I sighed... he got triggered?

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend get triggered when i sigh or my face gets serious... i can get that for millions of my own reasons and he always triggers and starts:"whats wrong with you? whats going on now? what?"
Im like:" Im fine...
He is like:"i see you are not..."
Its like im Not allowed to be sad or thoughtfull or maybe even unhappy about something while being with him.
He avoids any medium serious talk too, gets annoyed and angry

[whereismyjohnny]

Why not tell him if something is bothering you? I mean, he is your boyfriend. He cares about you and seeing you like that is probably worrying him. Also, bottling up feelings is not good for you either 😕 Him getting triggered because of it is stupid, but it could be that he is just upset/frustrated because you don't want to talk about and say what's wrong/what's bothering you when he sees that you clearly are not okay. Just talk it out.

The one thing that confuses me in your question is the ''He avoids any medium serious talk too, gets annoyed and angry'' part. He doesn't have any serious conversations with you or expects you to be happy all the time?

[Asker]

Yes... he doesn't like to discuss problems
Even simple"please go see your doctor your stomach is not ok, stop suffereing. I even found a new nice doctor for you"
He says"he probably will make it worse, doctors are shit. ok ok if you want ill go, just shut up!"
So.. yeah. As you can see smth so serious as his own health has him freak out and tell me to shut up because i found a new good doctor for him

[whereismyjohnny]

Okay, that's a red flag.

You should be able to talk with your partner without them snapping at you or shutting you down.

[Asker]

He always says he had a bad day
Or depressed
Or stressed
Or family problems or job
Once he told me he can't trust me im not hinest with him and we should be just friends and stop dating
The next day he just said:Yesterday i was in a bad mood, but it doesn't matter

[whereismyjohnny]

You both are in wrong. You should talk about what's bothering you (if you are not okay, tell him. the same goes for him). If you can't share feelings with someone who are you dating and can't communicate with in general, what's the point of the relationship? Communication and trust are key.

[whereismyjohnny]

Also finding excuses for your acts is not okay. You can't one day say something/treat someone badly and the other act like nothing happened. It's running in circles.

We all have our problems and things to deal with, but we shouldn't let them take a toll on our relationships (both friendships and romantic ones). The easiest thing to do is lash out on other people, but it's not okay. You should be able to control yourself.

[Asker]

He says he always been like that
Especially with close people to him
He was like that to his mom
He ignored or blocked her etc
Then came back to her
He said rhat sometimes he hurts people he loves the most

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Yikes. Throw the whole boyfriend out.

Real adults can handle emotions with maturity and grace.

[Asker]

Not that easy
He is in deep depression how can i leave him now?

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Easily.

If he isn't managing his mental health, that's something he needs to work on.

You're not his mother. Or his therapist. You deserve respect and to be able to express yourself.

Just because he's in a depressive episode does not invalidate your needs. Be gentle, but be honest, and if necessary make sure you connect with his support systems (friends, parents, family) if you're concerned for his well-being.

I left my ex with depression and just made sure to let his sister know I was worried of his well-being. I gave her evidence and asked her to keep an eye out for him.

You deserve a partner who is able to manage their mental health. If he's not willing to manage it, leave him. That's a red flag the size of a football field.

[Asker]

Its been a week
Its not like like he suffers for years
It was a huge family fight involving dead father and his will

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Ah, gotcha. So there's been a specific trigger.

Well, it's worth talking to him about it still.

And if he's going through the loss of a parent, it's understandable a sigh might trigger him. But it's a good idea to speak to him about that and see if he just needs distance or something else.

[Asker]

He refuses to talk now
He is so sad

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Well, to me that's a red flag. I'd be outta there.

I need a mature partner. Someone capable of articulating emotion. I've been with two men who acted like this and it's just the tip of the iceberg for how ill-equiped they are for real life.

I'd leave.

[Asker]

How were those guys you dated? how you managed to date them?

[Smoke-n-Growls]

They were good for me at the time I met them, but they were stagnant.

Each had their pluses and minuses. The first helped me leave my abusive home life and was a good fuck. But he wasn't communicative and though he encouraged me to get therapy, he didn't do it himself.

The second taught me to be authentic and myself, helped me explore more of my sexuality, and helped me rediscover my love of headpats. But he was lazy, unable to do things for himself, and all around the epitome of entitled white upper class American boy - and one who refused to manage his mental health.

Both couldn't keep up with me or my lifestyle. I'm a hardworking professional with many hobbies - they were both video game addicted lazy men with little emotional or intellectual maturity.

I met the first while volunteering and the second online.

I'm done with dating men for a while, though. And my standards have been raised significantly. If a man doesn't have a significant amount of life experience (at least one relationship, some experience with real discrimination, a stable therapy schedule, etc), a well-paying job or his own business, and a pet, I'm not interested.

Women - meeting the same standards - only for the next little while. And experimenting with having friends with benefits. I grew up sheltered and Catholic, so I want to expand my horizons and experiences much more.

[Asker]

Well for me this one is 1st serious and logn term...1 yeara together
And we started while i ciuldnt stand him
He was sucha douchebag
We are typical concervative good girls princess and extra bad boy who is rebel
The attraction is too strong

[UniquelyBasic]

Based on the conversation you both aren't handling it the right way. If you're feeling some type of way then dont just say "Im fine" when you both know its not. He should also probably handle it better and not start acting triggered right from the start but I can get why if you are just dismissing how you feel all the time.

[boggboss]

He is acting stupid equally tho u pretty much said it u sighed and then continued to say your fine but we all know somthing is wrong so vocalise it its fucking annoying when women get upset over something and decide to say nothing till much later on

[WhitneySnow]

That’s not right. You should be allowed to feel how you want.

[annie6815]

Just tell him nothing is wrong. Don't feed into it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's got anger issues he needs to deal with.

[skyeee_]

POV: he uses twitter