How defensive are guys when it comes to their male friends?

[nocturnalbaby]

are guys more defensive & protective of their guy friends than girls are about their girl friends?

for example if some girl tries to message a guy friend of a guy she was dating to complain about him, how would the guy friend take it? would he get offended & mad at the girl for talking badly about his friend? would he be willing to talk about it with the girl?

does it just depend on the guy?

[nitsuj86]

This actually happened to me recently, and I think it's a good example of how males treat their friendships.

My best friend's girlfriend texted me one morning, asking me to call her. I didn't want to talk so I just texted what's up. She unleashed a barrage of text messages basically telling me all of the details of their huge fight, and how big of a piece of shit my friend is.

Even if everything she said is true. I don't care. She is not my friend, HE is. I told her to leave out the details, and just ask me to call him. She is crossing a line.

She got mad at me, insulted me, complained that I didn't ask "if she was ok" when she claimed to be so concerned with my friend, the blocked me on everything. Haha, fine with me. I don't give a shit about her.

He is my friend, and her running around blasting their business to anyone that would listen, his friends, his family, without his side of the story, pissed me off more than you can imagine. Especially since I know this woman, and she has plenty of issues of her own.

If you try and go behind a mans back to his friends, you most likely be met with this response. Because we know how women argue, and you like to blame everything on the man, and leave out all the bad shit you did in the process.

Fuck that girl.

[nocturnalbaby]

damn okay this is interesting.

I guess there are 2 types of guys in a situation like this. 1. guys like this that value their friend so much that they would still rather protect their friend despite how much he might have hurt someone else than feel bad for the person he hurt & think of him differently. 2. and the other one being a guy thinking of his friend differently & losing respect for them knowing he treated a girl badly.

I understand your point of view especially knowing that you know the woman and that you know she has issues. It's interesting knowing that a guy actually values his friends so much as to not acknowledge or accept what he might have done to hurt others just because he's a friend. But yeah in your case it's a bit different, because it sounds like the woman has some fault as well & is trying to blame it all on the man, but I'm curious to know how it would be in a situation where the woman was actually innocent & the guy has done something to hurt her - manipulate her or cheat on her or something like that

[nitsuj86]

Well, as far as I know, she was "innocent". All she told me was the stuff he did. And yes it was bad, and yes I lost some respect for him, and that will be something we talk about at a later date. They have a child, and this is all a huge mess, that is mostly his fault. But that doesn't mean I will stop being his friend. That's not how friends work.

But here is the thing. I knew my friend had issues, he has always had issues. She also knew this, and then decided to have a child with this man, and complicate things even more. I accept my friend, but I don't get involved with his problems. If he has an issue with his relationship because of his behaviours that's something he needs to figure out on his own.

My question would be. Why do I need to be involved in this? That is an issue between him and her, her calling me, going out of her way to involve me in the fight, in an attempt to gain some sympathy or get me on her side, shows that she only cares about herself. Not the family she built with this man. She wants to win the fight, not solve the issue. She is just as bad as him.

Call your own friends. Why would you call your boyfriend's friends and tell them about a fight that didn't involve them? What is the point of that?

[Wise4myage]

Some guys get very defensive, makes you think they are jealous.

[Siren777]

I don't think they care as much as women do. They care about their friend but not any drama. So maybe if she was out of line he would step up but if it's some meaningless rant, I don't think he would give two shits. As a female would care more about the details and emotions behind it whereas the the guys would be more logical and easy going.

[Pooppoobi]

i dont let feelings determine my reactions, i analyse things from a realistic standpoint, if she has a good point and the thing he did was a dick-ish move, i will agree with her, i dont defend people religously as if they can do no wrong jus cos theyre my friend, i only defend someone if they deserve to be defended

[Pooppoobi]

but usually i dont give a crap how someones treats my friend cos im emotionally detached and jus see friends as temporary pawns i have, not something il have forever, friends come and go,

[Pooppoobi]

il only defend a female friend religiously if i love her, i jus can't seem to feel that same love for male friends, maybe cos im 100 percent heterosexual, but i have no feelings whatsoever for male friends, theyre jus like toys to me, something i jus use temporarily to entertain myself

[Anonymous]

Depends on the person. If it was my friend's long term girlfriend, I'd probably laugh with and treat them equally as friends because that's how I would pair them in my eyes. If I didn't know her and she's just barely dating him, then she wouldn't exist to me and I'd wonder why this crazy stranger I don't know is trying to bother me

If I didn't know the guy that much and his girl was complaining to me, I'd automatically assume she was trying to move on to me

[DGravez6]

A saying that has stood the test of time comes to mind. "Choose your friends wisely." A true friend would have your back. But in my experiences when you choose lousy friends, they're the ones that seem to always be after your woman and can't wait to be that shoulder to cry on.

[motownplayer2000]

If platonic then probably. If that’s my homeboy, yeah, no girl going to talk about him like that.

[Juxtapose]

I'm bisexual so I understand trying to restrict people's friendships is pointless unless they cross a line.

[jahaims]

Are you talking about three mutual friends or like my buddies girlfriend complaining to me?

[nocturnalbaby]

like your buddies girlfriend/fuckbuddy complaining to you

[jahaims]

I would ask her why is she complaining to me. If it was just his fuckbuddy I wouldn't even acknowledge her.

[nocturnalbaby]

hm okay that's a bit sad, but thanks for your response

[jahaims]

A friends fuck buddy is nothing to me. A serious partner I treat like a sibling.

[EaterPeter]

Somewhat.