Guys, Can a guy really be friends with a girl without thinking of something more?

[Paola_AR]

I have this coworker that is very kind and funny. Recently we had to team up for a client project and we have texted a bit. He said he would like to work together again at the end of the project.

I have a partner and I think he does too, not sure. I don’t want him to think I’m into him because I’m really not. How can I make sure I’m not making a mistake by talking to him outside of work? I don’t want to lead him on to thinking we can be more than friends.

[Anonymous]

I've never met someone while in a relationship, but I certainly think it's possible. However, if either of you are single, and/or he finds you attractive at all, I'm sure the thought will cross his mind at least, whether or not he ever says or does anything may or may not happen though. As far as "making sure", communicate. Just let him know that this is a friendship, or business only (whatever it is you want it to be). We know what it's like for women so this wouldn't be "weird" for a woman to state this. Completely understandable and it's been said and there's no misunderstandings.

[Kaamraj]

Attraction and the willingness to have sex is vastly different when it comes to men and women. Men would gladly have sex with most of their female friends if they had a chance. The only thing which would dissuade them I think is; if she's unattractive and or old, if she's having some sort of STD/STI (still depends on the severity), if she's in a relationship with someone he deeply respects or has a bond with, if she is of vital importance to him and he just cannot afford to emotionally antagonize her, etc. Men can easily divorce sex and feelings in their head.

[coachTanthony]

------Yes we can if we are not attracted to you. It's a myth that men and women can't be friends. Men aren't attracted to every single woman on the planet. It can be done.

"Your opinion is not my reality."
~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

[MrCommodore]

If you fear he might be romantically interested in you, establish clear but unspoken boundaries to prevent him getting the wrong idea.

Make it clear from the outset that you have a partner, and regularly reference your partner in small talk about life outside work. This alone will stop your colleague being mislead.

Don't initiate text messages outside of work unless for good professional reasons. Look its fine to have some friendly fun in messages, but generally 90% of communication should be professional.

[myNameIsProfile]

The only way a guy can be genuine friends with a girl is (any one of these reasons below):

- if he's not attracted to her.
- if she is a relative.
- if she is a tomboy/lesbian (the butch types).
-if her friendship benefits a guy in anyway (not sexual)
E. g. if you're a musician/artist and you have a female friend that is a producer and cause you guys are cool she gives you free beats or mixes your songs for free (Obviously you as a friend have to return the favour as well).

She can't be a friend the same way as she is a friend to her female friends, girls and guys are different in that regards.

This is just my opinion tho.

[TurboKid]

I mean I might get a dirty thought or two when they bend over in a bikini but it's not that different from when a stranger does it. I never had any problems with being close to my female friends. What I do in cases where they're taken is I ask to meet the boyfriend or husband and try to make friends with him too, then we can all hang out together.

[TurboKid]

In your particular case, I think you could just mention to the colleague in a friendly way that you have a partner. He should be cool with it if he's not seeking any more than just to be friends.

On the basic question though, there is like a primal caveman instinct that wants my attractive female friends for sure. But it's like a primitive thing. I mean my primitive thing wants to pounce on every pretty girl I see walking down the street. I could block myself, even when I was much younger and single, from developing crushes on my female friends of a kind that would jeopardize the friendship in a variety of ways... like meeting their boyfriends if they were taken, or realizing she's not my type or I'm not her type or things of this nature. Also, I never had too much difficulty getting dates when I was single so I think that also helped me to avoid crushing on my female friends.

[TurboKid]

I also discovered there's a huge difference between friend compatibility and girlfriend compatibility. For example, I have a female friend who is very attractive, but having known her and seen her bounce in and out of relationships with boyfriends and ex-boyfriends (some of whom have also become my friends), she seems like a very high-maintenance girlfriend. That is the opposite of what I like. As a friend, she's very easy-going and fun and down to party. But I think she would have been a nightmare for me as a girlfriend, even though I found her very attractive.

[Jhonny_025]

Yes, but depends on the person. I have a lot of female friends and many close female friends. Of course, I've felt attracted to some of them at some point, but more in the "you look good" sense. And it's amazing since having female friends made me understand women better and gave me a lot of advice on how to treat women.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Ask him how his partner feels about him and you working so closely together, and slip into the conversation that your partner trusts you implicitly so is fine with it.

Once you've established that, it sets the ground rules.

[Paola_AR]

That sound great except the part that my partner trusts no other man. He would never approve of me having guy friends. 😞

[TommyMountainFigure]

I get that he trusts no other man, but by him not approving of your choice of friends it sounds like he doesn't trust you either.

[Paola_AR]

He’s said he trusts me just not the other persons intentions. He’s said he thinks other guys will want to talk to me and keep me around in case us as a couple part. I really love him so I would never do anything to break us up but I have no friends and anyone is better than no one.

[TommyMountainFigure]

What about him? Would he think it's ok for him to have female friends?

[BUNroaster]

Yep just need to be a relationship built from something different than what turns you on. It's pretty difficult and if it's not you catching feeling it's usually them. Fairly rare but possible. Less likely in younger years as all those hornymones kick in

[DrHonesty]

Cover up your face because because you're too hot to not think about anything else

[Paola_AR]

I was actually 😷 We had to wear face masks for the client 😂 and I was wearing my all black work uniform. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Yes, I have a lot of friends who are girl. I have never approached them romantically. I have don't date with friends policy.

[ProfaneBloom]

I asked this myself in the past and I came to the conclusion if a girl is attractive then no they can't. Guys will deny it but they have a slight crush on the girl

[Shihab91]

no... thats why i don't have female friends

https://www.youtube.com/embed/RLqK0DTevxA

[Paola_AR]

This is exactly what my partner thinks of other guys. He doesn’t trust them thinking they could ruin our relationship.

[Shihab91]

He is right, why risk it?

[Nadim171]

Honestly, unless she's really extremely unattractive or 90 years old, then no.

[LostSmile]

Yes that can happen for real men who are not disparate and lonely

[spartan55]

Why do you need to talk to him outside of work?

[Paola_AR]

It was work related but he exceeds it a little bit and tries to make me laugh.

[spartan55]

Just shut it down then. by the way, I just left an opinion on your other post.

[Paola_AR]

Yes I saw, thanks for being honest.

[ItsTheNephilim]

1 in 1000 times, sure.

[anylolone]

It's the same as for chicks.

[In_Trance]

Men and women can't be friends