What should a guy do when he feels his marriage is just friendship with little benefits?

[Havthrills]

I would say "asking for a friend" but no one believes it. He feels for a while he's just married. Doesn't see her much and they don't hang out. Work does get in the way.

[dustybiker]

I would put a helluva lot effort into trying to turn it around. Ask to sit down with her see if she’s wanting to try the same. Join a fun class you can share time together. You might just need a reminder of the spark you had.

[dustybiker]

Thanks for the mhg.

[Anonymous]

Either they are willing to get help to work through and change or there’s no point

[Havthrills]

I asked another question that ties in with this one. Seems he is looking for someone else or something on the side. I didn't ask to find out.

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t really see the point that would make things so dramatic and messy for the woman on the side and the wife. Why not just break up

[hahahmm]

I honestly can't imagine how you could fix that if you live in a modern 50/50 type feminist dream of a marriage where both people are equally responsible for bringing home the bacon. But it's very easy in the traditional setup because there's clear roles and clear priorities for each spouse. As in... she can have a job but it can never be to the extreme where she has no time for supporting her man at home. OR he needs to start hiring maids & personal chefs & stuff like that.

A lot of making a relationship work is having clear boundaries and sometimes you have to remind somebody of those boundaries but... they do exist. And they are make or break type things. 'If this isn't going to happen then why be married?'

Hope that's not too vague.

[Havthrills]

True. It just makes me wonder how the marriage should work out if he already feels that way. He's constantly working and they have opposite shifts mostly. So they barely see each other.

[hahahmm]

Ask yourself if the job is more important than the marriage. Or is the marriage more important. If the boss said, "Divorce your spouse or I'll fire you" what would your response be. This is the kind of question the couple need to ask each other. If I'm in this couple I would say we need to be on the same shift. It's not negotiable. Or if we're so desperate for money that for whatever reason it seems like we're stuck in this situation then DOWNSIZE till you can have a normal home life.

[hahahmm]

And even if I downsized it doesn't mean I would give up on whatever ambitions I have. Might just require working harder or starting side businesses or whatever.

[Havthrills]

He started working more hours to pay off bills in order to buy the house for them. With what you're saying, I now wonder if he really ever was "into" the marriage.

[hahahmm]

Dunno but I definitely have known people who got married ONLY for wedding pictures or to be able to have a wife on their arm at business conferences/parties. Some people are retarded that way.

[Havthrills]

🤣🤣

[midnightmoon05]

Depends what their marriage arrangement is/was about.

what was like when dating?
What kind of marriage life is suppose be?

[Havthrills]

Apparently they never really dated. Just kind of jumped into it. Not sure what kind of marriage life is supposed to be. It's different for everyone. Your view of a married life could be totally different.

[midnightmoon05]

You can help them about going out on dates? Teach him how to buy her flowers 💐 to surprise her.

[Havthrills]

Good idea. I'll see what I can do. I'm not sure if I want to interfere too much.

[midnightmoon05]

Other peoples marriages/relationships are difficult to intervene.
Hope no kids yet.

[Havthrills]

No kids. They're not going to have any.

[midnightmoon05]

Good idea. Hope things work out for them.

[Havthrills]

We will see I guess. Either way, as long as they're happy with themselves for what happens. If they're not happy, not worth it.

[midnightmoon05]

Sounds good

[laurieluvsit]

Step one is counseling

Step two is ending the marriage.

[Anonymous]

It is time for him to move on.

[Havthrills]

Should I just tell him that? Or is there more I should say?

[Avicenna]

Might want to do marriage therapy