Friendly gesture or the beginning of something more?

[Anonymous]

I have a guy friend whom I do happen to like. I'm always careful to try and not assume if he likes me despite the constant flirting and teasing he does. We don't talk all the time and don't see eachother often but when we do, he can't help but smile from ear to ear and tease me.

Recently, he reached out asking if we could meet for lunch for my birthday. He's a bit cautious and frugal so I didn't think twice with thinking that we were meeting their and paying for our own meals. To my surprise, he wanted my sandwich order from my favorite place as he wanted to pick it up and told me to go to this one particular park as we were going to have a picnic. When we met, he had a little bag packed and surprised me with my favorite beverage and favorite treats and set it all up nicely next to me. He seemed quite proud of himself as my reaction was absolutely was full of delight. He's usually a very serious and proper guy with everyone but with me he's rather silly. He kicked his shoes off and plopped down and was lying down sprawled out next to me but not too close. We enjoyed all my favorite things and then we both had to go to work. No kiss, no hug, just always this awkward "see ya later" between us.

I can't think of one guy friend that would do this just as friends. In fact, I'm not so sure he'd even do this for anyone. Perhaps my friends are different but would you do that for a girl that was a friend or only for someone you had feelings for? Am I wrong to think he was actually trying to be romantic or slowly set the stage of what's to come?

Updates

1 y

To give further context, we've friends for over 5 years. 3 years ago, his long term relationship ended in shambles and m it was extremely difficult for him to trust much less commit to anything or anyone. I'd ask him out all the time and it was always an excuse. He always said he was non committed to even making plans no matter how simple and platonic they were. So, yes it's a bit surprising that all of a sudden this nice gesture happened. I am still unsure of how he feels given how guarded heis

Updates

1 y

Could you please elaborate?

[Vnsyu]

Uncertain gesture with the hope of going in to something more. But, yeah, clearly he's not sure too. He's not ready. Maybe those acts he did before were actually real and genuine but now he's holding back.
On the second thought, clarity will always end and start something. This is why, don't just ask him out, ask if he likes you too. Sometimes people tend to use their painful situations to ease up the burden of rejecting someone. Given the fact that your more likely best friends.

[spartan55]

"Letting him lead"... I would suggest letting him know you are interested.

[Asker]

I've done that in the past and he would just shut down or pull back or panic. I'm just being cautious given his issues with trust etc. It's now been 4 years since his nasty break up. I've been an adoring friend to him before, during, since. I'd be shocked if he didn't have an inkling of idea that I adore him. He's always had me at arms length. Again, even now, it's always an awkward exit. Always hands in pockets swaying back and forth or awkwardly fidgeting and tapping his foot against the dirt and then suddenly and anxiously waving goodbye and quickly leaving. I don't want to push it given that he's so so guarded. I'm shocked he did this for me. I don't ask girlfriends as women can be tacky "why did he only buy you a sandwich? Why didn't he take you to a proper restaurant etc?" I shrug all that noise away as I love the little things. The thoughtfulness, especially it being all my favorite little things. He was quite proud of himself and I thought it was adorable. I even said he was. Yet here I am, careful, thinking perhaps he was just being a good friend? Again, never had a guy friend do this. I didn't think guys would go through even remotely half the trouble.

[spartan55]

If he is still guarded and worried about getting hurt after four years then I would suggest counseling for him. It's, starting to sound like a convenient excuse.

[Asker]

I'm never one to pry but I believe he does (not sure how recent) now go to therapy. One interesting update since my post is that I had a small birthday get together over the weekend. He never shows, always excuses. He actually did! He seemed super anxious and nervous and only stayed an hour but the fact he actually showed was very surprising. I tried to act as non chalant as possible given that this is absolutely something that was out of his comfort zone!

[Guy13]

Duh and he is a risk taker. What do you want from him?

[Asker]

Risk taker? Do you mean risking the friendship? I like him a lot, just letting him lead.

[Guy13]

You got lucky with the no backbone most men. He's probably done with trying. He has Man-up you. Most women I know would have been all over it just because of his vision and doing. Stop acting like 12 year old...;

[Asker]

This is the first attempt. If anyone has tried, it's me. I'm the one that gave up because he was always so guarded or made excuses etc. This came out of nowhere. You're making me sound like I wasn't thankful. I was absolutely touched and elated on the sweet gesture and he absolutely knew that.

[Guy13]

Okay, but I was not there. I don’t know the particulars. Sorry if I upset you. Hopefully it will work out.

[In_Trance]

gesture