What does my behaviour indicate?

Question

So I’ve been out drinking quite a lot with various friends over the years …

in 2020, a friend was drunk and being insulting toward my other friend calls us bitches etc and fake, so I basically hit her threw a drink at her and shoved her head into a door

maybe 6 months later whilst drunk, my friend asked me to leave a hotel at 1am, cause I told her I still felt resentful toward her for something she did and she had me leave, upset for asking me to leave I threw a switched off curling iron at her.

Two years later, I was mad at my friend (whilst drunk) in mcdonalds and I told her what she was saying hurt, and she didn’t care and kept speaking to be abruptly and being disrespectful so I threw my phone at her.

and another time I got spiked and couldn’t handle it (I don’t remmeber this) but I threw my high heel at my mums head. I feel so guilty and can’t stop beating myself up for all this. Most times when I’m drunk I’m absolutely fine, people that weren’t part of what happened told me I’m not violent or aggressive in the slightest, I have never been. apart from these four times

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

I Liked your q because I think you should be commended for asking it. It's mature of you to do so, and to question yourself.

When you say "I'm not violent or aggressive in the slightest, I have never been..." you do qualify that with these four times, but honestly, these words do not belong together in the same sentence; or even in your head. You are violent. It is a repeating situation. I won't go so far as to say "chronic", but there is something in you that is persistent, on a psychological level.

What does the behaviour indicate? Well it seems trite to say you have anger issues. There is something in you that doesn't know how to self-regulate, modulate, and some might say you do have a detonator switch. Under certain conditions, you will go off.

I remember our exchange on your q about a guy you were seeing, and how upset you got that he got hard when you two were kissing. To be fair, it was his reaction to your reaction that set you off. Then you blocked him, got caught on his Snapchat, and tried to cover up that with more nonsense. The details don't matter that much. Seems your mind goes into fight or flight mode very easily ('hairline trigger.') What would you think if a girl you where getting to know but friendzoned you randomly blocked you everywhere?

These things usually relate to your childhood and upbringing in some way; maybe also genetics in your family; and your life experience - which psychologists call 'the environment'. That one is very powerful, and it doesn't stop. You will continue to experience things, and maybe react in a similar destructive way, unless you delve into the root of your reaction. You'll have to do some soul-searching, and have some deep talks with your family members to untangle this.

It's not necessarily so much about the specific people that make you angry, but you might find a commonality in how they all behaved before you went off on them. It might be feeling disrespected, unloved, not appreciated or valued. Instead of turning inward, and allowing yourself to feel shitty, seems that maybe you pre-empt that by raging. Anger can feel like an easier emotion to deal with than rejection, pain, etc.

Anyway, good luck to you, and again, I kudos for asking yourself this important question.

And you don't deserve to be insulted here by the other commenters. That's not right of them. They are also seeing the drinking as the issue, but it's a red herring. Stopping drinking will lessen your volatility, but it is not the root cause.

Weapon77 · Accepted Answer

I'm not a counselor, but I am a research psychologist, so PLEASE speak to a counselor about this to get a better answer. But I will guarantee you this: this is serious and needs to be addressed. Do not just blow it off. Good for you asking about it here, but it will do no good unless you go to a professional, so please be wise. It sounds like you have good judgment by asking the question in the first place.

I will tell you now that there are 100% several things at play here and any single thing could be your main problem. You definitely repress to many of your feelings toward others, and they come out when your inhibitions are lowered whilst drunk. One thing that will help you is being more honest and direct with people. Because even though you are told by others that you are nice, you are CLEARLY holding your more assertive wishes back from them. You are repressing to the point that you feel drinking is your only outlet, so it makes you burst.

You are also clinically defined as an alcoholic, so please seek counseling on safer/healthier drinking habits. If you have a family history, you'll probably need to quit entirely. And trust me, getting drunk is all-around awful and no one should ever do it. It's depressing how modern culture largely thinks it's cool and great. The reality is that getting drunk just keeps people sad and/or angry because it is a depressant that creates cycles of unhealthy emotion.

It sounds extremely likely that you don't have great boundaries set up with how you expect others to treat you and vice versa, so working on that will help relieve negative emotions. Additionally, you may have depression and anxiety (drinking makes both worse, especially if you also smoke marijuana or cigarettes).

This is less likely, but it's also possible you have anger issues or unresolved feelings toward friends and family that need to be discussed with a counselor. It sounds like you ignore a lot of things that you should just talk about, then they fester for weeks to months, then you explode when drunk.

MysteriousDarkness · Accepted Answer

What would have done if they trew the curling iron back at you or either started swing hit around and hitting you or beating you with it? You need to limit your drinking to one or two normal size drinks that are not heavy on alcohol oreven stop all together especially if it takes less to get drunk or for you to act out. There could be other incidents that you don't remember.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Sounds like you're an angry drunk

WildCard42 · Answer

I just quit drinking all together because I noticed a pattern of problems I was having in my life purely due to drinking. At some point it just makes complete sense to avoid alcohol.

boggboss · Answer

That u when drinking can do things that would get u thrown in prison I wouldn't go drinking with someone like that you sound like a flight risk

Summeroflove · Answer

My gosh. Y’all are immature. Stop assaulting people before you assault the wrong person and either get your ass kicked or spend time in jail.  She doesn’t seem like a good friend

Guy13 · Answer

That you need to stop drinking and may be headed towards an addiction. Try two 👩‍⚕️ drinks a night and see how it gets from you ⁉️

Miristheiss · Answer

You are low class.  People out drinking all the time... getting drunk.  People who think it is normal and ok to go out and get drunk tend to be fools.

glennos89 · Answer

You got issues and that's because of your drinking habbit. Better stop drinking if you can't control your anger

RealMarek · Answer

The problem with initiating violence because you are drunk is that one time is too many, and you have done it four times. You should consider not drinking.

Andres77 · Answer

I wouldn’t drink around you. And if I were at a party and you showed up I’d probably leave before long.

exitseven · Answer

You have control issues and probably should not get drunk. Someday it will end badly.

MiamiMadness · Answer

Hmm maybe stop drinking and start smoking weed? 🤔

Anonymous · Answer

I think it indicates that you need to be having a lot more regular sex to get your aggressions and energy out. How often are you getting it on now?

bigpink · Answer

You need to find someone to to talk about this girl

Juxtapose · Answer

I've been drunk too, you lack self-control.

What does my behaviour indicate?

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