
you know , there are tons of men nowadays that seriously become emasculated , many guys nowadays have no balls to ask women out anymore , they are probably too fragile/afraid to get rejected , and guys who are players/womanizers are actually aware of that , they take advantage of situation for their own benefit -
I think it all depends on the guy, sometimes it's because they've been shit on so much that they just don't see trying for a relationship to be worth the inevitable pain anymore.
As for other men I think that they just don't appreciate the idea of commitment. The idea of having another person who needs you, the way that you need them. I find this to be especially true with people who are to be considered "above average" on the attractiveness scale because they can have anyone that they want, and they get stuck in that mindset.
In 2021, love is a game. You either play or get played. Love is dying. When I think of love, I think of the utter soul crushing, gut twisting feeling, that we need that person. But in 2021, selfishness is at a peak, and individuality is becoming more popular. Leaving certain people at the mindset that they don't need that companionship, or that they can replace it. - 599 opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.
They are good looking and a lot of women like them so they allow themselves the pleasure. I think it’s best to be upfront with people , so I think it’s cruel for them to not tell women that they want something casual. But as a woman it’s important to learn cues that signal that the man is not ready for a serious relationship. Most play boys do grow out of it... eventually. Just don’t waste your time trying to change them. If you want to allow yourself the pleasure do a fling and no more.,
Maybe it's detachment or fear of commitment - That's as far as it goes when it comes to insecurity - otherwise - and someone has to tell you this - The dude that is working at wallmart looking like a walking Stephen hawking wants to fuck as much as Dan bilzerian - he just can't do it - sex ain't as easy to get for dudes
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For the same reason anyone pursues anything non-platonic, it simply feels good to be desired.
And it just so happens that some people simply don't see a good reason why they should limit themselves to such experience with just one person.
As long as they are clear about their intentions, and don't mislead people into thinking that it's more than something casual, then I don't see the issue. - 1.5K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.
probably the feeling they have power, which makes them feel good. their personality may influence if that makes up for a void or it's part of their already overblown ego. I'd wonder how much bad emotions leading to inability to commit, fear of families and children are implicated.
I understand narcissistic tendencies are on the rise in society in general... the fruits of broken families and lack of parenting? -
Why are men players? Usually the ones that are are simply looking for sex and nothing more. Once they have “conquered” one person, they are onto the next because they just like the buzz it gives them. They are not looking for anything more. I would say that the majority of the time, that type are probably not capable of anything more either and so this is their comfort level.
- Anonymous(45 Plus)
You women will make all sorts of leaps to avoid the plain and simple truth.
Those guys want sex. Not relationships. They get sex by whatever means they are comfortable with. You think that's by playing with womens emotions or whatever. They don't care about that. Had sex. Job done.
Insecurity... jesus christ... This is not just men but people in general tbh.
Some people are just bored and want to fuck around, others have some trauma from the past and then they project those insecurities onto their future potential partners, and then there are people who are just evil and enjoy manipulating and using other people.
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