I asked someone out & rather then a plan, I suggested he meet me after swim bc I’m always at the same spot/same time swim days. Can I change this now?

[VIVANT]

I thought this was a good idea bc that way he doesn’t have to show up if it’s a bad tone dnd since I’m always in the sane spot sane tine after swimming it seemed simple.

but now im really uncomfortable bc I’ll never know if he’s going to show up and what if he thinks I meant every day that I swim and what if the 1 day he chooses I will not be there last minute emergency or I’ll be tired. I don’t want to limit my work out bc I don’t want to be tired later.

I think this was a terrible idea 🤦🏻‍♀️ but I feel funny switching it after the fact. Wouk’s you be bothered if I switched things to a more specific plan, after we agreed to a flexible plan? Obviously he can say no so it shouldn’t be a finer deal but I still am uncomfortable. Do I ask him if he wants to make a plan or do I suggest it?

It would bother me if you switched it up whether I understood why you’d want to.

It wouldn’t bother me if you switched it up, a plan makes more sense

I would not see the need to change it. But I also don’t care.

Other.

[Part2603]

Honestly, if you're talking to a guy and you say something like, "You should come visit me after swim practice, I'm at the pool Monday Wednesday Friday at 4pm." And he doesn't show up like the next day, that's a bad sign.

Most guys would be super enthusiastic. Not to mention that this would be a great way to "cheat" and see you in a tight form fitting swimsuit early in a relationship.

So we can assume that he has lots of options and maybe you're a little corny.

Or. He's nervous. I dunno, are you attracted to quiet shy guys?

This ambiguous "come hang out whenever if you feel like it" does sound like the typical feminine play. I like it. It communicates a type of nonchalance and confidence, that you won't be sitting around the phone waiting.

Most normal guys would be pretty comfortable in that dynamic.

So it's hard to imagine a worst case scenario here it terms of your game... But listen, you CHOSE to go with this indirect gamey type of strategy, and now you have to live with consequences. An ambiguous answer is going to be the natural response to an ambiguous invitation.

Does he like you? I don't know! It's gonna be harder to get an answer this way.

Give it a week. If he still doesn't show, text him or call him and make a show about "Why didn't you come? I told you to visit me after swim practice!" I mean, if you can, right? You might be better off just crawling into a deep dark cave and crying.

by the way, this was a good strat because it puts the ball in his court. You're setting up the frame that he should pursue you. That's good.

[VIVANT]

1. Oh no I never said he should come see me. That’s too I direct. I wasn’t trying to be vague I just wanted to keep things low key for myself & him. I’m not good with plans so what appealed to me about this is I’m there anyhow. I don’t have to go out of my way and he does not have to show up if it’s a bad time.

I asked him if he wanted to hang out he said sure with I said why not just meet me at the fountain after I swim around 8 pm in Thursday’s. Doesn’t matter which Thursday. Whatever works for you bc I’m there no matter what. I swim from 12 to 6 on my sat off then Shower & walk through the park & pass by the fountain on my way home, around 8)

2. He won’t be seeing me in a swim suit. This is at the fountain 3 miles away from the pool.

3. I don't know what lots of options refers to not why this would mean I’m corny. (?)

4. Yeah I like quiet guys. He’s not insecure but he’s quiet. He’s in grad school and works at the library that’s how we know each other we talk about books and philosophy etc)

5. I wasn’t trying to be nonchalant. I just don’t like making a big deal out of stuff it’s unnecessary. It wasn’t a game. I’m the same way with everything except work and studying.

6. (Continued)

[VIVANT]

6. Yeah I understand I made things ambiguous I don’t mind that. I’m not worried about whether he likes me - he either dies or he doesn’t no point in worrying and if he doesn’t we wouldn’t have a good time together anyhow so no loss. I just didn’t want him showing up at a bad time- which is the part I didn’t consider when I suggested doing it this way.) Oh I forgot. I asked him two weeks ago but I told him not till the following week (which was this week. But there was a hiccup I’ll explain later)

[VIVANT]

7. No I’m not going to call or text him. He know I invited him so if he wants to show up he will. There’s no reason to check in. I don’t think it’s terribly ambiguous bc I directly asked him if he wanted to hang out and he directly answered so it was quite direct as to interest therefore no need to call. I also don’t like to text or call I’m an in person kind of person.

8. As I said I wasn’t setting up anything to be perused. I asked him out if he wants to show up he will if we get along we may hang out again. It’s a pretty even dynamic so far.

So on Thursday I had to go to the E R with my friend for her not me. I went to a local place to get a smoothie and the guy was there studying. It was a few hours after we would have met up but I obviously wasn’t there.

[VIVANT]

Bc I was at the e r but of course he didn’t know. So I was going to explain just in case he’s shown up. I guess he thought I was coming to ask what happened ( I wouldn’t do that bc as I said the point was for him to show up if he wants, nothing for me to ask about)

So he apologized for not being there he had extra work to do and he was going to come another time.

( I don’t care that was the point in case something like this happened. I was a bit bothered he assumed I’d get upset if he didn’t show even tho that’s exactly what I said initially that it’s totally up to him when he shows I’ll be the Ritter way. )

So I told him I’m there’s no problem I wasn’t expecting him to come on any specific Thursday it was meant for whenever it would work and if not that’s fine too.

So he was a bit dismayed bc he misunderstood. he asked if I didn’t care if he showed up.

I said that’s not what I meant. Only saying that it’s all good.

So he ashes if I still want to hang out.

I said sure it’s I said I’m there every Thursday @ 8 pm unless there’s an emergency. I don’t expect another one soon lol

He ashes if I want to get his number I said it’s Easier if we just meet up.

He said he’ll try to make it next week.

I said if it works out that’s great but he shouldn’t feel obligated it really doesn’t matter what Thursday.

(Then we said good bye bc he had to get back to what he was doing snd I had to see my friend )

[VIVANT]

I know it’s odd that I made it the sage way as it was before eyebrow tho I decided maybe it wasn’t the best plan, bc mire than not knowing when he might show up, I really dislike the idea of him thinking I’m “expecting” him to show up. I just don’t want that kind of pressure and people jump to too many conclusions too easily so I just want to keep everything straight forward with no room for error or reason for second guessing. Miscommunication Can happen anyhow I know but at least the goi station is simple and straightforward.

[ChiTown33]

I think you're overthinking it. I think it's cool you're considering it considering how mis communication can cause hurt feelings to those that don't understand it's just a misunderstanding. But you can be as careful as can be. And a misunderstanding can STILL HAPPEN. What I do is say what days are BEST to see you there. Like if you ALWAYS swim on Friday's tell him Friday is a lock pretty much. But you may or not be other days. You can't control what access someone might want with you. All you can do is establish your friendship and let them know your boundaries. As long as they're rationale and as long as you're consistent. Then this SHOULDN'T be a problem.

[VIVANT]

Yeah that’s the thing even the heat communication can be missed lol

I hear you I did specify one day but I got nervous bc what if that the only day I swim that week it will feel kind of abrupt for me but oh well I guess I can deal

Thanks! And I’m glad downtown thinks it’s a good idea the way I set it up thanks for the encouragement !!

[RedStiletto88]

It’s always okay to change your mind for any reason. ❤️

[CA4444]

Why don’t you just explain this to him (in less words)

[VIVANT]

I wanted to get an idea first if it’s bothersome that why I asked is it bothersome 😊

[CA4444]

Well even if it is a bit, it’s okay, and understandable especially if you explain properly 😊 so no need to worry

[VIVANT]

Ok thank you 😊

[ZackBan]

You probably better off giving a date and time to a date.
It's not weird at all.
If he said yes to your suggestion just work the logistics and say "so about our date does tomorrow work for you or is Saturday better" (indert whichever day is best for you)
If he has 1% of a brain he'll try to make seeing you easy and not hard unless he wants to miss out on a once in a lifetime person...

[VIVANT]

I struggle with discerning honest intentions Some people act dumb and it takes a while to sort of if it’s an act and I do not want to offend anyone who may actually be troubled. So it’s tiring and I just am not ready to discover which one this person is lol 🤦🏻‍♀️ In short I’m going to leave it and just deal with the outcome not repeat this type of non plan planning. I agree it’s prob with better to make an actual plan. Ambiguity never really improves anything.

Thank you 🙏🏼

[Guy13]

It’s like this. I make Plans BUT Woman. It is always the first 5 minutes, in car or out, hearing her…Asking questions day etc.. small talk.
As a man, it’s a waste of 150.00 with ⛽️ if the guy does not discover where the woman is at THAT Moment…. her idea or thought of fun may have changed…that’s life and the prerogative of the woman in this case. Fun 🤩 is paramount SO ability to change and roll with her initially is also paramount….

[VIVANT]

Oh we’re just going to walk it. I don’t like to do stuff that requires driving or money for that matter def not first date. plus I prefer to take public transportation if I I have to travel off foot. 😊

[Guy13]

That’s fine and good BUT do not be afraid to Test. If you asked him out then different.

[VIVANT]

I don’t like shoes it’s not for me. What do you mean if I ashes him out and then? Lol I have no idea 👊🏼

[Guy13]

Never mind. It’s not important. Have a good time

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Wow he must be special to you lol look at you flickering...

So the thing is he would not think anything of it and would think it's for only that particular day

And he should and will show up lol who wouldn't wanna hang out with you and on top you asked him out..

Well if he has any doubts on the plan he would definitely let you know before or after if you consider worst case scenario which won't happen.

So have a nice time 🐧

[Aakash_Hangargi]

No need to switch plans

[VIVANT]

You misunderstood 🤦🏻‍♀️ I don’t like the plan.

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Lol you wanting him to meet near pool is also a plan what i mean don't change it from there you can go anywhere lol

[Aakash_Hangargi]

For a girl who doesn't like surprise you sure like to give one to others hahaha

[VIVANT]

He’s not special to me I’m just stressed 😂

[Aakash_Hangargi]

What is the reason for you being stressed

[VIVANT]

No reason it’s just how I am I hate miscommunication.

[RealMarek]

It wouldn’t bother me if you changed plans. I’m easy going, maybe he isn’t. But if it’s your first date it is best to keep it casual and to feel free to set a different and less ambiguous time and place.

[VIVANT]

Yeah just gonna walk basically 😊

[humanearth]

Your over thinking this

Just let the plan happen

[VIVANT]

Yeah it just jeans he can show up at any time until he does 😂 🤦🏻‍♀️

[Anonymous]

Tell him dude it's actually not a great idea to meet after swim I'm not comfortable there. I apologize. I hope you understand.

Can we make new plan for date?

[VIVANT]

Tyy it ate a good way to do it, the right thing to say. I’ll see if I can 😂 I hate changing things I jade a pickle.

[Jenny-Marie]

Casual can be good, but I think a plan is more reliable. Ther again, with your choice of dress I would be there waiting with my tongue out.

[VIVANT]

😆 😂 well he wouldn’t know I omit dress that way after swimming and we’ve never met then. 😊🙏🏼

[Philyouup]

see that’s we i want somebody to ask me out. all that stress ugh

[VIVANT]

😂😂 I know 🙃

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

It wouldn’t bother me if you switched it up, a plan makes more sense

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes, you can totally change it! Don't worry! :). Just let him know.

[WhiteBoyChill]

Switch up, people do these things all the time. Its totally normal

[MiseriaCantareAFI]

you could but he might think you're being a little like, flaky. which i think you are

[VIVANT]

Yeah that’s what i figured. I can leave it & hopefully it doesn’t drag out & then I don’t do it this way again.

[MiseriaCantareAFI]

just don't be flaky. fix your personality first

[VIVANT]

I’m not a flaky person. no one who knows me would agree to that. I thought you were saying something useful snoot communication I did not think you were attempting to draw an all encompassing conclusion from absolutely no source.

Based on the post I could see someone concluding the author is neurotic but absolutely no flaky. I would not be taking any care in how I operate the situation nor choosing with effort how to accommodate both parties fairly and events efficiently, if I were flaky. Perhaps you are shallow. I won’t say conclusively that you are absolutely, bc I lack substantial data for credible inference- but it’s not an unreasonable assumption at this point, in my opinion.

[MiseriaCantareAFI]

yes, you're a flaky person

[Guardian45]

It's your prerogative to change the plan, and I wouldn't mind. unless its last minute.

[RavVid]

What if I have made plans?

[Jennz6]

I would just ignore him and go swimming 👙

[VIVANT]

I have a regular time to go swimming. That’s not changing 😊

[Debbie14217]

sure you can why not

[Anonymous]

This isn't a big deal

[Anonymous]

rather then a plan?