I have no confidence in myself because I have very little experience, and I don't like the way I look. I get intimidated when I see a good looking girl I want to talk to because I feel she would never have a slight interest in me. Even if I can meet a girl I'm interested in, talk to her and have fun with her, I just don't make the right moves, and have payed for it. I'm currently on tinder as well and have matched with many girls I think are good looking, but it seems like they end up losing interest because I feel I'm making the wrong moves.
I have asked 3 girls out in my life. 1 of the laughed at me when I asked them out and another one had 3 guys beat me up for asking her out. I just figure girls wouldn't want a guy like me because most the girls I see there boyfriends are really out going and I'm really shy. And I don't really feel like being made fun of or getting beat up because I tell a girl I like her.
Ok, I'm not asking about stupid girls who do stupid things. I'm asking why guys have no confidence. Confidence, is within you. Those girls aren't in you, so why have you no confidence. Do you like being shy? Do you think you're smart? Do you think you're attractive? etc
cause I used to be made fun of when I was younger and even now I hear girls say things like why is there nothing but ugly guys around when I'm sitting right near them and can hear them. And I been nervous as long as I can remember
link - Do you find this guy handsome? I don't and he had tons of girls. He actually wrote a book. The girls you're aiming for are girls who like to hear, "omg, every girl in here is a twig with hair."
Why are you nervous? Is it because you're worried what they'll think?
i get nervous they won't like me and expect me to be like someonelse. I use to get so nervous I thought I was gonna throw up, now I feel really dizzy like I'm gonna pass out.
No, it's because he treated them like crap, and DIDN'T CARE WHAT THE GIRL THOUGHT & the girls responded to that. link
Also, you shouldn't care what they think, and you will be good. Be yourself. Don't care what they think. I'm not saying be an a**hole, I'm saying just take the key element "don't care what anyone thinks and they'll all care about you." It'll be hard at first, but it'll get easier.
now you say this has nothing to do with girls yet I bet most these guys myself included would have a lot more confidence if we could actualy get a girl to like us lol
1st comment - Why would you like a girl that doesn't like you?
2nd comment - Not true, I've liked guys that have never dated before and they've pulled away from me and distant themselves. He pulled away before he would let me find out what the problem is. I know it was a confidence issue.
I can't believe it! that's so cruel! i'm shy too but if girls did something like that to me, they would be in grveyard and i would be in prision, i'm shy but a dangerous motherfucker.
A lot of guys are pretty sure the girl's only along for the free meal and entertainment and really don't like them! And they are right...dating is a strange sort of ritual.
No there is one small typo, In the first update which I corrected in the second. And you posted this 17 hours ago, which means 2 hours after I saw your comment I fixed it. I didn't do it to make anyone look dumb. It's not my style.
low confidence towards women, I've been rejected many times, but like always I keep going and searching for "that one" but it all seems bulls**t to me at this point.
What happened since you were younger? Girls? Again. Stop caring what other people think.
If a guy is nervous for too long (especially to the point where he can't be himself), he ended it, not me. It's not like I didn't try. Really think if a girl acted really nervous around you. You can barely talk to her, but at the same moment another girl walks over to you that can talk to you normally and be themselves. Who are you going to talk to? The one that feels more natural.
The common theme in this question seems to be coming from guys and there experiance with women or lack of. I think that should be pretty obvious that, that is a major problem and shouldn't just be passed off. Telling people not to care is encouraging them just to go use some poor girl and that isn't what I want.
If I cared about her and she cared about me I would try and help her become more outgoing around me so we can make it work.
No, you have only care about girl when she cares about you and your feelings. When a girl or guy ever treats you like sh*t and she/he doesn't even know you. A domino effect begins and no girl will care or respect you. Your respect should be worth a lot. You go into meeting someone with a certain amount of respect and than it is up to them to earn more or lose it entirely. Make the girls earn respect for you. Just don't treat them like a princess from the beginning, but be courteous.
What I am saying like yourself regardless of what other people think. When you meet someone new your approach should be, "let's see if she is cool to talk to." Not oh my gosh she is so cute.
and why do you girls love guys with confidence so much? why is it an extreme must-have? why is it the mother of all attractiveness girls look for in a guy? it really pisses me off
because a confident guy won't exhaust me; he won't accuse me; and he won't burden me with his insecurities. Those insecurities can ruin a relationship.
No! Are you reading the questions on GaG! The number one thing for guys is personality for guys and if it is looks for guys that is so f***ing unfair we are not all beauty queens.
On another note, ever notice whenever a guy points out the behaviors of women he's a whiner, but when a woman calls a man out, she's right and empowered? Lol
I'm not confident because I don't have a girl and never have. That's what causes most confidence issues with a guy/girl. Yes my mom is. She's had a boyfriend for 3 years.
Exactly, girls don't want a worthless man. We want a man that values himself with us. Girls want to be with the guy that WANTS them, not NEEDS them. You should love yourself more and watch how everything falls into place.
No I don't. You act like it's easy to love yourself and be confident. Being 22 and having no experience makes me feel I'm f***ed for life. If I got some compliments from girls maybe I would be confident. Instead all I hear is how my friends are cute.
You say I act like it is easy. Well the concept is easy. The goal of this question was to help guys identify the root of there problem refer to answerer Nikie. But you ruled out looked for the root of the problem, so how will you ever change? I'm trying to help you, but you come in to this question with your mind close. I use to say that, "guys just don't like me, etc." Than someone showed me, that the problem was me. I pushed away 2 guys because I thought they didn't like me. Looking back I
realized that I made them nervous. Especially, because I have a very strong personality, but than I thought to myself, I need someone who wants me and has a stronger personality than me, but positive.
Well I don't get how you're helping. You told me I can't get a girl which lowered my confidence more. I think the issue is girls don't give me attention. Why would I be confident without knowing a girl can like me. I don't count online stuff either even though it's kinda nice. I haven't pushed away any girls. There f***ing are none.
How do you work on loving yourself? You look at yourself, all the positive qualities. Everything you've done and be proud of yourself. Now, if you think you have nothing to be proud of, than that's why you don't have confidence. You need to go out there and do something that you're proud of doing. Something that excites you.
You have nothing to be proud of? I find it hard to believe. Do you family that loves you? Do you help anyone? Do you volunteer? Have a job? Play sports? Do you write? Get good grades? Make people laugh? Etc. You can be proud of things now. You just have to do them.
You know how to make people laugh than you have something to be proud of. Your mom loves you, you should know what women like to hear than. Also, if they come naturally even more a reason to be proud of yourself and start giving yourself more credit, and telling yourself how wonderful you are.
lol I just don't think I'm anything great. Just that nice guy that exist but isn't anything. I still think I'd be confident if I had any flicker of attention from girls. Even just a friend.
... yea... sure. I thnk you completely misseed my point. I don't mean that "you" specifically are the cause of all confidence issues, but I am implying that you do not help. I usedd to have confidence and think I was attractive. I am a great guy, (not being arrogant just honest) but girls especially along with other guys always saying I have no confidence have made me actually lose it.
well sry to make you feel that accusation but it was kinda intended. And I had confidence. I still know somewhere that I am a great guy, but it is hard when the only person who agrees or will show me any love is my ex. the same ex that wasn't willing to commit.
That's not even true. I've never been asked out by a guy, but I don't care. I can still hold conversation with guys, have a laugh and a drink. I think they just think, I don't like them like that, and they give up. I don't ask them out because, I want a guy who really WANTS me. I feel if they really wanted me, they would've had me.
I speak for all the people that have to chase/approach. I don't speak for all the passive people out there that don't chase/approach (mostly women) and all they do is wait for someone to chase/approach them (the easy part).
oh and you not being asked out has something to do with not leaving the house much and not traveling much. You're pretty, so that's the only reason I see.
No, I leave the house. I avoid clubs and bars because I have a preconceived notions, but that is my problem/fears and I'm facing them, but I didn't blame guys for not asking me out. It's my fault for assuming they want to make a fool of me or something, so I appeared disinterested as a defense mechanism. I faced the truth that it was my fault. Only you keep you from what you want. No one else. That's why I posted the question to help identify the problem, and then tell them solution.
No, that fear blocking me from guys is a trust thing. I can easily be friends with a guy, np. I have issues with sex, and sex is apart of having a relationship. You don't understand because you're not a girl and never had a guy force himself on you.
If a guy told me No You're not my type. I would say to myself, "Stop being so sensitive, NEXT!"
Megan, your responses here are all nonsense. You're strong because you're pretty and have always had guys like you. You cannot comprehend not having confidence because people have given you reason to have confidence in yourself.
You did not get to this place by yourself. A little humility is in order here.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
34Opinion
I have no confidence in myself because I have very little experience, and I don't like the way I look. I get intimidated when I see a good looking girl I want to talk to because I feel she would never have a slight interest in me. Even if I can meet a girl I'm interested in, talk to her and have fun with her, I just don't make the right moves, and have payed for it. I'm currently on tinder as well and have matched with many girls I think are good looking, but it seems like they end up losing interest because I feel I'm making the wrong moves.
I have asked 3 girls out in my life. 1 of the laughed at me when I asked them out and another one had 3 guys beat me up for asking her out. I just figure girls wouldn't want a guy like me because most the girls I see there boyfriends are really out going and I'm really shy. And I don't really feel like being made fun of or getting beat up because I tell a girl I like her.
Ok, I'm not asking about stupid girls who do stupid things. I'm asking why guys have no confidence. Confidence, is within you. Those girls aren't in you, so why have you no confidence. Do you like being shy? Do you think you're smart? Do you think you're attractive? etc
if I thought I was attractive I would be asking girls out. plus I get really nervous when initiating a conversation.
Why do you think you're not attractive?
You get nervous because you have a need to be "accepted." A fear of judgement.
cause I used to be made fun of when I was younger and even now I hear girls say things like why is there nothing but ugly guys around when I'm sitting right near them and can hear them. And I been nervous as long as I can remember
link - Do you find this guy handsome? I don't and he had tons of girls. He actually wrote a book. The girls you're aiming for are girls who like to hear, "omg, every girl in here is a twig with hair."
Why are you nervous? Is it because you're worried what they'll think?
obviously some girls thought he was.
i get nervous they won't like me and expect me to be like someonelse. I use to get so nervous I thought I was gonna throw up, now I feel really dizzy like I'm gonna pass out.
No, it's because he treated them like crap, and DIDN'T CARE WHAT THE GIRL THOUGHT & the girls responded to that. link
Also, you shouldn't care what they think, and you will be good. Be yourself. Don't care what they think. I'm not saying be an a**hole, I'm saying just take the key element "don't care what anyone thinks and they'll all care about you." It'll be hard at first, but it'll get easier.
what if I like her? Obviously I'm going to care. And I try being myself but that is nerver good enough it seems.
now you say this has nothing to do with girls yet I bet most these guys myself included would have a lot more confidence if we could actualy get a girl to like us lol
1st comment - Why would you like a girl that doesn't like you?
2nd comment - Not true, I've liked guys that have never dated before and they've pulled away from me and distant themselves. He pulled away before he would let me find out what the problem is. I know it was a confidence issue.
i don't know if they like me.
the guy may not of known how to act if it was his first relationship everything is kind of new confusing.
Do you like you?
Don't make excuses, I usually give second chances to those guys, and they're still nervous.
I can't believe it! that's so cruel! i'm shy too but if girls did something like that to me, they would be in grveyard and i would be in prision, i'm shy but a dangerous motherfucker.
A lot of guys are pretty sure the girl's only along for the free meal and entertainment and really don't like them! And they are right...dating is a strange sort of ritual.
This question has nothing to do with dating.
Says on your update it's abouy dating! M aybe guys lack confidence because women change the subject at will to make the guy look dumb!
No there is one small typo, In the first update which I corrected in the second. And you posted this 17 hours ago, which means 2 hours after I saw your comment I fixed it. I didn't do it to make anyone look dumb. It's not my style.
low confidence towards women, I've been rejected many times, but like always I keep going and searching for "that one" but it all seems bulls**t to me at this point.
Why do you have low confidence in yourself? This has nothing to do with other people. This question is about you.
i used to like myself better when I was younger.
so wait if a guy is nervous you just end it? that's kind of harsh I know girls can get nervous to specialy if the person is new to relationships
i thought I was sending a new comment it submited a new answer sorry
What happened since you were younger? Girls? Again. Stop caring what other people think.
If a guy is nervous for too long (especially to the point where he can't be himself), he ended it, not me. It's not like I didn't try. Really think if a girl acted really nervous around you. You can barely talk to her, but at the same moment another girl walks over to you that can talk to you normally and be themselves. Who are you going to talk to? The one that feels more natural.
The common theme in this question seems to be coming from guys and there experiance with women or lack of. I think that should be pretty obvious that, that is a major problem and shouldn't just be passed off. Telling people not to care is encouraging them just to go use some poor girl and that isn't what I want.
If I cared about her and she cared about me I would try and help her become more outgoing around me so we can make it work.
No, you have only care about girl when she cares about you and your feelings. When a girl or guy ever treats you like sh*t and she/he doesn't even know you. A domino effect begins and no girl will care or respect you. Your respect should be worth a lot. You go into meeting someone with a certain amount of respect and than it is up to them to earn more or lose it entirely. Make the girls earn respect for you. Just don't treat them like a princess from the beginning, but be courteous.
so your suggesting just treat them like crap?
No, I'm suggesting to be yourself, and not care if they don't like you. Treating someone like crap is an extreme.
what if I'm just a caring person then I'm being myself and caring them.
You care about people who don't care about you?
who says they don't care about me?
i mean you act like its a pre-determained thing that they won't care for me
No, if you approach a random girl. They don't know you. If you're sad they will feel bad, but it won't stop them to try to make you feel better.
what?
What I am saying like yourself regardless of what other people think. When you meet someone new your approach should be, "let's see if she is cool to talk to." Not oh my gosh she is so cute.
i never just walk up to a girl and say your so cute haha
Doesn't matter what you say, it's what you're thinking. You can say, "you're so cute," if you're not scared of rejection.
how exactly would they know what I'm thinking
Girls can sense when a guy is nervous.
im pretty sure a majority of guys are nervous when they approach women
Even if they are they are, they hide it well, and don't let it affect there strategy. Even if it just being themselves.
well I can only be myself I can't be someonelse
and why do you girls love guys with confidence so much? why is it an extreme must-have? why is it the mother of all attractiveness girls look for in a guy? it really pisses me off
because a confident guy won't exhaust me; he won't accuse me; and he won't burden me with his insecurities. Those insecurities can ruin a relationship.
yeah but girls can have insecurities and still get a boyfriend, that's why it's easier for you girls
That's a lie. I met guys with insecurities have a girlfriends.
are you sure about that? but still, why is confidence more of a masculine trait than a feminine trait?
who said it was either?
because they always say the number one thing that attracts girls to guys is his confidence, for girls it is mainly her looks
No! Are you reading the questions on GaG! The number one thing for guys is personality for guys and if it is looks for guys that is so f***ing unfair we are not all beauty queens.
and it is unfair because not all guys have confidence you know
nope
girls can be bratty, boring, have no life, have no passion for anything, but as long as you are hot guys will still accept you
This is too fucking true.
On another note, ever notice whenever a guy points out the behaviors of women he's a whiner, but when a woman calls a man out, she's right and empowered? Lol
Girls give me no attention. I'm 22 with no experience.
Why do they give you no attention?
How should I know? lol
because it's you. Are you rude? Do you approach them at all? Are you not confident when you approach them? Do you believe in yourself?
No to all.
I'm not confident because I don't have a girl and never have. That's what causes most confidence issues with a guy/girl. Yes my mom is. She's had a boyfriend for 3 years.
So you need a girlfriend to feel confident? That's like saying, you're worthless on your own.
That's exactly what I'm saying.
Exactly, girls don't want a worthless man. We want a man that values himself with us. Girls want to be with the guy that WANTS them, not NEEDS them. You should love yourself more and watch how everything falls into place.
See that's dumb. Forever alone I guess.
No it's not dumb. I have a sense of self value, and you should too. You want something GO AND GET IT!
Too bad I'll never have confidence.
Than you want to be that way.
No I don't. You act like it's easy to love yourself and be confident. Being 22 and having no experience makes me feel I'm f***ed for life. If I got some compliments from girls maybe I would be confident. Instead all I hear is how my friends are cute.
You say I act like it is easy. Well the concept is easy. The goal of this question was to help guys identify the root of there problem refer to answerer Nikie. But you ruled out looked for the root of the problem, so how will you ever change? I'm trying to help you, but you come in to this question with your mind close. I use to say that, "guys just don't like me, etc." Than someone showed me, that the problem was me. I pushed away 2 guys because I thought they didn't like me. Looking back I
realized that I made them nervous. Especially, because I have a very strong personality, but than I thought to myself, I need someone who wants me and has a stronger personality than me, but positive.
Well I don't get how you're helping. You told me I can't get a girl which lowered my confidence more. I think the issue is girls don't give me attention. Why would I be confident without knowing a girl can like me. I don't count online stuff either even though it's kinda nice. I haven't pushed away any girls. There f***ing are none.
You don't want to have confidence. If you did, you'd stop blaming others and work on loving yourself.
And how the hell do I that?
How do you work on loving yourself? You look at yourself, all the positive qualities. Everything you've done and be proud of yourself. Now, if you think you have nothing to be proud of, than that's why you don't have confidence. You need to go out there and do something that you're proud of doing. Something that excites you.
Then I basically won't have any until I'm a college graduate. Oh well that will be before I'm 25. I don't have any accomplishments in life.
You have nothing to be proud of? I find it hard to believe. Do you family that loves you? Do you help anyone? Do you volunteer? Have a job? Play sports? Do you write? Get good grades? Make people laugh? Etc. You can be proud of things now. You just have to do them.
I don't find half of those something to be proud of. A lot of them are just things I do naturally.
I know my mom does. I do when the chance is there. No. No. No. No. No, but I plan to in college. Yes.
You know how to make people laugh than you have something to be proud of. Your mom loves you, you should know what women like to hear than. Also, if they come naturally even more a reason to be proud of yourself and start giving yourself more credit, and telling yourself how wonderful you are.
lol I just don't think I'm anything great. Just that nice guy that exist but isn't anything. I still think I'd be confident if I had any flicker of attention from girls. Even just a friend.
Are you depressed? Because confidence shouldn't be confused with depression, but because depression effects confidence people confuse it.
Yeah, but that also goes back to the girl thing.
I realize that. Refer to the question you just asked that I am currently answering. :P
all these guys and girls you are talking bout sound like a bunch of losers to me
That's not nice.
Grow up in America.
Go steal yourself a dictionary, Adolf.
we lose it because of you.
ME?!?!?!?!?!?
yes. you... you made me feel like I have no confidence.. and now I dont.
You're being a troll.
... yea... sure. I thnk you completely misseed my point. I don't mean that "you" specifically are the cause of all confidence issues, but I am implying that you do not help. I usedd to have confidence and think I was attractive. I am a great guy, (not being arrogant just honest) but girls especially along with other guys always saying I have no confidence have made me actually lose it.
If you have confidence. Why would they say you don't? FYI - never use the word "you" to me. It makes like you're pointing a finger.
well sry to make you feel that accusation but it was kinda intended. And I had confidence. I still know somewhere that I am a great guy, but it is hard when the only person who agrees or will show me any love is my ex. the same ex that wasn't willing to commit.
rejected too many times
Do you love yourself?
hard when the only people that love you are your family
It was a yes or no question. :) So you're saying that the love of your family isn't worth anything?
well it gets boring, I want it from friends, and I don't have any real friends
Why do you think, you don't have real friends?
they never call me first, they never ask me to hang out, they are always busy when I try to make plans with them
Get new friends. Why do you need those particular ones?
i've tried but no luck
Keep trying. It will happen. I know it will.
you'll never know cause you're not the chaser.
That's not even true. I've never been asked out by a guy, but I don't care. I can still hold conversation with guys, have a laugh and a drink. I think they just think, I don't like them like that, and they give up. I don't ask them out because, I want a guy who really WANTS me. I feel if they really wanted me, they would've had me.
like I said: not the chaser. You'll never understand.
I guess you speak for all the people (mean and women) who are stubborn to at least try and fix it.
I speak for all the people that have to chase/approach. I don't speak for all the passive people out there that don't chase/approach (mostly women) and all they do is wait for someone to chase/approach them (the easy part).
oh and you not being asked out has something to do with not leaving the house much and not traveling much. You're pretty, so that's the only reason I see.
No, I leave the house. I avoid clubs and bars because I have a preconceived notions, but that is my problem/fears and I'm facing them, but I didn't blame guys for not asking me out. It's my fault for assuming they want to make a fool of me or something, so I appeared disinterested as a defense mechanism. I faced the truth that it was my fault. Only you keep you from what you want. No one else. That's why I posted the question to help identify the problem, and then tell them solution.
the problem is: Guys approach. Guys get rejected.
No solution for the problem in 50 to 100 years. When women start approaching, the problem will be naturally solved.
Very untrue, but I can see how a guy like you would think that.
You said yourself that you have fears, something blocking you from guys. That's nothing more than shyness and lack of confidence.
Now imagine you're the chaser. Just imagine you approach guys. Imagine you ask a guys out. Imagine that guy tells you NO. You're not my type.
If you still don't understand what I'm talking about, you're in denial.
No, that fear blocking me from guys is a trust thing. I can easily be friends with a guy, np. I have issues with sex, and sex is apart of having a relationship. You don't understand because you're not a girl and never had a guy force himself on you.
If a guy told me No You're not my type. I would say to myself, "Stop being so sensitive, NEXT!"
yeah right...
Megan, your responses here are all nonsense. You're strong because you're pretty and have always had guys like you. You cannot comprehend not having confidence because people have given you reason to have confidence in yourself.
You did not get to this place by yourself. A little humility is in order here.
@Shaun Thank you for saying this. Whether, she responds or not, she really needed to hear this.
Nah, Guys today are cock suckers.