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men often aren’t encouraged to talk about their feelings. In fact, they’re sometimes discouraged from doing so. Additionally, men often tend to shy away from vulnerable conversations. It’s a little social, but it’s also a little biological, in my opinion. On one hand, men are less socially supported when it comes to talking about their feelings. Little boys are given less metaphorical space to explore and share their feelings (i. e., less time to cry, less tolerance of ‘pansy’ feelings, more picked on for being sensitive), and so they grow up not learning *the skill* (it is a skill) for discussing and navigating their feelings. On the other hand, and probably somewhat a byproduct of social norms, men generally get more physiologically overwhelmed when discussing hard things. Hard things can be raw and vulnerable conversations, like sex and love, or hard things can be feeling discouraged and defeated. That physiological overwhelm can be stopped if the person ignores the topic, and so they’re less inclined to dive into the world of feelings. I can’t emphasize enough that these are broad brush strokes. Of course, there are men who don’t fit this bill. Men also get into the habit of “brushing it,” instead of facing difficult feelings. Most women would say: “Men are more solution-focused. That is basic psychology, but it’s still important to point out. Men tend to be more solution-focused. In general, for females, discussing a problem (without jumping to a solution) is relieving and makes the problem more manageable. Men tend to be the type who hear about a problem and jump in with an answer to fix it. This isn’t inherently wrong, but when it comes to feelings, there aren’t really answers, per se; there are just feelings to experience and articulate. So, when faced with a feeling and no immediate solution, men try to compartmentalize it or brush it under the rug (i. e., ignore it).” men have to successfully complete a few steps before they can have a productive conversation about their feelings, as explained by Vossenkemper. “First, they have to acknowledge that it’s a problem or that they’re struggling. This is hard enough in and of itself. Second, they have to admit out loud that it’s a problem, which is even harder than admitting it to oneself. Third they have to combat the shame that comes with not being man enough to handle it on their own. Fourth, they have to learn a new way of thinking, feelings, and dealing with something, and in a way that they haven’t had to previously. All of these things are difficult, and in combination with a general societal judgment for men who admit weakness, it’s a recipe for ignoring and hoping the problem goes away.”
Keeping difficult emotions in can be detrimental to your health. Doing so can lead to or exacerbate stress, cause headaches, and even trigger your sympathetic nervous system’s fight or flight response. Do your best to accept whatever you are feeling, release those feelings, and move forward. If you think about it, Tomboys is very common. In a US study from 2012, while nearly half of girls reported being traditional girls, the rest almost equally identified as either “in-betweens” or tomboys. You really got to know where to find Tomgirls, I want to say the gay bars, but I highly doubt some Tomgirls would actually hang around there. It seemed Tomboys and Bruh Girl are the most popular type of girls out there. A bruh girl is the type of girl who doesn't care about appearances, eats plenty, swears, burps, drinks, and is essentially 'one of the guys'. She's the one who says 'bruh' to her parents and enjoys stereotypically male pursuits, finding softness and femininity pretty cringe. Somewhat similar to tomboys. There aren't really much information about Tomgirls, unless you really know where to look for them.
I feel it's because it's instinctual from probably the caveman time. This idea has been passed down for generations and may have been a good thing back when the men had to fight of intruders, be known as the rock of the family, do most, if not all of the strong work needed and just couldn't show any sign of weakness for fear the rest of the family would be overcome by fear as well. Men had to show strength to keep his family strong, even when he was scrarted as shit, I believe. It was a survival thing, I feel.
I think this is changing, due to modern times and it's a good thing. I am not afraid and have been told to accept my feminine side, since age of 5 during Zen/Buddhist/American Indian studies. I express my feelings all the time and friggin cry in so many movies. My daughter literally laughs at me and knows usually about when I will in certain movies. The movie Inside Out, makes me cry every single time; but it's about a little girls mind and her thoughts at an early age and just reminds me of her very much.
I have more women as friends than men because of this and we have long in-depth conversations and many women come to me to discuus their men in their life and all aspects of their own thoughts.
It's truly wonderful to share these thoughts and and be there for my friends; many men can't do this without wanting to sleep with them. So, a lot of men actually have no female friends because that can't control their wants and those thoughts. It's sad, because women have plenty of insight and plenty to say. Half the world, people. We men should be listening to women way more and not just the ones we happen to be having sex with or want to.
Having said that, I have also found that even though women always want this "expressing of his feelings" or "his feminity", from men, it's a bit of a risk, because many women become sexually unattracted to this. Not all, but way more than I wish was true. My ex-wife even went this route.
Women still, even in the 21st century, are stuck on the caveman dominance mentality, I fear. Some who demand this, even fall to this and it takes a very aware, mentally mature woman to overcome this instictual feeling. My opinion.
Because of other men and other women. Any similar problem, to this, that exist is due to the people you walk by and see everyday. Some a literally in the comments below @StormMistress
Simply not everyone thinks the same, and one group will punish the other for not conforming. I honestly wondering all the time if 100 years from now guy will have their own make up for guys. I mean make up itself, crying itself, all these things we call for girls... Aren't really feminine at all. Guys use make up in show business. They just don't do it like women. Crying is natural. It isn't feminine.
The problem is here only. They will be criticized heavily for it. They will rather hide it than getting depressed due to it. Men are expected to be strong and tough and Femininity is considered soft and weak which will be unlikely for men. The fault isn't of men. If you will get heavily criticized and often misunderstood for something then why will you do it? This is what men think. The mindset of society is to be changed and it will happen only if we change ourselves because we are the society only.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverthirty/comments/ax9cut/well_it_happened_i_cried_and_she_changed/
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3506718/Admit-no-woman-man-cries-attractive-today-s-men-weep-drop-hat-isn-t-sexy.html
It might not be true of ALL women, but a whole lot of women, even if they SAY they want their man to "express his emotions" or "share his feelings", will be sexually turned off by a man who cries in front of her. I've had at least half a dozen guy friends have this happen to them, including one couple who was together for 8 years, and after crying in front of his wife for the first time when his father died, she never looked at him the same again.
I've even had women admit that they've told boyfriends that they should feel comfortable crying in front of her, but when they did, she felt herself losing her attraction to them, and had to face the fact that her actual feelings and instincts didn't match the politically correct words she'd been saying all along.
So, even though some women really DO feel that men should be able to cry, men need to be aware that it's a significant risk, and there's a good chance that doing so will be the beginning of the end of that relationship.
I am not afraid of showing off my feminine side in general. However, it is amazing to see how other people react to it. I grew up with sisters so I feel like I have a good handle and acceptance of what are generally considered the more feminine aspects of my personality. Some people are cool with it, but some aren't. I think especially if you are a straight man, the way different women react to it makes you aware of it. Some women I've liked in the past responded well to it, while I have experienced other women I am have liked who almost didn't want to see it.
So maybe it's all still down to societal prejudices, even if they are subliminal more than publically expressed. I don't think the majority of people care about how masculine/feminine someone can be, but I do think when it comes to being attracted to the opposite sex it can be a big factor. Some women definitely want their man to be the 'strong man' type, whilst some guys would not want to be with a woman who is a tomboy or displays masculine characteristics.
Here we go again with the “why are guys afraid”. What are you afraid of? Being raped? Being murdered? Being forced to submit to the will of someone stronger?
I can’t speak for all guys but I can for myself. I’m afraid of many things. I was afraid back in high school as that old man held me and my family at gun point. But I didn’t cry and cower… I stood my ground made myself his focus of attention and talked us out of a bad situation. I dropped 800 lbs on my foot before, had nails through both feet, been hit by cars, been in truck accidents, I’ve been hurt by the shit both men and women say and do… and yes I cry. I cry when something is bitterly sweet or so sad it breaks me, I cry when I lose someone or something important that can never be gotten back, hell I even cry when I see unacceptable suffering of children and animals whom have no hope of changing their suitation…
I don’t cry because I’m hurt. When the enemies at the gates I’m the one my family looks at to be strong. I can’t count on the woman to carry me miles to a hospital. I can’t count on society to care about me. I can’t even count on the sanity I sacrifice myself for to support me in MY time of need. So I don’t cry. I stay strong so I can handle life. Masculinity makes me strong. Femininity is support. I can’t lead if I’m always supporting.
I agree with you. A lot of the opinions are bringing up “well women don’t find feminine men attractive”
why do we always need to base things off of attraction from the other sex? Do y’all ever dress the way you want for YOURSELF? Or do you solely base all your decisions on whether or not women will find you attractive?
There are plenty of women who think men with a feminine side are attractive. Look at Harry Styles, Machine Gun Kelly, and all these other guys in Hollywood who aren’t afraid to experiment with feminine clothes/make up. Women literally drool over these me
. Or even when you look at Instagram or TikTok, the guys with the most followers are the ones with painted nails, eyeliner, and dangly earrings on.
and as for talking about men expressing emotion, we need to end the belief that only women can cry and be sad. That’s why the suicide rate for men is so high because our mental health is not taken as seriously as womens. We are told to “man up” when we are feeling sadness when it’s a natural human emotion.
And I PROMISE y’all that women don’t like men who go “I don’t cry, I don’t get sad, I’m MANLY.” Ask any women and I promise she’ll see that as a red flag because it’s a sign that you’re so insecure with your masculinity/sexuality that you think something as simple as crying is “too feminine”
Because as much as people like to think racism, hatred, etc., will end one, day it won’t. Due to a number of factors, I think one being how were raised. I’m sure your parents raised me differ then your parents, not just culturally but in other ways. I have a son. I’d like him to be able to show sympathy as well as empathy to people, but just how much. If I raise my son to be too big of an emotional box of feelings every little thing is going to hurt him, so I don’t know where to draw that line as a father to what is too much or too little. I don’t want him crying about everything. Not only that a lot of women aren’t into men who are emotional wrecks, sometimes one person has to be stronger when things happen which is usually the male. As for women acting like tomboys, a lot of us men actually find that sexy, a number of us may like it as well. I like a girl who can throw on jeans, a shirt, ball cap w tennis shoes then run out the door. Hate is never going to cease, it’s bad enough in our country but now if you look at it globally. A lot of differences in cultures.
“Afraid of expressing femininity” assumes that most men want to express femininity when we don’t.
The reason we don’t respect it has to do with the way we evolved. It’s hard-wired.
For most of our history our ancestors lived in tribes, in a far more dangerous world, and men had to hunt and fight with other men in order for the tribe to survive. Over thousands of years this shaped who we are.
Masculine ideals come from this, they’re not completely random, and they’re hard-wired in most men.
We automatically view men who are strong, courageous, competent and honourable (honourable as in they care about their reputation among men) as being more masculine. We automatically view men who are weak, cowardly, incompetent and dishonourable (don’t care about being men) as less masculine.
In those times weak men could get you killed, they were a burden, and in fact they could put your whole tribe in danger. A weak, cowardly, incompetent, dishonourable man is more likely to act in a way to save his own ass. He won’t back you up, he might even betray you. You can’t trust a weak man.
We might not live in those times but we still have the programming. Those times will also come again.
A society needs strong men in order to survive. Feminised societies fail, which is why you’re never heard of a successful matriarchal society, and probably think that it’s a new idea that hasn’t ever been tried when it has. Those societies just got taken over by stronger patriarchal cultures because their men were weak.
That’s the problem with a society based on empathy and tolerating everything just to be nice to everybody. When it comes to thinking about long term success of a culture women are morons.
Okay, so well over 90% of the population is heterosexual. Which literally means you are attracted to opposite sex. So guys tend to think Heterosexuals women are are attracted to the opposite sex. So it is natural that men try to be as manly as possible in appearance and action because they think it appealing to women.
Given the over charged confusion with gender these days... no heterosexuals guy wants any women to think he might be confused about who or what he is, and definitely not over what he wants from a women.
Now there is nothing wrong with a sensitive guy, but nobody likes a drama queen.
@StormMistress The reason for this runs deep into the social stigmas and stereotypes in western society about what constitutes masculinity. Masculinity is more complicated and complex than most realize. I happen to be one of those sensitive men you speak of. I am an empath, and have a very soft and gentle disposition. And yet, I am also very, very strong, very muscular and hard, sexually dominant and have a mostly alpha personality. I think there is feminine softness, and male softness. The two are not the same. So I reject the notion that sensitive males should be considered feminine, and that being feminine is somehow a negative.
I don't think crying is all that feminine or masculine. I never cried harder than when my father passed away.
But such things are hard to talk about in a forum where many folks don't even agree that there are such things as masculine or feminine traits. And where many males cannot define their masculinity without thinking about how much power or authority they have over women.
It was one of the craziest takes I ever posted.
What Are Masculine Traits?
Maybe cause you yourself have for some reason equated certain emotions and acts to different genders, like I don't even know what you mean honestly.
If a guy does it it's masculine and if a woman does it it's feminine, or you could just stop trying to gender acts.
A girl isn't manly cause she wears jeans and flannels, and I guy isn't girls cause he gets a manicure, pedicure, and moisturizes his skin.
A girl ain't manly for holding in emotions and guy isn't girly for saying he has hurt feelings, either you are good at communicating or you're toxic, it's not a gender thing.
"Why are guys afraid of expressing femininity?"
You're asking the wrong question here ^ because the way you've phrased it you seem to be putting the blame on men who want to express their femininity but are afraid to.
The question you should be asking is why society (INCLUDING women) make those men feel bad or undesirable. And the FACT is the majority of women do find effeminate men undesirable and/or are put off by guys who behave in typically female ways. So, you tell us why men should feel bad about that.
You are correct that women who show their masculine side aren't ridiculed nearly as much. And that is because society (INCLUDING men) accept them that way.
We men are doing our part. Why are you women not returning the favor?
Because most men aren't very feminine? You can give me "permission" to cry all you want i just dont ever want to. I find girls weird that they cry so often but then i remember they are women and thats normal. For some reason you girls have a stick up your ass about men, its not normal for us to cry like you do.
Also women are the harshest judges, its not men who are going to make the biggest deal about a man crying, its women. Men who cry generally do not get laid. Men who dont cry do. Thats women enforcing this not men.
"showing emotion" and "expressing femininity" aren't really the same thing. That said, I don't think men are "afraid" of acting feminine. We just don't WANT to act feminine. What you ascribe to "fear", I'd ascribe to mere disinterest. It's like saying "why are bengal tigers afraid of turning vegan?"
More guys are doing this. But let’s get down to brass tacks here. How attractive is a straight guy to women if he acts feminine? He will be looked at as a friend. As another woman. Not as a real man. Straight men absolutely don’t want to viewed that way.
An attractive yet tomboyish girl will still always find guys willing to date her. Men don’t immediately question her sexuality. Her masculine side might can sometimes threaten the guy in the relationship but not always. Also tomboy girls tend to be more direct in communication which is breath of fresh air.
It is also true that men will pressure and bully other men who act feminine. But that’s not real subconscious reason men act more stoic. It’s really about Freudian dynamics. I just wish more women can own up to this.
Some of us just genuinely aren't wired to be so good at it. Women aren't always so good at the masculine either, by the way. My wife is great at nurturing but she starts doubting herself in conflict situations. I'm far better at resolving conflicts and disputes but I panic and doubt myself like she does if I'm dealing with someone who is an emotional mess. I genuinely don't have that nurturing side as much as she does but she genuinely doesn't have that protector side as I do.
The fact that you labeled crying as expressing femininity is wrong. A man crying doesn't make him feminine, a man expressing his feelings doesn't make him feminine, a man being open and honest isn't feminine. It's called human emotions. The fact you've put a label on emotions as only being feminine further proves that YOU are the problem. Fix your mindset
It’s not that they’re afraid. It’s just unnatural. Men are supposed to be masculine and women are supposed to be feminine in order to complete each other. Men still want to feel completed. Apparently women don’t. They’d rather be masculine and turn men feminine. It’s almost as if it’s some sick attempt to switch the roles because women think men are those horrible vicious monster Vikings that will rape and fight them.
I don't think men are afraid to show their feminine side. Especially not in our time.
But men are still men and the majority of them have characteristics that you can call "masculine". Surely it is due to the role of hormones.
That being said, I have nothing against feminine men, everyone has their differences and it is important to respect everyone.
However, don't expect that to represent a majority of men.
A soft man get bullied and abused. He is painting a sign of sucker on himself and all the snakes will target him. The best way to have peace as a man is to be a guy no one messes with. So no being feminine is not a good path for anything. You won't get respect from either men or women.
What do you consider feminine? Do you want guys to watch romantic shows and cry while eating ice cream or popcorn? It’s kind of silly. I don’t express feminine things because I don’t do feminine stuff. Do you want guys to act more metrosexual or gay? I don’t understand what you are asking?
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