Mixed signals from a guy at work. Is he my friend or not?

[Anonymous]

I have been friends with a guy at work and then we started hanging out for drinks. Chatted daily via sms. During work and after work. He would often call me on way home to chat. Have worked with him for a while and all this contact was fairly new. We are both married. Happily. Have had social occasions with him and his wife. He would be playful at work with emails and little things left on my desk. I thought we were just good friends getting to know each other. Creating a friendship.. I admit to feeling having fun with him but would never take anything further. Never talked about my husband to him. He would often talk about his wife and how she was frustrated with him he never had friends or did anything. Fast forward he rarely contacts me to check in. Always has an excuse why he can’t meet up for a chat. Was I just played? Sometimes he agrees to hang out but looking back I think it has been all when he was wanting to. I miss my friend. I tried to talk to him about it but was kinda ignored. He still messages me and has general conversations but is never one to initiate and replies after maybe I’ve sent half a dozen messages saying hi how you going. Just so confused how someone can chat to you daily and build a friendship and then nothing.

[spartan55]

How do you get 'played' when you are both married? That makes no sense. You say you are happily married yet never talk about your husband? You are full of it.

[Asker]

I meant never talk about my husband in a negative way. Like I hate how my husband does this etc. I talk about him but things we are doing or have done etc. sorry I probably didn’t make that clear.

[spartan55]

Okay, nonetheless, I don't anyone is playing anyone here.

[Asker]

Yeah fair enough but why was he happy to chat everyday and acted like my friend and now I’m lucky to get a text every 6 weeks.

[spartan55]

Maybe his wife put the kibash on it.

[Asker]

That’s what a lot of my friends think too. I asked so many times if she was cool with us hanging out to which the answer was yes. Grrrr

[spartan55]

Of course he is going to say that! So, does your husband know about this guy?

[spartan55]

Didn't think so. Probably a good thing he backed off then.

[Asker]

Husband is totally aware. Occasions when they have met. Just trying to figure out males and how they act when friends with girls. I do know the times we hung out he would comment on his wife having a go at him a bit about random things.

[Guy13]

It seemed like he was looking for more than friends or work wife….

[Asker]

So why now completely ignore me. Why can’t we just be friends.

[Guy13]

You rejected him and he has feeling for you. Or, he feels guilty and is either embarrassed or guilty/shame... Either way, distance is required or assumed given "Negatives".

[FilmGuy93]

It's possible that the friendship is just ebbbing and flowing.

[Anonymous]

You will need to talk to him.

[Asker]

I asked him why he had stopped chatting to me and spending time with me the way he use to. He never responded Still responds to other generic messsges. Just didn’t respond to that one. Is like one minute I had a best friend then the next day disappeared. Bit hurt. Actually a lot. I know it is opposite sex etc but I really liked his friendship and don’t know what changed.

[msc545]

Ask him, not us.

[In_Trance]

wants to rail you

[Asker]

I think that’s the conclusion I’m coming to. A bit naive maybe on my side. Thought I’d made a close friend. He was so into wanting to spend time chatting and hanging out and now just ignores me. I feel really hurt. Like he used me to make himself feel good. Then tossed me aside. Any advice?