I 18f slept with a 35 year old man and now he wants a relationship… how do I proceed?

Question

After breaking up with my boyfriend, I decided to give this guy a chance and it changed my fucking life. I’ve only slept with 1 other person so this was a really impulsive decision.

We had sex for 48 hours straight, even before that he was treating me like a literal princess. But during and in between … Jesus Christ.

But to add some context to how impulsive it was, he was trying to get me to go out on a date with him for the last 2.5 months, we had a great connection, I just didn’t like that he was older and a public figure.
Two days ago, I mad a decision to go to his house because I was well… yk. And it was the best experience I’ve ever had in my life. I’m freshly out of an abusive relationship and I’m not sure if now is the time for this, or yk if you take into account his age, I’m not really okay with that either, and neither is he to be fair but he’s really pursuing a romantic relationship.

After sex he told me because of how long we had been talking he was already emotionally attached,(we have 6-7 hour phone calls every night before bed) and the sex made it a lot more apparent for him. But to me… I can clearly see the age difference when I’m with him, I have my own career, but I’m also in college. But he’s just a lot more stable, wants marriage, kids, and from what I seen has 0 red flags. Like that should be a good thing, since that’s initially what I want, but his age just….

But there’s such a great connection too, we never shut up around eachother, but his age…?

aWes0MeNeSs · Accepted Answer

IMHO, that's way too big of an age difference, and I've never met someone past their early 20's who wanted to date fresh out of high school age teens that had good intentions and/or didn't have some issues. There is typically a major power imbalance between an 18-year-old and a 35-year-old, as regardless of how mature the 18-year-old is for their age, they are still 18 with minimal life experience, and are much more easily manipulated. Best case scenario, a guy of his age wanting to date 18-year-olds is just very immature for his age (which typically comes along with being irresponsible, and if he's this age and can only relate to teenagers, this will likely not change), and worst case scenario, he is a predator who enjoys taking advantage of and trying to manipulate/control young, impressionable, naive young women. I hate to be cynical, but there is usually a reason guys like this can't find/are not attracted to women who are more age appropriate for them, and it's typically never good (and even if the excuse is that they believe 18-year-olds are hotter than women closer to their age, that means their attraction to you is superficial and merely based on looks... what happens when you're no longer 18?).

If you are fresh out of an abusive relationship, be very careful. He could be preying on your vulnerability. It already seems like he is really trying to rush things, which is a red flag in and of itself. Be careful.

kylee2437 · Accepted Answer

No , no and no. You are WAY too young for a 35 year old man. You are at an age that is easier for a man that age to control you into what he wants, and honestly a man that age should not be getting emotionally attached that quickly. You only know him on surface level and abusers do not show themselves out very quickly. I am not insinuating he an abuser, but there’s a reason why he’s not going for women his age and is also getting emotionally attached to an 18 year old very quickly. I am only speaking from experience, do not emotionally involve yourself with someone that much older. You have your whole entire life ahead of you, you don’t need someone that is going to be in his 50s when you are in your 30s

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

'this was a really impulsive decision.'

'I’m freshly out of an abusive relationship'

'if you take into account his age, I’m not really okay with that'

'we have 6-7 hour phone calls every night before bed'

'We had sex for 48 hours straight'

'I can clearly see the age difference when I’m with him'

What I see on your part is a rebound, lust, hormonal driven desire and seeking to feel good externally and impulsive behavior. The long conversations = obsession. The sex for 48 hours = excess. You have not given yourself time to process the abusive relationship you just left and at his age he should also know better.

You say he has 0 red flags... but this entire situation is a gigantic red flag and it will not end well. You need stillness and solitude. Instead, the fear of that has driven you to fill the void with another man, pleasure, impulse, obsession and speed. The guy is probably more into your age than anything else and caught up in the desire, the lust and your lack of time to process things with wisdom.

'I’ve only slept with 1 other person'

Each person you sleep with creates a soul tie, an emotional, spiritual and physical bond not to be taken lightly. This is partly why a lot of women by the age of 30 become jaded and unfulfilled. None of this will serve you in any way and will lead to pain. How you proceed is not to proceed at all and leave this fully alone.

Staximus · Accepted Answer

I would advise you to date somebody your own age. If you still really to see this guy, take it slow. Don't rush into a relationship. It might seem great at first but you need to figure out what kind of guy you're dealing with. If he's a pyscho, player, etc. Does your friends or family know about this guy? Would you want them to meet him or would he want to meet them? Where did this guy come from? If this guy is not a person your family and friends know you are with, take a picture of him or of you two together. Send it to somebody you trust and tell them you are going somewhere with this guy and give them his name. That way his identity is known.

ZackBan · Answer

You do realize he was 17 when you were born right? So basically imagine yourself now going out with a 1 year old. You see how big the gap is.

Glad the sex was good and if you want more of that by all means. But a lot of men are good in bed you did not land a special magic stick.

I would say tell him it's moving too fast and you're fresh out of a relationship and want some time as a celibate to figure out your dating goals.

If he can respect that and lay off of you then maybe eventually you can be with him, but from a position of conviction and not confusion.

Anonymous · Answer

Girl you are acting on an impulse decision plus you just got out of a relationship this could potentially be a rebound for you without you even realising it. Was this guy trying to date you while you were in a relationship with your ex? If he was that's a huge red flag there.

I genuinely don't see what a 35 year old guy sees in a teenager who is still technically not an adult yet

AmayaHairat · Answer

Why would you want to be with a guy who's been there done that. He is far far more mature than you.. knows to handle you that's why he treats you the way you like to get what he wants from you
Sure when would want marriage.. do you?
Don't you have a life of your own? So t you want that freedom he might have when he was of your age?
Don't calculate life the way your past experiences have been.. life is much more.. give it a chance it really does surprise you
Always believe something amazing will happen.. be positive and live your own life
And the maximum i can tell you the age difference is real.. please don't kid yourself!!!

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

What do you have in common? If it's very little, call if off.

If it's literally everything, and you are fine most likely living more than a decade and a half longer than him, and you are both comfortable with persueing it, then no one can really say anything about it if you persue a relationship.

Personally the idea that someone's young enough to be my kid would creep me out, but you're both adults, so ultimately it's your choice what you two do.

RolandCuthbert · Answer

It isn’t the age difference. It is your age. I bet if you get with him now you will outgrow him. And he will resent you for it. Why not wait a couple of years?

Adam1978 · Answer

6-7 hours calls should be a red flag. That's obsessed. Who have time for that?

Berethor · Answer

Well it sure slutty, having sex with a man and not wanting a relationship with him, but yea the age gap is quite big, and it's not surprising if he is more okay with that than you are.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

If the connection makes you happy, then go for it. I will tell you that any guy who really pushes commitment too quickly is generally a huge red flag. I don't know this exact situation though.

chicosuave · Answer

I would not date an 18 year old since they are still immature.

jshm2 · Answer

Age isn't the problem, maturity is.  If you're both mature enough to move on from the fling, then it will workout.

Zygum · Answer

As far you both are happy, the age is not problem, you avoid marriage and kid for few years so far you complete your study

noohair · Answer

I would not let the societal concepts about age be a deciding factor.

jjj101010 · Answer

What does age matter if u r both into each other

Anonymous · Answer

You're a bit too young.

malwins · Answer

„I was well…“ well what? Horny?

I 18f slept with a 35 year old man and now he wants a relationship… how do I proceed?

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I 18f slept with a 35 year old man and now he wants a relationship… how do I proceed?

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