A man never stops loving a woman he truly loved. True or false?

[Anonymous]

He tells me it feels like fate brought us together, that I’m a special woman, and that “he loves me so fucking much” and it’s the first time he feels such deep connection + protectiveness towards a woman. We’ve been talking for 5 months, he says he will love me forever.
What do you think?

True

False

[abc3643]

This is an excellent question. One of the best.

... and the answer is not simple.

A male in deep true love will be devastatingly heart broken but, under certain circumstances, he may be broken from that spell of heartbreak. It may take years for that to happen.

But, in some cases, such a male never recovers because those circumstances that end the spell never occur. So, as the decades go by, he may still be in love with her and haunted by her loss but he will not have that passion anymore because both he and that woman he loved no longer exist as they did so many years ago; while still the same persons in the biological sense, too much life has happened over all that time and this has altered them both to the point that their original selves when they were in love are now dead. It's hard to be in "true love" with someone who is dead and long gone.

[Asker]

> circumstances that end the spell never occur

What circumstances causes this? Is it possible to love someone as deeply a second time?

[abc3643]

My first heartbreak was on 01 JAN 1982 and I was home on winter break of my first year in college. In many ways, this was my biggest and certainly most important heartbreak because I learned what true love meant... I was devastated. My grades tumbled. I lost weight. I went into depression. And, while not officially a stalker (there was no Internet then), I just felt the need to be with her. One day, in August 1984, I believe, I called her but didn't reveal who I was - she was selling her car and I called as if I was a buyer, so I put on an act all because I just wanted to talk and hear her voice. Well, I eventually revealed it was me after she was getting suspicious and she hung up. In that instant, I was angry at her. I knew that I was wrong to do what I did, but love is a form of insanity. Still, that made me angry that she did that. I snapped out of it at that point. I was 21 and went back to school 3 hours north for my senior year of college. By mid-September, I had a new girlfriend. She was nice and I'd even love her and be heartbroken, but not like with that first one.

I am actually friendly... cordial... with that first one. Decades have gone by and I always email her on her birthday and she's reached out to me a few times.

(more)

[abc3643]

However, my real greatest heartbreak is the one I am suffering now for over 29.5 years. I will never really recover from it despite being married to someone else. This heartbreak, on 12 JAN 1992, was the greatest because I went through so much the previous 10 years. I KNEW what heartbreak was and I also knew that this was the girl I wanted to marry - pure and simple. I knew it all along and it just felt perfect. But now my passion is gone. She blocked me and that's OK and I should be angry like I was in 1984, but, this love never completely died because she was the one - and she was taken from me. So now I am doomed for the rest of my life to a living Hell in a world that shouldn't be but is and I can never undo it. So, I am the walking dead and wait for the peace that comes with the finality of death.

[abc3643]

I want to be clear that, even if her husband was gone and she hated him and wanted to be with me and my wife was gone, it wouldn't be right to be with her. She has changed slightly, but I have changed greatly and, at our ages (I am 58 she is 53 now), it is pointless. I was in love with her 30 years ago, but those two people are long-gone now; they are characters in the arc of history. In short, the 23-year old girl I loved is dead so I could not ever have her back. Furthermore, my ability to love a woman like when I was 27 is also dead. So, there's nothing left really - but I am still haunted by the experience even to this day.

So, now I hope you can see that I never stopped loving that girl that I truly loved but she and I are both gone now...

This is why your question really can't be answered True or False.

[abc3643]

You wrote:
"Is it possible to love someone as deeply a second time?"

If you are talking the same person, it's possible if it is soon enough.
Like in my case, the answer is No.

If you are talking a different person, then the answer is Yes... as long as the ability to "true love" does not die out completely like it has with me. After all, I did truly love that girl that I have the current decades-long heartbreak over and I became a couple with her 10 years after the first heartbreak of another girl I truly loved.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for offering your perspective!

Do you think because these women didn’t give you closure and were bitchy about how they ended things, it’s why you can’t move on and feel “true” love again?

What made you decide that THIS was the girl of your dreams if I may ask?

[abc3643]

Neither of them was bitchy - that's one reason why I loved them. They were good sweet girls.

The one from 1990... It was like a Hollywood movie. The timing was perfect, the situation was perfect, my mental state was perfect... so much.

We became a couple on the evening of W 22 AUG 1990. I don't want to rehash the details right now, but we became a couple at Washington Park (a large PRIVATE park) in Troy NY.

But, I knew that I was in love with her after dropping her off at her apartment in the wee hours of T 21 AUG 1992. Heading the few blocks home to my apartment, I was stopped at a stoplight. I did a checklist in my head of the symptoms of being in love. I was and I realized that I had to act and either make her my girlfriend or nip this in the bud. This is why, the next night, I had to tell her. The 6 months were magical for me. However, she sang in our college's Chorale and it was the first weekend in OCT 1990 that she took me to see the Albany Symphony Orchestra perform Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, "Chorale". Many consider it the greatest piece of music ever written - especially considering Beethoven never heard it because he was deaf by then. In attendance with her, I was transformed by this experience - I had never seen a live symphony before and this also had dozens of singers and was an amazing work. After that, I knew that she was the one. I wanted to marry her and that was it. Indeed, in my heart, I was married to her at that point - getting married when she was ready ould just be a formality for me. She was a virgin by the way and shockingly so because of her beauty. I was willing to wait until marriage.

She dumped me on her mother's 50th birthday, U 12 JAN 1992. I've been death warmed over since.

[abc3643]

She wasn't the girl of my dreams because I really didn't have such a girl in mind. She was just the right one for me at that time in my life.

[Lost_in_the_Woods]

Depends on the situation.

If she changes so much she's like a different person or does something bad enough to change your mind it can happen.

And just because I still love you doesn't mean I still want to be miserable together.

But shit, I'll always love her. Even if she gets so mean and bitter that her hair falls out. I'd still want to see her happy and I'd still want to be (at least a small part of) the reason for it.

[rachel776]

when i go out with older guys they always tell me about some girl in high school, so i think so yes

[JackSmy]

Yeah, it can be SOOOO AMAZING, but then she cheats.
Oh, sorry, I was too drunk, and I didn't mean it. . .
BULLSHIT!! True Love ENDS with CHEATING!

[Britchie]

Love fades with time apart and finding someone new.

[SupremeWarlord]

There's no such a thing as "fake love", and if you stop loving someone for whatever reason, it doesn't mean you never loved them, just that your love was not very strong. This is my opinion.

[marc94]

Love is about values. I could not value someone who has stopped valuing me.

[Anonymous]

there is a limit to everything so dont take it for granted

[SamFromFL]

People fall out of love everyday

[AJRay64]

Exactly! Nothing ever lasts

[Asker]

What causes a man to fall out of love

[SamFromFL]

Well those who put in work and when both partners are willing to work and grow it can last a lifetime

[SamFromFL]

Too many reasons. But it comes down to if he’s focused on her needs and helping her and the relationship grow

[SamFromFL]

But if you talked for 5 months why not go out on dates?