My girlfriend was blushing and flirting with a waiter one night at dinner, I didn’t like it. Instead of being jealous and upset I did something different.
I said to my girlfriend: “you were pretty flirty, you obviously kinda like that guy. why don’t you have dinner with him tonight?”
I whistled the guy over and asked if he was single and would like to date my girlfriend. I asked for his number for her and even offered my seat at the booth so they can get to know eachother.
My girlfriend and the waiter were super uncomfortable and embarrassed!
To me it was historically funny. Was I a Dick? Probably.
I felt like that was a different approach, funny for me, harsh for them.
Do you guys think that was a good way to make sure she doesn’t do it again?
Updates
+1 y
Update: when dinner continued she joked back and accused me of flirting with another waitress when I just put our order in bluntly, and said she looks more like my type haha 😂
After dinner we just went home and went to bed.
My girlfriend flirted with a waiter and this is what I did?
Alright man, let me give you some advice. You have 2 options:
1) You check her on it
2) Dump her ass
I would advice you take 2, but depending on how you do it 1 can work as well.
See, what she just did is a shit test. She's basically trying to see how you will react, if you will tolerate it, and if she can overstep her boundaries again in the future. If you choose 1, you basically have to make it VERY CLEAR that flirting is not accepted, give out examples of what you think flirting is, pick a consequence and then make sure you follow through with that consequence if she does it the next time.
Case study: your girlfriend of 1 year is very touchy-feely with this guy she knows from work and tells you "he's just a friend". What do you do?
Answer: tell her that you don't tolerate flirting with other people. Examples of flirty behavior: touchy-feely, playing with you hair, biting their lip or laughing at lame jokes that aren't funny. Example of a consequence: Break up next time it happens.
Hey, this way you know if she gives half a shit about you, she will stay in her boundaries. If she does it again, she was never yours to begin with. Always make sure you don't have to warn someone more than once, and follow through with the consequence you set. Best of luck.
I don't know that it'll stop her from doing it again but, most girls would've done the same to a guy even if he WASN'T actually flirting! For that matter, most girls would flip and walk out and make a bug scene in front of everybody!! I saw something similar at a party one night. I was hanging out with this girl and guy in the garage of this house where the party was. We were all just talking, Nothing at ALL sexual. probably all music talk. This guy's girlfriend walked in and joined the convo for a mo until the first girl VERY casually reached under her short skirt and with a finger of each hand, simply readjusted the elastic in the leg holes in the BACK of her panties. The whole process took MAYBE a second! Neither of us guys even noticed or thought any of it! She was just moving the leg bands after having sat for a while (she just stood up seconds before). Well, girlfriend got IRATE over this and started pitching a major bitch at HIM like he'd been cheating on her, asking that girl to adjust her panties for him and all sorts of stupid shit like that! She broke up with him over that!! REALLY? A girl decides to adjust her panties with a finger or two after sitting down for a while and it's YOUR GUY'S fault that she did it? What a psycho!! I would've probably broke up with HER right then and there!!!
That happened to me when I went out to dinner with this guy I was seeing. I immediately felt that they were into each other. When she took his order, she didn't stand up and take it. NOOO! She squatted down, facing him with her legs apart. The laughing and flirting continued. She took my order standing up. As she was walking away from me, she patted me on my shoulder a couple of times. What's up with that? Then when it came time for him to sign the paperwork for his credit card (that's how they used to do it) I could see how they exchanged phone numbers on the paperwork. I went to the ladies room and thought if only I had brought more money with me, I would've taken a cab home and left the two of them to be alone. Instead I sat down in front of him in my chair and looked away from him and gave him the silent treatment. So he waits a few minutes, then comes over and picks up my chair with me in it and put the chair and me sitting right next to him. A person knows when your girl or guy is flirting in front of you, and they do it anyway and don't care about your feelings. It is a punishable offense!
That was unbelievably rude! Not only did you deliberately embarrass her, you embarrassed the waiter, and likely everyone sitting near you was in FULL-ON cringe mode, also you were disrespectful by disturbing everyone else’s nice dinner! What you did was far more than “dickish”, it was overtly abusive! I truly hope you enjoyed the extra spit in your dinner! I never, thought that someone ever deserved spit in their food until now! What an insecure, petty little man you are! You COULD have politely told your (hopefully now EX-girlfriend) that her flirting with the waiter was hurtful, and asked her to be more respectful of you and your feelings going forward. But why act like an adult when you can have a tantrum? As for the waiter, he was WAY more than likely just being pleasant, to try to get a bigger tip, as anyone who’s ever worked as waitstaff knows, smiling will always get you more tips! He certainly did not deserve to be subjected to you and your insecure petty tirade!
So according to you, the best thing this guy could do was simply state to his girlfriend that she didn't liked hher flirting with him and if she does it again, he will dump her? (Kind of like giving an ultimatum)
The guy's mentality was as follows "if they really like each other and my girlfriend is way more interested in a stranger than me during the time we have reserved for each other, why shouldn't I let her show her true colors and check her promiscuity for myself" (like he is testing her loyalty)
@IMuser Well at least I’m consistent, because when the question was asked about “testing” one’s partner, I was pretty adamant that testing someone you’re in a relationship with is immature, disrespectful, and childish! Second, that is not even remotely what I said, I literally said he should let her know “that her flirting with the waiter was hurtful, and asked her to be more respectful of you and your feelings going forward”. Not a word about “breaking up” or “ultimatums”, just “respect”. You must have missed that part of my answer. Even if she WAS flirting, and it still just looks to be this guys insecurity in overdrive, but even if she WAS flirting with the waiter, that makes her disrespectful, it does NOT make her promiscuous! You do understand what the difference is between smiling at someone else and fucking them, right?
1. As for testing the relationship, i completely agree it's a pathetic move, i was just explaining the guy's mentality (assuming this was on his mind) 2. The analogy between smiling and fucking someone is rather different: smiling is a lot more common and relatively ambiguous reaction as compared to flirting with someone. Flirting is a multitude Times of interest than smiling 3. Doting on other individual, especially when you are with someone, is a disrespectful act because this means you are paying them less attention as compared to a stranger 4. If the behaviour happens again after talking, what do you think the action should be taken by the boyfriend? (Or if we reverse the roles, by the girlfriend) 5. I am not accusing someone or spreading any kind of hate, i am just willing to know the right action which should be taken in this situation because I might experience this sometime in my life
@IMuser “ Doting on other individual, especially when you are with someone, is a disrespectful …”. Again Sir, I truly must insist you read my first post in its entirety, prior to posting replies to it. NEVER in the entire question of in my answer does anyone even mention doting on each other. I don’t know how you would flirt with a waitress while giving your order, but whenever I flirt, it starts and ends with a smile! Maybe I’ll brush my hair over one ear with my fingertips. Flirting is just a way of communicating using nonverbal signals of sexual/romantic interest instead of just asking someone out, really! That’s all it takes to flirt… ONE smile!
I guess i am "confusing and hyping up" things. After reading your answer again, i think I need a further explanation on these 2 paragraphs
"Flirting is just a way of communicating using nonverbal signals of sexual/romantic interest instead of just asking someone out, really! That’s all it takes to flirt… ONE smile!" A) if flirting means showing non verbal communication of sexual/romantic interest, what is the verbal method called? B) If I smiled at you, would that be flirting or just a normal human response to an attractive individual or just not making a sour face? C) Why should one show sexual/romantic interest on someone else in front of their partner? And if they do, what is the other partner supposed to do? ----------- "You COULD have politely told your (hopefully now EX-girlfriend) that her flirting with the waiter was hurtful, and asked her to be more respectful of you and your feelings going forward." A) What do you think the "boyfriend" must have said to his "girlfriend" in this situation, expressing the disrespect he felt, in an adult way? B) If the "girlfriend" simply replies: "ahhh that was just fun, you are being insecure", what is the "boyfriend" supposed to do? I am aware that this is kind of an insecurity but if a guy doesn't like his girl flirting with others, does that make his preference wrong? ------------------- (Unfortunately I am not well versed with how flirting works and If my questions appear childish, they are nothing but a lack of experience in the "communications" department of my brain )
@IMuser A) The verbal method is called speaking. That can be asking someone out on a date, or if already in the relationship verbal communication of a sexual or romantic nature would be considered foreplay. B) Given that I assume you took my advice and told her how disrespectful you thought she was behaving, and that it really hurt your feelings, if she says “ahhh but it was just fun…” Repeating your prior objection adding something like “regardless of how much fun it was for you, since I’ve explained how disrespectful it was, and how hurtful it was for me… maybe we should just end this right now and I’ll take you home!” You see THAT preserves YOUR self respect, shows her that you will not tolerate being treated with such disrespect, AND doesn’t make you look like a giant douche. There are many ways to deal with that situation, and believe me, my way will have a MUCH greater impact on how she thinks about it, and of you going forward! Some women don’t care if they make a man mad, they’ve been doing it for years. But very few women want to genuinely hurt someone’s feelings, so the way I explained will be far more likely to reach her, and she’ll be much better with the next man! I know guys think “feelings “ are stupid, but if you want to communicate, ACTUALLY communicate, try speaking the language of us women… feelings.
There is not much more I can add. The questions on what if like, what if the boyfriend… irrelevant! It’s a mad-up situation or a retelling of on old one, either way there as a million things he could have said, and I’m not going over them one by one. As for why should there be flirting with someone while you are on a date…THERE SHOULDN’T BE! that’s why I wrote that he should say that it was hurtful and disrespectful, because she was wrong to do it!
That’s the differences between guys and girls , a girl can just be nice talking to someone but the guy will take it as she is flirting and vice versa. Now since you are a guy was the waiter just being nice and doing his job or was he eye fucking Your girl and sending her body language signals that he wants to fuck her brains out? Now that’s something guys can pick up on if another guy is trying to get with your girl , but girl’s really can’t pick up on that , same goes for A girl flirting with a guy, a girl can pick up if another girl likes her man while he is completely clueless to it and just being nice , That’s why it’s best to go out with a girl friend when you are single , A girl pretty much knows if another girl likes you or not , when we are completely clueless to it , unless we are being eye fucked or notice her body language but most girl’s are hard to read , why it’s best to take advice from another girl , My friend’s wife has helped me a few times lol , I went to a bar restaurant with them and our waitress was cute and I made a comment that she has beautiful eyes to my friends , and the wife said well good cuz she likes you as well , I was like yea right , why do you say that and she said I just know cuz of the way she gets when she comes near you , I was so dumbfounded and clueless , so she said ask her what she is doing after work and invite her out with us , I said fine , well I did and the girl was all about it , I was in shock and damn it was a great rest of the night lol
You said you didn't get angry and jelous, but reacted in a angry and jelous way? To you what would be a "angry and jelous reaction" Killing them both?
Jus because you did it in a sarcastic and passive aggressive way doesn't mean you didn't react in an angry way, infact I think the way you acted here was the worst way you possibly could have.
A real person in control of their emotions, like me... Would have just waited til you got home, then talk to your girlfriend by the bed... "Hey babe, why don't you like me? I seen you flirting with that guy, am I not good enough for you? (Sad face)
Thats how you're suppose to act, you want the person to feel and understand you and feel sorry for you... Then maybe she will wanna stop doing it in future and care for you... But because you acted like a sarcastic dick, she probably doesn't care about you much how and probably jus sees you as some jerk, making it more likely that she will now sexually cheat on you with that waiter.. very intelligent you are
It's normal and human nature for humans to be attracted to multiple people, we can't help it.. so it's not her fault she flirted with waiter.. I agree she could have controlled her urges and not done it. But maybe you recently done something wrong or bad to her so she didn't care about your feelings
My suggestion is you go home and talk to her start with "hey babe, I'm sorry I got so angry and reacted like such a jerk back there, it's jus I love you so much I get so jelous when I see you flirting with other guys..." Then add whatever you like,
If you want to try and fix things with her that is... If she still continues to flirt with other guys after that.. fuck her. Dump her
Women (although a few of them are reasonable so not all) never fail to disappoint here with their bullshit arguments.
First things first a woman who is fully into you won’t flirt with other dudes, especially not right in front of you. The level of respect which she shows you signals her level of attraction towards you. This is a bad sign for the future.
This is why their argument that this could get you dumped is bullshit. Your girl is flirting with another dude, this is a sign that she’s not that into you anyway. Besides, for me, flirting with another dude is how a woman gets dumped.
Which brings me to the next argument about jealousy and insecurity. If she’s flirting with another dude, it means that she’s attracted to that dude, enough so that she’s willing to disrespect you.
Sure some guys are very insecure and will accuse a woman of something over something tiny like just being polite to another guy, but these women take it to another level where they try to convince you that you’re supposed to tolerate anything and everything up to the point where you catch her on her knees with his dick in her mouth.
If you see a girl doing shady shit and you’re tricked into not saying or doing anything about it because she might call you insecure you’re just going to get walked all over, and that’s what these women seem to want.
Even worse, one of them says you’re out of order and that she won’t put up with this insecure bullshit, then in her next breath says that she’d dump her boyfriend for flirting with other women.
She made the first dick move by flirting with the other dude, you made a dick move in return. Just don’t be stupid enough to think that this fixed anything, she just showed you what she thinks of you and that’s not gonna change over this. My advice would be to dump.
I don't have the patience to deal with that nonsense lol
If I had a boyfriend (I'm married and my husband would never lmao) and he accused me of flirting with a waiter when I was just being nice I'd peace out.
I have no tolerance for that stuff. If he does it once he'll do it again and will become insecure in the future and I would rather be single than constantly feel like I have to reassure my partner of my feelings for them.
Alternatively, if my partner really was flirting with a waiter in front of me I'd dump them too. Again, no patience for shit like that.
You say she flirted, was he flirting back? My opinion might not be liked but eh who cares.. If they were both flirting, not caring that that could be embarrassing or uncomfortable for you, than they got what they deserved... I think it's very rude and disrespectful to be out with one person and flirting with someone ignoring the person you're with and not caring about how they would make them feel... That being said, if he wasn't flirting back or you mistook friendliness for flirting, then yeah that was a dick move.. Either way, kinda funny 🤣 And before anyone says, how would you like if someone did that to you, wouldn't happen because I'm not a flirt anyways but I would never be flirting with someone else if I had a boyfriend or was out on a date
Depends what you wanted to accomplish. Humiliate her? That you did. Not to say it wasn't funny but overall immature and non-productive.
Long term I don't think it will help you keep that relationship if that's what you want. Being impulsive like that rarely does. You should have had a serious conversation with her about it after the fact. This way I'm afraid you antagonised her.
Fighting fire with fire is not always the best strategy... in fact it's usually a bad strategy if you want to keep your friendship or relationship. Think about your ultimate goal.
From what you said the waiter had bugger all to do with it.
He was doing his job, if he flirted as in full on flirted with your girlfriend then you take it up with the establishment, if he did not then you don’t involve him or her if it’s a waitress.
I would say you both need to end it as can’t see a future for your relationship.
Also just cutting in to the flirting and reminding her who she is with is far more effective than embarrassing everyone.
It’s a bit playground cringe type of thing, especially involving waiter.🤦
You said it... you're a dick! You haven't learned yet that women don't like being told what to do and you tried to control her. It wouldn't surprise me if, next time your out to dinner, she dies one of two things... ask the waitress for her number for you, or flirting again with the waiter. Both of them would be her way of getting even. Or, to really get even, she might just give on a date with the waiter... after all, you set it up.
In the future, if your girlfriend does something you don't like, do nothing immediately, and then have a calm talk about it later. Communications in a relationship is paramount.
honestly you like to brag about what you did like it was cool. But I think you have poor judgement on continuing to date someone like that. I think you might suffer from low self worth too.
I don't think its right under any circumstances to be flirting with someone else on a date. Doing such a thing is highly disrespectful and chances are she's not that captivated by you, which is why she did something like that. When you're on a date, your date is supposed to be on the spot light.
I don't think your relationship will last. Its only a matter of time before it ends. If she's behaving like that in dating, what do you expect when you're married to her? would she still be flirting with other guys as a wife? Flirting is a slippery slope. It might start out fun and harmless as a joke during the beginning but if you're not careful, you might truly get attracted to the other person. Then it would be a slip and slide from there.
You sound like my ex-boyfriend when I was 19 years old. He was controlling, domineering, paranoid, and wildly jealous. What you did left me with a bad feeling. I don't believe she flirted with the waitor. IF she explicitly hit on him, and flirted with him, and you know this for FACT, like if she said something like; "You're cute" or whatever, then I would dump her. However, I get the feeling you are just very jealous. I don't like that you actually went out of your way to call him over and embarrass your girlfriend like that. It doesn't sound like you explored or inquired about your concerns with her. It sounds like you are impulsive. I don't like it. You should look at your behaviors and see if they are realistic to the situation at hand.
I'd have to know way more information to say whether it was too harsh or not. If she really was flirting with another guy in front of you, that's just not okay. There are just a few too many unknowns: whether or not she actually liked the guy, whether she was trying to make you jealous, if all of this was just some stupid test, if she was having a good time with you and that friendliness was just extending everywhere, etc.
I liked that very much! Whether it's a guy or a girl whose in her position, I feel like that was like the least worst thing anyone could've done 😆
You could've yelled and hollered and her and or the waitor. You could've hit her. You could've started a fight with him. You could've walked out on her. You could've broken up with her... you could've done any of the above, but no!!! You decided to try something new, different, unexpected, which was pretty clever, in my opinion. I might steal that idea one day, but I doubt that something like that would happen to me.
But I thought that it was pretty amusing, like showing her that you're serious in what you say and do. Anyways, I hope that the both of you are still very much in love with each other. I would just work more on communication and talking about how each other feels when things like this occur. Maybe you both would have a better understanding ☺
Nah... I think it was creative. I mean if she is acting in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable then you need to step back from that relationship anyway. I can't say I would of done the same thing, but I applaud you not laying down and taking that type of crap. I would not of just over looked it or not of said something.
I am not a jealous type either but if I feel disrespected then I am not going to just sit there either. But in cases like this if you try to ask or inquire about it the girl usually says you imagined something or misunderstood... but it still feels wrong to you and it just festers.
No it makes you seem weak, like you lost control of her and your feelings. Better to play it off like you don't give af. If he flirted first you can tell him to f off and get up in his face if he persists. If she started it you wait for him to leave and then tell her that you're not cool with that level of disrespect and if she persists again she can find her own ride home and take care of her own portion of the bill, asking for 2 reciepts. Brush off anything she tries to say or do as you get up, shrug your shoulders, pay and leave not giving mind to a single word.
Honestly, I don't think that was a good way to handle that situation. It was quite humiliating. Maybe she wasn't even flirting, maybe she was just being nice? If she did flirt, you could have expressed it to her that you did not like the way she responded- in a mature manner. I'm sure she would have made sure to never do that again.
Blushing… really? And that bothered you? Or didn’t you like the guy was probably better looking than you? If it were me, I’d of taken up the opportunity to eat dinner with the guy, whether I was interested in him not not. She didn’t say she liked him and found him attractive; you assumed she did because you lack confidence. You didn’t try and pull a prank, you tried to shame her.
I wasn’t there and don’t know what was said or anything, but you may have overreacted. I am shy, probably have some kind of social anxiety so when people talk to me I become smile and respond like I am enjoying the conversation (probably a defense mechanism against rejection…if I am nice then they are less likely to be mean), and if I receive attention from males I do get embarrassed and probably blush. I even avoid males when I checkout at the grocery store because I am embarrassed…so, if she didn’t compliment him (you have a nice smile, etc) then she probably wasn’t even interested in him and now she probably has lost respect for you since you have low emotional control (again this is just if she wasn’t even flirting but just smiling and making light conversation).
Can you say "ex-boyfriend"? If her flirting is truly an issue for you, then talk to her about it in private. Humiliating someone you're supposed to care about, in public no less, exposed your OWN insecurity and lack of class. I don't know how long you've been together, but the fact that you just went home to bed and there was nothing - no discussion, no anything, speaks for itself.
Was it a good approach? Sure, if you're Scarface. Will it bring about your desired effect? I seriously doubt it. Will it "make sure she doesn't do it again"? Maybe, but I'm pretty certain you are less in her eyes now. Her comment about the other waitress looking more your type might be the calm before the storm. So yeah, you were a huge dick.
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Anonymous
(18-24)
+1 y
Way too harsh. By doing this, you might lose her. Anyways, you don't need to accept a shi* that you're not okay with. You can teach her lesson if you want to stay with her. But not in this way. As this is the most disrespecting way that she could feel. And she could lose feelings for you. But you can move away from that place without uttering a word leaving your girlfriend there itself. This would might be a best thing that you've done instead of insulting her. This would also make her realise your loss and risk of her relationship with you. But anyways, I don't support cheating once after being in a relationship
