Like it's not hard I'm not talking down on your knees rose's to the bedroom I'm talking like pulling out a board game to play together spontaneously or doing something just because it would make you happy without having to ask them for instance my fiance doesn't make plans for anything I'm expected to make all plans we've been together 5 year's and he's been romantic 3 time's and hasn't put much effort in besides that I try to be romantic like leaving sticky notes for him to find with reasons I love him or find him attractive or I pack his lunch for work and add lame puns like here's some strawberry because your the berry best or I got him some kingdom heart necklaces because it's his favorite game and hid them in his car but he doesn't really do the same for me and it makes me feel like he doesn't really care that I'm apart of his life like I'm More a convenient relationship then anything else.
There are 5 love languages and he may not be realizing which one is your main one.
Words of Affirmation Words of affirmation is about expressing affection through spoken words, praise, or appreciation. When this is someone's primary love language, they enjoy kind words and encouragement as well as uplifting quotes, love notes, and cute text messages. You can make this person's day by complimenting them or pointing out what they do well.
Quality Time Someone with this love language wants undivided attention. They feel loved if you are present and focused on them when you are together. This means putting down the cell phone, turning off the tablet, making eye contact, and actively listening. People with this love language are looking for quality over quantity.
Physical Touch A person with physical touch as their primary love language feels loved through physical affection. Aside from sex, they feel loved when their partner holds their hand, touches their arm, or gives them a massage at the end of the day, for example. This person's idea of a perfect date might include cuddling on the couch with a glass of wine and a good movie. They simply want to be close to their partner physically.
Acts of Service For acts of service, a person feels loved and appreciated when someone does nice things for them, such as: Helping with the dishes Running errands Vacuuming Putting gas in the car They love when people do little things for them and often can be found doing these acts of service for others.
Receiving Gifts Gift-giving is symbolic of love and affection for someone with this love language. They treasure not only the gift itself but also the time and effort the gift-giver put into it. People with receiving gifts as their primary love language do not necessarily expect large or expensive gifts; it's more what is behind the gift that appeals to them. When you take the time to pick out a gift specifically for them, it tells them you really know them. People with this love language can often remember every little gift they have received from their loved ones because it makes such an impact on them.
Sounds like he has never been romantic, and you still married him. Now you want him to suddenly be romantic because YOU like it. I don't think you can expect that based on how he has been in the past, but fair enough. Maybe he could try a bit more. But you have to tell him, don't expect him to read your mind.
But I will also mention, none of the stuff you said you did. Sounds that "romantic" to me as a man. Sure it sounds cute, like stuff that YOU like, but does HE really care? If he doesn't care, but you think you are being romantic, and now you are mad that he isn't returning it. Well, you are creating a problem that isn't there.
How about you go buy some new lingerie, or fulfill a fantasy of his. Sounds better than some frilly notes and a video game necklace.
Look I get it. Ladies like to feel special. The thing is, as a man. It feels like I have to do that shit all the time, and it's exhausting. Women want romance, but then rarely return the favor. They want you to do stuff for them that they want, then they want to do stuff for you that they like, and think it's romantic.
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+1 y
First off not married second he he did romantic things here and there when we first got together like set up a pillow fort for us to watch Harry Potter. I'm assuming he liked the gesture because he kept all of the notes and wares/ showes off his necklace all the time I've done other things like I got him a sword ⚔️ engraved with his name in elvish ( love's loard of the rings) and the amount of lingerie I've bought specifically to surprise him is redicullas have a whole draw dedicated to it.
Sorry, must have inserted that in there. Thought I read that.
Not saying he doesn't like the stuff, but just cause he keeps it around doesn't mean he really cares that much.
Sure he will keep it, because YOU LIKE IT, you did it. If he was to just throw away the notes and necklace, how do you think that would go over? A big fight about how he doesn't care most likely.
My girlfriend has done stuff like that for me. It's nice, sure, but I don't really care about stuff like that. I keep it because it makes HER happy. That is pretty romantic now that I think about it. But you don't think of it that way. Maybe he does. Maybe he thinks caring for that stuff is his way of showing that he cares for you. But you don't seem to care. You want it the way you want it.
My point is have you ever asked? Why are you asking the internet, when you could just talk about this all with him?
Im engaged yes but I can still dip without having to go through the cort. I honestly don't care if he keeps it or not if he didn't like it I would stop no questions asked. I'm not that emotional I've had family members burn gift's I got them in front of me so it wouldn't bother me if he said he didn't like it And like I said I did do your whole sexy clothes and sexual fantasy thing.
And yes I think it's sweet he kept them but it still feels lonely and bad when you feel like your the only one trying.
And I don't believe for a second that you would not be upset if you found your love notes in the trash, or he never wore your necklace. Most people would. I would be. You just want my opinion to fit the way you see things, but it's not going to. You need to try and see things from his side as well, not just the way you see things. That's what I am trying to do, provide a man's perspective on this.
I told you, I think he could try a little harder, you had no issue. I said that you might be lacking, you have an issue. Ok, you did the stuff I said to do. Are you still doing it? Is it a weekly/monthly thing? Or did you just do it one or 2 times for him, and that's it? If this stuff isn't a regular thing, well then are you really being romantic for him all the time, like you expect? How often do you cook for him? Give him massages, etc?
My point overall is that women expect a lot out of men, and women rarely ever ask what we would like in return. We don't want to ask, and when we do it's usually a whole thing, so we prefer not to.
I bet if you just asked him to do that stuff more often, he would do it. You know what would take it one step further, ask what HE wants you to do for him more regularly. And actually do it, without fighting him about it. I bet that romance starts coming around again, just sayin.
A lot of men simply aren’t wired like women. Women are more emotional and affectionate compared to men. Not all women or men are like that, but women are known to be far more emotional when it comes to relationships and romance. Women are often better at expressing their emotions with romance by doing these types of things, being sentimental, giving meaningful gifts, etc. Also, a lot of women are creative and go an extra mile to plan something romantic to make both parties happy.
Some men simply lack in the romance department. Nothing wrong with that, but they may not be as emotional or in touch with the sentimental, sappy, creative side of them. It’s not uncommon, but it’s something you should communicate with your partner, or at least compromise and understand the differences you two have. If you wish to have more romance in the relationship, let it be known! Let him know that you would like if he put in more effort in planning a nice date, or a nice gift, etc.
This is definitely not true for all guys. I'd say I'm actually more emotional and affectionate than a lot of women. LOL... but for some reason, this doesn't help me attract women. It usually works against me. From what I've seen, women are more attracted to me when I suppress my emotional side, and try to act indifferent.
So I think the issue is that women are attracted to this simple stereotypical idea of masculinity, more so than more complicated guys. But you have to take what comes with that.
You're right. I am pretty romantic. But a lot of guys sometimes only do some things as a way to try and get sex.
A lot of men even say that women don't do this stuff... But many times that is because they are only with materialistic women and women willing to sleep with them...
Men are romantic if they’re into you. They’ll cross the world for you, jump through obstacles for you, walk the wire for you and even would die for you IF they love you… anyone in love would do these things. Some might not be showy like holding hands, writing love letters, texting, posting/bragging about you on social media, but if they love you, nothing can stop them from making sure you’re loved and protected…
I consider myself a very romantic guy, and I used to do very romantic gestures for my ex when we were together. Like, for one of her birthdays, I made her a custom cuddle blanket with photos of happy memories we'd shared together printed on it. That took hours of planning, particularly the design, because it was hard to decide what photos to choose since there were so many good ones.
Another time, when she was having an emotional breakdown because she unexpectedly got fired from her job, I immediately booked a plane ticket to fly across the country to comfort her in person. We were long distance at the time.
Playing a board game together? Pfft... that barely counts as a romantic gesture.
But guys have different personalities. Some really aren't that romantic. I've heard that opposites attract, so you have to ask yourself if he's just a really different personality than you.
You're also right that he might be taking the relationship too much for granted. Without knowing him, it's hard for me to discern how much of his behavior is just his normal personality, and how much of it is due to lack of effort. It's probably a mixture of both.
Men are romantic. More so than are women. Even a cursory examination of the long history of the written word makes this evident. Who has written more love poems? Who has written more love songs? Who has written more love letters? It’s men. Who has written more love stories? Who has made more of those love stories into romantic movies & TV shows? It’s always been men. Who buys more gifts? Who spends more time, energy and money on grand gestures? Still men. How many holidays exist solely for women to spoil men? None. Why? Because men DO the pampering, not the other way around. Hence Valentines Day and Sweetest Day are marketed exclusively at men to spoil women. How many women scrimp and save a quarter of a year’s salary to buy a guy anything, and then get down on one knee in a display of inferiority to beg him to spend his life with her? If it’s ever been done at all, it’s likely such a tiny minority it would be statistically insignificant. Romance is literally defined by what women want and how men go about providing that. Without men, there would be NO romance.
It’s a personality thing. Being romantic is a trait that some men have more of and other men have less of. Just like someone may have a tendency to want to dance when they hear good music or some people may enjoy singing to themselves. It should flow out quite naturally from someone who naturally has that trait.
If someone was very romantic at the beginning of a relationship and no longer is, it could be a sign that the relationship is growing stale—something isn’t right—somebody’s needs aren’t being met—someone feels unloved or unfulfilled.
But, if someone was never very romantic since the very beginning of the relationship, it’s likely just part of their personality. They may be less sentimental, affectionate, and touchy-feely. Maybe they’re more stoic and have a more serious aura about them for example. It’s just how they are.
For example Noah Calhoun (The Notebook) and Frank Castle (The Punisher) show love in very different ways. Noah shows love through things like writing love letters and doing romantic gestures. Frank shows love through fiercely guarding those that he cares for and making sure they are safe, even if it means risking his own life to protect them.
Because romantic men get dismissed by women and feminism very clearly say male romance is "misogynistic" and antiquated and all. Holding open a door for a woman and being nice to her was, I quote, "benevolent sexism." Feminism treated men like sh*t for being gentlemen, so men stopped being gentlemen. Don't cry about it now.
This is what women wanted while whining about the non-existent pay gap. Pay for your own dinners and change your own tires. But no, you don't get to be "strong independent women" while still expecting men to pay for your food on dates and kiss your asses.
To be honest, guys tend to have tunnel vision about this type of stuff. Very easy for a guy to get enveloped into the pattern of life:
go to work, leave work, do some errands, come home eventually, eventually eat something, chill out at home to relax, sleep... ... ... rinse and repeat.
The guy doesn't love or care for you any less, don't think this at all! Casually bring this topic of "him never making plans" to him, and his most likely reaction will be "I didn't even notice! OK I'll make sure to do that".
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Asker
+1 y
His precise sentence the other day was he made a comment on how nice it was out side and we had both slept most of the day and he said " it's so nice out why didn't we go swimming why didn't you arrange plans for that " like da fuck I look like a secretary I decorat cake's not make reservations but pretty much if plans are made like bowling swimming playing video games together watching a movie all of those plans are made by me
It is funny that you say "it is not hard" like everyone knows what "romantic" is and even that "romantic" is the same for everyone. I do not have a romantic bone in my body. I don't understand it and don't see the need for it. There are things that I did during my marriage that my then wife would go "oh, that is so romantic", and I had zero clue why. When I tried very very hard to do something romantic, it fell flat on its face. So don't throw out "it is not hard". It absolutely is. Especially since trying to understand how the fonk women think is useless. And I was with my ex wife 25 years.
Yet you're still having sex with him correct? 5 LOOOOOONG ass years, and you've made no demands of him? Man sounds like a sweet deal to me!
What stupid ass haircut does he have? (I need to picture what dogshit women are into nowadays, wasting their youth with some fckboy who's going no where in life). A.
B.
C.
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Asker
+1 y
Um none of the above he's kinda a nerdy guy Ware's glasses plays a lot of videos games a little chubby love's his mashed potatoes lol so if you have some mucly vaping dude with a douch hair cut who spends every minute away from home you'd be incorrect he actually spends very little time away from me we live together and work together
Ma'am... unless you are a very large individual... please stop throwing your best years away. That or hire some dudes to beat him up, then tell him you're afraid he can't protect you. If he starts lifting weights and puts the game down, you're onto something. If not, leave him The romance department... thats kinda something you either have or you don't. He watches anime right? (of course he does) tell him take a hint from this dude:
Umm I don't need to be protected never did also nah I'm good been alone I'm that socially isolated person and like I said I do actually love him even if he's not romantic
The reason any particular guy isn't romantic is because he doesn't have to be. Because the woman lets him have a relationship with her anyway. The concept of earning a fair maiden's love seems to have become a thing of the past.
(... But, then again, a lot of girls say they want romance, but when it really comes down to it, they aren't ready and they can't handle it. They run away from guys who try to be romantic to them. So a lot of guys see this and they conclude that being romantic is seen as weakness and a turn-off. So that's part of the reason why guys aren't romantic anymore.)
You could always try changing the rules just a bit - maybe a round of "strip Scrabble"?
If you haven't read Gary Chapman's book "The Five Love Languages", I would suggest that you give it a quick read, at least. Our "love language" describes how we usually show love to others and how best we receive and accept it. Here they are- Words of Affirmation - Saying supportive things to your partner Acts of Service - Doing helpful things for your partner Receiving Gifts - Giving your partner gifts that tell them you were thinking about them Quality Time - Spending meaningful time with your partner Physical Touch - Being close to and caressed by your partner
(My wife's are Words of Affirmation, and Quality Time. Mine are Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. )
Anyway, maybe the solution is simply a matter of changing the way each of you SHOW love to the other.
Because when I ask questions for girls on GAG it’s usually met with no responses or negative responses such as “I don’t want to be approached”. We live in a time where we don’t know (either gender) are taking advantage of us because of our status, our wealth, our education (getting good grades in school) or etc. I have a tough time believing women nowadays.
I want to be a romantic guy but chivalry is dead. Girls only seem to care about her girl friends, social media, her dog and her career. This ain’t 1995 in 2022, times have changed. Yeah, if I met a girl I would want to be romantic and do nice things. But until I mean a genuine, good hearted girl that I’m attracted to, I’m not going to show those emotions.
Hey!! We can be romantic too. For example, I came up with the idea of Alternate Trivial Pursuit.. where instead of adding a piece, you take off an item of clothing from your opponent using only your mouth/ teeth. The when you win the final answer you take control of them until they beg you to stop..
Just make sure when you play to only have on 6 items of clothing!
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Asker
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That's not romance that's just a sex game sex and romance isn't the same thing
I cannot continue the charade any longer.. I'm sorry.. please accept my apologies.. I was merely playing to your stereotypes of men.. of COURSE I can be romantic really. I have done other things too, but probably the most romantic thing was my g/f collects teddy bears.. she loves 'em. so I bought her one and sat him on the arm chair for her to find.. in one paw he had a bar of her favourite chocolate.. in the other was the car keys to a new X5 BMW I had just bought for her.
Seems excessive but ok I know when we first got together we were long distance I got him a teddy bear and recorded a personal message that would play if he squeezed him
Because men don't think that way. It's completely alien to most men. It makes no sense and they don't know why you should care about such trivial things - I'm not saying it IS trivial, but that's how they will probably think of it. Basically they don't see the purpose in it.
If they try it, you have to give them credit for effort even if it's awkward as hell. I think for a lot of women being awkward would make it even better.
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Asker
+1 y
I did give him credit for it even tell him how sweet it was the last time he was romantic even if it was a little silly ( he ran a bubble bath and lit candle gave me a wine glass of chocolate milk and tried to sing a song from Lord of the rings ) that was 3 year's ago
Wow, he's pretty darn good. Most guys would not do anything like that. He deserves a trophy.
by the way, that pictures shows them playing scrabble. I used to play scrabble with my girlfriend all the time. I never thought of it as being romantic though. It was just something to do.
It's sweet when they make a effort to spend time with you think of it like if your the only one holding up a conversation it gets old and you start to resent it same as if you make every plan for how to spend time together it begins to feel like the other person doesn't care about it
They are!!! all the guys I dated are super romantic!!
what did you say to him about your needs?
did you two read the book The Five Love Languages? I told my honey I need all 5! 😘 he is so good with with it. We just compliment each other with love and romance whenever we can.
I don't know why some men are. I am like that. I don't want all this bullshit. I want to wait to have sex. I am not into one sided relationships either where you have to bend over backwards for a woman and she never does anything for you.
You must live in a big city.. I have found that most women I chat with online all want $100 itunes gift cards after they say they are not scammers.. after I say no I never hear from them again. All that being said.. I love doing spontaneous things with the ladies in my life. Of which I have none.
In my experience and what I have seen from people I have known and relatives, it is almost always the man that does romantic/thoughtful things and the women usually just wait around expecting the men to do it and almost never doing anything romantic themselves.
"More a convenient relationship then anything else." Because thats probably what you are. Women are supposed to INSPIRE men to do these things but sadly the average modern woman is a depressing thing to think about, not inspiring. Therefore video games and porn. All the classic signs are present. You dont inspire him and hed rather zone out and forget he's with you. This is very typical and very common.
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Um he does that even with his friends he's just really into video games we even play them together decently often. And if he was that unhappy why not just leave not like I'd murder him
"And if he was that unhappy why not just leave not like I'd murder him" he's about as unhappy as you are that he's not romantic and takes no initiative... its not like he would murder you if you leave him.
That works for y'all then it does. I personally would never date a woman that doesn't inspire me. Because i love to be romantic and id feel shitty to be with someone i didn't feel was worth that. I get her flowers all the time, dates, open the door, take her shopping just everything possible. I also never play video games because i absolutely love my real life id hate to be zoned out to it. This is coming from someone who used to play video games and used to have a girlfriend i didn't care to do anything romantic for. Hope this gave you some insight.
Answer me this "how often are guys complimented on a regular basis?", "how often do guy who try to be romantic, always get treated as try-hards or always get looked at like cringe?" . We live in a society where guys have found it pointless to be romantic when most anyone really wants is hookups. Dating society has crushed the usefulness of being a romantic in the same way jobs have killed hard work. Trying hard doesn't get results anymore
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
You need to understand what drove men to be romantic in the past. Many or most of those things are gone now. It's a different world now, and women and dating are different now. The "prize" that men dreamed about when they saw a woman in a romantic way is no longer a reality for the most part. Women do not represent the value to men that they once did. Now it's mostly about sex and romance is not really a factor in that.
A lot are romantic early on but mroe so because they feel they have to be to getcha. One they got ya, they are only romantic on Vday, Bday and Christmas 😒
@Jamie05rhs of course. I was just sayin i know very few who actually want a future together. Their intentions are not direct nor genuine and they play a romantic role to get what they want
I read your whole post and it seems like he is not the one for you. He may be the nicest man on earth but not the one you are reaching for, and let's face it, if he starts doing romantic things after you ask him to do them, it would not be coming from his heart.
can say the same about some women like you can say that about some men not all men not all women you just got one that is not romantic doesn't mean all are
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Asker
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I just said men I never said all there is always an exception to every rule so I don't really refer to all
I am very romantic to a woman that is receptive to it if not don't waste the time and be disappointed all the time which means won't be around very long
you need to communicate that to him that you love him and want him forever, but you would like a little romantic thing not just sex but how about making you a bubble bath some flowers for no reason maybe a sexy massage goes out to a Fancy restaurant
Ok, you just got to get a board game you both can play, word puzzles can be good for two people, but many board games are designed to be played by a group, so you have to choose wisely, or it might turn into a competitive drag, and not something romantic.
Poker is a game where you get cards, and you bet and call or exchange cards based on what you have in your hand, you want high cards like three kings, and a full house is like a 10, a jack, queen , king and ace of all the same house. Card Games are fun, can be competitive, but generally it's based on luck. So they are games that are generally fun.
Cuz you want to be the center of attention 24/7... sometimes it gets exhausting, no one cares about us
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Asker
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Again I'm just saying being the one to plan a board game would be nice for once I do lovey things all the time and it's not like I'm not tired when I give him a back rub I work 2 job's and take care of goat's/ chicken's along with cleaning so it's not like I'm home all day and want him to get off work and paint my nails
Ok i just read the discription and still dont take it back and think it is most of the time the case with girls complaining about this stuf. But after reading maybe ur situation is different, i dont know the situation. But is your husband very lazy by chance? Does does he spend a lot of time playing video games, watching tiktok, youtube shorts etc? Does he sit on the couch for hours after comming back from work? If so, then this is the reason why. Someone whos seeking these quick pleasures all day and has a dopamine addiction is making lazy, losing his soul, darkens his heart which ultimately would result in numbness in his emotional life.
A real man who isn't seeking these short quick pleasures and who isn't lazy has energy, begins to see brighter and has emotions. When he sees his wife he's content and wants to show her his affection. he's also more happy in life and is motivated
Because we're to tired after working all day, or maybe we are just not in the way you think romance should be Open your mind expand you thinking look at things for outside the box
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Asker
+1 y
He's not any more tired than me we do the same job for the same amount of hours but I also do the cooking cleaning and taking care of the farm animals but I still find time to write him a note or to leave his favorite snacks Infront of his playstation
I said that to myself multiple times as well as to some of my gag friends… I know they have found love. Myself as well… but took time and self reflect and growth
I try to be romantic but it usually does not work out too good.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Romance novels are like porn for women. It sets unrealistic expectations for men leaving women unhappy because her man can't be like Fabio or what ever the fuck guy is in the books.
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Opinion Owner
+1 y
Bottom line, men aren't wired like women, stop expecting that. If you can't, seek out women instead.
Playing a board game is not what I would call romantic lol. But to answer your question, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, nor is it unrealistic.
I think a lot of guys are, but maybe not in the exact fairytale way some women expect. For guys, being romantic may simply be wanting to do things together.
Its hard to be romantic, when you get rejected all the time. Hiw am i supposed to learn this shit
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Asker
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Im rejected just as much but I still learned how to be romantic and wasn't just rejected in a romantic sense I was rejected as a person at work school family functions I sit alone nobody really gives a fuck I'm there. Read a book watch a movie read shit on Pinterest watch YouTube fuck it's how I learned to give a blow job without actually doing one you can learn anything the fact you don't is a personal choice
Eh knowledge I thought I wouldn't need has come in handy from time to time I'm an out cast and hermit so didn't think I'd need to know how to give a blow job but learned anyway. Also didn't think I'd need to know how to splint a deer leg but terns out I did
Way to generalize all guys as being unromantic when there are a lot of guys who can be romantic when they know their partner's/significant other's love language.
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