I like a guy that has a girlfriend. We went out several times and he never told me about her. He says it was a mistake and now wants to be friends?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy from university and we started talking and hanging out alone together. I really felt attracted to him and I thought he was also attracted to me. The eye contact between us was unreal, but otherwise our interactions were platonic. After we went out twice, I asked him if it was just friendship between us. He then told me he had a girlfriend and assumed our hangouts had been friendly overall, so he thought it hadn't been necessary to say anything. We went out for drinks one time, and another time we went for dinner! I made it clear to him that he had been dumb to not say anything, he agreed and really apologised. But he wants to continue being friends and wants to continue meeting up alone on a regular basis (but also in a shared friendship group). He knows I like him, but he has made it clear that he is committed to his girlfriend. They are in a long- distance relationship and he says he wouldn't cheat on her or leave her etc. I told him that I need distance for now to take time to process everything. I honestly don't know what to do. I obviously like him, but also could see just being friends with him. It comes across as though he 'likes' me, but obviously, he wouldn't do anything to violate his relationship. I just honestly don't get what he wants from me tbh. Like why would he want to meet me alone just for the sake of it when he knows that I like him etc? He doesn't seem like an asshole by the way, but maybe immature. What do you guys think?

[Anonymous]

If a dude did that to me it'd be red flags. Any man whose "committed" doesn't keep their spouse a secrete. Comitted people have their spouse practically stamped on their forehead. If he's immature then it sounds like if you hang around him you're setting yourself up for heartache. Because if you start thinking you may have a chance and he chooses the other girl, then that stinks. I know that I may not know everything, but it seems sort of fishy to me. Like I imagine my husband secretly taking out someone to dinner... That's so wrong to me. One time, my husband worked with these ladies who were all dating the same man. He led them ALL on for a long time too. To me, it sounds like he's trying to go on "dates" as "friends" saying "I'm just hanging out with friends" but is really just wanting to date. That's what it sounds like to me. Plus, even if he seems nice he sounds shady.

[Coulis]

Oh good lord I hate these types. He is somebody who needs a lot of external validation. You don't want him. Who cares why he did what he did just get away from him.

[Asker]

Yeah, it's such a weird situation. Honestly.

[Coulis]

Everyone will encounter one of these.

At best can't make up his mind. At worse he's some borderline personality disordered or narcissistic person who's just feeding his ego and playing with your emotions.

Don't waste your time. Seriously, this is a selfish person. Go no contact and go through the withdrawal. He's not serious.

[Adam1978]

Just accept that you got second place and got beaten by the other girl. It got serious enough and he had to make the cut and you lost.

[Asker]

Yeah, possibly. He makes out that "it never went through his head" to say anything because he didn't think I would like him anyway ie. I'm a bit older with my life together, whereas he's a bit lost. Maybe that's an excuse though? Dunno.

[Asker]

And also, we spoke about it extensively where he kept on saying that it was a misunderstanding. He literally claims to have never had bad intentions. He's just clearly committed to his girlfriend and wasn't in the frame of mind to even consider anything else: ie. literally just saw me as a friend from the beginning.

[spartan55]

You aren't friends with him, and shouldn't try to be. He has a girlfriend, stay away.

[Asker]

Yeah, you are probably right. I mean, I did see him as a friend at one point though. It's just confusing when you have opened yourself up to the possibility. If I hadn't done that, then it wouldn't be a thing.

[spartan55]

He's a snake anyway? Not telling you? Bye

[Asker]

Yeah you are right. Thanks x

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

this only proves, that guys and girls can't be "just friends"

this also prove that women, HAVE ALWAYS LIKED MEN, WHO ALREADY HAVE A WOMAN

WOMEN WANT, WHAT THEY can't HAVE

GET OVER IT GUYS AND WOMEN, GET THE FUCK OVER IT

[Asker]

No. This isn't about that. It's more about what he wants? I don't get it. I would rather just leave it.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

i just told you

IT PROVES WOMAN AND MEN CAN'T BE JUST FRIENDS

GET THE FUCK OVER IT

[Asker]

Ahh lol. I have plenty of male friends though. But yeah, I guess there is always some level of attraction. But you can control it.

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

I guarantee you, they're not your friends

[Asker]

Why though? Can you explain this?

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

i guarantee you, they can't

GET THE FUCK OVER IT