He don't want me, and it's clear that he's invested and high heels in love with someone else. But why keep coming my way?

[Anonymous]

So I know this dude, who likes to be hot and cold with me, and he's been doing this shit for years. The only difference is now, that he finally moved on to and with someone else. And I know this for a fact. But it's like, he doesn't want a relationship with me, but sex. And his feelings are gone. But also, he made new connections with someone else. And that someone else, is someone who he actually likes. Like its all just lust at the end of the day. But it seems like with this individual that he's putting in his 100% time energy and effort. Because when they're having their problems, it shows all over his face smh. Like they must be doing it every single damn day or something. I mean, I still don't understand how he picks a HOE and actually like this chick smh. But anyways, I notice when he is communicating with me but then starts to connect with others. He pulls back and distance himself. He'll stop watching my post and videos. But basically. He tends to stay far away from me.. when he's involved with someone. And I get it, I haven't been giving him sex. But that was my decision to cut that out. But this right here, it's different. He don't just like the sex with her.. He's fucking in love with her. Smh. But anyways. Continue to keep reading update to question Below...

Updates

+1 y

But My point. I also noticed when things start to happen between him and her. He wants to pull back towards My way. After cutting me off for some basic easy chick. Like I've spend years with this man, and haven't got anything from him. Not saying that anything particular has to happen. But the crazy thing is he will literally go out here, and will get some random chick and sleep with her. Now he's all in love dealing with. ?

Updates

+1 y

Now with these two, it seems like they've been knowing each other for some time now. And if he's just going to cut me off out of his life. Then why do he return later, when shit hits the fan. Mike he doesn't want me. So why is he returning. I also notice too, that he does that on both ends he tries to avoid that pacific person when things don't work accordingly his way. But why DON'T he just leave me the fuck alone all together, and work things out with whoever he's with?

[MrOracle]

He comes back to you because you give him easy, good sex. And he likes that. But he's also made it clear that that's all you'll ever be to him. To date, you've been okay with that, so why would he expect otherwise?

If you want a real relationship, then it's up to YOU to pursue that, and it's up to YOU to say NO to anything else. And, yeah, this might mean you will be alone for a while. It's fine to have casual sex with someone if you want casual sex too - but if you want something more than that, then YOU have to set boundaries and expectations and you have to enforce them. You haven't done that - you've set few if any boundaries or expectations, and with messy, unorganized rules, you get messy, unorganized relationships.

He's getting what he wants, but you aren't getting what you want - and yet you continue to allow this to happen, which I can only imagine you're doing because you hope he'll eventually change his mind. HE WILL NOT. So, kill that hope right now. If a man tells you he's only looking for sex from you, BELIEVE HIM, and do NOT expect him to change his mind. Men don't work that way. If you are in denial about that, then you set yourself up to be used, and it's your own fault. He hasn't lied to you or misled you - you've just ignored his words in favor of what you wanted to believe, and now you're having to face the reality that he really was telling the truth the whole time and that he's not going to change his mind.

Either you're okay with being his casual sex partner whenever it's convenient for him, or you end things. Any other option is just a mess that's going to make it harder and more painful for you in the long run.

[Asker]

Your 100% right I can't be mad about that and I can't even complain. He did tell me, early on then he wasn't looking for a relationship even though he lied about that back in 2014 when he was already in one. And he did confess and tell me this year a few months back and said I know it may seem like but I'll be wanting sex with you. It's just that I'm physically attracted to you, and when we have sex- we have good sexual chemistry and that's just one of the best things that we do have. Then he said it has always been that way. WOW! I should have took those words what he said and took on that's more than enough proven your point. Then back in 2020 when I confessed and told him and I said what are we doing at this point what are we. I said we've been doing this for a long time, like am I not attractive to you or something like do you consider dating me.

[Asker]

And I guess he felt a little guilty his response when a little bit like oh gosh your kidding me you're gorgeous. And he never did say yeah he would date me but he never did say no he wouldn't. All he said was when the moment he tried to get close to me how I was involved or dealing with someone else. He's like you always have man around. Then I asked him this year similar same question, but changed up the words. The only thing different I said was how I had a boyfriend now because I said I can no longer continue to keep doing this and losing and missing out on opportunities with some guy that's going to be prepared and ready for me, and me only. And I told him how I was looking for something more serious and it seems like you just only want to play around. And that's okay if you do just not with me. So he said I understand that babe and I understand what you trying to do and he said I can't be mad if you are wanting to work on your relationship but then he said just right now is not the time. He talks about how he has so much going on right now in his life, work, kids and other stuff lol. But then he said if things are meant to be then it's meant to be. He said right now I just can't give you the time that you need that you want right now.. but then a few weeks ago when I was supposed to come out and start assuming and accusing him of messing around with this girl that I know. I told him, I don't understand why you're trying to avoid me like I'm not trying to date you never was never happened you giving me nothing and you can't bring anything to me. I've dealt with you for 8 years and nothing has changed with you completely.. but you go out here and deal with these hoes that doesn't even care about you. And I noticed he did hit me up the next day. But then the conversation and communication just stop.

[Asker]

And I'm sure if you was around this guy or read some of the conversations and things that he said you probably will call it BS and him just playing games. And also I noticed two when I mentioned to him as well during the argument I said you don't even like me like that you don't want me in that way, and that's cool. And again he didn't say he didn't but he didn't say he did. The only thing he said was well like I said I'm not talking to that girl. Smh. He told me a few years ago back in 2014 when we first met that he liked me. And again just because the guy is saying that he's not necessarily saying oh I have feelings for you I get that completely. So maybe I took his liking to the head in the wrong way. But he was showing me that he was interested in it. And he literally hate it when I start talking to other guys and dating them. I told him that year, that my ex and I was getting back together. And he seemed so disappointed he's like why would you do that you know me you are supposed to be talking. It just really do seem like the situation is just so outdated and it has expired. That's why it puts me in question mode, so why even keep trying at all. Like we haven't been with each other since July of this year. And I haven't been with anybody since him. But nobody's making him stay and nobody's making me stay. There's the door but neither one of us is refusing to leave. 🤔

[t-8900]

I read through all the responses and your subsequent responses...

"Then why do he return later, when shit hits the fan" because SHTF and you're a back up option... omg dont be someone's back up option! There are guys that would make you their priority. Cut this fool off!

[Asker]

Already did

[t-8900]

good for you! dont ever be someone's 2nd!

[Asker]

Like for real. That shit ain't cool

[t-8900]

Nope and it's inexcusable. If you keep faith in yourself and live an honest life, out yourself out there and a good man will pick you. I believe! 🙏

[Anonymous]

I’ve only read the title as don’t have time to read all…but back up plan?

[Asker]

@spartan55 I already know what you are able to say lol hahah. Ahhh. But he's not asking me for SEX. But also, she keeps running back and forth between me and another individual. But more willing to cut things off with me if things got serious with them and when things don't go accordingly his way he tries to hit me up. 🤔

[Asker]

And the thing is I have tried to block him on Snapchat but whatever he did it's preventing me. And again. If he's getting free sex from this chick... and have feelings for her. Shouldn't he be done with even reaching out to me.

[Asker]

And for the Anonymous. Back up plan?' Is that what it actually is. Like, he definitely doesn't come right out and ask me for sex. He just randomly starts messaging me. He'll give me all this attention but then when someone else has his attention he disappears and distance himself from me. And if he isn't distance himself he always tries to avoid me. And the whole question was, if he's doing all of this then why keep coming back. 😠😠😠He's in love with a hoe.. REALLY?

[spartan55]

Really?