Why do so many guys not get sexism, and complain all the time about so-called 'double standards'?

[Anonymous]

Some guys do not understand the difference between harmless banter and genuinely intimidating sexist behaviour from guys.

I was reading a question from the other day where lots of guys were complaining about being 'objectified' and it really wound me up.

It reminded me of an argument with a guy friend a few months ago in the park when me and some girls were joking around making comments on some guys bodies who were playing sports in the park and he said if it was the other way round it would be called sexist. But it wasn't really sexist because we werent judging them for their bodies in the same way (some) guys do!

And it reminded me of an incident a few years ago. In school lots of girls were scared because of guys harassing us and I remember a few years ago they had an assembly to tell them to stop. One lesson in PE (gym class) the boys class was meant to be doing swimming but something in the pool broke. So they had to come and do a lesson in just their swimming shorts in the sports hall with us. Just AS A JOKE some of us whistled when they came in the hall and commented on their bodies. One guy (the sort who the assembly had been targeted at) got really annoyed and claimed we were "sexist" and it was "double standards" that boys were told off for whistling girls and he complained to his teacher. The teacher just said he was overreacting which of course he was but it still really annoyed me as girls used to feel really uncomfortable in school sometimes.

Why do some guys just not get it, and seem determined to argue that they are victims of sexism too? As if they want to be victims of sexism!

Updates

1 y

Ok I’m sorry I was having a bad day I didn’t mean to imply guys can’t be victims of sexism of course they can, but it’s rarer and not as serious. I was just giving examples of some times where what I did wasn’t sexist. In the first example the guys were showing off anyway so they wouldn’t have minded. In the second we weren’t really judging their bodies or objectifying their bodies in any way just making comments on like who had grown chest hair or whatever. And the whistling was just a joke.

[normalice]

Right wing misinformation has been trying for decades to figure out the formula for converting common male sexual frustrations into votes for more tax cuts for the rich. One of the ways they do that appears to be by telling young men that absolutely everything is being called sexual harassment. This trains them to think the overwhelming majority of sexual harassment claims are made up, which provides two opportunities for right wing misinformation:

1. It gives them the opportunity to make up reasons why women are making up all these sexual harassment claims (that they aren't actually making).

2. It trains their viewers to think any claims of sexual harassment are false without and to get more and more mullish with any evidence that might surface.

And so, when legitimate accusations are made, particularly against right wingers, they turn to their thought shepherds to assure them they are smart for not believing any of it. And as evidence comes out, that assurance that they are smart comes under threat, so they cling harder still to their leaders, who have positioned themselves as the gatekeepers of their viewers' self worth. This results in increasingly blatant examples of sexual harassment being excused, as long as a right winger does it. And if anyone who isn't a right wingers gets caught, the attitude is still not gratitude that a sexual harasser was caught and stopped, but that a left winger was made to suffer from the moral standards the left keeps trying to hold everyone to. They still don't necessarily believe the accuser, they are just happy the side that doesn't "know" the accusers are almost always lying have some incentive to consider the possibility that they are wrong.

But it's important to keep in mind the sole purpose of all this is tax cuts for the rich. It is fake politics - aka culture wars - designed to be entertaining and infuriating, so people insist all political discussions be about this sort of thing instead of talking about rich people moving cargo ships full of our money into their bank accounts while we aren't looking.

[Asker]

Sorry I don't understand what you're saying I don't really see why taxes are involved

[normalice]

In short: rich people want our money. In a democracy people will not vote for rich people having our money. So they spend billions coming up with other ways to trick us into voting to give them our money. Anger, hate, and fear are the only ways to get people to do this that minimizes the chances they will think of what they are doing. So, they set out to make people fearful and angry about accusations of sexual harassment (among other things).

[Jackblue]

Oh jeez because ordinary right wingers can't possibly believe that capitalism is a good thing, even though it has created the First World.

[normalice]

Right wingers don't believe that giving our money to the rich, in exchange for nothing, is the totality of capitalism.

[Jackblue]

It was Obama who gave it to the rich.

[normalice]

It was every politician pretty much ever, yes including Obama. But at least this election cycle, democrats seem to have learned that the rich have finally chosen the republican side, and so seem to be backing away, however slowly. Whereas republicans are still going full force.

[Summeroflove]

Probably because he felt uncomfortable with you talking about his body. Look. I don’t know what you’re crying about.

Men and women both face sexism. Maybe you shouldn’t talk about people. Yes many women do make fun of men all the time. Maybe you don’t. But some women do.

Some men say bad stuff about women. I don’t agree with it.

It was a question about objectification. Do women ever use men for sex or money? Yes they do. Not all women. But a number.

You’re the sexist if you think men can’t be allowed to say something when they feel uncomfortable in a situation and only women can be a victim of something.

[Summeroflove]

Maybe you should have said SORRY. Men can be victims of it so can women. You just can’t take responsibly for your actions.

[Anonymous]

I think guys just don't understand the power dynamics involved - guys wolf whistling girls is part of what makes girls feel so unsafe in the world. The fact lots of guys enjoy that kind of attention is proof the opposite way round doesn't have the same effect. If guys do feel judged frankly, welcome to our world!

[Summeroflove]

There is women who like this kind of behavior. Obviously men wouldn’t do it if they never got something our of ir.

So. There are women who would like it if a guy walked up and slapped their ass. Doesn’t mean you should do it. Because you’ll fuck with the wrong woman one od these days.

[Summeroflove]

Men and women feel judged a lot. Stop being a little bitch. Grow up

[FilmGuy93]

They don’t want to be victims of sexism, they just know that the way you intended your whistling and comments is how guys intend their whistling and comments. Both of y’all’s intentions are the same; that’s the point.

The boys are calling this stuff out because women are actually a hell of a lot more lewd and suggestive towards men then girls/women realize

[NamerOfStars]

It's not that they don't "get it", it's that the "it" you're arguing for is not only blatantly unfair, but totally divorced from reality. They want to be seen as victims of sexism because they ARE victims of sexism. You claim that guys can't tell the difference between harmless banter and genuinely threatening behavior, and you're probably right- because most victims of sexual assault are MALE, just like every other form of violence humanity has ever devised.

You insist that victim status is for you and you alone, and are baffled that having a Y chromosome doesn't prevent someone from seeking basic empathy. Guys are not the problem here.

[inhua]

what is considered harmless and intimidating is a matter of perspective. it's completely subjective.

one such example is some people getting offended at Bill Burr's jokes. others laugh and have a good time. it's all subjective at the end of the day.

[boggboss]

All I'm reading is that because u feel harrased by the same comment or action of whistling its nit ok but complete ok because as u put it your joking its fine thats is a double standerd as why can't males feel barrages by a comment or being whistled at when they are told they shouldn't wistle or comment on womens body's

[alexzclark]

Even if it's not as bad as the other way round it is still bad. Some of those boys were probably quite embarrassed to do the lesson like that doesn't seem fair on them or respectful of their modesty, so you shouldn't of whistled.

[Asker]

Ok I sort of see what you're saying in that example but it wasn't really a big deal was it. And for context I'd bet we felt more selfconscious than the guys in PE even in that class

[Jackblue]

Well, different guys have different reactions, but you really should consider practicing what you preach. Guys you whistle at might be gay, they might have a girlfriend, or perhaps they feel that if you are willing to be hypocritical about wolf-whistling you may be dishonest over all.

[Jamie05rhs]

No, YOU're the one who doesn't get it.

Making excuses for what you do and minimizing it. Claiming it is just a joke. Etc.

Do you even hear yourself right now?

[Anonymous]

Why don't girls understand the definition of "equality". Equality doesn't mean you get equal rights but still get to expect free drinks. Sorry hun. Either you're with equality or you're not. You're wrong in every example you gave. 🙂

[TheSpaceGnome]

Because you're wrong, and there definitely IS a double standard.

[cuckbetamale]

Men r dummm