Guys, How would you feel, if your friends with benefits wanted to leave the situationship and just wanted to remain friends, but without the benefits?

[Erica686]

So my reasons for asking. Apparently, my used to be friends with benefits and I are on good terms and conditions. But I notice once I get myself involved with him, (SEXUALLY) I usually can't handle the dose of feelings that I have for him nor the situation. And if things are starting to get too deep and too serious on my end. I usually back out and distance myself from him. And if he has questions and concerns to why I am pulling away. I typically, let him know. But unfortunately I wish he would just say okay I just let me go and carry on. But for the simple fact of the matter he doesn't. He seems very concerned about me exiting. And says that he wants to continue! but if I don't, He understands. It's crazy @ times, how someone can be so attached to you. I mean they definitely have other options and other friends with benefits's. So what's the Pacific reason, that they just can't seem to get the message I really let go. After all, it's just sex. So what gives?

[MTC29]

It sounds to me that he feels (or hopes) that having you as his friends with benefits is more relationship than friendship (with sex). I think you feel the same way about him, but you are able to deal with your feelings rationally and objectively. You can step back. He can't.

Honestly, at age 29, you're not a little girl right out of high school, you're a grown woman and you are showing that you more than capable of making your own decisions. Would you say that he is mature as you are? I don't care of the guy is 40 years old, you may well be the more mature of the pair.

Sadly, I recommend that the two of you break up completely- including as friends. I know it should harsh, but the may be the type of guy who'll just hang around hoping against hope that you'll change your mind. Based on your last few sentences, this isn't going to happen:

"I mean they definitely have other options and other friends with benefits's. So what's the Pacific reason, that they just can't seem to get the message I really let go. After all, it's just sex. So what gives?"

Rather than trying to figure it all out, it's better for you to go. In the long run it will be easier on him.

You seem like a nice young lady. Good luck.

[Erica686]

WOW!! I like your answer, the most. But you make a point. He would say things, like how I was cheating on him. And I said, I can't cheat on someone who I never dated or had no real relationship with. And he was like. Oh yeah. You right. He seemed very surprised, about what I said. 😂😂😂. I just laughed to myself and said this guy is crazy. But I didn't realize back in 2014 me sleeping with him was going to be an ongoing kind of thing.

[Erica686]

I did have him wait some months, before I gave in to him. But I also made it clear to him that this may just be a one-time thing but if we continue then for us to remain friends. I told him I said I don't want you to be acting and getting all crazy and I definitely don't want you to change I want things to stay like it is. But unfortunately things that change. It's like the more we did it, the more I started to feel and so did he.

[Erica686]

And even between him and I we don't call things sex anymore we call it love making. Sometimes we may say sex. But anyways. I am not 18 or nor in my early twenties. I some what have outgrown what him and I us to do. I'm going to be 30 something years old and he's going to be 31 years old. I'm at this point in my life. Where I actually want to get married and have a family. So friends with benefits is there waiting to become old and weird. And I'm starting to see people that usually do friends with benefits on people who is uncertain about themselves and clearly aren't ready for a relationship. But truthfully I'm not built for this type of stuff because depending on the person and who I am attracted to those feelings may turn into actually me wanting them and more. So that's why I don't be in every guys faces and I try to limit my flirtatious.. that's why I said this is crazy because we're too old and age to continue to keep sleeping together. And this guy will literally keep around for years and years. It's almost like he's somewhat is trying to trap me. Or something. Because he knows that I have more of the ability to actually leave him and get involved in a more serious relationship in a more serious stable relationship, with someone who will make me happy better than he does. But it's like how much sex does this guy really needs for me! Like are you trying to get me pregnant or something. Like he hasn't been asking often because I haven't been offering him any.. so he goes to his other sources or other source for it. But he always makes time somewhat and always come back around and ask for it.. Smh. And I am a very nice person!! 😊😊😊😊

[Erica686]

Why is my Past friends with benefits confused about who he wants to date. He's been MIA with me, so why make me an option? ↗ Do you mind answering this I know it's a little bit long but I need your opinion I would love to hear what you have to say

[StunningANDbrave]

All of your terms and logic here are retarded"But I notice once I get myself involved with him, (SEXUALLY) I usually can't handle the dose of feelings that I have for him nor the situation.""I mean they definitely have other options and other friends with benefits's. So what's the specific reason, that they just can't seem to get the message I really let go. After all, it's just sex. So what gives?"These two thoughts contradict themselves"He seems very concerned about me exiting. And says that he wants to continue! but if I don't, He understands."Literally what the fuck is your problem here? This dude is in no way forcing you to stay.

[Erica686]

Your RIGHT! He isn't. But he always seems to want to know why.. I DON'T want to continue the whole friends with benefits with him. A lot of my friends basically said just don't say anything just leave

[StunningANDbrave]

The fact that you were doing this with that dude for several years it makes sense that he would want to know. But that isn't your problem, if you want out then get out. But do not expect this dude to want to downgrade his relationship with you. You can expect to lose all interaction with this guy after that.

[Erica686]

Wow How did you know... That is what I was doing. I would tell him when I was leaving. Back in 2015-2016 and 2017. I would block him and not say anything. He would piss me tf off. But when I do leave. I don't want to return tho. :(.

[StunningANDbrave]

When it comes to issues like friends with benefits it it far more common for women to fall in love or catch feeling for the guy then the latter, that is because women hold an emotional attachment to sex whereas men do not. This sounds more to me like you want to leave this situation because you aren't getting the commitment you want from this dude but can not fully walk away because you are emotionally invested. The fact that you came back after "leaving" in 2015 2016 and 2017 is proof of that. You seem to be unaware of your own actions. None of this shit has to be complicated so keep it simple, if you want to leave this situation then do so and cut off contact so you can disassociate some of the emotional investment. If you do not then continue as things are, YOU are the one refusing to leave. Not this guy.

[Erica686]

Hey I really like your opinion and thoughts on this question cuz you answer this. I would like your thoughts and opinions on this. Thank You!

[Erica686]

Why is my Past friends with benefits confused about who he wants to date. He's been MIA with me, so why make me an option? ↗

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure I understand the situation or what the issue is, but I don't believe you can have ongoing sex with someone and NOT become somewhat attached. Doesn't mean feelings necessarily (with some people), but attached in some way. Some kind of friendship at the very least (for most NORMAL people anyway, my ex fwbs what the total exception to this apparently lol). I think he cares about you as a friend anyway and considers you one. And if he knows you have feelings, or get them, then he's not going to just up and leave your life completely. That's only something someone with no heart at all (my ex fwbs) would do lol.

[Erica686]

You make a point. Because we started off being completely strangers, then got a little close and became acquaintances, then got even closer screw on each other and considered and called us friends. Even if I ask him am I your friend! He says of course you are why wouldn't you be. But he has also told me back in 2017 or 2018. He confessed in a minute that he was sexually active with other females. But said something about him having sex with me which is more meaningful like it actually meant something. But now a days when he tells me why he wants to have sex he says how wet I am. Hahaha.. so he changes his words of all the times about me and how he feels or review things between him and I.

[Erica686]

But anyways! Him and I we just don't talk the same like you did back in 2014. He always asked to come and see me. And not just on a sexual kind of level. He also reserved his time for me for the weekends! Nowadays! He will message me during the week then and if it's not consistent communication then he disappears! For the rest of the week unless if I initiate the conversation. But yet I noticed that he pops back up on Sundays asking me what are you doing. I know he has a son. It was a lot different when he didn't have a kid. But I know he reserved his time for another female I know it is. Because every time I get online he's online! And I'm like well damn it's about 456 somewhat in the morning and you ain't talkin to me he must be talkin to someone else. And again we do top it's mainly more friendly Vibes that I get then sexual because he already ate and I was too late to the dinner table! But I purposely do that because I'm not willing to put anything on his plate. So he will find good else where. But!! He never seems to stay so far away... from me because he comes back around. And wanting me and expecting me to put food on his plate. And I know sometimes when a man ejaculates it takes time for him to get his Mojo thing back up. But I'm like if you have had sex this past week or weekend with someone else.. shouldn't he be full?

[Erica686]

Could you answer this question as well I really like your thoughts and opinions I know it's a little bit long sorry about that. Why is my Past friends with benefits confused about who he wants to date. He's been MIA with me, so why make me an option? ↗

[Leavesbound]

Probably disappointed but assuming we were friends in ways other than sex I'd be ok remaining friends and continuing those other activities. That said I tend to only be interested in sex with someone I see as a potential future wife.

[Erica686]

REALLY? Explain more.. I have known him for 8 years- and 7 years we have had sex

[Leavesbound]

Explain more about what? I felt my answer was rather complete.

[Erica686]

(That said I tend to only be interested in sex with someone I see as a potential future wife.)..

[Leavesbound]

I would say that is a complete sentence. No further details needed.

[Erica686]

Why is my Past friends with benefits confused about who he wants to date. He's been MIA with me, so why make me an option? ↗ Could you answer this

[Leavesbound]

No I am not a mind reader.

[ohshee]

I have very good friends that we are with you the same thing and it's all good I don't care what kind of relationship you're in there's no reason to end it in a pissed-off mood or in bad terms you started out as friends you can always Ended as friends to the matter what type of relationship is

[Erica686]

Why is my Past friends with benefits confused about who he wants to date. He's been MIA with me, so why make me an option? ↗ Could you also answer this question

[ohshee]

Well first of all he's a guy and he's not going to tell you that the reason Daddy stop the friends with benefits and only wants to be friends is because he found a girlfriend I see he can't tell you that just in case it goes wrong you can always come back LOL you know every friends with benefits and I've had it's been better than ever because you can just be yourself all the way through it but the one person I think did I would trust more in the world than a lot of other people would be my friends with benefit

[bushwookie]

Sounds like he has feelings but doesn't want to commit.

[Erica686]

Probably! Smh. But he's not ready for a commitment!' So I wasted eight years really dealing with him I'm glad I got to know who he is as a person but 8 years is too long

[bushwookie]

That it is. friends with benefits is hard to find these days though

[Erica686]

For you... Not me smh

[bushwookie]

Yea because most women aren't really looking for it. It's ultimately harder for guys to actually find women interested in it. Most are on places like tinder looking for a husband... I mean let's be real

[Erica686]

Sorry bro. I hope you can find one

[bushwookie]

Life is opposed to me being remotely happy so yea.

[Erica686]

Why is my Past friends with benefits confused about who he wants to date. He's been MIA with me, so why make me an option? ↗ Could you answer this I really like your thoughts and opinions with this question. And read the whole thing and it was a bit long I'm sorry but for a better understanding

[bushwookie]

If I remember sure I gotta head to work

[Overmind]

With any friends with benefits situation if there's feels & they're not reciprocated time to end it.

[Erica686]

I wonder how long! That this guy will keep this up.. m if I gave him that much of a benefit

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

friends with benefits, is for pathetic losers, with no lives

[In_Trance]

That's fine... but we're going our separate ways. We're not friends

[Erica686]

? Wait what?

[Twalli]

It is hard to keep it as just sex for some people

[Erica686]

Why is my Past friends with benefits confused about who he wants to date. He's been MIA with me, so why make me an option? ↗ Could you answer this question with your honest opinion thank you I know is a little bit long

[Slartybartfast]

So, she wants to get married?

[JesseJayNeak]

Probably developed feelings

[Erica686]

But still... That's no way to try to trap someone

[Erica686]

8 years is a long time

[spartan55]

And here we go again... listen to these opinions.

[Erica686]

It's just a question!! Lol that's all.

[Erica686]

😂😂😂😂

[TheSpaceGnome]

Why the hate for attachment?

[Erica686]

But why keep the attachment if it's a bit unhealthy

[TheSpaceGnome]

I don't think attachments are unhealthy unless the person is toxic.

I do think casual sex is unhealthy though.

[Erica686]

I agree

[msc545]

Sad but glad we would still be friends.

[anylolone]

Has happened. I didn't care.

[Erica686]

? wht

[anylolone]

I had plenty of friends with benefits who started dating and the arrangements where stopped.
Problems arrived when they didn't, lol!