There are 5 love languages and he may not be realizing which one is your main one.
Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation is about expressing affection through spoken words, praise, or appreciation. When this is someone's primary love language, they enjoy kind words and encouragement as well as uplifting quotes, love notes, and cute text messages. You can make this person's day by complimenting them or pointing out what they do well.
Quality Time
Someone with this love language wants undivided attention. They feel loved if you are present and focused on them when you are together. This means putting down the cell phone, turning off the tablet, making eye contact, and actively listening.
People with this love language are looking for quality over quantity.
Physical Touch
A person with physical touch as their primary love language feels loved through physical affection. Aside from sex, they feel loved when their partner holds their hand, touches their arm, or gives them a massage at the end of the day, for example. This person's idea of a perfect date might include cuddling on the couch with a glass of wine and a good movie. They simply want to be close to their partner physically.
Acts of Service
For acts of service, a person feels loved and appreciated when someone does nice things for them, such as:
Helping with the dishes
Running errands
Vacuuming
Putting gas in the car
They love when people do little things for them and often can be found doing these acts of service for others.
Receiving Gifts
Gift-giving is symbolic of love and affection for someone with this love language. They treasure not only the gift itself but also the time and effort the gift-giver put into it.
People with receiving gifts as their primary love language do not necessarily expect large or expensive gifts; it's more what is behind the gift that appeals to them.
When you take the time to pick out a gift specifically for them, it tells them you really know them. People with this love language can often remember every little gift they have received from their loved ones because it makes such an impact on them.
Most Helpful Opinions
Sounds like he has never been romantic, and you still married him. Now you want him to suddenly be romantic because YOU like it. I don't think you can expect that based on how he has been in the past, but fair enough. Maybe he could try a bit more. But you have to tell him, don't expect him to read your mind.
But I will also mention, none of the stuff you said you did. Sounds that "romantic" to me as a man. Sure it sounds cute, like stuff that YOU like, but does HE really care? If he doesn't care, but you think you are being romantic, and now you are mad that he isn't returning it. Well, you are creating a problem that isn't there.
How about you go buy some new lingerie, or fulfill a fantasy of his. Sounds better than some frilly notes and a video game necklace.
Look I get it. Ladies like to feel special. The thing is, as a man. It feels like I have to do that shit all the time, and it's exhausting. Women want romance, but then rarely return the favor. They want you to do stuff for them that they want, then they want to do stuff for you that they like, and think it's romantic.
A lot of men simply aren’t wired like women. Women are more emotional and affectionate compared to men. Not all women or men are like that, but women are known to be far more emotional when it comes to relationships and romance. Women are often better at expressing their emotions with romance by doing these types of things, being sentimental, giving meaningful gifts, etc. Also, a lot of women are creative and go an extra mile to plan something romantic to make both parties happy.
Some men simply lack in the romance department. Nothing wrong with that, but they may not be as emotional or in touch with the sentimental, sappy, creative side of them. It’s not uncommon, but it’s something you should communicate with your partner, or at least compromise and understand the differences you two have. If you wish to have more romance in the relationship, let it be known! Let him know that you would like if he put in more effort in planning a nice date, or a nice gift, etc.
Men are romantic if they’re into you. They’ll cross the world for you, jump through obstacles for you, walk the wire for you and even would die for you IF they love you… anyone in love would do these things. Some might not be showy like holding hands, writing love letters, texting, posting/bragging about you on social media, but if they love you, nothing can stop them from making sure you’re loved and protected…
What Girls & Guys Said
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64Opinion
It's not all guys.
I consider myself a very romantic guy, and I used to do very romantic gestures for my ex when we were together. Like, for one of her birthdays, I made her a custom cuddle blanket with photos of happy memories we'd shared together printed on it. That took hours of planning, particularly the design, because it was hard to decide what photos to choose since there were so many good ones.
Another time, when she was having an emotional breakdown because she unexpectedly got fired from her job, I immediately booked a plane ticket to fly across the country to comfort her in person. We were long distance at the time.
Playing a board game together? Pfft... that barely counts as a romantic gesture.
But guys have different personalities. Some really aren't that romantic. I've heard that opposites attract, so you have to ask yourself if he's just a really different personality than you.
You're also right that he might be taking the relationship too much for granted. Without knowing him, it's hard for me to discern how much of his behavior is just his normal personality, and how much of it is due to lack of effort. It's probably a mixture of both.Men are romantic. More so than are women. Even a cursory examination of the long history of the written word makes this evident. Who has written more love poems? Who has written more love songs? Who has written more love letters? It’s men. Who has written more love stories? Who has made more of those love stories into romantic movies & TV shows? It’s always been men. Who buys more gifts? Who spends more time, energy and money on grand gestures? Still men. How many holidays exist solely for women to spoil men? None. Why? Because men DO the pampering, not the other way around. Hence Valentines Day and Sweetest Day are marketed exclusively at men to spoil women. How many women scrimp and save a quarter of a year’s salary to buy a guy anything, and then get down on one knee in a display of inferiority to beg him to spend his life with her? If it’s ever been done at all, it’s likely such a tiny minority it would be statistically insignificant. Romance is literally defined by what women want and how men go about providing that. Without men, there would be NO romance.
It’s a personality thing. Being romantic is a trait that some men have more of and other men have less of. Just like someone may have a tendency to want to dance when they hear good music or some people may enjoy singing to themselves. It should flow out quite naturally from someone who naturally has that trait.
If someone was very romantic at the beginning of a relationship and no longer is, it could be a sign that the relationship is growing stale—something isn’t right—somebody’s needs aren’t being met—someone feels unloved or unfulfilled.
But, if someone was never very romantic since the very beginning of the relationship, it’s likely just part of their personality. They may be less sentimental, affectionate, and touchy-feely. Maybe they’re more stoic and have a more serious aura about them for example. It’s just how they are.Because romantic men get dismissed by women and feminism very clearly say male romance is "misogynistic" and antiquated and all. Holding open a door for a woman and being nice to her was, I quote, "benevolent sexism." Feminism treated men like sh*t for being gentlemen, so men stopped being gentlemen. Don't cry about it now.
This is what women wanted while whining about the non-existent pay gap. Pay for your own dinners and change your own tires. But no, you don't get to be "strong independent women" while still expecting men to pay for your food on dates and kiss your asses.To be honest, guys tend to have tunnel vision about this type of stuff. Very easy for a guy to get enveloped into the pattern of life:
go to work, leave work, do some errands, come home eventually, eventually eat something, chill out at home to relax, sleep...
...
... rinse and repeat.
The guy doesn't love or care for you any less, don't think this at all! Casually bring this topic of "him never making plans" to him, and his most likely reaction will be "I didn't even notice! OK I'll make sure to do that".It is funny that you say "it is not hard" like everyone knows what "romantic" is and even that "romantic" is the same for everyone.
I do not have a romantic bone in my body. I don't understand it and don't see the need for it. There are things that I did during my marriage that my then wife would go "oh, that is so romantic", and I had zero clue why. When I tried very very hard to do something romantic, it fell flat on its face.
So don't throw out "it is not hard". It absolutely is. Especially since trying to understand how the fonk women think is useless. And I was with my ex wife 25 years.Yet you're still having sex with him correct? 5 LOOOOOONG ass years, and you've made no demands of him? Man sounds like a sweet deal to me!
What stupid ass haircut does he have? (I need to picture what dogshit women are into nowadays, wasting their youth with some fckboy who's going no where in life).
A.B.
C.
The reason any particular guy isn't romantic is because he doesn't have to be. Because the woman lets him have a relationship with her anyway. The concept of earning a fair maiden's love seems to have become a thing of the past.
(... But, then again, a lot of girls say they want romance, but when it really comes down to it, they aren't ready and they can't handle it. They run away from guys who try to be romantic to them. So a lot of guys see this and they conclude that being romantic is seen as weakness and a turn-off. So that's part of the reason why guys aren't romantic anymore.)You could always try changing the rules just a bit - maybe a round of "strip Scrabble"?
If you haven't read Gary Chapman's book "The Five Love Languages", I would suggest that you give it a quick read, at least. Our "love language" describes how we usually show love to others and how best we receive and accept it. Here they are-
Words of Affirmation - Saying supportive things to your partner
Acts of Service - Doing helpful things for your partner
Receiving Gifts - Giving your partner gifts that tell them you were thinking about them
Quality Time - Spending meaningful time with your partner
Physical Touch - Being close to and caressed by your partner
(My wife's are Words of Affirmation, and Quality Time.
Mine are Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. )
Anyway, maybe the solution is simply a matter of changing the way each of you SHOW love to the other.Because when I ask questions for girls on GAG it’s usually met with no responses or negative responses such as “I don’t want to be approached”. We live in a time where we don’t know (either gender) are taking advantage of us because of our status, our wealth, our education (getting good grades in school) or etc. I have a tough time believing women nowadays.
I want to be a romantic guy but chivalry is dead. Girls only seem to care about her girl friends, social media, her dog and her career. This ain’t 1995 in 2022, times have changed. Yeah, if I met a girl I would want to be romantic and do nice things. But until I mean a genuine, good hearted girl that I’m attracted to, I’m not going to show those emotions.Hey!! We can be romantic too. For example, I came up with the idea of Alternate Trivial Pursuit.. where instead of adding a piece, you take off an item of clothing from your opponent using only your mouth/ teeth. The when you win the final answer you take control of them until they beg you to stop..
Just make sure when you play to only have on 6 items of clothing!Because men don't think that way. It's completely alien to most men. It makes no sense and they don't know why you should care about such trivial things - I'm not saying it IS trivial, but that's how they will probably think of it. Basically they don't see the purpose in it.
If they try it, you have to give them credit for effort even if it's awkward as hell. I think for a lot of women being awkward would make it even better.They are!!! all the guys I dated are super romantic!!
what did you say to him about your needs?
did you two read the book The Five Love Languages?
I told my honey I need all 5! 😘 he is so good with with it. We just compliment each other with love and romance whenever we can.
communicate with him!! ❤️I don't know why some men are. I am like that. I don't want all this bullshit. I want to wait to have sex. I am not into one sided relationships either where you have to bend over backwards for a woman and she never does anything for you.
Making a bond with one anotherYou must live in a big city.. I have found that most women I chat with online all want $100 itunes gift cards after they say they are not scammers.. after I say no I never hear from them again. All that being said.. I love doing spontaneous things with the ladies in my life. Of which I have none.
In my experience and what I have seen from people I have known and relatives, it is almost always the man that does romantic/thoughtful things and the women usually just wait around expecting the men to do it and almost never doing anything romantic themselves.
"More a convenient relationship then anything else." Because thats probably what you are. Women are supposed to INSPIRE men to do these things but sadly the average modern woman is a depressing thing to think about, not inspiring. Therefore video games and porn. All the classic signs are present. You dont inspire him and hed rather zone out and forget he's with you. This is very typical and very common.
Answer me this "how often are guys complimented on a regular basis?", "how often do guy who try to be romantic, always get treated as try-hards or always get looked at like cringe?" . We live in a society where guys have found it pointless to be romantic when most anyone really wants is hookups. Dating society has crushed the usefulness of being a romantic in the same way jobs have killed hard work. Trying hard doesn't get results anymore
You need to understand what drove men to be romantic in the past. Many or most of those things are gone now. It's a different world now, and women and dating are different now. The "prize" that men dreamed about when they saw a woman in a romantic way is no longer a reality for the most part. Women do not represent the value to men that they once did. Now it's mostly about sex and romance is not really a factor in that.
A lot are romantic early on but mroe so because they feel they have to be to getcha. One they got ya, they are only romantic on Vday, Bday and Christmas 😒
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