Self diagnosed aspergian here. I do a lot of mimicking and mirroring. For example at work i fake laugh a lot i guess. And if the person is happy or whatever i feel like i should act similar to them too. Its second nature by now but i find myself during the day thinking wow i wish this person would be quiet they talk too much and its taking so much energy out of me to keep fake laughing and acting overly interested in the banal conversation small talk topics they keep bringing up. I appreciate that humans need to do things like small talk and stuff to bond or not hate each other and to feel safe to an extent. I'm not being antisocial by not wanting to talk. Or not wanting to make eye contact and not wanting to make sure i say hi to everyone I recongize each day. Its just a bit tiring.
And i can't be around toxic narcissistic people. My new job everyone is very nice and kind so far. So i can't complain about them. But i get tired of having to have a facade with everyone whether they are mean or nice. Although I would chose being around nice people ANYDAY over toxic people obviously. And I dont want to take my amazing work environment for granted. I judt dont know how to deal with the bunout. Sometimes i really just want to shut down and not have to fake smile and laugh at everything to fit in and not make people wary of me. I actually am a happy person but i dont think i necessarily naturally show it in the way others might. I am just a very quiet woman. If i had my way i wouldn't have to express my emotions or exaggerate happiness for others as a performance... And i wouldn't have to focus on others personalities and how to mimic them when they talk to me.
