I think I was drugged and raped by a guy I had sex with 3 years ago and I just realised now. Is there anything I can do?

[Anonymous]

I remember at university I went to his house with a friend and they were 2 brothers. We were meant to have pre drinks and then head out but it became too late. I think she willingly had sex with the other brother but I don’t think I was willing. I was really angry in the morning when I was leaving and I wanted to smash his TV but I had no clear recollection of why I was angry that we had sex. And even when I saw him weeks after, I remember being really upset again and angry. I think deep down I knew something wasn’t right about what happened. I was never really someone to have sex on first date either, I usually would stop sex on a first meeting guaranteed, even if I was drunk. Ever since that day whenever I saw him out and about in clubs I was angry but no clear memory. One time his brother approached me in a club and I shouted at him to fuck off.
Today I was just looking at my past trying to forgive things that happened in the past, I started thinking about him, I was confused again as to why I hated disliked him so much, so as I’m searching my memory I realised I don’t remember too much of that evening after I drank but also don’t think I drank too much. After I drank I remember he was really direct in a way most guys haven’t been he was groping and pulling my skirt up like no testing how comfortable I am. I don’t remember how I got upstairs, now I think I remember saying stop stop several times but my memory is hazy. I don’t remember what the room looked like, like nothing and that’s not like me. I just remember him having sex with me. I don’t even remember his facial expressions much so I’m recalling even having my eyes closed, half sleeping and I think that’s why I was so angry because maybe I was trying to control but I couldn’t because most likely I was drugged? Back then I didn’t know much about drug rape so I think that’s why it didn’t cross my mind. I’ve been to other guys houses when I’ve been drunk and I recall! A lot more detail than that day.

[Mango-man]

It would be really hard to prove, especially the "was drugged" part because the drug would be long gone from your body. However if you are really sure that is what and how it happened you could go to the police - maybe the guy even confesses or maybe other victims will come forward. Just must be sure this is what happened since you could make that guy's life really hard.

[Asker]

It’s hard to say, can you imagine my memory is only coming back now. I wouldn’t be angry at a guy for a stupid one night stand mistake I’d feel more shame but I’ve always been angry towards him. I just remembered I was half asleep when he was having sex with me I’m almost sure it was all very wrong, I don’t remember getting upstairs or willingly agreeing or the room at all. I recall saying stop but no energy to move and it’s all hazy. Im now recalling waking up during sex so I wasn’t fully conscious hence why I was so upset. I think that’s unfortunately the effects of these drugs from the small research I’ve now done so unfortunately the effects is less confidence in what happened because it’s all hazy my memory pieces are missing.

[Mango-man]

I can't even imagine how terribly it must feel. Maybe you should consult with a professional? Either from your university or from some independent group that focuses on rape victims?

[Asker]

It’s shocking but upsetting because it’s 3 years later yet i still have to acknowledge it happened. Thank you I will

[Anonymous]

Honestly at this point all I can say is that I’m so sorry this happened to you.
However bringing it to the police won’t put him into jail at all bc there is no way to prove it plus it’s being so long. The way how you came to remember it , it can be used against you easily . As like “oh those memories came to you after 3 years how can you even separate it from reality vs imagination”.
If you go to the police you can do so out of why not he did something bad and you can save other girls?

[Asker]

I guess so. I always thought I willingly or stupidly slept with him but my anger never added up or it not feeling right so it’s like my memory was wiping out after the incident. It’s only today I realised it was all really sketchy how my memory is too blurred, like I was almost passed out until hours later and my mind wasn’t clear. alcohol doesn’t really do that to me. Thank you I think I’m just a bit shook and it is 3 years later which makes it really difficult and it’s almost like pieces of the memory only just came back now and it’s only because I was trying to figure out my anger towards him. I think I was really weak that when I was saying stop I couldn’t move my hands that’s not normal. But it almost feels like maybe it’s not true what I’m saying so I guess it would be used against me. As someone who’s not experienced with the effect of drugs I guess I even have less assurance in the facts of the situation

[Asker]

I may try to reach the police to see if it can help other girls I suppose

[Anonymous]

Probably not. It was too long ago. They would have needed a rape kit to collect physical evidence, document any signs of forced penetration and blood screening to determine that you were drugged. Now all you have is your word against his and that won’t be enough to arrest, let alone convict him. I’m sorry that happened to you. You may have subconsciously blocked out the trauma. Rape counseling to process what happened to you may very well be beneficial.

[MrKinktastic]

File a report, it’s just hearsay at this point so nothing will come of it for a bit unless he does this to another woman in which case your story will help the prosecution team/help that girl press charges.


Still file the report though, just be honest about what you remember and don’t try to fill in gaps you don’t remember.

[molonski2]

Honestly , it would be a nightmare to try and pursue that case quite frankly , very sketchy , in Australia as any police prosecutor would tell you , forget it ! But I assume you are in the wonderful US of A , so who knows.

Up to you , if you wish , but cannot see how you'd get a conviction.

[Anonymous]

What you can do is deal with it internally. Since you have sketchy recall at best, there's no point in accusing him of anything that you can't prove. You can confront him about it, but he'll likely deny he drugged you. You could cause some problems in his life just by making the accusation, but then what? If you take legal action, a good defense lawyer will rip your lack of a story to shreds.

I think you have to deal with your anger and move past it. Maybe you were drugged, maybe you were too drunk. It's more important that you seek help for your own head, and your own well being, as soon as you can. Talk to an expert in the area.

[Anonymous]

Hi. First off im very sorry if that is what happened but hopefully not. So i had an experience with rufies once and only once thank god. I was the one who had taken it and similar to you i remember up to a certain point and absolutely nothing else except a brief moment on the way home. I was only told what happened the next day by my one cousin who was there. I'd rather not go into much more details here but i may be able to answer some questions if it might help

[Asker]

Thank you honestly it’s been quite upsetting and only realising 3 years later it’s unbelievable and my mind is trying to process it. Thank you for sharing the details you’re comfortable with and I’m sorry you experienced it. Hope you managed to get the police involved. it’s quite scarring for me to rethink it and I do want to mainly move forward. What I don’t understanding is whether it happened or not because my memory is that hazy… which is also the effects of these drugs so it’s hard. For you you had your cousin to confirm but I unfortunately don’t know. And is it possible a memory can come back 3 years later, it’s only now I’m remembering saying stop and being half asleep so it makes me think did it happen because it’s hazy. And also how do you move past it?
I was actually praying and working through forgiving every bad thing and people for past hurts because I want to move forward in life and not have a dark shadow of bitterness etc, and then thats how this came up and it’s hard to forgive that.

[Opinion Owner]

My situation was different than yours so i didn't get police involved or anything. I only have myself to blame. I know things were done to me sexually and with the drug i have absolutely no recollection of any of it, even any many years later. The fact that some memory of it is coming back for you is good. Maybe you will remember more as time goes on and hopefully what u fear didn't happen. If u would like to know more just let me know and maybe u can message me privately. Id rather not go into more details here but if its any help to u i will tell more privately.

[Jackblue]

I am sorry that happened, unfortunately all the evidence is long gone after 3 years, prosecuting him now is impossible.

[Shy_Steve]

Talk to your parents and see what they suggest they might want you to talk to the police or a lawyer.

[anylolone]

Possible. I think it's unlikely that you were drugged, but not that you might have been raped.

[Anonymous]

Follow your country's statue of limitations on this matter

[Anonymous]

Without any evidence? No, not really.

[Wise4myage]

Give the police his name.

[Anonymous]

Looks like a movie Memento

[Jay3344]

Wow, that’s awful

[noohair]

Ask a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

roofies

[Opinion Owner]

or rufies (my spelling sucks)