Should I say yes?

[Anonymous]

So when I was 17 I glanced over at this guy (20m) from across the room and ever since, he became interested in me. I reciprocated, but since he never approached me or replied when I tried talking, I dropped it.
I only saw him occasionally but he still continued for 5 years! He'd stand at a distance and stare at me, or at parties he'd hide behind a door and stare ( it's like he wanted to have some sort of 'affair' with me without talking and it was super annoying) . I ignored this hoping he'd get the message but one day he was standing afar and watching me for a couple of minutes straight continuously. I felt uncomfortable, I hid behind simmering for a few seconds to avoid him but he didn't stop. That's when I realised it was getting stalkerish and basically decided to completely avoid this guy after that. It's been over 2 years since I'd seen him.

Over the past few months, I started talking to his younger brother who's actually a very sweet person. He said he wanted to be in a relationship with me and I'm genuinely interested in him as well, but I'm hesitant because of the past with his brother.

[JoyGirl]

Keep talking to the younger brother. It is the older brother’s loss for not talking to you. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[spartan55]

What does his brother have to do with it?

[Asker]

Nothing, but they're brothers abs they're pretty close afterall. Do you think it's wise to start a relationship with this guy knowing his older brother developed an unhealthy fixation on me at some point? I don't want to get in the middle of them.

[spartan55]

I wouldn't worry about that at all. The guy may not even remember you. And if he does, who cares.

[Asker]

He obviously does remember lol. It went on for 5 years. So you still think it doesn't matter?

[spartan55]

If you haven't seen him in two years, it's very possible he doesn't remember you. I don't think he was stalking nearly as bad as you thought. Anyway, like I said, I wouldn't care if he remembered or not.

[Asker]

Ok, you weren't there to know what happened but the guy was legit doing it for 5 years so I don't know why you keep trying to insist on the fact that he wouldn't remember me. Unless he had some acute memory loss, there's no question about the fact that he remembers. Obviously I was there and know what happened, so take that as a given, it's a lot more fixated than you think. My only concern is going into a relationship with his younger brother, concealing this.

If you think that even if he does, it is not an issue- then alright.

[spartan55]

I'm not insisting on anything, I'm just stating, accurately, that he may not even remember you. You act like it is guaranteed he will remember which is absurd. Which leads me to my next bullet point, which is: Females tend to believe many things that may or may not be true because of how biased they are. REGARDLESS if I am or right, or you are, it shouldn't matter. To let something like that dictate a relationship opportunity is foolish.

[Asker]

Wow, what does this have to do with the fact that I'm female? You don't know my background, my academic intellect or anything, and here you are trying to use my gender in the argument. All I see is a person who is desperately trying to deny someone else's experience. You just sounds very biased and against women for absolutely no reason. It seems as though you were either bullied or rejected by a lot of women to lead up to this.

I literally told you he stares at me from afar for a few seconds every single time he saw me for 5 years, and that is sufficient for any normal person to understand that he would undoubtedly remember me. But you just don't want to believe it and are desperately trying to say it never happened. So, since you are trying to deny the validity of this, in short - both our families are friends and have been friends for almost 10 years. So yes, he knows me very well.

I wasn't even trying to start a discussion on whether or not he remembers me at all, it is comical that you keep trying to insist on the fact that he wouldn't, and you're just not taking on board something being said about the very person who has experienced it.


You literally just want to diminish the issue and invalidate my experience, seemingly because I am female. You already had a judgement about what women are, before starting your discussion, and I think that's enough said about you.

[spartan55]

Deny your experience? Lol.. seriously? Geez lady, you really don't get what I was saying, like at all. I never insisted on anything, even though you claim I am. I didn't even finish your tangent about me being desperately trying to say it never happened (which I never said) for something or not liking women...(I got good laugh out of that one) You start by saying I don't know anything about you... then you proceed to tell me what I'm all about. Really? The fact that you are making up shit about things I've said pretty much proves my point. What I said about women is not a fact, it's a generalization. There are countless examples of what I said on this forum. So, it's not unreasonable to suggest it MAY apply here. Funny how you mention your families know each other now... so stupid. Did you forget that before? Or is this something else you made up on the fly? If your families knew each other, and him looking at you was such a major problem, then why didn't you do something about it? Why didn't you say anything to the guy? It makes no sense.

[Asker]

You don't know anything about me because I have not revealed my character in any part of this. On the other hand, you yourself say things which reveals a lot about how you think of women, and that is enough said. The very fact that you started using women in the argument is indicative of how you judge people by their gender.

See again- why are you asking me if I'm making things up? The reason I didn't mention it before is because it literally is not relevant. The entire story is 5 years long, if I were to type the whole thing it would take forever and no-one would read it. It's called giving a summary of the main points. There is much much more to this.

He had my phone number (even though I never gave it to him) and tried messaging me. However, every single time I tried asking him or speaking to him, he wouldn't reply. At one point I got alittle too confrontational, and he ended up uninstalling the app he was messaging me on. Again, he doesn't get himself to block me, he deletes his own app instead! I have never seen or heard of anyone like him, no-one has acted in this way towards me there's something that caused this fixation in him, and that is the problem. (Yeah, I've had guys stare at me for a couple of seconds even I wear makeup and dress up to events, but that is completely normal, and that is not what I am describing here). Do you know how many times I tried talking to him to this guy to no avail?

[Asker]

He always stands at a distance when he stare, I can't yell out and tell him off. He legit starts running away if I walk any closer because he knows I'm going to tell him off- so it is literally impossible for me to talk to him in person. I tried ignoring him after that, but he still didn't stop. I started getting bothered by this when one day he was watching me from afar for a couple of minutes continuously- that's when I realised the extent of his fixation. This was not normal. I hid behind something for a few seconds to avoid him, but even when I stepped out, he was standing there, waiting for me to step out so he can keep staring at me. On one hand I felt bad for him, like somehow I was responsible, but on the other hand I knew that just me glancing over at this guy for a couple of seconds when I was 16 is really not my problem.

I don't have evidence for him standing afar and watching me, so I could not mention this to anyone. People know this person, my family and his family are friends, this can go down really bad if people end up saying that I'm making things up- it's not easy to just say things without having proper evidence. I do however have evidence for him trying to get my number and message me. This whole thing went on for 5 years. It has only been 2 years since I myself stopped attending events to avoid him. I really don't feel I should be explaining myself, and I tried to go about the main problem without explaining this. But no matter what I said, you weren't even listening, and you kept trying to see through the angle of 'what if' this is an exaggeration.

[Asker]

Even more than that- he is now in a relationship with another girl, but despite this he made everything about his relationship public on fb, but went ahead and specifically added in an advanced setting to conceal it from me (this is a really long story, too much detail so I'm again just summarising it)- this happened very recently, i. e a few months ago. If it wasn't for this, then at least you can say it is 'old story' and believe that he has moved on, but now idek what to say.

So getting back to the main point of discussion, my question is on his younger brother who does not know anything about this. If you were a woman my age and in my shoes, would you agree to be in a relationship with this guy's brother? Because they are afterall different people? Or would you decline because of this story?

[spartan55]

I would because they are two different people. Also, think about this: what is the older brother going to do, bring up the fact that he stalked you? Of course not. I can't think of any reason he would interfere at all (if it even got to the point) without him looking bad, so I wouldn't worry about it.
Just to clear something up, I love women. Period. Just because I openly talk about differences and some negative aspects of their personalities I have noticed, really means nothing. Isn't that the point of this forum, learning about the opposite sex? I am fully aware of some negative behaviors of men and welcome any discussion about those.

[Asker]

I think you can really contribute to discussion quite well, but when you start off saying something, it's coming across as being quite rude. So when you are quick to say something people would want to say things against you, because that's how you come across. I really don't know why you couldn't start off by asking questions to grasp the situation before drawing conclusions- if you say things nicer, people might actually listen to what you have to say. So now that you know the actual situation , you can see what I mean. But before that, you're understanding a completely different scenario to what is taking place and arguing with me on something baseless. Sometimes when people tell you they know something because they were they and had first hand experience, they are usually right.

Anyway, yeah the only question is how I should act infront of the older brother? Because I don't want to talk to him, and the guy I'm dating is quite serious about the relationship. Which is why I want to know if I should end it here without making it a mess. He doesn't know about this or anything, and I don't want to get between them in any way. Just want some opinions.

[spartan55]

So are you in a relationship with the guy already? You said he 'wants to get in a relationship', and then he is 'quite serious'... so I am a little unclear where the relationship is.

[Asker]

No I'm dating the guy, but we still aren't officially in a relationship yet- as he just asked me to be his girlfriend. He said he wanted to start a life together and has really fallen for me and everything which is why I know he's serious. Sometimes you can tell by someone's body language or by the way they act towards you if they're serious or not :)

I said I'll think about it, and I feel like I'm hiding things from him which I shouldn't be. I just don't want it to get awkward with his brother, I don't know how to react, and I really can't pretend as though there's nothing infront of the older brother.

[spartan55]

If you see things as potentially serious then I would definitely let him about his brother. You don't need to get into a bunch of detail, just let him know. Because if something comes up somehow and he isn't aware? Things could go south fast.