What did he mean by the text he sent her?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been seeing this guy over the summer. We aren’t official. I snooped in his phone and saw these texts with a girl he dated right before me. He liked her but broke it off because it was serious right away and he wasn’t ready for that after ending a 7 year relationship. She didn’t live local so it seemed like he’d of needed to commit right away - he met her on holiday and they seemed to have a strong connection. In his texts he told her he could fall for her but he can’t right now. She text him recently and he said he’s “seeing someone” and so he’s not comfortable with them “going out together at the moment” and that he hoped she understood. Yes - he told her he’s seeing someone but he also said it in a way to me that says, they’ll see each other sometime in the future? He didn’t communicate that he doesn’t want to hear from her. Sounded like he wants to keep his options open and also like he isn’t comfortable seeing her now because he’s still attracted to her. Could use some others opinions. Thanks!

[Iron_Man]

That’s a big red flag why involve yourself with somebody that talks to her on the side

[Asker]

He just replied to her. He didn’t initiate it. Do you think he was too warm to her as well? Like still interested in her? That’s my point

[Iron_Man]

I’m not sure 100% why don’t you have a serious talk with him and ask him what his intentions are with you and her you can’t have your cake and ice cream it doesn’t work that way in relationships

[Asker]

Definitely it’s just I had no right to read their WhatsApp chat history so speaking to him would be like me asking him to explain something when I shouldn’t have seen it. But as a man- can you help me with your opinion: do you think by his response to her of, that he is trying to keep her as some future option? Even though he admitted he’s seeing someone? I don’t want to blow up if I speak to him

[Iron_Man]

Just be kind and ask him what are we and what are you to her

[Asker]

Thank you for your help and kindness.

[Iron_Man]

You are very welcome

[Asker]

Sorry to bother - just a last question: do you think it’s fair that I find it weird how he responded to her right? His whole “can’t see you at the moment” I’m not crazy for thinking the way he replied to her was a bit of implying something. I’m not overreacting basically.

[Iron_Man]

He’s very confused he’s keeping her around

[Iron_Man]

Thanks for most helpful Award

[Asker]

You were very helpful. I’m very grateful for your response and empathy. Thank you again. Still trying to get the courage to discuss with him. Don’t want to make a big deal out of him saying “at the moment” but I just feel that means something. Thank you again

[In_Trance]

You lost me at "snoop through his phone"


Toxic femininity...

[Asker]

I realize that was wrong but still wanted help for what I saw.

[Avicenna]

Well, yeah, it does sound like he's keeping his options open. Not unreasonable considering you're not exclusive.

[Asker]

Hey thanks for replying. Sure but he did say he wouldn’t see her. So we are exclusive in that we don’t sleep around. But not enough that he won’t say “hey you and I have no future” to another girl - that’s what you mean? I felt his text was telling her He’s not available “at the moment”. And in their text history she kept asking him “you’re saying we will never be together?” And why kept saying “I’m just saying I don’t want something serious right now” he never just tells her he’s not interested in her. To me that says, he wants her as an option even still.

[Avicenna]

Do you want to be exclusive with him?

[Asker]

I thought we were lol that’s why I’m trying to sort out what his chat is with this girl. He didn’t meet her so that sounds exclusive but how he worded it is confusing me

[Avicenna]

I don't think he sees you as exclusive. And, yes, he does see her as a future option.

[Asker]

Thanks for the honesty. But just a question. If we aren’t exclusive, why did he say he’s not comfortable seeing her at the moment because he’s seeing me? If he felt completely free he would have no problem meeting up with her right?

[spartan55]

It's funny how you don't think it's any big deal to go through his phone. Now you are connecting all of these crazy dots... You need to mature quite a bit.

[Asker]

I never said I wasn’t wrong to do that. But I do think what I read raises questions and wanted to ask here before I admit to him that I went through his phone. I wanted to know if I was seeing something not there or if others see it too

[spartan55]

He showed that he is not going to see her, but of course that's not good enough.

[Asker]

Well yea but it’s not about good enough. It was more about the way he said “at the moment” rather than “hey I’m with someone, all the best” to send a message that I won’t see you ever again. He sounded to me like “we can’t meet now but we will at some point in the future again”

[spartan55]

That's not what it sounded like to me at all. Everyone isn't going to say things exactly the way YOU want. You nitpicking his verbiage is the type of shit guys have little patience for.
Are you prepared for him to dump you?

[Guy13]

No commitment and declaration. Have 🎂 and eat cake 🍰 . Too

[Asker]

Ok lol but please be more specific. What do you think he meant by what he said to her?

[Guy13]

OKAY, inside man head: He is leaving all opportunities open and will take advantage of them as much and as often as those Girls (fool) will allow.