Did I give him the wrong impression?

[kiakian]

So I'm a sophomore and a senior asked me out. We have been going out for about a week. Today we had a half day so we went to lunch and then he took me home. It was the first time he had been to my house and so I was showing him my house. My mom was having a book group or something like that so we couldn't be on the first floor. I showed him the 2nd floor and my room. We sat on the edge of my bed and started talking. We ended up lying on my bed with his arms around me and he tickled me and stuff like that. We didn't do anything not even kiss.

Later I was talking to my friend and she said being alone with him in my room, with both of us lying on my bed might have given him the wrong idea. I want to take things slowly and I'm not planning on having sex until I'm older but I'm afraid I've given him the impression that I do. He's a really nice guy but he is 3 years older than me. So I just want to know if what we did was too soon and if I gave him the impression that I don't want to take things slowly ? Or am I just making a big deal out of nothing and what we did wasn't really that intimate? And if I did give him that impression, what can I do to tell him that I made a mistake and I want to take things slowly? I've never dated before so I'm pretty clueless on all this stuff. thanks!

[EmilytheNukeE]

You can still take things slowly. I've always ended up with guys in my room at some point in the relationship or another. It's where I'm me - even when I have a common living area that's usable (the one I have right now isn't, really - the roommate that uses it compulsively isn't the cleanest ever...), my room is still where I gravitate to.

I've also done the age gap thing - I dated a senior when I was a freshman in high school, and then again in college. In both cases, the guys were really patient with not going faster than I wanted to. One of the most important things in any relationship ever is communication (I've failed at this in almost all of mine, but I'm working on it). Tell him that you're not comfortable moving fast. If he starts heading somewhere you're not comfortable, stop him. You can ask him to stop, or simply stop the movement of his hand or whatever. If he *is* a nice guy (and it sounds like he is, since he didn't take advantage of the situation), he'll respect that and let things move at your pace.

However, if it makes you uncomfortable, don't use your room. Find somewhere else (when necessary) where you can be comfortable. While I was living with my parents, there was always a strict open door policy - if I was in a room with a guy, the door had to be open. Now, I pushed this many times, but the door was always open (even if my parents weren't home) and there was the constant paranoia of discovery to keep things slow.

And last, DO NOT be ashamed of not wanting to have sex. I shouldn't have lost my virginity when I did (in college, I decided I didn't want to be a virgin, so I had sex with my boyfriend), and it's much better to wait until it feels right for you.

Good luck!

[sexwiseman]

Very good questions you pose....

I would tell you what I think---if a girl did the same thing you did, to me that is like giving me the green light to go to places that are beyond tickling and holding. Now, I'm kind of the late bloomer. Most likely when I was a senior I wouldn't have done anything. However, depending on how experienced guys are, they could have taken that to the next level.

The good news is that given the behavior this guy showed when in your room, it does appear he is really one of those nice guys out there, so maybe all you have to do is go with the flow and see how he responds next time. Let's assume he is a nice guy that had no intentions of doing anything sexual---if you bring it up that you made a mistake bringing to your room and sitting on the bed like you did, then maybe he will get offended and think, 'hell, I wasn't thinking of doing anything to you..I'm not like that...' And as you can see, you that wouldn't be a cool thing to do...

If he brings up the subject of hanging out in his room or in your room, then you can say, "well, maybe is too soon to do that again, I want to take things slowly." And if he were to say, 'but last time we hung out in your room, blah blah blah...' then you can say, 'well my mom had people over, but normally we would have stayed downstairs---consider yourself privileged." So as you can see, you're playing it cool, while at the same time letting him know you're not 'that type of girl'. :)

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However, from now on, you should be more thoughtful about what guys you bring to your room... :) As your friend says, you could give guys the wrong idea by this type of action.