I am 19 and he is 32. we have known each other for half a year now and usually get along very well but outside of work we don’t have anything to do each other. Lately he behaves a little weird for example whenever we talked he would get really close and touch my shoulder. At first I didn’t think anything of it. Last week he hugged me from behind when I had a work related question. I felt really uncomfortable but was too stunned to say anything. Then yesterday I bought something like a coupon for a lingerie store. He heard of it and when we were alone he strangely offered to help me buy lingerie for me. I don’t know it just feels really weird but maybe I am just overthinking things?
Is my co-worker sexually harassing me?
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
The last example is; the rest is up for interpretation. The shoulder I don't think is; a lot of people do that, but since the underwear thing happened it might be. I'd wait until you have some more slam dunk evidence or, personally, I would just talk to him myself. I understand if you maybe aren't strong enough to do that. by the way the age is pointless to mention. If he was 19 it would still be sexual harassment right? Right. Often the younger we are the more we perceive those even a little older than us, way older and strong and wiser. He isn't thinking of you as a 19 year old but more of a 20 something year old and 2-3 years ago he was in his 20s. I just say all that so you don't sound bias from this point on. Just bring up slam dunk evidence, dont mention or give anyone any reason to think you are the crazy one.
Lastly, he is nothing to be scared off. Most guys don't know how to fight, most aren't criminals either. He is insecure about things you don't know about. He is just as weak or strong as you are. He is average. You may not have as much physical strength but that isn't the only type of strength. Stand up to your fears. I'm not saying do something crazy. I am saying when you feel afraid, don't run from the feeling. You are strong. Trust me. Guys are not these strong giants many women perceive them to be. Most don't even work out. Just take this situation to become stronger. If you do, you will be able to handle this easily if it ever happens again to this degree. Not meaner or more hostile but stronger mentally. That's all the advice I have for you but be careful who you take advice from. If a girl has gone through this then listen to her but always make your own decision. Don't let people's opinions over influence you.
I'd urge you to talk to him about it (inside the store or where you work) and then afterward you can talk to the boss and then tell them you talk to him about it and the boss will also talk to them about it as well. That is what I would do because if you don't talk to him yourself... You will never know the truth of the situation 100% and you will be running from the fear. I know you are scared but you have the opportunity to grow a lot right now. But make sure you talk to the boss afterward no matter what he says to you and let him know that you are about to also talk to the boss about it. Trust me you will be glad you stood up for yourself. You will realize you have so much more power than you think you do.
It is only sexual harassment if you ask him to stop and he keeps doing it. If you are uncomfortable, ask him to stop touching you.
My company requires annual training on this and I just recently did it. Politely and professionally ask him to keep his hands to him or not touch you and if you need any assistance you will come to him and ask him.
Some people are just naturally touchy and do not even realize they are doing it, he might be one of them. By speaking up, he is at least aware that he is making you uncomfortable.
If he keeps doing it after you asked him not to, then it becomes a harassment issue and you need to get HR involved.
One more note, the reason you have to ask him to stop first is cause some people welcome this kind of attention and then its not harassment, it is only when it is unwanted and keeps happening.
I think of my friend TJ who is this type of guy. He'll just be talking and touching me rather frequently while communicating. He's very kinesthetic in his communication.
At first I found it odd with how much he was doing it but it's just how he is.
The lingerie thing is definitely inappropriate conversation at work. Touching of a shoulder or a hug isn't in itself technically sexual harassment.
That said, the moment you tell him it makes you uncomfortable, he should stop. If he ignores your requests then it needs to ne reported to a supervisor or HR. If you're uncomfortable telling a supervisor then go directly to HR.
Unfortunately you need to tell him to stop. I say unfortunately because you should not have to explain this to a grown man in 2021. I'm sorry you're experiencing this.
I strongly believe in not letting him go another day without telling him specifically what makes you uncomfortable and that it needs to stop. Good luck
It's not "normal" behavior so no you're not overthinking it. But you also HAVE to say something to him. Next time something like that happens, let him know you enjoy talking to him as co-workers, but to please not touch you and things like that, that it makes you feel a little uncomfortable. Or something along those lines, but make it clear (as in direct, don't "hint"). You can still be nice, but you have to say it. It's even better if when you say it, a manager or boss happens to be in listening distance and hears that. But if he doesn't listen and continues, then go to a manager/boss and report it.
Well if it’s creeping you out then yes that’s harassment , co workers can be dangerous for the simple fact they feel they have time to move in closer and closer to you considering they know you will more than likely be at work giving them time to prepare themselves for what they really want to do next to you , it sounds like this guy has the hots for you and he is taking advantage of slowly getting to know you , If this guy is creeping you out you are best to say something to him to make him back off of you without causing to much conflict , tell him you have a boyfriend that you love and maybe that will back him off some , If he doesn’t stop then you should report him to your boss and he will more than likely be fired for harassment , A lot of affairs occur at work due to co workers having time to get to know someone they are attracted to , My ex had an affair with a co worker that was secretly flirting with her little by little making her feel special and catering to her , he was married and cheated on his wife with my ex, I busted them and ended it with my ex immediately , and I chased him to beat the living shit out of him , but he got away He was an older guy that had the hots for her , I ended up calling his wife and telling her everything , He is the biggest piece of shit on the planet same as my ex , So con workers can be dangerous when they are attracted to someone they work with
It's not harassment until after you've told him to stop and he won't. But yes, he is interested and might think you are too.
Don't make it a big deal until it is though. Tell him he's a friend or a co-worker but don't make it out to be harassment just yet. He's hinting at interest, strongly, but it's not like he's groping right? If you accuse him of harassment then it becomes dramatic and will only serve to complicate the workplace. Either tell him or hint strongly to him that you're not into him.
He is hitting on you. It’s not harassment until you tell him to stop it and he doesn’t. If you feel uncomfortable telling him, you may want to speak with someone in HR or his supervisor. But the best thing to do is to tell him straight up you are not interested.
You are not over reacting. You need to let him know it makes you feel uncomfortable. If he is any kind of a gentleman he will stop. He might not even realize what he is doing so letting him know may help a lot. If he continues then you need to let someone in your company know
I'd say yes. He's being a bit too flirty with you. You should either say something or keep some distance form him if this makes you feel uncomfortable. Don't let him take advantage of you because of your age or because he thinks you'll never say anything it's your right to speak up when something doesn't feel right.
To me that doesn't sound like good office behavior. You should probably either to talk to him and let him know that you are not comfortable with his actions towards you, or talk to HR. Make sure you document everything. I'm thinking to longer you let it go on, the worse it will get. To him no action on your part may seem to him you enjoy it, so he might just continue to escalate. Good luck.
This is DEFINITELY harassment on EVERY level. He needs reported to your superiors. It is important to give them specific details to make their investigation easier. Touching your shoulder, offering to shop for intimate clothing and force-hugging you can all be construed as sexual harassment. ESPECIALLY the lingerie.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
By law he hasn't done anything wrong. Really, you should let HR handle it, but if for some reason you don't, you have to first tell him that his attention is unwanted. Hand him a letter that says
Dear ____________________,
This letter has been served as notice of your unwarranted activities, or the equivalent thereof, that have been on-going in recent weeks. Therefore, you are required to cease and desist verbal and physical acts, including but not limited to: _____________________________________________________________________.
If you do not cease all related acts a harassment report will be filed against you.
The previously conducted actions are unwanted, unwelcome, and have become unbearable. Due to the aforementioned harm you have caused, this cease and desist shall serve as a pre-suit letter demanding that you provide us written assurance within ____ days that you will refrain from further actions that could be deemed as harassment.
If it’s making you uncomfortable, and clearly it is, it’s crossed the line. The question is what do you do about it, do you tell him to stop or do you go to HR or somewhere in the org to deal with it. Even though the company tells you to report these things, my opinion of HR is they never have your back. If this guy is important to them that will affect their response.
Yep. This guy stepped into the creep zone. Tell him to go away. Ot sounds easier said than done, but really it's not hard. He knows he's being inappropriate and he wants to see what he can get away with. Just say, "Your behavior/comments are unprofessional and I want you to stop." Don't have a debate with him if he tries to play stupid. If he offers an apology, accept and walk away.
Yes! Let HR know. Don’t be overwhelmed with your own negative intrusive thoughts. You and every women out there deserve a safe work enviroment. Inform HR , or your boss directly and let him get fired. Both for your own wellbeing and your other female collagues
No he’s definitely out of line and you need to let him know he’s making you feel uncomfortable and document everything like write it down on a calendar every interaction with him in case you get fired or catch a bunch of grief at work it’s straight up sexual harassment and if you were my daughter I’d catch him somewhere and beat his ass
That's totally wrong on his part. He is definitely trying to fish off the company pier. You are being sexually harassed. This guy is making inappropriate comments and unwanted physical contact. The lingerie comment? He totally tipped his hand there. That comment is one step below "Wanna fuck?" This guy is heading towards getting fired at warp 9.95. Honestly, he would deserve it.
Make it clear that you aren't interested. If he continues after that then it's harassment. Even if you don't say anything, walking up and hugging you from behind is going too far. Simply showing interest is not harassment.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Sounds sketchy to me. Tell him he's making you uncomfortable and ask him to stop touching you and making inappropriate comments. If he doesn't stop, report it to your HR dept.
You have known him for over 6 months, I certainly do not consider him sexually harassing you, he may just be a touchy type of guy, no point in getting him disciplined for something that is not harassment.
Okay well first of all tell him to stop, establish some boundaries. If he doesn't contact HR. You are an adult and should tell someone to stop if they are making you uncomfortable.
Yea sounds like he's definitely heading in that direction. Probably be safe to keep your distance
1
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
He's flirting with you. It isn't harassment until you tell him to stop. If you are not interested, tell him, and if he doesn't stop, then it's harassment.
@EnglishEuropean A hug is not assault. If she doesn't want to be hugged, she should tell him. At that point it becomes harassment. He's not groping her or harming her in any way whatsoever.
He is advancing definitely. You should check that are you giving some indirect hints. How does he come to know about your lingerie coupon? Think! You'll find solution.
@kumaradit I can tell your heart is in the right place but you're inadvertently putting responsibility on to her when in the work place he should not be having that lingerie conversation. Also, a woman being friendly isn't a sign for a man to inappropriate conversations or touching. I said earlier that a hug or touching a shoulder in of itself isn't technically harassment because those actions depend on how the person on the receiving end feels about it. None of us have a right to touch anyone else.
If she said she was hugging him all the time and reciprocating similar advances towards him then I'd say they're both giving mixed signals on what is acceptable and not within their worl relationship. She did not indicate any of that from her end. So to that point she doesn't have to feel to blame for any of this. I don't think you intended this to be her fault but my asking her to check herself is implying that.
I talked about that coupon with a female coworker and she loudly asked me about that brand. He only heard our convo. Also, I have never indicated any form of physical touch.
No sexual harassment, but he is trying to get your attention. It seems to be bothering you, so confront him about it and do it where others are nearby.
If he is making you uncomfortable then politely say so. He is definitely giving you signs of wanting more. Once you have explained it to him, if he keeps up, then it is harassment. At that point you can get a supervisor involved
The forced hugging is definitely beyond the pale. However I think it would be fair to explain to him that his behaviour is unacceptable before reporting him to HR (which would obviously be the next step).
This is why American dating (Western Dating actually) is DEAD. Men, do yourself a favor and go overseas. When women are this sensitive about a shoulder touch, it's time to LEAVE
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I think he is interested in you, but that is not harassment unless you don't like him and he knows that and does it anyway. Just tell him to stop if you want to.
It is weird, but I feel like you should let the guy know and if he doesn't stop go to hr. If it is sexual in nature and you feel uncomfortable then it's harassment.
Hate to break it to you but this is usually what happens to voluptuous people like myself and you just comes with the territory I’m a guy so I fucking love it (when it’s women) but you’re a girl so you should report that shit pronto
You should sexually harass him! Fight fure with fire!
1
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
You need to tell him that he is making you uncomfortable. As well, you should mention to HR that his behavior has made you uncomfortable and that you have since asked him to stop. That way if it continues it is an easy case of sexual harassment.
You can tell him why he is behaving like this, and explain to him that you are not happy with what he is doing. And respect him because many people do not like to know what is wrong with their work.
0
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Definitely sexual harassment. Report it to your work and have dates and times of what he did/said
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
he's being creepy and you are uncomfortable. tell HR immediately.
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