Why are men so romantic in the beginning?

Question

Why do they change?

GoodManDave · Accepted Answer

WHEN I was in a relationship, I was romantic throughout. Of course, they didn't last long enough for me to drop being romantic and even get "super comfortable" or complacent. But I did cut down a little.

The reason I cut down? They'd start fights or insult me when I WAS sweet. Or they were too busy cheating to be there for the relationship. I'd try to be playful and spontaneous, and get met with grumpyness... and if I wasn't for some reason, I'd get told that I'm not being romantic enough (even though I WAS still pretty romantic)... or I don't do that thing I USED to do (that I got screamed at for doing).

Girls don't call or text me... they don't flirt with me... I only really get "work compliments."

Outside of relationships, I've rarely seen any woman make any effort with me. How am I supposed to know they're interested if they never flirt or compliment or try to get near me, or give any indication, and they freak out when I show the smallest amount of interest?

You want compliments? Compliment people, then. Be romantic with us. We're not the only ones who can get bored or lazy or complacent or "used to" the other person. Be dateable. It shouldn't be on us to keep things going, especially if we feel insulted for trying.

As a man, I'm expected to ask women out. To sweep "you" off your feet. I have to know when to be romantic, and known the perfect level of romantic. But if he's too slick, he must be a player or cheater. If he's not good enough, he's socially clueless.

It'd be like expecting a man to be an expert "Calvin-ball" player. But all the rules HE tries to introduce to the game are wrong. and when he tries playing by the ever changing rules, it's changed again.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

i ask the same question with girls girls are romantic in the beginning after few months they change

A_Bell · Accepted Answer

Salesmen are all wonderful and friendly when they are trying to get you into a new car, but call them every day 6 months later and see how much energy they put into things.

It's normal to show more interest and energy into something new. The change isn't how you are treated later, the change is in how you are treated at first.

The trick to being happy is to not expect the song and dance up front and then expect it to be what the relationship is about. A healthy relationship is about being comfortable with each other for who they are, not constantly trying to impress.

kubbie · Accepted Answer

they have to try getting you. after they got you they slightly move to the comfort zone. what is actually quite normal. but women excpect that men would always be lke that. but as a woman are you not changing too. doing less because you know u can. but you are doing less and still excpect men to stay like that forever.

Pamina · Accepted Answer

Most people are more romantic at the beginning. Also women.

coachTanthony · Answer

They don't change.. YOU ALLOW COMFORT to set in and let dudes get away with being lazy on the romance front. It's a normal reaction to let the romance part go for a guy when a girl shows too much interest or comfort in a relationship as if she just got caught in a butterfly net. Stay out of the butterfly net.

Allie_Oops · Answer

To get in your pants. It’s all an act. Men suck.

Jjpayne · Answer

Because it's that period of just enjoying each other. In fact, it's both of you ignoring each other faults. and holding back doing things that would upset or cause conflict with each other. It's like trying to impress the boss before you get the job. You want to show your best self to each other. The love is real but you are both putting up a front because you love each other. and that's the other. Why are women so romantic in the beginning? Pow, I bet you did not see that coming. But it does go both ways. You are both in the that romantic period together. What happens is actually the beautiful part if you think about it. You trust one another enough to let your guard down, you start behaving as you would with your normal family members. You start treating each other as brother and sister. That's a good thing! You are being treated like one of the family. The romance may die down but your relationship has actually entered a stronger bond of closeness. Given men need to provide some romantic moment every once in a while but you get the sister treatment which I would consider an honor. Just like I would consider it an honor if you treated me as a brother. Hopefully that makes since

KenM9215 · Answer

honestly, I never stopped being romantic with my last ex. it wasn't a constant thing, because that would be exhausting but I'd try to do something at least once a month randomly lol. Like one time I went a bought her a stuffed animal, her favorite chocolates, some flowers, and a card, and set it on her kitchen table, all just because I could and wanted to do something to make her smile. (I'm a hopeless romantic lol). I won't lie, Unfortunately though, this was heavily one sided. I don't blame her or anything for it being one sided as I honestly feel it was just because she didn't quite know how to be romantic for a guy. she still loved me though so that's all I really needed but it would have been nice to have similar gestures in return.

As to why guys are so romantic in the beginning (and then they stop is what I think you were getting at right?) well... I mean everyone tries at the beginning. Everyone needs to keep proving their worth to their partner, for the fear that the relationship isn't quite secure yet and they could easily just leave at that point. I tend to think it's that example BUT there is another.

It's also possible that he could be one of those guys that after he has won your heart and he feels you are securely his, that he doesn't have to put in as much effort anymore. Now, not all guys do this, but I've seen a few who have.

Have a great day!

Mrcdinis · Answer

The m9ment y9u should see a man in his best selft, is the moment you are having the true first date. He should take the time to dress up and take care of his image, and the time to take care of how he should present himself to you.

Like it or not, for us it's like a competition, or even a job interview. You all have preference for the best you can get, which I'm not judging - it's a good thing for you. However, what that means, is us, men, have to put it an extra effort for you to even notice us, let alone taking it further.

We do not change after a while, we just start being confident enough to be comfortable having you around. Some women have a too high standard, which only means she needs to be incredibly lucky, or will be disappointed as many times as it takes to get it straight or simply give up and work on themselves (which is actually when you least expect, you might meet someone, totally unprepared, randomly, which you might like. That'd be someone who didn't dress up nor worked on a speech to impress you. That one you won't notice a change in personality over time - or shouldn't)

That is the way I view that. That is actually why I've quit already looking for someone, as that same thing you're asking, happened towards me. I've simply felt like it is just a waste of time to put in effort of being someone for a short period of time, so, I'll be as single as I can be, until something unexpected happens and I meet some random girl who I like and feel like I can trust, while being myself from the beginning.

And yes, this comes from a 22 year old, so might just be a naive answer. It is my trust though, and how I'm living it. Making be quite happy actually :)

Hope I've helped. Cheers!

Luisg1395 · Answer

Most of the time it is because they try to get your attention and show you what they are capable of. Why do they change? Things change, people change, feelings change too. Id give the world for my ex girlfriend, id travel 1200 miles every weekend just to see her. She was the greatest and made me feel great. But the fact that she would always leave the house or abandon me during an argument, is what led to the change. She would leave for days if not weeks. She didn't seem to give a fuck about how i felt or what i had to say during conflict so little by little, i became indefferent. She was always so loveable and sweet but when the arguments started, she would get physical and start punching, kicking, slapping or pinching me. The worst she ever did was hit me beside my head where i have titanium from brain surgery.

Til this day, she still blames me for having gone looking for other women. But you know, im glad i did cause imagine being with a person who doesn't take you or what you have to say into consideration? Imagine being with someone who could inflict physical pain to where you are most vulnerable... yeah thats why i changed. It isn't always men sweetheart. It is sometimes the woman who makes the man change.

fashionguy17 · Answer

I don't know about you, but for me, it's all about finances. When I started dating my girlfriend last year, we went out all the time. I would take her to art festivals, music festivals, jazz clubs, film festivals, different eateries, wine tasting, comedy clubs, just to name a few. We were going out all the time whenever we were together.

However, on December 8th of last year, my job laid me off. I was unable to find a job until March, I had to go unemployment and I had to move back home to save money. During those months that I was broke and on unemployment, I tried to go out, but I couldn't always do that.

Since getting my new job, I have goals for myself. I want to make sure that I NEVER work for anyone ever again. As a result, from my current job, I have been using every paycheck I get and purchased a few online stores and my goal is to launch these stores and make my own money, thus becoming my own boss.

In addition to me spending a lot of my paychecks on these stores, marketing and advertising... my girlfriend also went through some financial trouble, and I had to pay her rent for 2 months, which set me back. She just got a new job and is slowly paying me back... but I spent a lot these last few months... on her and my personal goals, so we haven't been going out as much because I am trying to save money (and because it takes me an hour to get to work and gas prices are insane right now.

I feel bad that we don't go out as often as I would like, but she gets it. As a result, we have been spicing up our sex life to make up for the lack of going out and doing pretty crazy sexual things every time we are together XD!

On another note, even though I am broke (for now)... I am planning the following with her:

-We are planning to go to NYC towards the end of the year for a few days and explore the city.

-We are also planning a trip to Maui in January of 2019 and have been putting away money towards that.

GimpAwoken · Answer

The problem is the expectation of romance. New Relationship Energy is very powerful and it is exciting at first. As a relationship levels off, the NRE fades and you are just two humans doing things together. It is not so much taking the relationship for granted as much as it is easy to be comfortable and casual around your partner. If you go from relationship to relationship looking for someone that the NRE will never fade with, you will search forever. You need to find the person that when the NRE fades, you are left with love in its place. Someone who knows how to make you laugh, knows your interests and cares about you. Random acts of romance with someone you've been together with for years are infinitely more powerful than an assumed act early in a relationship. Women do this too, it is a part of human nature. Comfort, not needing to impress because you are happy with eachother regardless you are gross that day or look like a million bucks. If you buy a dozen flowers every day all you will get is a room full of dead flowers. Look forward instead of behind and think about why that change happened and what it signifies. Evolution of the heart and the next step in life.

MrOracle · Answer

Men aren't inherently romantic (in the "flowers and hearts and candy" sense). We don't care about any of that stuff (the vast majority of us anyway) but we do those things for you (women) because we know YOU care about those things. But for most guys, it's only an "acquisition strategy" - once they have you, most guys go back to normal for the most part - and normal for guys is not being that way.

Guys generally show you how they feel by spending time with you, pay attention to you, and by protecting and providing for you. When a guy drives you someplace or spends money on you or gives up his day off to be with you, that is a sacrifice, and he does it because he has romantic feelings for you. And those more practical expressions of love are more of a male's way of expressing that.

Freiburger · Answer

Well as a die hard romantic, I have been accused of changing when I did not change! Sometimes perception plays a role. We get disappointed in one way, and it changes how we interpret everything.
Some people make an effort at the beginning, but change their ways because they are disappointed in the person they are dating but don't have the heart to brrak it off. So they continue the relationship but stop making an effort.
Yet another group of people try hard at the beginning but get lazy thereafter. Having made the "conquest", they think that the job is done and forget to maintain the relationship. I think these people should just be themselves from the beginning. Pretending to be someone else will just lead you to be matched with the wrong person, who won't accept you for who you are.

Tdieseler · Answer

Thats the best foot forward that women look for isn't it? And FYI, its not all men that are romantic in the beginning. I sure am not, because i don't want that crap to be expected from me throughout the whole relationship. Seems like men are always expected to be the romantic one... why can't to woman?
Oh wait... whatever she does, is inherently romantic. Guys are not romantic, giving OR receiving. We do it cuz thats what women want... so we can get what we want... and in most cases (or so I've heard) they still don't.
So, guys like me don't even bother from the get go.

PinkMichae · Answer

Because once they got you there's no motivation to do extra stuff to get you. Same reason women stop dressing up and looking their best for guys.

Tessi · Answer

It'll vary from guy to guy, some are just trying to get in your pants, but also, Its become expected of men to always be the first to put in the time and bend over backwards for the romance to happen, and be at the woman's whim.

Girls especially seem to focus so much on what they should get from a relationship they don't stop to think what they can offer in return, and no, sex is not a valid reward, its not a biscuit you throw at a guy for good behaviour, a relationship like that is guaranteed to fail.

Or maybe guys are all just bastards and should have their dicks cut off.
(deep down you know its easier to blame them for everything and never question if you yourself might be part of the problem.)

Its one of the two, pick your poison 😂

JSmuve · Answer

Two reasons:

1) Because guys delude themselves into believing the girl deserves it. Then he realizes she
A) doesn't appreciate it
B) is taking it for granted, or
C) doesn't actually deserve it
So they pull the plug

Or, 2) they think being romantic will land them the girl so they put on a front but can't maintain the lie and eventually fall back to who they are. Guys don't change after getting into a relationship. You just buy into the lie they're selling. They change to get you interested but after the honeymoon phase is over they go back to who they've always been.

RevengeServedCold · Answer

The ritual of courting. If a person wants someone they must be the best suitor, a good word to use is 'EXTRA'. Swaying someone so hard all they can think of is that one person. After all others will be competing for that person if they are a person with attractive qualities.

Browneye57 · Answer

Cuz their lazy and you're giving them sex by then. In the beginning they are trying to get with you.

If you pick a real man he'll continue to romance you, perform for you, make a lot of money, and become your emotional rock. If you pick poorly figure you'll have to bail at some point.

And if you fail to uphold your end of the bargain he'll lose interest, find what he needs elsewhere. Do you know what a man really needs? What exactly do you bring that would be considered 'high value'? You need to be able to articulate this because a high value guy will expect it. And no, it's not your golden vagina. :)

Choose wisely, treat kindly. _Dr. Laura

blkhermano · Answer

For years we have been taught to "hunt", so we've honed in on our "hunting" skills, which are romantic gestures. After a guy has caught a woman there's no need to re-catch her. Also, it takes a mature-minded woman to realize if a guy is just about romantic gestures and hardly anything else. She needs to pay attention to how the conversation flows, what his intentions are, and what part she plays in it. If a woman continues to fall for romantic gestures and never demands anything else, then she will continued to be stuck in that loop.

If you want more than romance in the beginning, as a woman, you must set the tone - keep things friendly, show self control (no sex), have meaningful conversations, be very observant. The guy who will be romantic throughout the relationship will love you as a friend and a mate, and that combination will cause him to be romantic throughout the relationship.

sassygirl13 · Answer

They don't have to win you over anymore. They also try in their own version of romance.

Yesterday I wasn't feeling well. He went to the kitchen and got the chocolate cake that I made then took a fork, smeared it with nutella in an ugly way and started saying can you see the amount of beauty!! (that's my usual line describing food LOL)

It was hilarious yet too romantic of him to make me feel better. It worked LOL

ipecaclust · Answer

Cuz they're trying to woo you into accepting them as your owner (not in a fucked way just in a natural biological sense of being dominated by them and allowing them to take care of you sort of thing) but then once they have you they feel no need to woo you anymore cuz they "already caught you"

Heythere2013 · Answer

If a guy (or girl) is putting on a show, that'll die off as the relationship progresses. If someone really cares for you, that will not die off. My 1st ex was super romantic, but after a few months a lot of the sweet things died off, he wasn't super into me. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and its almost exactly how its been from the start. The sweet texts and talks still happen.

nadinatali · Answer

They only do that to please us. At first they have mission for us to fall love in them. Once they achieve that, they re-evaluate their feelings. If have any will stay, probably be less romantic cuz have no interest (most of them), and if they have not feelings will leave.

oftheHowl · Answer

It's simple, since dating has been set up as a courting process where men win women over, the extra effort stops after they win the woman over. All this extra shit is reinforced by romance movies/novels and media in general, it's unrealistic to keep up forever and unnecessary. You should learn to appreciate the little everyday things a man does for you.

Anonymous · Answer

Because they are still trying to win you over in the beginning. Once they know they have you then they feel like they don’t need to put forth as much energy into being romantic. Not all guys are like this.

wingattebaby16 · Answer

Guys are romantic at first to lure you in, get past your defenses, and get you used to being with them. Once they have you, the romance slows down and usually ends.

Would you sleep with a guy that just told you he wanted you to come home with him, takeoff your clothes, spread your legs and let him have sex?

Or over time roses, cards, dinners trips, and special times together build your feelings with him, so when he kisses you, you melt in his arms and sex just happens?

EpicDweeb · Answer

Because we fall in love. Being "in love" is a mental state caused by hormones. A guy makes decisions based on hormones and all those happy emotions at the start of the relatonship. It wears off as the hormones wear off. It's not a fun answer but it's how love works at least in the sense that most people mean love.

Misunderstood07 · Answer

They get comfortable with you and no longer put in the same energy they had to use to get you. Once that have you most guy just no longer try, it becomes a chore to them. It's rare to find a guy that continuously puts in that effort after he's comfy with you

BreakingSound · Answer

Not just men. Women do this too. It’s called taking your partner for granted, and it’s the cause of most discontent within relationships.

samit11 · Answer

Because nobody understands what love is. They think love is during the infatuation stage. So ALL people are romantic during that stage. Why do they change? because when infatuation is gone, the seeds of real love get planted. Real love is boring and raw and not magical... unless the seeds are watered. They will grow into a big trees maybe a forest of love that’s more magical than anything in the world and lasts an eternity. The catch is: you just have to water it, And most people dont

SmoMan71 · Answer

Because they are trying to impress you well enough to get laid.  Because they already got laid so they don’t need to impress you anymore.

Anonymous · Answer

Dang! So many butt hurt gals here. Well I want to talk to a certain anonymous 18-24. Not all men are alike. Same goes for girls too. Every person is different. While you whine about his behaviour, what have you done to keep this relationship going?
Are you ignoring him? If yes, then, ofc he will eventually give up and start looking somewhere else. Its a two way thing ladies. Put some god damn effort from your side too.

motif · Answer

They don't change, the situation does. Getting to know someone and realizing they like you is exciting.

My opinion is that guys don't require as much romance, but if you feel that way, then doing something special and spontaneous can surprise guys.

If you want more romance, then be more romantic yourself and it will be reciprocated. The worst thing you can do is tell someone to be romantic since the effect is the opposite of what you want.

AynonOMouse · Answer

Because they realize their woman is taking them for granted, doesn't appreciate stuff anymore and instead expects a lot and gets angry when they don't do stuff for her, while the whole time she doesn't think of doing stuff for him because a guy's feelings usually don't matter much to women.
Many women hardly ever do stuff to make the guy feel cared about. They think sex is all they need to do.

lovelyleo · Answer

If you have a guy who is romantic in the beginning then changed.. he was probably using it as a strategy and pretending. It's really not his personality.

ScaryCool · Answer

Pretty much all the guys have said it.
Many times women stop being romantic just as much. Sometimes we like a girl to put some thought into it too instead of just leaving it all up for us to decide but for you to be hopefully impressed.

IconAura · Answer

You can have a conversation with him about it for starters, secondly, most of that may initially be fueled by lust and then once y'all are over the attraction phase its time to try to be compatible as partners more than anything but that's just how I feel about it and it can differ per person

Prof_Don · Answer

Guys have to try EXTRA hard to woo you initially.. because that is how gals are conditioned to be shown that a guy takes her seriously.

The "phony" part is the beginning! The post-honeymoon phase is the real version of the guy. :-D

Aynsof · Answer

They don't change really not more than women do anyway
There is the exciting new relationship phase that invariably gets replaced by every day life and normalcy phase
New love hormones in overdrive neurochemicals all out of whack at first But go back to their normal state after a while
You may see far less romantic gestures in the latter phase but those you see probably are far more sincere

ThoughtCleric · Answer

I have never changed
The mood does. Think of it this way, whe. You meet someone you know little about him or her. The more you learn about each other the more the relationship evolves. So no one is changing. Its the comfort level that changes. If you want that romantic level back you might need to shake things up a bit. It takes two to tango. So make them dance.

Anonymous · Answer

He puts in a ton of effort, she shows no appreciation or reciprocation, he figures out that the effort isn't worth it and tones it down.

How many of you ladies have gone the extra mile to show him how much you appreciate his romantic gestures? The common attitude is that he's supposed to do everything he possibly can with no expectation of anything in return.

Nonamesbetter18 · Answer

Because it’s new and fresh and honeymoon phase.. women go they that phase but not quickly they stay in that phase for longer.. men gets over very soon.. that’s y there should be other things in relationships that keep it interesting

whiteangel1 · Answer

Because of the chase  He was chasing you to get you now he got you so it's done  Probably also because the honeymoon phase is over

DamienTate · Answer

Well at some point it stops being about competing against other potential suters, and starts being about maintaining comfortability. Which isn't to say that there is no place for romance late relationship, it's just that the amount of energy that is required to be that romantic needs to be applied to other places in life, so your relationship doesn't destroy everything else in your lives.

Spooferdoop · Answer

I'm really romantic and flirty, but I feel like things level put over time, and so does that love. It evens out, but it doesn't disappear. I've felt the same way about girls that I've dated too. The relationship just feels like a good friendship instead of a relationship.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

The concept of romance to me is a medieval invention and has been a 'trend' that was continued into the present. It is more like theatre-play than a reality. One cannot act nonstop. Each movie has an end. So has romantic strategy.

VIVANT · Answer

nothing to do with gender. women men- energy changes. not everyone is romantic to begin with. some become romantic some become less some never are.

pitzi · Answer

Maybe they get bored of it or they're tired of putting so much effort into trying to impress or making the girl like them, because she already does? I hope I explained it well 🙈

riskbreaker021 · Answer

men are really romantic at first.
There are stages of dating.
Men tend to be romantic at first to get the girls attention. Men enters a phase of infatuation. Men mostly are attracted to physical features. As time goes and as for dating, men will slowly get to know the girl. Then men will enter a state of thinking whether he will really pursue the girl. When they decided to continue, then that man has really fallen in love and will be consistent.

madgoat · Answer

Both sexes present their best, most appealing qualities at the start of the relationship when they are trying to build something from nothing.
Then they settle back into being themselves, what ever that may mean.

Skullpool · Answer

It's simple. When you want to get something you have to do something to get it. But when you feel it is yours, you make no effort to keep it because you feel it's your right for what you did.
I'm not like that but I know it because that's whaty ex did..

ChasingBliss · Answer

Basically think of those birds you learned about in highschool. They talked about courting rituals where the male birds have pretty feathers and dance for the female. Once the female excepts him, he stops trying so hard. Like that men try so hard to catch your eye, and make you theirs. Once your there men back off.

BiLuna · Answer

They don’t change they just get more comfortable with you and see you as a bestfriend too and not just a girlfriend

Death-of-rats · Answer

i suppose one good thing about women is that you know they're shallow and money hungry from the get go so there's no real surprise later on.

crazy8000 · Answer

It can be that the female aren't romantic back but think she is or just one sided mind set, usually do that kill the whole romance.

rallocd · Answer

They do it to impress the girl. Once they get the girl, they don't feel like they have to do it anymore. They shouldn't change throughout the relationship bc then the girl falls in love with someone who she thought he'd be when he really isn't.

You_Cant_See_Me · Answer

So nothing changes except for him, right? Women have this mentality that they’re queens and need to be put up on pedestals and have their asses kissed 24/7. Why would a man continue to kiss your ass? Reciprocate a little. Women love on 1 way streets

Anon-ymous1 · Answer

Because that's when passion is at its highest because things are new. That's what we want the most-- passion. Not dedication.

findingdreamland-1 · Answer

Because they want to impress us. They want to be the most caring, romantic , perfect boyfriend in your eyes.

Anonymous · Answer

It takes much more effort on our side to make women feel “special” in the beginning. She just has to dress up, show up and smile. We on the other hand have to make the first move, plan the date, hold the conversation, pay for everything, make the move physically, etc. We risk rejection every step of the way. Most of us don’t enjoy that but we HAVE to do it.

That’s why when we get in a relationship we start going lax. We don’t really enjoy the early stages.

QueenofCups · Answer

They change once they get laid... most of them at least...

MScifiwriter · Answer

Please don't assume that just because some men, or the men you're familiar with slowly stop being romantic, that all men are the same. Because all men, just as all women are entirely different.

Why are men so romantic in the beginning?

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