How do you stop thinking of a player who used you?

[Anonymous]

I remember there was this guy I was talking to. I met in 2020. We talked for a whole 6 months and our relationship went nowhere. Once we had sex, it was always sex. He made me hear what I wanted, and we went nowhere. He never made time for me. I remember constantly telling him how much he should make time for me.

Over time, this guy ghosts me. He ghosted me because I was going through a lot. Miscommunication error. Said how he'd think about us. Left. Got no messages. 6 months went on. I was healing. He came back. Saying how much he misses our chemistry. I felt the hurtness. I remember telling myself not to take him back. I knew he played me. I was going on dates with other people, having my mind on better things.

I remember seeing him in person, and I couldn't view him right. It felt very off and wrong. He gave me a gift on Valentines Day, and I threw it in the trash afterwards. I felt manipulated. He has told me by texting me I was messing up a good thing. All because I was trying to part ways, where I eventually did. I told him I have moved on, and he STILL tried to contact me. To the point, he is 100% blocked.

I ended up focusing on myself. Put myself out there to meet new people, and I am finally in a new relationship with this guy who treats me like a damn princess. I'm just bugged out that this guy is still living in my head. I am over him. I don't view him the way I did. Part of me is always curious if he regrets it. People tell me how much of a good girl that I am. How sweet of a person that I am.

[TheHelleri]

To this day I still occasionally think about people who did me dirty from 20 years ago or more. I don't think it ever really goes away. Just like it seems to be with most memories it's less often and less intense over time. I think also over time that recalling that stuff slowly becomes more about imagining how you'd handle it all if you had another chance. Playing out the scenarios. Finding the best path through in retrospect.

Our brains like solving problems. And these are the kind of problems that were never truly solved, just set aside. Maybe that's why these kind of memories tend to pop up when bored. The brain saying "welp, got nothing much else to do right now, let's pull up some cold cases and see if we can't resolve them."

I do also think there is an upside. Having been through it and in years to come having revisited it in recollection many times, you'll see the red flags easier. For yourself and others. While you can't go back in time and fix what happened to you. Maybe you can prevent someone else from having to feel that way entirely.

[TheMajesticKing777]

I'm not sure you can stop the thought process, perhaps find closure, by telling him how you feel and letting him no there's no chance that you found someone else, maybe that will stop your thoughts, either ways I'm glad you moved on and found someone better, it's good to see people not fall for the same crap again

[kylee2437]

Well hurt travels with us forever, that’s why childhood trauma is such a huge problem with adults because just because it’s in our past, doesn’t mean the initial issue didn’t hurt. It was a point in your life where you realized you deserved better - seems like you are in a better situation which is awesome! Maybe try and focus on the positives of your life or even the hurtful events. Make those negative moments into something positive - it was a life lesson for you which is a positive point in such a hurtful moment.

[itsmicaelaxo]

The right decisions can also suck and we won't necessarily feel good about making them... My guess is you really liked him and would've wanted him to be different and you're having a hard time wrapping your head around it even if you want to

[loveslongnails]

What exactly are thinking "about"? How you got taken in and played? Are you just ashamed of yourself for being duped? Please specify.

[Guy13]

Do something else. read a book.

[Guardian45]

Sounds like you're looking for closure.