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Miyah2000 wants to hear from Guys only. Login to share your opinion.
Why are women emotional? Why do women desire children, or get all gushy around newborns? It's because that's an instinct women have, and you have that instinct because having that instinct has helped ensure the survival and reproduction of the human species over the last several million years. If women didn't have a strong desire to care for children, those children wouldn't have survived, and none of us would be here today. Women didn't ask to have those instincts - they just have them, and it heavily influences their behavior and their desires.
Men have instincts too, and they're also based on survival and reproduction - but men have a vastly different role in survival and reproduction than women do. Men's instincts tell us to spread our seed - to have sex with (and, for all the millions of years prior to the development of the BC Pill in the 1960s, to impregnate) as many women as possible, so that our children would be genetically diverse. That was vital, because if our genes combined with one woman's genes resulted in children who were weak or sickly or prone to disease, then they would die off, but the children from a different woman (especially one from "outside the tribe") would have different genetics, and would be less likely to have children with those same genetic issues. And so a disease that swept through the population wouldn't be likely to kill ALL of the children, because genetic diversity would make it likely that some of them would resist it. Men's other instincts were to provide for and protect his wives and children, even at the cost of his own life.
The result of men having these instincts - and the testosterone to amplify them - is that men desire having sex with lots of different women. Well, that's not as socially acceptable - but men still have that very strong drive to do so, and LOOKING at other women can satisfy a lot of that need. It's like a pressure relief valve. Hundreds of years ago, men would have had multiple wives, had mistresses on the side, or gone to prostitutes. Today, we have strip clubs and porn, which, for most men, can satisfy those urges without us actually having sex with other women.
You also need to understand that, unlike how it works for (most) women, (most) men can easily separate sex from love/romance/emotional connection. Looking at other women is purely about sex for men - we have no emotional connection with the women we're looking at. Men can even have actual sex with women that they have zero emotional connection with (which is why prostitution has existed for all of history). This doesn't mean that men don't have an emotional connection with women - they do with the woman they LOVE - but for men, our SEXUAL interest is not limited to just the woman we love, but rather extends to all women we find physically attractive. Our ROMANTIC interest - our emotional connection - is only limited to the girl we love. Women struggle to understand that, because most women can't separate sex from love and don't understand how men can, but the fact is, men can, and do, all the time.
If men lacked the instinct to have sex with lots of different women, then, again, the human species would have died out, because, historically, there's always been a shortage of men, due to deaths of young men in war and dangerous jobs, and if men had no motivation to be with the left-over women, those women would have not been able to survive on their own.
This isn't a loyalty issue. A man finding other women attractive simply means he's a man - it doesn't mean he's cheating, or even intending to cheat. It also doesn't mean he has any emotional desire for those women - it's simply sexual desire, and he's not even looking to have sex with them. He's just LOOKING.
If you try to make LOOKING your loyalty standard, you might as well just forget about men and get a dog, because if you find a man who doesn't look at other women, chances are he isn't going to be looking at you either. Looking at other women is a fundamental part of what it is to be a man, and expecting a man not to do that is the same as expecting a woman not to be emotional - it's a naïve and unrealistic expectation because that's how men and women ARE. And you'll never be happy with a man if you can't accept that.
Happy women are those who embrace this attitude: "I don't care where my man gets his appetite, as long as he comes home to eat."
If his still looking at his ex's nudes then thats a red flag, its considered cheating in my books as he should moved on when he started dating you, not even i keep my ex's nudes after the break up so honestly its more of an understanding.
Speak to him, tell him your uncomfortable with it.
Better to let him know then to be dwelling on the thought of when his going to look next
ROLL EYES... Why is it that you left out such key information with your original question? It's incredibly frustrating when people do that!
Yes, it's DIFFERENT if these are nudes of his EX. He had FEELINGS for her. Some random porn girl that he'll never meet is a completely different situation than an EX. It's one thing to keep those pictures put away, to maybe look at years later as a memory, but if he's actively looking at them now, that's a problem, and it's not unreasonable for you to be unhappy about that.
But couldn't you have mention that VERY RELEVANT DETAIL from the beginning? Why must we have to dig and dig to get such a vital piece of the puzzle out of you?
I feel the same as you said in your update.
Men are not sopiosexual. We can get easily attracted to any random woman. It's simple visual sexual gratification. No fantasy. No emotions are involved in this kind of attraction.
That's why it was my request to women to wear dresses which are not skimpy in any way.
If you wear something that looks " ordinary " that mixes in with the looks of all other women then we can easily control and ignore the woman as a respectful stranger. Efforts should be made men's side as well as women's side to avoid getting in situations where boundaries are crossed and end up "showing" or "looking".
We are strangers and if we avoid this kind of interaction then it reinforces the boundaries between two individuals.
Any relationship shaped by naturally defined boundaries.
When a person takes efforts to avoid crossing these naturally defined boundaries, he fulfills his social responsibility and this becomes respectful.
Note- I'm not saying that only women take the efforts.
The efforts you take defines your character.
There are characterless men (pervs) and characterless women (sluts).
It was a request* and I used to say please*
But many women argued endlessly one after the other and ignored my requests.
Why I made so many requests?
Because I wanted to see them as more respectful people .. Everytime I thought about it that was the reason I came across.
Well then , it made me hate these women and I became misogynistic. I decided never look at any woman wearing skimpy clothing.
Occasionally I lose control whach women either intentionally or unitentionally (it is embarrassing when I loose control and look at women and I consciously regret it) and I always regret when I don't look because otherwise it would've given me pleasure of seeing how beautiful the woman looks.
But I consciously don't regret the decision when I don't look.
I'm not misogynist anymore. I'm also not a simp like I used to be till age 17
@Miyah2000 you said beautiful thing in your update.
I would like more people had this belief
@Miyah2000 let us know the context , so you were worried about your man looking at ex's pics.
I'm not sure about this, I know how and why to behave in public but never behaved in bedroom bcoz there's no compulsion.
Okay i will explain it to you biologically!..
Do you like human babies or puppies or kittens!.. Pick whichever you find insanely cute!..
Do you remember that feeling you want to protect and cherish and hold that adorable thing...
That is the kind of feeling we get when we look at the girl we are dating or committed to or have a crush!..
" it makes me feel like I am not entertaining enough or that I am not pleasing."
- Answer me do you think.. Babies know how pleasing they are or puppies or kittens know how adorable you find them..
Of course NO!..
"Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder." this quote means that beauty is not on your body it's a chemical response triggered in the brain of the men that look at your body..
And now imagine is a puppy or a kitten wore a box over them or a cloak.. That makes him not visible to you...
Wouldn't you feel disappointed that you cannot see that cute thing!.. Pass by you!..
Even though your desires are pure and essence of your positivity, but if the puppy and kitten treated you like it's negative and it's wrong! How would you feel?
Ponder over it! ..
I don't really understand your line of thinking. We are biologically sexually attracted to the opposite sex. Our birthday suits are not "sacred" as you make them out to be, but they are natural. Our species would literally not continue if we did not have any attraction to natural, naked bodies. I find it strange that humans are the only animals that are not in their birthday suits after being born. We are the most alien-like beings on the planet. Sexual urges and desires are natural. It's only humans weird logic that has made being naked taboo.
I was just about to write something long about why men could potentially do so but then I realized that this is not a man thing... it's a human thing lol.
Think about it this way. Everyone wears clothes (and some not so much but we move on), therefore, people don't know what they look like when they're "naked". So when the person strips and is now naked, naturally, the human is thinking something along the lines of "a new sight" or "something new" in general. I'm almost 99.9% sure this doesn't only apply to women
That's interesting. You seem to have a muslim heart.
As for me. When im married i have absolutely no reason to look at other people naked. Nor will i bother doing that.
But when i am SINGLE. I look because im a crazy horny man with a lot of sexual energy that needs to be RELEASED. So when i see a nice naked lady my whole body and mind just lusts and wishes to release the energy on her. Therefore i end up looking which stimulates my mind and body even more (even though i shouldn't LOOK, because it makes it even worse for me as a single man. Wayyy worse).
So yea... thats my take on this.
EDIT: if you HAVE KIDS with your man. And are so close. Then him looking at naked pics of his EX'S is FUCKED UP. AND NO ITS NOT FKING NORMAL. he's supposed to delete all his ex pics if he decides to be with you and continue.
Oh my god... if my ex that i was going to marry knew i had even normal pics of my exs on my phone she would killll me. Let alone nuuudes? And that im jerking off to them? She would literally breakup with me, kill me, and live the rest of her life with brain dmg that something like that could even happen.
Him jerking off to his exs means he misses them and still finds them attractive so much. It means if they were to appear infront of him, he would absolutely NOT hesitate to fuck them. He's jerking off to them cause their pics r hot right? Imagine they are infront of him in person. For sure he will lose his mind.
So yea its not normal what he is doing. And there is a reason you feel Wrong about it. Its because it is. Its fucked up.
I can't speak for all guys because we're all different but I can try to explain my side. When I see a naked woman, I'm very curious how her body structure and features are. How her hips are shaped, length of legs, what her boobs like look like, etc. If I find her attractive and she's naked then it makes me feel good looking at an attractive naked woman, getting excited or whatever you want to call it.
If she's my girlfriend and naked, this is different because she's getting naked just for me and it's a BIG deal to me and always means a lot. It's also a huge compliment that she's comfortable being naked with me. This of course makes me more excited since it's so personal, she's doing that just for me, and obviously find her attractive since she's my girlfriend.
As for naked guys since your question says naked people, I'm not gay so I don't care.
Well we're visual, so on some level I don't know if women can relate being you're not the same way usually. Example if you see a good looking guy, you might just think, he's good looking, and that's it. Where it can and often does turn us on when we see an attractive woman. And they are everywhere! Used in the media and advertising, often sexualized, to just every day women on the street, some dressed sexy. We just enjoy looking at women, and especially naked.
On nudity, I believe the human body is beautiful, especially women's, and nothing to be ashamed of. "Personal and sacred", I don't feel that way. If someone does, to each their own, but if they are comfortable showing it off, and do, it's our natural form and "normal" to me. I'm a nudist and believe 100% in the philosophy.
BOTH genders instinctively assess people at least TWICE 'lungeible distance' away as 'threat' or 'ignore'
and, in contemporary society, many are ALSO trained to look for the 'outlined imprint' of force multipliers like edged weapons, potential improvised weapons or firearms.
Incidental to survival, it is pleasurable fantasy to mentally undress SOME of those we encounter. Self comparison, in certain elements is inevitable~.
For a guy, eye candy/looking is similar to when you look at tasty food. Your favorite food might be the special meatballs & spaghetti made by your girlfriend but that does NOT mean that you don't notice all the pastries in the window at the cake shop down the street. Not saying every guy cheats tho. Just talking about looking.
Now personally, let's say a naked woman walked up to me.. I would totally ignore her because I don't want to give her the unearned attention/satisfaction and I'm honestly not attracted to attention whores anymore. That takes training your mind not to give a crap. A lot of young guys don't have that kind of control. And the woman shouldn't be dictating to him how to think. As long as he doesn't cheat or do things that make women think he wants to cheat with her, you're good.
I used to be a nudes junkie. Sought for it every where because every other area of our livea, we have the ability to sneek a peek before we decide but women and sex seemed like you have to wait until marriage to open the box.
Didn't gain anything from all the nudes I explored because I found out people lie. But the bible made things much better.
Why do people watch violent movies?
The answer is the same really. It stokes something in both our imaginations and triggers us, making us feel a certain way.
So sex and violence are just two examples or sensory input but think of other stuff too, like art or music for instance.
We find things alluring - Whether it touches one sense, or many. Food is sensory. Art is sensory. Sex is sensory. And violence is sensory.
I'm convinced that this is one of the rare true differences between the sexes. If you had a pair of balls you'd be charged up enough to want to see them too.
It shouldn't be his ex's nudes. That's going a bit far and makes it too personal. Tell him that you're available anytime, and that he can go on Instagram if he wants something different while you're away or something.
You're enough trust me. I promise you, he loves you
Because I've been in his shoes, and so has every guy. Love is something so far beyond how he sees you physically or sexually. He's not thinking of kissing or cuddling with an instagram hoe. The conversations you guys have, the activities you do, the kisses you share, THAT'S what he wants from you and only you.
He loves you. He wouldn't be with you if he didn't. He's just lacking some common sense with the whole ex's nudes thing
The answer to why is - habit
PMO is normalized and people who consume it from childhood develop it's habit because it's way before a person actually starts dating.
Habit continues
And the brain gets wired to PMO.
D. Detox , rewiring, Change of habit is needed.
You need to speak with him , express your emotions, and ask him to make a decision to never see his ex again , no matter how sexy she looks because now YOU are his girlfriend and you NEED his attention.
Tell him you need him all for yourself and that you're available for him anytime.
Cuz they can.
And quit with the 'makes me feel' bullshit - no one can make you ANYTHING unless YOU let them. Never turn over power over yourself or your feelings to ANYONE or ANYTHING. EVER. OWN your own shit.
Men have been looking at naked women since the dawn of time. Get over. it.
So, YOUR man jerks off to porn? If so, well that's a different story. A whole 'nother can of worms.
Well there ya go.
Did you marry him?
Cuz you know, your ENTIRE job in dating, your duty if you will, is to be able to assess whether he's a match or not, to discern whether he's worthy, to judge whether he's a keeper. If he's not the best thing that's ever happened to you, you're not just gaga over him, cut him loose and find one who IS.
Yes, guys will jerk off to ANYTHING. It's not about the ex, or anything specific, it's just something that he gets aroused with and does himself. He's not mature enough to come to you for gratification. Pure immaturity. Usually it's porn, every young person has ready access to it on every electronic device they own, so over time they come to accept it as normal, even think it's good. The problem is if you watch enough of all that depravity, you soon start to believe it.
Judging by YOUR age, I have to guess he's of similar age. You need to understand that a guy's brain doesn't fully develop till about 25. Until then they tend to act half their age.
If you're committed to this guy, and you think he's a keeper, and the relationship is worth salvaging, then this is how this gets addressed...
You sit down for a come-to-jesus adult conversation. You explain how you feel about it, that you think it's pathetic and beneath him, that you feel rejected by it. You don't like that he does that instead of being with you. That you need him and want him, and you want to be his focus for sexual gratification.
Then you make him a deal. Every time he thinks he wants to get his rocks off, he comes to you. You become his sole outlet for sexual gratification. And you can never say 'no', a quickie, a handy, a bj, or whatever, you rely on each other.
Otherwise you go. And you have to be willing to walk away. You'll soon see where his priorities lie. Whether they're with you, or otherwise. In any case, it fixes the problem, one way or the other.
Normally this is what you do in a marriage. But if you've reached that level of commitment, then it may well be a worthy option.
If not, and you're not that committed, and he's not everything you've dreamed of in a man, then cut him loose and find one that IS.
So you never married, but had a child with a boy. Got it. Well, at least you now have a method to create change, whatever that will be.
And I would implore you to decide, right now, how valuable this guy is to you. If you do value him, make that known, make him the most important thing in your life. Make him the king of your castle. If you don't want him, tell him to get the fuck out.
Simple answer is, if anyone exposing in public then, what should I say?
If someone should not be looking to then cover up properly.
My girlfriend wear revealing outfit in public, I got no problems is any look or glance her.
This is my observation.
You have the right to do what you want with your body. But men are very visual creators. We need to see to get the full effect of the experience. And I'm not talking about sex exclusively. We want a woman that appeals to use visually as well as fits us physically.
I do think the creepy label can be applied to any man that a woman is not attracted to.
If 2 guys do the exact same things, you will love it from the guy you are attracted to and feel creeped out by the guy you are not attracted to. All you women know that is true within reason.
I think we like it when it's a Beautiful Girl odviously because it is intimate and it shows us what they are willing to do for us.
A lot of us Guys cannot relate to most Women we like because Women cover their flaws really well so most of us Single Straight Guys would love to just get the chance to get to know a beautiful Girl that we have never met before.
Because our society has made nude women the norm, so modesty has gone out the window. I prefer to associate with modest people in general and only feel comfortable seeing my female BFF, mainly because we have know each other for ever and don’t think of each other as different sexes per say.
Let me tell you something about the male sex drive we are the way we are as a courtesy to women can you imagine if everytime you were feeling amorous you had to actually get your mate there too and be sexy everytime the average penis size is like 5 to 6 inches if we weren’t visual creatures who got aroused just from looking at nakedness women would be working with 3 to 4 inches at the most I’m sorry that this stuff bothers women but we can’t help it
I have to agree with you, When you have a partner, Your not suppose to be looking at naked people either online somewhere or watching porn yes men need to think more of their partner
How do I get him to see that even if it is supposedly for his art
I know he doesn't just do it for art
He says looking at that gives him inspiration
@Miyah2000 Tell him you don't like to see his art, say no I got a headache
Lol I'm gonna try that
@Miyah2000 Hey you have every right to turn it down by saying you have a headache
there are a lot of times people do that lol
We like beauty, its biologically in our nature to be attracted to young fit women for obvious reasons
Men need women, and women are like meh... Big surprise big corporations have created a product to "put out" the content women will not. Not that im shallow, id love to have my own family,
but damn, Im hungry!
Being as biased, as you say, in your post, you can never understand
Guys are visual creatures, and the naked form is beautiful, if you see the act of him looking as cheating you need to reevaluate your priorities, men always look. If you can't handle that don't date.
If he is looking at his ex's nudes, that is just wrong, he needs to get rid of those.. Not cool.
To be fair I know a lot of women that like to look at naked people as well. I don’t think it’s exclusive to men. More than likely if given an anonymous quiz, you would see just as many women wanting to see people nude as men.
We're more visually stimulated than women. It turns us on. It's our version of romance novels.
There a difference between just looking and looking with some thoughts in mind (thinking about body of that person etc etc)
Later one is wrong ,
But I am sure that if a person is just looking ( for a moment) without any thoughts then no issue
This thing is done by men's and women's both I think
You see nudity as sexual only because that's the sole time you see nude people.
Because unlike women, I don't like looking at used clothes walking around.
Because I can and I look at men and boys women and girls naked nude and there over eighteen and I'm naked nude when looking at naked nude people. 💞
Men are more visual creatures.
Women are more verbal creatures.
That said, I do think that both look at them.
Because it turns them on. Men are naturally sex driven so... Yeah. If they can't get the P naturally they turn to prn
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