I've been seeing a guy (im crazy about) for a month - we have a very strong connection and very strong chemistry. A couple weeks ago he mentioned he wasn't yet ready for a commitment and wanted to see where things go, to which I agreed, that's too soon for a commitment we just met. But these mixed signals are confusing me, what would you do?
Positives - I've hung out with a big group of his friends, he's initiated holding my hand/kissing me infront of them; I've hung out with him and his dad a few times; he's called me his dog's 'momma'; he's told me how he cares about me deeply and wants to be supportive of me pursuing things; he got emotionally overwhelmed one night and expressed how much he likes me; a kiss or hug will last for several seconds, list goes on etc.
Negatives - On the other hand, he's flaked completely on a few plans we've made recently and not even acknowledged it. Made plans to cuddle 'tomorrow', and the day comes and he says 'oh it's my dads birthday we are getting dinner!' and doesn't mention anything. We made Monday night dinner plans - Monday rolls around and nothing mentioned, just acts like we didn't make plans and ends up mentioning he's gotta work and go to the store that night - I saw him briefly and he was kinda closed off and we didn't kiss. Haven't heard from him since talking with him on Monday, it's now Thursday (normally we text often).
What are these mixed signals? What would you do if you really like this person? I could be reading into things; he is afraid of commitment; he's testing me; he is playing me and dating others; something else? confused...
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
What are these mixed signals?
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Any guy who says "no ready for commitment" is one to really carful of. I'd say that he finds you attractive but hasn't found a reason to love (or doesn't yet feel love for you possibly) you in any way.
What would you do if you really like this person?
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I would distance myself from anyone who started from a position of 'not ready for commitment'. The only exception to that I would give is if I had proposed say marriage and they had said that, but with a genuine sadness and encouragement for me to ask again in a bit, when we've learned more of each other.
Is he afraid of commitment?
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This one you would need to get to know him to find out. I already covered about the only 'commitment fear' I'd countinance personally above. Though, I have never dated, for example a widower or divorcee. That is a different kind of ball game I'm unfamiliar with but could see maybe that would need special considerations.
Is he's testing me?
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I'd say unlikely. Guys don't typically work at this level.
Is he is playing me and dating others?
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This is a serious likelyhood. Especially if your a known quantity for sex for him (meaning he knows you will be up for sleeping with him, dispite his level of commitment)
My advice overall is to distance yourself. If he's not wanting commitment, find someone who is, and feel more loved.
If you are confused with this guy and you don’t know what he wants. I would distance myself from him. I had the same experience with someone who gave me mixed signals and was flirty with me all the time. I finally spoke up to him about it because I started to like him and he told he that he doesn’t want a relationship. Eventually it didn’t go well because I upset me and broke my heart because I really liked him, so I moved on. Do not like a guy if he doesn’t know what he wants and is giving you mixed signals. It could mean that he just wants to flirt and maybe be friends with benefits with you without having a relationship to commit to or he has other options which means he’s is talking to other woman. I’d be careful with your feelings around him.