He thinks I have been unfaithful, he blocked me after an argument but has unblocked me a week later and has reached out, what should I do?

[Minaisconfused]

I have been dating this guy for 4 months now and he is the only guy I have ever loved (I’m 32). Everything was fine until he started an argument about one of my guy friends saying that he has been unhappy for a month because he thinks I’m flirting with this guy. I showed him my texts with the other guy hoping for him to believe me but things got worse and he broke up with me. I later realized while I was just very friendly with the other guy he was flirting with me but I never noticed until my boyfriend started reading the texts out loud. He blocked me on WhatsApp, Instagram and other social media last Saturday after our argument. He unblocked me the next day telling me he cannot believe I did this to him and blocked me again. Yesterday he unblocked me and reached out to tell me he has left something (a chocolate box) in my car! We started talking again and he said he was heartbroken because he truly loved me and he expected me to set some boundaries with other guys. I insisted that I was not flirting but he wouldn’t believe me. I get that he is upset, and I want to make things right again but I don’t know if he would change his mind. I really want him back but I don’t know what to do now.
by the way he did not block me again after our conversation yesterday.

[TheMajesticKing777]

This is why I don't want a girl to have guy friends, dudes don't respect relationships nowadays and just cause they want free pussy they go around ruining relationships, I can't say I blame him cause he feels betrayed but now you know that your friend isn't much of a friend if he is trying to get in your pants.

[Minaisconfused]

True, I blocked him already and deleted his number and asked me to never contact him, I do not have any other guy friends. I’m truly naive though, this guy was 7 years younger than me and I always thought of him as a little brother :/
Do you think I will have another chance to make things right?

[Minaisconfused]

Asked him to never contact me*

[TheMajesticKing777]

Perhaps when he cools down and maybe unblocks you but that is uncertain, you could wait to see if he unblocks you, if he doesn't then maybe create a new account just to tell him your point of view and your side of the story and sew if you can communicate with him to fox things, if that doesn't work then I recommend you accept it and move on with your life.

[TheMajesticKing777]

See* fix*

[Minaisconfused]

He has already unblocked me, we spent 2 hours talking yesterday

[TheMajesticKing777]

Then you are on a good path

[HighValue]

You can't keep that guy friend if you ever want a successful relationship.
The truth is that the majority of guy "friends" are or will become interested in their female friends either romantically or sexually.
You can't be friends with him and expect any guy to stay in a relationship with you long term.

[HighValue]

Don't listen to the older women in the comments that support the "friend" flirting with you when you are in a relationship and they don't support your boyfriend that just wants a faithful/exclusive girlfriend. They gave some awful advice that will never lead you to happiness.

[Minaisconfused]

I have already deleted the other guy and has asked him to not contact me ever again. Trust me there is nothing I want more than a peaceful relationship with my boyfriend and no other guys matter to me honestly

[HighValue]

Try telling your boyfriend that you didn't realize that the majority of guys that are friends with a girl are or become interested in her. Tell him that you won't have any NEW opposite gender friends in the future because you want your relationship to be successful.

[HighValue]

Also, don't buy him a gift as a "make up" present. It would only serve as a reminder of what happened as long as it was around.

[Minaisconfused]

Funny I was thinking about that today. I think the worst thing about this is that the last time I met my friend I didn’t tell him and so now he thinks I have something to hide. I don’t blame him honestly and I realize that even though I didn’t do it on purpose my actions have hurt him. We talked yesterday I did not ask him to get back together just to meet up and talk, he didn’t say no but he pretended he didn’t hear what I said. But then he said he was unhappy and he doesn’t want to worry about me flirting with others. I told him that I do not want to make him unhappy and if he doesn’t want to talk I respect his wish. I really didn’t want to beg or be pushy as I know it would make it worse

[WhitneySnow]

Try and talk to him again. Explain to him that you didn’t realize you were being flirty and you promise you’ll set stronger boundaries with guy friends in the future.

[wittymilf]

He’s a drama queen. Block him and fall in love with someone else

[spartan55]

Ya, fall in love with a dude who will tolerate you having dudes in waiting. Riiiight

[wittymilf]

@spartan55 fall in love with a dude who knows his own worth and it isn’t dependent on how I feel about him or anyone else

[spartan55]

@wittymilf
Not exactly what this post is about but I agree with your statement.

[Zenit93]

Anyone who’s emotionally invested in a woman would be hurt by that.

[MzAsh]

Any man who’s invested in his own ego is going to be hurt by that. Every woman has men in waiting. Guys, there’s nothing you can do about that. Wittymilf is correct here.

[spartan55]

Every woman DOES NOT have men in waiting... that's ridiculous.

[MzAsh]

You don’t understand the female experience like we do.

[spartan55]

Sure, I know nothing about being in relationships with women.
So you are saying guys just have suck it up and deal with their SO getting constantly hit on? Otherwise we are insecure? What a bunch of garbage...

[MzAsh]

You don’t know what it’s like to BE a woman. And yes, men of value suck it up. And they do so knowing they’re better than the competition.

[spartan55]

We can disagree on this. It has nothing to do with knowing value.

[MzAsh]

Are you married?

[MzAsh]

Men who understand and accept the fact that women have an abundance of options and work hard to be better than those options are the ones who succeed with women. They don’t have to be thrilled about it, of course. But they learn to deal with it and trust that the girl is with him for a reason. A man who tries to control who his girlfriend is friends with is a low value man and he knows it.

[spartan55]

It's not about controlling anything.
I notice you never answered if the situation were reversed what your position would be.

[MzAsh]

I did. I said I’d know I’m high value enough that to lose him to another would be a downgrade. So I don’t worry about it.

[spartan55]

Sure thing.

[Minaisconfused]

He reached out last night, asked me to meet him. We were supposed to meet at 8:30pm, I texted him and said I need to help my sister with something, I’ll be 20min late.
His response: you’re lying, you’re obviously somewhere with someone, don’t come, I don’t want to see you.
So I guess even though my guy friend was flirty my boyfriend is actually a drama queen. I just realized I don’t want him back anymore. As he was either waiting for an excuse to break up with me or he is just very insecure.

[Zenit93]

@MzAsh I’m married and my wife disagrees with you. Speak for yourself.

[MzAsh]

Mina, see…screw that guy. He’s immature as all hell. With guys like that who are insecure, nothing you do or say will make him happy. He’ll constantly accuse you of lying and cheating. It’s not worth it.

[wittymilf]

Yup
No one wants to baby sit and insecure guy.

[Zenit93]

You two have such a selfish mentality. Insecure man? Fuck him and throw him to the curb. We have plenty of options. What happened to the mindset of selflessness in marriage? If your man is insecure, why not do everything you can to comfort him? The first few years of my marriage were hard because my wife was insecure in this sense. I went to therapy with her, I helped goad her into her self development, I got her to go to the gym with me and work on her body, I went out of my way to compliment her. Today our marriage is great. I just don’t understand how marriage works if you’re not selfless. I feel bad for your husband if that’s how you treat him. A insecurity shouldn’t equate to emotional abandonment and hypergamy. Seems so fucking toxic.

[MzAsh]

Let’s not forget that she’s only been dating him for a few months. She owes him no loyalty if all he does is excuse her of lying and cheating. On the other hand, a couple who is husband and wife had presumably EARNED a partner who is there through thick and thin. A dating couple for a few month had not.

[Zenit93]

Your dude must have been hurt before and therefore he’s acting out of defensiveness. I’d just lay out your cards. Tell him you apologize for anything you did to hurt him, and say you’re sorry if you’ve ever been hurt like this by someone in your past. Tell him that you respect him, the relationship, and regret being oblivious to someone trying to impede into our relationship. Mention that if you can gain his trust back, you’ll be more conscience towards others intentions and make that a priority. Tell him you’re not going to beg, but genuinely care about him and want to make this right.

If you can do that in your own set of words, it will lower his defenses, and put him in a place in which he has to make a decision. If your attitude is— fuck him and he can deal with it and I did nothing wrong, then move on because you’re not going to work it out until that selfishness is gone. You can absolutely be more aware of other peoples intent out of respect for you relationship. I’ve cut women out of my life who I knew looked at me a certain way. I was aware when women did look at me a certain way and guarded my marriage.

[Zenit93]

If your man feels of low value, why isn’t the response to make him feel as if he’s high value and remind him? Being a veteran, I had incredibly low self value after coming back and adjusting towards civilian life. I would have loved to have a woman who showed me what I did in my obligation to serve my country didn’t define my self worth. What men have to have it all together at all times to have your love? It’s conditional?

[MzAsh]

If he has been hurt before, HE needs to be responsible for that and refrain from bringing that shit into a new relationship. This isn’t something she can or should have to be paying the price for.

[Zenit93]

@MzAsh Why couldn’t she help him the way I helped my wife? Yes, our flaws are our responsibility to work on, but what’s wrong with assisting someone you love through an emotional issue?

[Zenit93]

We all bring shit into a relationship because we’re flawed human beings. Everyone one of us. Do we not bring any of our flawed self into the relationship?

[MzAsh]

What makes you think he’s ready and in a good position to be helped by her, a woman he’s recently dating who he doesn’t trust?

[Zenit93]

@MzAsh Anyone who’s hurt can use some love and understanding. If the decision is that she’s not equipped to deal with this, then she ought to do it with some decency. If she cares about him despite his flaw, then she ought to help show him that he has value. It’s ultimately her decision, but the parameters of that decision shouldn’t be such harsh judgement without any consideration for her own actions. Men aren’t objects that you simply dispose of and get a new one when they don’t benefit you. The way you two talk about men comes across that way. I got my flaws and so does my wife. We also have a lot attributed that we bring to the table. Everyone does.

[MzAsh]

Ok and what has kept you from offering the same sentiments towards her from him?

[Zenit93]

@MzAsh I’m not speaking to the man. I can only offer advice to her. She can only control her actions to change the output of the situation.

[MzAsh]

If he were here, what advice would you give to him?

[Zenit93]

@MzAsh Id tell him to not act so emotionally. Yes, you have your emotions but being a man means you have to control these emotions and convey them in a mature way. Id let him know that women respect men like this. I’d tell him to create an open discussion rather than accusing her. I’d let him know that she needs a man to lead her and he needs to exude that energy so that she trusts him.

I’m not sure what value a hypothetical brings in this discussion though. I’d wager you’re trying to gauge if I’m subjective and have a MGTOW mentality. I can tell you as a happily married man that I don’t. However— I am forever a strong advocate for selflessness in relationships. I think there’s a huge issue with our culture in regards to outlooks on marriage. It’s about me, me, and me. The lack of empathy and decency towards relationships are the reasons why divorce and infidelity are so high. I think younger women are really being targeted and influenced into a direction of narcissism when it comes to dating. I look at younger women as a victim and byproduct of cultural role models. I think it’s hurting younger women rather than advantaging them. When sex is so prized, and women hold the keys towards sex, they uphold a societal dominant position. I feel bad for younger generations. I feel bad for the younger women who are unfulfilled and only see their bodies of being value. I feel bad for the men who get burned by the aftermath of their brokenness. I believe we need to be better towards one other in general. That’s my stance on the subject matter of how I view issues between men and women if you were trying to pry.

[MzAsh]

I was curious as to where you are coming from. I do agree with some of what you’re saying, and other parts only to a degree. There does seem to be some fundamental differences and values here. I’ve been with my man for 15 years and I’m a certified relationship coach which is part of where the questions come from. I’ve spent years deeply regretting trying to fix and help guys who didn’t care to be helped, didn’t believe they had a problem, or simply weren’t ready for that kind of work. My former selflessness was too extreme and I wasted a lot of time nurturing that part of me. Women have only so many years to procreate and so many waste time on emotionally immature and damaged young men who need control over everything. My mission is to help women put their need first and vet men for healthy long term relationships, and that includes avoiding men who need therapy more than they need a girlfriend. This guy she’s describing shows many signals of being yet another waste of time. IF he were to show up in surrender, ready to admit he has issues to work through and is willing to comply with the work that needs to be done, but until he does that, how does she know he’s not going to keep gaslighting and blaming her?

[Zenit93]

@MzAsh I respect what you just said. You seem as if you have a lot of insight and value to offer. I'm sorry that your selflessness was taken for granted. That's a common story I hear about a lot, and it's a shame. Selflessness for me in a woman is one of the most attractive traits someone can have. I think it's really shitty how a man can take this for granted if he doesn't regulate and check himself. How we respond to someone a spouse taking us for granted of us is where we might differ. I'm not going to preach to you, but I'm personally a follower of Christ. The bible instructs Christians to give more when the other person wrongs us. As a man who's former military has a little bit of an ego, this is hard. The more I do it, the more joy I've found in my life though. When my wife has acted nasty towards me, and I do more for her- she becomes diffused and I'm able to see how broken she is. Hurt people hurt other people. My stance on marriage is that I'm here to serve my wife is a biblical sense. I'm devoted to providing her with guidance, security, and understanding. I'm devoted to do this even when she's not doing the same. As I do, she does for me. I believe when you take the focus off yourself and focus on the other is when you actually find peace. It's not about claiming respect or conveying personal needs. It's about serving the other person in their needs. This stance and outlook puts someone in an extremely vulnerable position. That's where I believe trust and faith in a higher power comes in. Implementing this into my life has changed it drastically.

[Zenit93]

I also understand that women in general have an innate desire to procreate and/or seek a strong man who can provide and make her feel safe. Women generally have a sense of urgency to find that man, and therefore it doesn't make intuitive sense to put such an investment into a man who cannot provide those things for her. If she doesn't feel it in her heart to help assist this guy in his life endeavors and issues, then I think she ought to reflect and make a decision if this is the man she wants to commit herself to. Some questions I'd tell her to ask her self...
Am I being selfish or is this just not the man that I can trust? Is this a season, or is this who he is? Is this something I'm willing to do? It's best to ask these questions before you commit yourself.

[wittymilf]

@Zenit93 he’s a man not a child

[MzAsh]

This guy sucks. I think you need to set some boundaries with him, not your guy friend. Otherwise, he’s not a keeper.

[spartan55]

@MzAsh
Say what? The dude was flirting with her and trying to weasel his way in. So the boyfriend is out of line for not having it? I don't think so.

[MzAsh]

All women have men trying to flirt everywhere they go. That’s just how it is. Now if she was flirting back, that’s a problem. But regardless, it’s the incredibly immature way he dealt with it. Blocking her? In your 30s? Ridiculous.

[spartan55]

I think he definitely handled it poorly. He must have felt he really needed to send a message to let her know how he felt.
So he is supposed to just sit back and let that clown flirt with her? Really?

[MzAsh]

He definitely had a right to express how he feels, but it’s up to her how she handles that information, not him. Guys like him have to learn to get comfortable with their gfs getting attention from other men. There’s no way to control it.

[Minaisconfused]

Well the way I handled it was that I was sorry for not realizing the other guy was flirting with me and that I was naive enough to think he was my friend

[spartan55]

Okay, this isn't typical attention from some guy she runs into occasionally, this is her 'friend' who is with her much more often. That's apples and oranges. Let's not forget that the op admitted that the guy was flirting...

[MzAsh]

That’s not something you should have apologized for. You’re being too submissive here. I mean, what was the context of the friend’s texts?

[spartan55]

@Minaisconfused
I'm curious how you were so oblivious to that guy flirting with you?

[Minaisconfused]

We didn’t meet much, we only met 3 times while I was dating my boyfriend, and 2 of those times where with other friends, he would text me things like wear that skirt you have or wear that T-shirt bla-bla-bla of course I never listened to him or paid attention but I understand how this could upset my boyfriend. He would say things like if you don’t have a car today I can pick you up from work, I would say no thanks. The thing is I never flirted with him however we were super friendly and one time I told him that I missed him and that’s what I regret the most

[MzAsh]

That sounds pretty common. I don’t think you needed to apologize to your boyfriend for not realizing he likes you.

[spartan55]

Telling her to wear a skirt he likes on her is common? Yeah I don't think so...

[MzAsh]

For women it is.

[MzAsh]

My prediction he’ll act ok for a few days then start questioning you on all your social media accounts next.

[spartan55]

@MzAsh
I respectfully disagree. Common? Out of all the women I've ever been involved with not one has had some creep feeding her cheap compliments to get in her pants. It may have happened unbeknownst to me, but it was certainly the rare exception.

[MzAsh]

Well, if you’re 50 that’s understandable if that was before social media and iPhones.

[spartan55]

It was before and after online. Why would social media and phones cause guys to give cheap compliments? They have always been around.

[spartan55]

So I guess this 'friend' is a higher priority than your boyfriend? Wow, fuck that all day.

[Minaisconfused]

Where did I say that?

[spartan55]

Because he had to go to an extreme tactic to get you to see how he felt. That is not making him priority. Some of the things the guy said should have immediately raised red 🚩 flags.

[Minaisconfused]

I think the red flag is that my boyfriend wouldn’t tell me he didn’t like the guy, instead he decided to lash out and block me. Be fair.

[spartan55]

Your boyfriend handled it poorly I can't defend that. However, let's reverse the situation. You're telling me you wouldn't be upset if he had a female friend telling him to wear this, I'll pick you up etc? And then he got mad at you for not telling him you were pissed... come on.

[Minaisconfused]

Of course I’d be poised, but blocking him or asking him to leave me alone? No

[spartan55]

So are you making this about how he handled it instead of the root of the issue?

[spartan55]

"Of course you'd be pissed" then why could you not understand why he was upset at first?

[Minaisconfused]

No you made me say that 🙄
I said I understand he was upset, I apologized and tried multiple times to speak with him. People make mistake, what do you expect me to do? Kill myself?

[spartan55]

I don't expect you to do any of that. He probably needs to cool off a bit. When did this happen?

[Minaisconfused]

He blocked me last Saturday, then unblocked me and messaged me he wouldn’t accept my apology though, but he didn’t block me after our conversation yesterday

[spartan55]

Wouldn't accept your apology? Tf is that?

[MzAsh]

The root problem here is that the boyfriend is threatened by other men who are interested in her and he expects her to kick them out of her life. He doesn’t have to like it, but he’s going to be disappointed when he realizes that these men are everywhere and unless he thinks he’s going to tuck her away from all civilization and keep her locked indoors, he’ll have to get used to it. I’d have been done with him as soon as he requested to read the texts.

[MzAsh]

Well, it sounds you showed him the texts yourself but definitely after her lost his shit when reading them. Not to mention how there are about six other red flags with your boyfriend that haven’t even been discussed yet.

[spartan55]

Men who are trying to get with some other guys girlfriend are not 'everywhere', that's not true at all.
So does that mean that he can have as many female friends as he likes who are constantly trying to get with him too? After all, they are everywhere too, right?

[MzAsh]

Women have the abundance of options and opportunities that men don’t have. Let’s just say it’s a good thing most men don’t have full access to their girlfriends phone.

[spartan55]

So you believe the idea of a committed monogamous relationship is a joke since females always have options? No shame at all...

[spartan55]

I made you say what? 🙄

[spartan55]

Way to duck my comparison by the way. You know that if your boyfriend had female friends crawling all over him you would throw a royal fit... typical

[MzAsh]

“So you believe the idea of a committed monogamous relationship is a joke since females always have options?”

There’s nothing I said that even remotely insinuates that. That’s the 2nd time you’ve blown what was said out of proportion to put words in someone’s mouth. Let’s hope you don’t bring that behavior to your relationships. Moving on…

I know my man could have other women if he wanted, but I’ve built myself up in such a way that he and I both know it would be a downgrade. I believe this guy secretly perceives himself as lesser, and that’s why he threw a hissy fit about those texts, because deep down he knows that other guy could potentially be better than him and he could lose her to that guy. THAT is the problem here, and it will come up again. Just watch.

[spartan55]

Uh... "let's just say it's a good thing men don't have full access to their girlfriend's phone". That isn't suggesting anything? What did that mean then?
I love how you are making the boyfriend out to be the problem when the creep guy friend was making runs at the OP. I'm sure you would have no issue with some woman doing that to your SO, right?

[MzAsh]

It meant that most men would be bothered by the attention their girlfriend gets from other men through means of modern technology. I do think the skirt comment was skeazy according to my standards, and I’d have dealt with that in my own way.

[spartan55]

I want to clarify that if my SO gets random attention from online creeps, or guys she isn't acquainted with etc. That DOES NOT BOTHER ME or threaten my security in the relationship.
However if some Sam Smarmy at work starts laying groundwork then my antennae go up.

[MzAsh]

Women have both happen regularly. Just don’t be surprised.

[spartan55]

'Regularly' ... sorry don't think so. Why would I be surprised? I pay attention to my relationship.

[MzAsh]

What happens around a woman when you’re around is different than what happens when you’re not there.

[spartan55]

Riiiight like some secret society right? Whatever.

[MzAsh]

Secret society? Lol no. You have no idea do you? 😂

[spartan55]

Yeah according to you I don't know anything... guess I'll just pack it in... 😂 😂

[MzAsh]

There you go for a third time with the putting words in my mouth.

[spartan55]

Na, don't need to.

[Minaisconfused]

@MzAsh 11 months later, How I wish I had listened to you. We got back together snd I ended up having the most toxic relationship ever, I have been manipulated to the point that I tried to kill myself. It was the worse 6 months of my life, and It’s been only a few months that I have gained back control.

[MzAsh]

Wow, thank you for the update and I’m so good you’re doing better and out if that toxic situation.

[MzAsh]

So glad I mean

[Anonymous]

Even if you didn't intend to flirt, the guy friend definitely wanted you. Any guy with any self respect would be hurt in this situation.

[Minaisconfused]

I get that and I give him all the rights to be upset, I just want him back though and I don’t know what to do

[2021biguy]

If you try very hard to make him understand you won't do it again and you're sorry, that might work. No guy wants the girl they love to have "guy friends"

[DeeRocc]

Block him, then text and call him like crazy. He won't receive your texts and calls but at least you can say that you tried.

[SignedAutographs]

Why you need a boyfriend and a guy "friend", is beyond me

[Minaisconfused]

Trust me I never needed one even when I was single, I don’t know how did this happen we weren’t even that close :/

[SignedAutographs]

Then why keep him around?

[Minaisconfused]

I don’t know, He would initiate the conversation And I often kept it short
I messed up though and I’m desperate to win my boyfriend back

[SignedAutographs]

Well, you have some explaining to do, to both of them then

BE RESPONSIBLE

[Minaisconfused]

Trust me I did this yesterday, my boyfriend is still mad but he did not block me after our conversation so I don’t know if I should try again and speak to him or wait a few days

[SignedAutographs]

Give it a week, if he doesn't come back, move on. But yeah, I don't know why you think you can have both

[Minaisconfused]

I have already deleted the other guy from everywhere, I don’t want both, I just want my boyfriend back

[SignedAutographs]

Yikes

[KrakenAttackin]

Yet another reason opposite gender "friends" are not a good idea. When will you young folks learn?

[Minaisconfused]

Trust me that was the first and last guy I ever befriended. Learned my lesson :/

[KrakenAttackin]

Good. Not having orbiting betas will make your relationships easier.

[Minaisconfused]

Do you think I will have another chance?

[KrakenAttackin]

Maybe, maybe not. If he blocked you and hasn't contacted you in two weeks I would bet he is gone for good. Lesson learned.

[Minaisconfused]

No but he unblocked me after a week and contacted me yesterday. We talked but he still was upset. He did not block me after our conversation yesterday

[KrakenAttackin]

Ok, well keep the dialogue going. If he does come back you have learned a major lesson about where his boundaries are and that he will bounce if you cross them.

[Iron_Man]

Talk it over have a deep serious conversation

[Minaisconfused]

He refused to meet with me, he thinks I’m lying, I don’t know how long should I wait.

[Iron_Man]

Wait it out a couple more weeks are you innocent then you have nothing to worry about that’s his problem

[Minaisconfused]

I guess it’s just really hard for me to get over him and I am desperate to make things right. I never begged him or asked him to take me back, I respected his no contact request and didn’t contact him until he reached out. I can tell he still loves me but I don’t know how to earn his trust back 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Iron_Man]

Either you cheated on him or you didn’t but you cannot lie to him

[Minaisconfused]

Of course I didn’t! All I’m trying to say is how do I make him realized that I did not do anything but talking to the other guy

[Iron_Man]

Just look at him Eye to eye and say I did not cheat on you

[Wise4myage]

Consider giving him one last chance.