Boyfriend is a dry texter, is he losing interest or just busy?

[Cammykattt333]

I (21f) am in my first relationship with my boyfriend (24m). We’ve been dating for four months. When he first started dating, we would send each other sweet, romantic texts, but lately I feel like I can barely get a word out of him. He says it’s because he has a lot going on in his life, which he does. He was let go from his old job a few weeks ago where he had a lot of friends and hates his new job. He has also just started taking college classes while working full time. But I just can’t help but wonder if it’s really because he’s losing interest in me. I decided to give him some space yesterday and not text him unless he reached out to me which he didn’t. Now he just texted me this morning asking me why I haven’t been texting him… If he wanted to talk to me, why didn’t he just reach out? Sorry this is so long.

Updates

+1 y

Thank you for all of your responses :)! I just wanted to add that the reason why I jumped to conclusions about him so quickly was because my friend kept telling me it’s “so obvious” that he’s not into me based on his behavior despite everything he has going on in his life. I guess this made me feel a little insecure. I wanted to see if it was so obvious to everyone else.

[PrettyPriya]

Sounds from your details he is busy with work and school. His mind may be preoccupied with those things and that is the reason for the lack of texts and different tone than when you first started dating.

Also, you may be past that "honeymoon" phase in the relationship where you are both trying to be super sweet and impress each other with those types of messages you used to send. That phase can pass at different times for different people.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. The change in texts isn't a good indication he is losing interest. It is more of an indication of the things I just explained. Especially true if he is all of a sudden taking classes and working full time.

Last thing I will say is that (in general) guys aren't as big into texting as girls in my experience. My girlfriends and I can blab on forever through text. Getting one from my SO is a whole other story.

[Marshymallow]

He is busy but he also is getting bored of you. He won’t reach out unless you do. He got use to you reaching out to him first so he doesn’t even bother anymore.


Dry texts, nothing fun going on, no communication seem like a forceful relationship to me.

[MedAsianGirl]

If it’s a forceful relationship to them, why would they want to continue with it by dry texts? Isn’t it easier if they just end the forceful relationship and move on?

[Marshymallow]

Sometimes familiarity is comfort. Especially for guys

[PatriceONeal]

I'd expect most normal men are dry texters. Women like to talk more than men. Men are usually busy doing things, but if they're lucky they're allowed to sit and think about nothing at all.

Sounds like the guy is dealing with some setbacks and it's normal for a guy to put his head down, think to himself, and grind out a solution. Sometimes we don't want to put our burden on you, or let you think we can't handle it. Maybe you should reach out since he's somewhat struggling and could use a pickmeup from his girl.

The whole "if he wanted to, he would" is a recent tend and is super unhealthy. Especially when he has other things to worry about. I'd go so far to say that you're being a bit selfish don't you think... if you wanted to, you would?

That whole statement needs to go away.

[Cammykattt333]

Thank you :) your response really helped me see things from a different perspective. My female friends kept telling me it’s obvious he’s not into me because “no one’s ever that busy” and that I should break up with him immediately, and I guess I went into panic mode.

[PatriceONeal]

Girls give terrible dating advice.

You don't ask a fish how to catch fish, you ask the fisherman. -Patrice Oneal RIP

[PatriceONeal]

Do I deserve pretiged mho award? *Whores for award*

[Anonymous]

Well, he started texting you less because of a change in employment and attending college. Even then, his change was gradual.

You—being insecure and really wanting to shit test him—decide it’s GOT to be because he is losing interest, so you decide to “give him space” by not initiating any texts whatsoever. A dramatic change in past behavior compared to his lessening of texting you from work and school commitments.

And when he says, “what the fuck?” it’s HIS behavior that is nonsensical.

😂

[DivineZero]

Sounds like depression. He could be lost because he has to work a shit job and figure out how to take care of himself. Sometimes you realize your "friends" are just work friends and not really there for you but more so because it's convenient. There's nothing wrong with you 😁

[modeve]

He may be busy and engaged in solving problems attached with his new job plus studies. Yesterday you did not text him and he asked why was it so. It means he not only reads daily your texts but also expects it. Don't take any hasty conclusions.

[spartan55]

Most guys don't like texting because it's boring. Most girls believe texting and all that comes with it is VERY important. If you can reconcile those things your relationships will be much better communication-wise.

[Antm230]

He probably didn't want to bother you assuming you had a good reason for not texting him, and if he's under more stress now than he was at the start of your relationship then he's probably having trouble appropriately expressing himself. Men are not taught how to handle emotions

[athlete_7]

He is losing interest. One of the girls delibrately dry texted me so she could dump me. Cuz dry texting gets u angry. she wanted me react badly which i didn't later on she freindzoned me and dated my freind.

[athlete_7]

Jk i didn't read full article he s just a busy guy focused on career.

[Guy13]

Sounds busy and that you are not high on priority list…🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

[888theGreat]

I hate texting. So you would rather date Hitler because he likes texting over a good guy that hates it?

[maximumpower]

please help me here - what's difference between "dry texter" and otherwise?

[Cammykattt333]

A dry texter is basically only sending short one word replies or replies of a few words and is not really asking the other person any questions or trying to engage in the conversation.

[maximumpower]

do you have involved and engaging conversations in person? if yes, maybe he's just not into texting. lord knows i'm not either.
does he spend a lot of time texting to others? if so, then he's probably losing interest.

[emonm]

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[JohnK123]

Probably losing interest

[Nahid1707]

How often do you two talk?

[Anonymous]

maybe he's busy not sure