Why do some boyfriends get jealous so easily if you talk with another guy?

Question

I just don’t understand the insecurity. Once I was dating a guy who got so possessive that he damn near forbid me from talking with any guys when he wasn’t around. I got out of that relationship but still I think why was he like that? Why did he fear me hanging out with other guys when I should know I’d never cheat on him.

SomeGuyCalledTom · Accepted Answer

The possessiveness is obviously an unhealthy extreme, but the underlying "logic" steering that unhealthy behavior is more universal among men than women may care to admit. By that I mean, a man instinctively know what other men are "up to" when they're hitting up his girlfriend over DMs and trying to cozy up to her. He knows how certain guys will try to slip in under the radar and look for a moment of opportunity to "steal" his girl away. Now, of he already doesn't trust his girlfriend, then that's just a recipe for toxic possessive behavior, but even if he totally trusts her and doesn't try to control her, he still has a background awareness of how other men seek out sexual opportunities. He knows what's really going on when a guy is "just being friendly" whilst acting totally unlike how he acts around his male friends. I do think girls and guys can have sincere platonic friendships, but even then there's usually at least an inkling of sexual desire on the guy's part. I have female friends whom I care for very much, and don't want anything from them sexually that they don't care to offer up. But I also wouldn't kick them out of bed of bed if something DID "just happen", and the guy knows this of his girlfriend's male "friends" and 'orbiters'. That "friendly" guy hitting you up on Instagram and liking all your pics is quite distinct from the guy who's known you for years and looks out for you in a brotherly way. The latter guy might still have some background sexual attraction there, but he at least has "earned" the right to call you a friend, unlike the male orbiters who just kinda "turn up" and start acting all buddy-buddy out of nowhere. We know how that game plays out, so we're naturally somewhat risk-averse when the subject of other guys hanging around our girlfriend comes up. At bare minimum we kinda need to vet those male "friends" for ourselves and get a sense what their deal is before we go just leaving them alone with our girlfriend in any situation where a "move" could be made.

DoctorSex · Accepted Answer

The fact that you titled it a insecurity shows you aren't in the mindset to genuinely want to know.

So let's give you an analogy.

It's snowing outside and you want to head out in a bikini 👙,

Your boyfriend says no. Is he insecure for saying no? Clearly what this lady is showing, is a naivety about what the weather outside will do to you if you head out poorly protected.

She could argue that he should trust her, she won't fall ill.

I think it's safer for a man to leave these types of women to their own devices. Eventually they'll catch a cold, it may not be this time or the next. But eventually they will. Gentleman, do not shackle yourself to any girl (and I mean girl psychologically speaking) who lives life in a juvenile, naive mindset. A girl who will purposely compromise the health of the relationship because she wants to prove that she is the one woman in the world that can survive a blizzard, wearing nothing but a bikini.

Kind regards,

DoctorSex

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

I think a lot of guys do not know the difference between control and interest and confuse the two together. I'm not saying you shouldn't enforce and demand loyalty but healthy people do not go insane when a relationship ends.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

No one will tell you this, but I think it's super relevant and important for women to keep in mind when wondering about men: the vast vast vast majority of guys have absolutely no idea why the women in their lives talk to them. We literally have no idea what you see in us, so we don't know what we're doing to keep you around, which creates a lot of insecurity. So, when we see you talking with another guy, we don't know what reason you have to keep us around.

Sixgunsound · Answer

You guessed correct for the first time. Just because you know, doesn’t mean he does. To a certain extent, being possessive is actually a sign of respect for and valuing you. It wouldn’t be worth the time or effort if you weren’t valuable enough to fight for. I realize that doesn’t make any sense from your perspective, but that truly is the issue here.

EmbraceThePain · Answer

Biology Not insecurity Just look it up, it's a very normal behavior for male human beings to exhibit.  Reasons: paternity, investment, etc.

AviatorTom · Answer

Good you got out of that relationship. Too much insecurity by either partner is poison in a relationship. He was definitely insecure, and combated it by trying to control you.

NathanDavis · Answer

like you said, they're just insecure...  and those who get upset way quicker and easily are the most insecure of all

exitseven · Answer

Some guys are really insecure. It could be because he has been betrayed before or is just insecure by nature. I got jealous one time over something that looking back on it was really pretty silly.

pizzalovershouse · Answer

Cuz they assume the guy is going to get you to go home with him girls can get the same way I had a female friend get threatened by a girl that my friend thought I was seeing but I dint know so some girls can be nuttyv

Hardworkingguy · Answer

Well I don't think it's always the case but I believe that sometimes the guy might feel jealous if he gets the feeling that the other guy is better than he is and that you might feel attracted to the other person more than him

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

Because "mistakes" happen. Heated argument turns toward shoulder to cry on and in some circumstances spread legs. Not calling you out individually, but it does happen even though at ridiculously small rate.

Berethor · Answer

You left him so why should he trust you? men tend to be more territorial than women.

inhua · Answer

would you get okay if he talked to other girls?

soe11 · Answer

One simple answer is the guy is insecure person. Me & my girlfriend never been like that.

Havthrills · Answer

Because he was controlling. Had an ex that was like that, she was very controlling.

loveslongnails · Answer

What don't you understand about it? It's a fear. You understand fear, right?

msc545 · Answer

We know what guys are like, being guys ourselves. Also, only foolish men trust women.

In_Trance · Answer

For the same reason girlfriends would get jealous if they talked to another girl

Anonymous · Answer

Because we have a pretty good idea about what other Guys are thinking about you if they are Single and they like you.

Lalarousse · Answer

Because he’s insecure.

User3191989 · Answer

Why do girls play games?

Sparkie460 · Answer

He was insecure and he had trust issues.

Guy13 · Answer

Insecure

Anonymous · Answer

Guys that do that are very insecure.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Insecurity

Mafia24 · Answer

Face like you even get boyfriend?

misogynist123 · Answer

No I never

Why do some boyfriends get jealous so easily if you talk with another guy?

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